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When I walked into homeroom on Monday, all the kids were talking about what happened at Alley's place over the weekend, and people were giving their version of the story to the kids who weren't there. Some kids started asking me about it, and I told them to fuck off. It was disgusting. I always hated those people who never went anywhere on the weekends but were always interested in finding out what happened at some party or other. And I hated the kids who had to tell everyone about what went down. It was like they thought, since they were there, it made them important or something. The story would always get all twisted around, anyway. I'd hear some freshman girls talking about whatever it was, and they'd have the details all wrong. I'd wanna go up to them and say, "You don't even know what you're talking about. Why don't you get your own life, you little twats, and mind your own business?" Mostly, I wasn't talking about it because I knew it would make me angry.
As I went from class to class, I saw those boys who beat up Bobby, and I watched to see how they behaved. I wanted to see if they felt any shame for what they did. But they were acting like they were proud of themselves and walking around real cocky with big smiles on their faces, like they were some kind of thugs. Then I saw Calvin and K.P. out in the hallway carrying on with Trent, cracking up and talking loud, as if whatever they were laughing at was the funniest thing in the world. I thought to myself, You guys don't even know or care that your friend is a psychopathic goon, a creep who likes to hit girls, a could-be murderer. And this goon, Trent, was walking around the school acting like it was no big deal, as if Bobby got what he deserved for being a freak.
By lunchtime, I was so pissed and disgusted that when I saw Russ and Kyle in the hallway, I couldn't help saying something to them. They were standing by the snack machines hassling junior high girls, looking all giddy and stupid. That's what kind of social retards they were. They didn't know how to flirt with high school girls, so they were always talking to seventh and eighth graders. I walked up, got right in their faces, and said, "I'm never gonna forget what you guys did. You hear me! And I hope you both get your asses beaten someday, and I hope I'm there to see it." Right away, they tried to tell me they weren't hitting Bobby, and I said, "Bullshit! I was there, and I saw you guys. I thought Makayla was your friend. Is that how you treat a friend?" They couldn't even answer me. Kyle was staring at me like that was the only thing he could think of doing, the fucking moron. And Russ, he just looked at the floor. I said, "You guys are creeps, that's what you are." Then I leaned in real close to them and said, "And you guys can't even get any pussy. That's why you're always hitting on junior high girls…Perverts!" Then I walked away. It felt good to talk to them like that, but right afterwards, I felt just as bad as before.
I was never good at being mean to people, even when they deserved it. I always left that to the other kids who seemed to enjoy it more—people like Sidney Bouchard. She was real good at taking any little fault or imperfection someone had and turning it into the worst thing ever. And once she found a weakness, she'd never stop riding that person about it. She'd make up names for the person and keep rippin' on them, whether they were present or not, long after it wasn't funny anymore. But I couldn't count on Sidney to join this fight. She could care less about Makayla's boyfriend. She was friends with Russ, and Kyle, and Trent, and the rest of them, and wasn't going to hold it against them for something they did at a party. No one was. It didn't matter how many times I vowed to myself that I'd never forgive those guys, never give them a break, or even a smile, or that I would never socialize with them again. I knew it wouldn't change anything. And on Tuesday, after Lori told me about what happened in their history class, it seemed like it was a waste of energy to even get upset over what happened to Bobby.
Lori said it was Sarah Rhodes who started it. Lori heard Sarah talking to Trent and Andy, saying, "I cannot believe you guys would do something like that. What could he have possibly done to you to deserve being beat up by a whole roomful of guys?" Now, you gotta know Sarah. She was so smart and thoughtful compared to everyone else in our school that people treated her differently. Lori said that Trent and Andy were ignoring her, like they didn't even know how to answer, but Sarah wasn't letting up. She was asking, "Why would you do that? Did it make you feel strong?"
Then Chelsea, who was sitting behind Sarah, said, "Yeah, it makes them feel strong. Because they're a bunch of sissies, and they can't feel like a real man unless they're beating down some skinny kid with ten of their friends." And that's how it started. After that, I guess it was just a lot of yelling and screaming. Lori said that she and Chelsea were both out of their desks leaning over the guys and chewing them out and that the guys were yelling back, calling them a bunch of names. She said Trent was turning red with anger, looking like he was about to snap. He told Chelsea, "Get your tits out of my face or I'm gonna whack you," and that's when Mrs. Marino ran to the door screaming for help. Mr. Moss and Kearns and some other teachers came running into the room, and eventually, Tammy showed up.
Tammy told Lori and Chelsea to go to her office to cool off. When Tammy got back to her office, she wanted them to explain to her what was going on, so they told her. Lori said that Tammy had already heard about the fight, and she wasn't interested in hearing any details like she usually was. All Tammy said was, "I don't care about some fight that happened when you were all out getting drunk. I'm trying to run a school here. Whatever happens outside of school, stays outside of school. Don't bring it in here. You got that?"
Seemed like the only people who were outraged by what happened to Bobby were me, Lori, and Chelsea, and the other girls who were there at the party trying to break it up. Hope didn't even seem too upset about it. We talked about it one night on the phone, and her attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. I thought she'd at least be angry, but she wasn't, not at all. She felt sorry for Makayla because Makayla was her friend, but she seemed to feel nothing towards those guys. I told her that if she'd been there and saw what they did, she'd hate those motherfuckers. What she said back to me made it sound like she was annoyed we were even talking about it.
She said, "That's just how guys are. Bobby should've never gone to the party, anyway, when he knew there were gonna be people there who'd been talking shit about him, saying he was gay."
I said, "First, I don't think he knew those guys were saying that, and Hope, all guys aren't like that. That's my point, it's these creeps…"
She said, "Well, yeah, that's why I don't go to parties where there are gonna be creeps. And so many of those guys are." But she didn't get mad, not where you could hear it in her voice, and it got me so frustrated I wanted to throw the phone across the room and hang up on her. Then, all of a sudden, it was like a switch had been thrown, and I saw Hope differently. I began wondering to myself, Do I even want to be friends with her? It was crazy because Hope was one of my best friends, but suddenly, I felt like I didn't like her anymore.