Pol? Honey? Are you all right?
POLLY (happy, bubbling voice)
Am I all right? I aced my bio exam, got a B on my French Conversational Essay, and Ronnie Hansen asked me to the Harvest Ball. I'm so all right that if one more good thing happens to me today, I'll probably blow up like the Hindenburg.
KATIE
You didn't just call me up, crying your head off?
We see by KATE'S face that she already knows the answer to this question.
POLLY (filter)
Heck no!
KATIE
I'm glad about your test and your date, honey. I guess it was someone else. I'll call you back, okay?
POLLY (filter)
'Kay. Say hi to Dad!
KATIE
I will.
INT. THE PHONE NOOK, WIDER
BILL
She okay?
KATIE
Fine. I could have sworn it was Polly, but . . . she's walking on air.
BILL
So it was a prank. Or someone who was crying so hard she dialed a wrong number . . . "through a shimmering film of tears," as we veteran hacks like to say.
KATIE
It was not a prank and it was not a wrong number! It was someone in my family!
BILL
Honey, you can't know that.
KATIE
No? If Jeffie called up, just crying, would you know it was him?
BILL (struck by this)
Yeah, maybe. I guess I might.
She's not listening. She's punching numbers, fast.
BILL
Who you calling?
She doesn't answer him. SOUND: PHONE RINGS TWICE. Then: OLDER FEMALE VOICE (filter)
Hello?
KATIE
Mom? Are you . . . (She pauses) Did you call just a few seconds ago?
VOICE (filter)
No, dear . . . why?
KATIE
Oh. . . you know these phones. I was talking to Lois and I lost the other call.
VOICE (filter)
Well, it wasn't me. Kate, I saw the prettiest dress in La Boutique today, and--
KATIE
We'll talk about it later, Mom, okay?
VOICE (filter)
Kate, are you all right?
KATIE
I have . . . Mom, I think maybe I've got diarrhea. I have to go. 'Bye.
She hangs up. BILL hangs on until she does, then he bursts into wild donkey-brays of LAUGHTER.
BILL
Oh boy . . . diarrhea . . . I gotta remember that the next time my agent calls . . . oh Katie, that was so cool--
KATIE (almost screaming)
This is not funny!
BILL stops laughing.
INT. THE TV ROOM
JEFF and DENNIS have been tussling. They stop. All three kids look toward the kitchen.
INT. THE PHONE NOOK, WITH BILL AND KATIE
KATIE
I tell you it was someone in my family and she sounded--oh, you don't understand. I knew that voice.
BILL
But if Polly's okay and your mom's okay . . .
KATIE (positive)
It's Dawn.
BILL
Come on, hon, a minute ago you were sure it was Polly.
KATIE
It had to be Dawn. I was on the phone with Lois and Mom's okay so Dawn's the only other one it could have been. She's the youngest . . . I could have mistaken her for Polly . . . and she's out there in that farmhouse alone with the baby!
BILL (startled)
What do you mean, alone?
KATIE
Jerry's in Burlington! It's Dawn! Something's happened to Dawn!
CONNIE comes into the kitchen, worried.
CONNIE
Mom? Is Aunt Dawn okay?
BILL
So far as we know, she's fine. Take it easy, doll. Bad to buy trouble before you know it's on sale.
KATIE punches numbers and listens. SOUND: The DAH-DAH-DAH of a busy signal. KATIE hangs up. BILL looks a question at her with raised eyebrows.
KATIE
Busy.
BILL
Katie, are you sure--
KATIE
She's the only one left--it had to be her. Bill, I'm scared. Will you drive me out there?
BILL takes the phone from her.
BILL
What's her number?
KATIE
555-6169.
BILL dials. Gets a busy. Hangs up and punches 0.
OPERATOR (filter)
Operator.
BILL
I'm trying to reach my sister-in-law, operator. The line is busy. I suspect there may be a problem. Can you break into the call, please?
INT. THE DOOR TO THE TV ROOM
All three kids are standing there, silent and worried.
INT. THE PHONE NOOK, WITH BILL AND KATIE
OPERATOR (filter)
What is your name, sir?
BILL
William Weiderman. My number is--
OPERATOR (filter)
Not the William Weiderman that wrote Spider Doom?!
BILL
Yes, that was mine. If--
OPERATOR (filter)
Oh my God, I just loved that book! I love all your books! I--
BILL
I'm delighted you do. But right now my wife is very worried about her sister. If it's possible for you to--
OPERATOR (filter)
Yes, I can do that. Please give me your number, Mr. Weiderman, for the records. (She GIGGLES.) I promise not to give it out.
BILL
It's 555-4408.
OPERATOR (filter)
And the call number?
BILL (looks at KATIE) Uh. . .
KATIE
555-6169.
BILL
555-6169.
OPERATOR (filter)
Just a moment, Mr. Weiderman . . . Night of the Beast was also great, by the way. Hold on.
SOUND: TELEPHONIC CLICKS AND CLACKS.
KATIE
Is she--
BILL
Yes. Just . . .
There's one final CLICK.
OPERATOR (filter) I'm sorry, Mr. Weiderman, but that line is not busy. It's off the hook. I wonder if I sent you my copy of Spider Doom--
BILL hangs up the phone.
KATIE
Why did you hang up?
BILL
She can't break in. Phone's not busy. It's off the hook.
They stare at each other bleakly.
EXT. A LOW-SLUNG SPORTS CAR PASSES THE CAMERA NIGHT
INT. THE CAR, WITH KATIE AND BILL
KATIE'S scared. BILL, at the wheel, doesn't look exactly calm.
KATIE
Hey, Bill--tell me she's all right.
BILL
She's all right.
KATIE
Now tell me what you really think.
BILL
Jeff snuck up behind me tonight and put the old booga-booga on me. He was disappointed as hell when I didn't jump. I told him I was case-hardened. (Pause) I lied.
KATIE
Why did Jerry have to move out there when he's gone half the time? Just her and that little tiny baby? Why?
BILL
Shh, Kate. We're almost there.
KATIE
Go faster.
EXT. THE CAR
He does. That car is smokin.
INT. THE WEIDERMAN TV ROOM
The tube's still on and the kids are still there, but the horsing around has stopped.
CONNIE
Dennis, do you think Aunt Dawn's okay?
DENNIS (thinks she's dead, decapitated by a maniac) Yeah. Sure she is.
INT. THE PHONE, POV FROM THE TV ROOM
Just sitting there on the wall in the phone nook, lights dark, looking like a snake ready to strike.
FADE OUT
Act II
EXT. AN ISOLATED FARMHOUSE
A long driveway leads up to it. There's one light on in the living room. Car lights sweep up
the driveway. The WEIDERMAN car pulls up close to the garage and stops.
INT. THE CAR, WITH BILL AND KATIE
KATIE
I'm scared.
BILL bends down, reaches under his seat, and brings out a pistol.
BILL (solemnly)
Booga-booga.
KATIE (total surprise)
How long have you had that?
BILL
Since last year. I didn't want to scare you or the kids. I've got a licence to carry. Come on.
EXT. BILL AND KATIE
They get out. KATIE stands by the front of the car while BILL goes to the garage and peers in.
BILL
Her car's here.
THE CAMERA TRACKS WITH THEM to the front door. Now we can hear the TV, PLAYING LOUD, BILL pushes the doorbell. We hear it inside. They wait. KATIE pushes it. Still no answer. She pushes it again and doesn't take her finger off. BILL looks down at: EXT. THE LOCK, BILL'S POV
Big scratches on it.
EXT. BILL AND KATIE
BILL (low)
The lock's been tampered with.
KATIE looks, and whimpers. BILL tries the door. It opens. The TV is louder.
BILL
Stay behind me. Be ready to run if something happens. God, I wish I'd left you home, Kate.
He starts in. KATIE comes after him, terrified, near tears.
INT. DAWN AND JERRY'S LIVING ROOM
From this angle we see only a small section of the room. The TV is much louder. BILL enters the room, gun up. He looks to the right . . . and suddenly all the tension goes out of him. He lowers the gun.
KATIE (draws up beside him)
Bill . . . what . . .
He points.
INT. THE LIVING ROOM, WIDE, BILL AND KATIE'S POV
The place looks like a cyclone hit it . . . but it wasn't robbery and murder that caused this mess; only a healthy eighteen-month-old baby. After a strenuous day of trashing the living room, Baby got tired and Mommy got tired and they fell asleep on the couch together. The baby is in DAWN'S lap. There is a pair of Walkman earphones on her head. There are toys--tough plastic Sesame Street and PlaySkool stuff, for the most part--scattered hell to breakfast. The baby has also pulled most of the books out of the bookcase. Had a good munch on one of them, too, by the look. BILL goes over and picks it up. It is Ghost Kiss.
BILL
I've had people say they just eat my books up, but this is ridiculous.
He's amused. KATIE isn't. She walks over to her sister, ready to be mad. . . but she sees how really exhausted DAWN looks and softens.
INT. DAWN AND THE BABY, KATIE'S POV
Fast asleep and breathing easily, like a Raphael painting of Madonna and Child. THE CAMERA PANS DOWN TO: the Walkman. We can hear the faint strains of Huey Lewis and the News. THE CAMERA PANS A BIT FURTHER TO a Princess telephone on the table by the chair. It's off the cradle. Not much; just enough to break the connection and scare people to death.
INT. KATIE
She sighs, bends down, and replaces the phone. Then she pushes the stop button on the Walkman.
INT. DAWN, BILL, AND KATIE
DAWN wakes up when the music stops. Looks at BILL and KATIE, puzzled.
DAWN (fuzzed out)
Well . . . hi.
She realizes she's got the Walkman phones on and removes them.
BILL
Hi, Dawn.
DAWN (still half asleep)
Shoulda called, guys. Place is a mess.
She smiles. She's radiant when she smiles.
KATIE
We tried. The operator told Bill the phone was off the hook. I thought something was wrong. How can you sleep with that music blasting?
DAWN
It's restful.
(Sees the gnawed book BILL'S holding) Oh my God, Bill, I'm sorry! Justin's teething and--
BILL
There are critics who'd say he picked just the right thing to teethe on. I don't want to scare you, beautiful, but somebody's been at your front door lock with a screwdriver or something. Whoever it was forced it.
DAWN
Gosh, no! That was Jerry, last week. I locked us out by mistake and he didn't have his key and the spare wasn't over the door like it's supposed to be. He was mad because he had to take a whiz real bad and so he took the screwdriver to it. It didn't work, either--that's one tough lock. (Pause) By the time I found my key he'd already gone in the bushes.
BILL
If it wasn't forced, how come I could just open the door and walk in?
DAWN (guiltily)
Well . . . sometimes I forget to lock it.
KATIE
You didn't call me tonight, Dawn?
DAWN
Gee, no! I didn't call anyone! I was too busy chasing Justin around! He kept wanting to eat the fabric softener! Then he got sleepy and I sat down here and thought I'd listen to some tunes while I waited for your movie to come on, Bill, and I fell asleep--
At the mention of the movie BILL starts visibly and looks at the book. Then he glances at his watch.
BILL
I promised to tape it for Jeff. Come on, Katie, we've got time to get back.
KATIE
Just a second.
She picks up the phone and dials.
DAWN
Gee, Bill, do you think Jeffie's old enough to watch something like that?
BILL
It's network. They take out the blood-bags.
DAWN (confused but amiable)
Oh. That's good.
INT. KATIE, CU
DENNIS (filter)
Hello?
KATIE
Just thought you'd like to know your Aunt Dawn's fine.
DENNIS (filter) Oh! Cool. Thanks, Mom.
INT. THE PHONE NOOK, WITH DENNIS AND THE OTHERS
He looks very relieved.
DENNIS
Aunt Dawn's okay.
INT. THE CAR, WITH BILL AND KATIE
They drive in silence for awhile.
KATIE
You think I'm a hysterical idiot, don't you?
BILL (genuinely surprised)
No! I was scared, too.
KATIE
You sure you're not mad?
BILL
I'm too relieved. (Laughs) She's sort of a scatterbrain, old Dawn, but I love her.
KATIE (leans over and kisses him) I love you. You're a sweet man.
BILL
I'm the boogeyman!
KATIE
I am not fooled, sweetheart.
EXT. THE CAR
PASSES THE CAMERA AND WE DISSOLVE TO: INT. JEFF, IN BED
His room is dark. The covers are pulled up to his chin.
JEFF
You promise to tape the rest?
CAMERA WIDENS OUT so we can see BILL, sitting on the bed.
BILL
I promise.
JEFF
I especially liked the part where the dead guy ripped off the punk rocker's head.
BILL
Well . . . they used to take out all the blood-bags.
JEFF
What, Dad?
BILL
Nothing. I love you, Jeffie.
JEFF
I love you, too. So does Rambo.
JEFF holds up a stuffed dragon of decidedly unmilitant aspect. BILL kisses the dragon, then JEFF.
BILL
'Night.
JEFF
'Night. (As BILL reaches his door) Glad Aunt Dawn was okay.
BILL
Me too.
He goes out.
INT. TV, CU
A guy who looks like he died in a car crash about two weeks prior to filming (and has since been subjected to a lot of hot weather) is staggering out of a crypt. THE CAMERA WIDENS to show BILL, releasing the VCR PAUSE button.
KATIE (voice)
Booga-booga.
BILL looks around companionably. THE CAMERA WIDENS OUT MORE to show KATIE, wearing a sexy nightgown.
BILL
Same
to you. I missed the first forty seconds or so after the break. I had to kiss Rambo.
KATIE
You sure you're not mad at me, Bill?
He goes to her and kisses her.
BILL
Not even a smidge.
KATIE
It's just that I could have sworn it was one of mine. You know what I mean? One of mine?
BILL
Yes.
KATIE
I can still hear those sobs. So lost . . . so heartbroken.
BILL
Kate, have you ever thought you recognized someone on the street, and called her, and when she finally turned around it was a total stranger?
KATIE
Yes, once. In Seattle. I was in a mall and I thought I saw my old roommate. I . . . oh. I see what you're saying.
BILL
Sure. There are sound-alikes as well as look-alikes.
KATIE
But. . . you know your own. At least I thought so until tonight.
She puts her cheek on his shoulder, looking troubled.
KATIE
I was so positive it was Polly . . .
BILL
Because you've been worried about her getting her feet under her at the new school . . . but judging from the stuff she told you tonight, I'd say she's doing just fine in that department. Wouldn't you?
KATIE
Yes. . . I guess I would.
BILL
Let it go, hon.
KATIE (looks at him closely)
I hate to see you looking so tired. Hurry up and have an idea, you.
BILL
Well, I'm trying.
KATIE
You coming to bed?
BILL
Soon as I finish taping this for Jeff.
KATIE (amused)
Bill, that machine was made by Japanese technicians who think of damned near everything. It'll run on its own.
BILL
Yeah, but it's been a long time since I've seen this one, and . . .
KATIE
Okay. Enjoy. I think I'll be awake for a little while. (Pause) I've got a few ideas of my own.
BILL (smiles)
Yeah?
KATIE
Yeah.
She starts out, showing a lot of leg, then turns in the doorway as something else strikes her.
KATIE
If they show that part where the punk's head gets--
BILL (guiltily)
I'll edit it.
KATIE
'Night. And thanks again. For everything.
She leaves. BILL sits in his chair.
INT. TV, CU
A couple is necking in a car. Suddenly the passenger door is ripped open by the dead guy and we DISSOLVE TO: INT. KATIE, IN BED
It's dark. She's asleep. She wakes up . . . sort of.
KATIE (sleepy)
Hey, big guy--
She feels for him, but his side of the bed is empty, the coverlet still pulled up. She sits up. Looks at: INT. A CLOCK ON THE NIGHT-TABLE, KATIE'S POV
It says 2:03 A.M. Then it flashes to 2:04.
INT. KATIE
Fully awake now. And concerned. She gets up, puts on her robe, and leaves the bedroom.
INT. THE TV SCREEN, CU
Snow.
KATIE (voice, approaching)
Bill? Honey? You okay? Bill? Bi--
INT. KATIE, IN BILL'S STUDY
She's frozen, wide-eyed with horror.
INT. BILL, IN HIS CHAIR
He's slumped to one side, eyes closed, hand inside his shirt. DAWN was sleeping. BILL is not.
EXT. A COFFIN, BEING LOWERED INTO A GRAVE
MINISTER (voice) And so we commit the earthly remains of William Weiderman to the ground, confident of his spirit and soul. "Be ye not cast down, brethren . . ."