Was she insane, saying that aloud? Breaking through her “no sex” barrier was one thing. But making a complete idiot of herself?
Still, she couldn’t seem to stop the truth from spilling out. The man burned with a raw sexual tension that took her breath away. The upper lip she’d found so damned alluring curled in blatant male arousal.
He caught her fingertip between his teeth, worried it for a moment, then when her knees were threatening to buckle, released her finger and buried his mouth in the sensitive hollow of her throat, nibbling that fragile skin. Pleasure speared through her nerves, setting her nipples burning and starting a hot, hungry melting between her thighs.
“I’ve imagined my mouth on you, too,” he confessed. “But I never imagined it would be anything but a dream.”
She shivered, feeling naked down to her soul.
He pulled back, cupped her cheek ever so gently in his broad palm. “What is it?”
For a moment she thought about brushing the question away, distracting him somehow. But then she looked into his eyes and knew. The truth. She needed to tell him the truth. Maybe this wasn’t true love, but honesty mattered to her. He mattered.
“I’m just…I guess I’m afraid, that’s all.”
“You? Afraid?” Jared asked in tender disbelief. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known. What are you afraid of?”
I’m afraid of wanting more than you could ever give. Afraid of feeling the way I felt the day Drew walked out the door, the loneliness, the pain. Only worse, because this time I knew it wouldn’t last before it began and I jumped anyway….
Most of all, I’m afraid this night won’t be enough.
Saying that aloud would be insanity. Emma hid her bittersweet thoughts away and forced herself to meet Jared’s searching eyes.
“I’m afraid you’re never going to get naked,” she tried to joke, and thanked heaven when her subterfuge worked, swirling them both back into currents of raw heat. “Let me see you, Jared,” she urged. “All of you. I’ve been wanting you for so long.”
He shifted away, just far enough to shed the leather jerkin he’d worn beneath his chain mail, leaving his broad chest layered with only the linen undergarment beneath. He took her hands and put them on the laces.
“You do it, Emma. Take it off.”
Emma slid the fabric off his tanned body and knelt to free him of leather boots and rough linen hose, her unbound hair burying his bare feet in silken curls. Her heart pounding with a desire fiercer than any she’d ever known, she kissed the inside of his knee, the corded strength of his hair-roughened thigh. Jared’s breath hissed between his teeth as she rose higher, her cheek brushing his arousal, his shaft heavy and hard with need for her.
Her breath feathered against its length as she drank in the beauty of him, the power, breathing in the scent of salt spray and pine and musky male.
She reveled in the sight of him, such deliciously uncharted territory, so different from Drew. Every sinew of Jared’s body had been hewn by the hard physical labor of wresting the past from beneath the stone-strewn ground. The callused hands, roughened by work and weather, only accented the untamed aura that defined the Scotsman’s powerful body, awakening an answering, primitive beat in Emma’s own.
Drew’s sleek runner’s muscles, polished by daily workouts at the gym, seemed delicate in comparison. Drew’s constant self-control never breaking like the waves on Craigmorrigan’s cliff, transforming into that over-the-edge dragon-fierce hunger Jared radiated now.
“Emma?” Jared’s voice, deep with concern, jarred her.
She looked up the length of his body to his eyes peering down at her, suddenly solemn, still.
“You seem a million miles away, lady. What is it?”
“Nothing.” Emma lowered her head to hide her face. Jared’s powerful thighs blurred before her gaze as she shoved her ex-husband determinedly out of her mind. “I’m just glad you’re…”
Strong enough to know what you want…reckless enough to take it.
She moistened her lips and leaned forward, kissed velvety smooth skin, the skeins of her hair brushing his belly, his thighs.
Jared’s whole body jerked in response. He growled an oath, grabbing her under her arms, dragging her up his body. “Much more of that and it’ll be over before I’ve begun. I’m not made of steel, woman.”
His gruff honesty drove the last of her ghosts away.
“Not steel, eh?” Emma teased. “You could have fooled me. You’re so hard all over. So…hot. Let me look at you.”
His green eyes lured her off a lifetime’s safer paths into wildernesses only he could explore. His mouth whispered of enchantments so filled with forbidden pleasure, no woman snared in such dark magic would ever wish to be free.
Golden specks of candlelight caught in the fine net of dark hair spanning the steely muscles of his chest and arrowing down in a narrow ribbon past his navel. Emma splayed her hands against his narrow waist and slid her fingers up through his feathering of chest hair, traversing the swells of his pecs to the hard points of his flat nipples.
He made a ragged sound, low in his throat as Emma kissed him, soft, wet kisses on the scars Captain had left what seemed a lifetime ago. The first time Jared had let her glimpse the man who lay hidden beneath the armor he showed to the rest of the world.
He caught her around the waist with one powerful arm, urging her up on tiptoe as he crushed her against him, skin to skin. His mouth sought hers, ravenous, as if he could never get his fill of her.
Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to the bed and laid her back on luxurious furs. The tower room spun above her like every fantasy she’d dreamed since she’d first read of the lady who once dwelled in this place.
A love so fierce, even time and terror couldn’t quell it. Yearning flowed through her, a sorrow that she and Jared didn’t have that kind of love. And yet, hadn’t Lady Aislinn’s love ended in tears? Heartbreak that echoed through centuries to come?
Emma wouldn’t have to endure that. Only an ache she alone would feel. Or might Jared feel it, too? A soft echo of regret?
No. No regrets. Not now. Not yet. She’d stay in the moment, drink in every sensation, every touch tonight had to offer.
He followed her down onto the bed, covering her with his big body, crushing her deep into the straw ticking with his weight. She felt delicate, feminine and strangely more powerful than she’d ever been in her life.
Jared tangled his fingers in her hair and angled her face to meet his kiss. Emma snapped the last thread of caution, opened herself to him, soaking in every swell of muscle, the delicious contrast his mat of chest hair made to the silky smoothness of her breasts, the way his hard shaft burned its shape into her inner thigh.
She arched against him, delighting in the pressure, wanting more, wanting it all. Jared, hot and hard inside her. All that passion, all that fierceness driving her wild. She let her thighs fall open and Jared kissed her harder, deeper, arching against her center, teasing her, making her whimper in need.
Oh. Had that sound come from her? Emma’s face burned. But the noise only made Jared’s hands rougher, more insistent.
He pulled her head back, baring her throat to his lips, his teeth, claiming the delicate arch of her collarbone, the faint rasp of his whiskers sensitizing the place where her breast began.
He edged his long body down, breaking the maddening contact between her slick center and his shaft, leaving her bereft until suddenly his mouth closed on the straining bud of her nipple, suckling it deep into the cavern of his mouth.
Fire seared through Emma, stunning in its intensity, driving her to knot her fingers in the lengths of his hair, holding him to her, arching her back so he could draw her deeper, spiral her higher than she’d ever imagined possible.
She looped her leg around Jared’s thigh, holding him even tighter against her the only way she could as he kissed his way to her other breast, licking it with his rough tongue.
She w
as burning, melting. The man reducing her to ash with his sensual skill. He shifted slightly, his callused fingers hungry as they searched the soft swell of her belly, circling her navel, then spearing lower, through downy curls to find the place fairly screaming for his touch.
Emma’s body bucked against him as the rough pad of his finger claimed the nubbin of flesh between her damp folds. She cried out, feeling as if she would shatter if he slid his touch away. The sound seemed to reverberate through the room, too loud, too wild.
“Oh…oh, J…Jared,” she stammered, horrified. “I…don’t think…I can’t…”
“Can’t what, angel?”
“Can’t stop…I’m not usually this…this…”
“This hot?” he asked, his finger stirring that burning ember. “This wet? This sexy? I don’t believe it.”
“This…noisy,” she confessed, closing her eyes in embarrassment. “Out of…control.”
She expected him to laugh. Expected him to tease her. Instead he gave her a rough shake.
“Look at me!” he demanded. “Now, Emma. Open your eyes!”
Stunned at the fierceness in his command, she let her lashes flutter open, unable to deny him anything, even it seemed her complete humiliation.
“I love it that you’re out of control. You were made for this, Emma. For a man’s hands, a man’s mouth. Made to drive a man out of his mind. Drive me insane,” he added darkly.
“No. You don’t know.”
“I know, all right,” he challenged roughly. “Don’t tell me he didn’t like it. Your bloody fool of an ex-husband. Did he want you quiet, Emma? Tame?”
Emma bit her lower lip, too hurt inside to answer.
“Drew Lawson was a fool! You’re a wild thing in my arms. You hear me, Emma? Wild and beautiful and so bloody strong no man could ever conquer you. Nay, no more than any man ever conquered the Lady Aislinn.”
Tears trickled down Emma’s temples into her hair, a strange mixture of gratitude toward Jared and the first real stab of anger at Drew. That in all the years they’d been together Drew had never known her even half as well as the man strewing kisses down her body.
It touched her to the heart, scared her to her soul, Jared comparing her to his medieval lady. A woman he idolized. Loved. A woman who would always be perfect because she didn’t exist, except in his imagination.
“All those noises you make?” Jared murmured against her stomach. “Bloody hell, they turn me on! Trust yourself to me, Emma. Give me all that passion I see when you fight me with your sword. Let me make you scream.”
“I couldn’t…hold back if…I…wanted to. Not with you. Oh, Jared…”
He leaned to one side groping under the edge of the mattress, confusing the life out of her until he emerged with a foil packet in his hand.
Grateful, she took it from him, sheathed him inside it.
Jared bracketed her hips with his big hands, settled his weight between her legs. She felt him there, blunt and hot, every muscle in his body rigid with need for her. His eyes captured her gaze, held it.
“Don’t close your eyes, Emma. Look at me when I take you.”
He thrust deep, touching places Drew had never touched. Could never reach. Parts of her soul Drew had never wanted to see.
“You feel so…so right underneath me,” Jared murmured in amazement. “God help me.”
Jared was the one who pulled his gaze away. Heavy dark lashes settled on the blades of his cheekbones, shutting out every sense but touch and taste and sound as he kissed her, setting a wild pulsing rhythm that echoed deep in Emma’s soul.
The edge sharpened as her body tightened around him. She felt the cry forming at the back of her throat. She couldn’t stop it any more than she’d been able to stop herself from stumbling over the edge of the cliff.
Jared gave a raw cry of triumph as her body quickened around his shaft, a white-hot fulfillment, blinding her, burning her.
He drove himself deep, kissing her so fiercely her lips stung. She didn’t care, only held tight to his hard warrior’s body, glorying in his rough loving, somehow more beautiful than any tenderness she’d ever known. He stiffened above her, cried out in his own searing climax. But the whisper Emma heard was her own.
I love you.
She reeled at the truth of it.
Oh, God. She’d wondered what made Jared different? Made her choose this night, this man? She’d wondered why her defenses had come tumbling down?
She loved him.
Her adversary. Her foe. Her battered knight fighting dragons all alone.
She loved him.
The truth shattered its way into her heart.
Emma held him long moments as he lay against her, his chest heaving, his face buried in her curls. What if he couldn’t look at her because he was as stunned as she was, by feelings he hadn’t expected? What if love had…well…She couldn’t help but smile as a purely Jared Butler smart aleck description flashed into her mind. If love had sneaked up and bit him like her damned terror of a dog?
It was possible, wasn’t it? Emma couldn’t keep from hoping. That’s what happened to McDaniels, Uncle Cade had always claimed. No warning. Just a sneak attack and then, wham, next thing you knew, there you were facing down a sour-faced minister in the gazebo, no escape in sight.
Sometimes, Jared seemed almost more McDaniel-esque than Emma was.
What if she just told him the truth? Blurted it out right here, right now? Hey, Jared, funny thing happened when you were screwing my brains out…
Don’t be crazy, Emma, her common sense warned. Just…just test the waters. See what Jared says. Maybe…well, you can see if this meant anything more to him than just sex.
Right. And won’t it just smash your little heart to bits if it was no big deal to him?
Had a riot making you scream, Emma. Have a nice life…
Blessedly, Jared rolled away from her before she could think of any more cheery farewells. He turned his broad back to her, busying himself disposing of the condom. A simple act that took the king of multitasking far longer than necessary.
Was it possible he was feeling as awkward as she was? What did people say to each other after they made love the first time? Drew had been almost apologetic, sure he’d hurt her, treating her like some fragile, delicate thing. That kind of chivalry would seem ridiculous after the fireworks that had happened here. But Jared’s silence was driving her slowly insane.
Emma groped for something to break the tension, settled on humor. “Nice touch, Butler,” she said, trying to keep it light. “Ye old medieval condom. Did they have those in the Middle Ages?”
“Actually, condoms were invented in—”
“Never mind! Never mind! I was just teasing you! I really meant to congratulate you for being a good Boy Scout.”
“What?”
“You know, the old motto. Be prepared.”
He still didn’t look at her, his shoulders far too stiff. Emma’s stomach tightened.
“I planted this when you weren’t looking,” Jared explained. “Just in case I lost my mind.”
“Is that what just happened?” She tried not to let the sudden hurt she felt bleed into her voice. “You lost your mind?”
He ran his hand back through his hair. “I don’t know what the hell else to call it. You have a way of making me lose control. Of my temper, my, er, baser instincts.”
“Your baser instincts?” They were already down to instincts? Oh, God, he wasn’t turning scientist on her already? “Maybe that’s the reason LadyAislinn never had any children,” she said, her voice sounding brittle. “Her husband kept a stash of birth control hidden under the bed. Of course, I doubt they had nice tidy little foil packets from the chemist’s down the street. Blows your whole theory of historical accuracy.”
“Historical accuracy is one thing,” Jared insisted. “Being reckless is another.”
Stubbornness fired up in Emma. “What if I told you I like being reckless when you’re around? What if I told
you I’ve never had so much fun? In sword fights. In bed.”
“That’s just grand. You almost dropped yourself over a cliff tonight, and now…this. I’m not sure this little stunt wasn’t even more dangerous.”
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Emma demanded, hurt and confused. “I know this was a…was a big step for both of us. It’s natural to feel some…well, awkwardness after. At least, I think it is. Not that I really know. From experience, I mean.”
Jared pressed his hands to his temples, as if she were giving him a headache. The jerk. She hadn’t wanted to kick him this badly for weeks. Drawing her tattered dignity around her, she reached for her shift, drew it over her head. She caught the gaping neck closed. Told herself it was to cover her breasts, not somehow protect her heart.
“Whatever you think of me, Jared, know this. My making love with you wasn’t any stunt, reckless or otherwise.”
Jared swore under his breath, and she could tell he was struggling for patience. “Emma, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings here.”
“Oh, don’t worry. You’re not. You’re just making me mad as hell.”
“Don’t tell me we’re back to normal again already? Are we?”
“Maybe there’s something I should tell you,” Emma fired back, McDaniel pride kicking in. “Something you need to know.”
“And what would that be?”
“I’m anything but reckless when it comes to sex, Dr. Butler. Drew wasn’t just my first lover. He was my only lover.”
Jared wheeled toward her, his face going pale. “You mean you’ve never—”
“Give the boy a gold star. He guessed it in one. I’ve never made love to any man but Drew. And now you.”
“That’s a bit of information you might have shared earlier!” Jared grabbed up a fur, wrapped it around his hips. He stalked to the window, looking more wary and wild than ever before.
“I’m not expecting you to marry me or anything,” she shot back. “You don’t have to build me a house with a white picket fence and raise a passel of kids.”
“You picked the wrong man if that’s the job you’re offering! And that’s a dead cert.”