“So, tonight kind of turned into baby-palooza, huh?” Noel glanced over and sent me an unreadable look. “I mean, what with that lady coming in to harass Lowe, then the chick with his girlfriend who really was pregnant. My sister’s knocked up. And now you...”
When his eyes revealed just how nervous he was, I realized that was why he’d been rambling about Lowe’s problems. He’d been afraid to bring up the real issue.
Us.
“I’m probably not,” I tried to reassure him. “Like I said, I’ve never been regular. But it’s been long enough to get some accurate results, so—”
“No, it’s fine,” he told me. “I get it. And I’m with you one hundred percent. I don’t want to wait to find out. I want to know tonight.”
I nodded and pulled into my drive. After I killed the car, we both continued to sit there, facing forward without moving, until Noel burst out, “Okay, is it totally weird that I’m completely turned on right now?”
I twisted to gape at him. “What?”
He turned to me, too. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” He reached out and touched my shoulder tentatively before his fingers slid down my arm. “What if a part of me is growing in there? In you? I feel like I branded you, like we’re just so explosively amazing together, a whole new life form developed to contain the overflow.” His touch scaled my abdomen before pressing lightly. “It’s so fucking hot. We could’ve just created art together, Aspen. A masterpiece.”
Leaning across the center console, he nipped at my mouth and then slid his tongue inside. The kiss started warm and slow, but it didn’t take long to gain heat and fervor. Before I knew it, we were both panting and straining across the front seat to reach for more of each other.
“I can’t wait.” He peeled my shirt up over my head and flung it into the backseat before grasping my waist and hauling me into his lap. “Get over here, woman.”
“But what about—” We were still in my car, the front steps were only a few feet away. It was dark, yeah, but still...anyone could walk by and see.
“I don’t care,” he rasped, pushing down the cups of my bra. “I need you. Now.”
When he sucked one of my aching nipples into his mouth, it rendered me brain dead from thereon out, and suddenly, I didn’t care either. I cupped his head and gathered fistfuls of his hair into my hands as I rode his erection through our clothes. The suction he had on me seemed to tug on a nerve linked directly to the bundled core between my legs because it lit me up until I was writhing against him, begging him as I fumbled between him to tear open the fly of his jeans.
Pulling him into my hand, I pumped him, loving the feel of velvet over steel. His mouth popped free of my nipple so he could groan and slam his skull back against the seat’s headrest.
“Damn, that feels good.” He jerked his hips up, letting me know he wanted more. I squeezed harder and went faster. “Yes,” he hissed, bowing his head forward and straining. But just as quickly, he grabbed my hand and pulled me away. “Wait. I want to come inside you.”
Getting my pants off was quite a trick. We both fumbled clumsily, he cursed in frustration, and I had to throw my head back to laugh over the silliness of it. But as soon as they were out of the way and smacked against the driver’s side window, Noel grasped my hips and led my body where he needed me.
Since my legs draped over his, he spread his own knees as far as he could in the confines of the seat so he could in effect spread me apart. Then he yanked me down and impaled me. The shock of it caused me to gasp. The muscles inside me clenched around him, needing something to hold on to, to ground me to this moment so I couldn’t just float away.
“God damn.” His fingers bit into my hips and he yanked me up, only to jerk me back down. It was just as filling as his first thrust. I bit my lip and gripped his shoulders, hanging on for dear life. “I love this,” he panted. “I fucking love being inside you.” His breathing was rough and eyes hooded as he met my gaze. “You’re so gorgeous. Jesus, Aspen.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Nothing should be this good. I don’t want it to end.”
The literature professor in me immediately had a Robert Frost moment. Nothing gold can stay. Well, Noel Gamble was the golden pot of happily ever after at the end of my rainbow. Did that make him my fleeting glimpse of joy? My gold that could not stay?
His fingers found my bare, flat stomach as if seeking our child. What if there was a baby in there? What if he’d planted a piece of forever inside me? A piece of our legacy could survive from generation to generation. Maybe our gold could stay.
My body turned to liquid fire as he took me straight to the peak without mercy, driving me straight over the edge and into ecstasy. We came together, kissing and touching, united in more ways than I could probably count. As I curled into him and he buried his face in my hair, holding me close, the only thing I could think was, Please don’t let this end yet. Just a little longer.
***
So, I peed on the stick.
After what had just happened in the car, my knees were already too wobbly to walk straight. Noel had always been an intense lover, but this time he’d left me rattled. But it must’ve affected him too because he didn’t want to stop touching me.
Once we’d found all our clothes and gotten decent enough to dash inside without being caught in flagrante delicto by the neighbors, he’d taken my hand and hadn’t let go. He wouldn’t even let me into the bathroom by myself, which was a bit too personal for me. I shooed him out. But as soon as I finished, he opened the door, popping his head inside, embarrassing the heck out of me because just knowing he’d listened to me was awkward.
“Anything yet?” he asked, stepping close and smoothing his hand down my arm as he glanced at the test strip.
I shook my head. We fell quiet, staring at the stick. Another thirty seconds passed and finally a line began to appear.
Noel squeezed my bicep. “Here we go.”
I held my breath, waiting, hoping. No second line appeared. My shoulders fell limp.
Noel lifted his gaze, his blue eyes probing. “This means it’s negative, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak a single word. My throat closed over, going instantly dry. I tried to clear it delicately, but it didn’t help.
“Well.” He blew out a long breath, stared at the wall over my shoulder, then raked his hand through his hair before setting it on his hip. “Shit.”
I lifted my face, surprised to hear him say that. Had he actually wanted it to be positive? Oh, my God. Had I? I’d been so hopeful. I thought negative was the result I’d been hoping for. But I felt so disappointed now that it was the result I’d gotten.
“I guess...I guess we just dodged a bullet there,” he said, only to wince and glance away.
Unable to handle knowing he’d wanted it as badly as I had, I pushed past him, escaping the bathroom. “Aspen? What...?”
I rushed down the hall, needing space. Everything inside me felt like it was going to come out. But once I reached the front room, I realized this wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wanted to be back in that car, on Noel’s lap, holding on tight to my chunk of gold.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I refused to cry. I sat blindly on the armrest of my couch and grabbed the back cushions for support. My throat squeezed shut; I probably should’ve gotten myself a drink, but I just sat there.
I felt as if I’d just lost a child, when in actuality I’d avoided a complete disaster.
“Aspen?” Noel appeared cautiously in the opening of the hallway, where he stopped as if afraid to come closer.
I looked up at him and shook my head, “What were we thinking? If I’d been pregnant, that would’ve been it. The secret would’ve come out. You would’ve been kicked out of school. I would’ve lost my job. Your siblings...your siblings...Why were we in any way hopeful for this?”
Noel stepped forward, paused, then stepped forward again. Kneeling in front of me, he took my hands and lifted them to his mouth to softly kiss my knu
ckles. “Because we wanted to create proof of how amazing we are together. We wanted a living legacy of our bond.”
His words were the absolute truth. I had wanted something tangible and real that was half me and half him. I’d ached for it, needing to make us as permanent as possible.
“But it’s the most irresponsible thing we could’ve done. This has gotten completely out of hand. We forgot protection again, just now, in the car. And we’re letting way too many people know about us. Damn it, everyone in the bar tonight knew we were together. And now they know we’re risky enough to possibly get pregnant. Hell, four of them were even students of mine.”
Noel winced. “If it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain we can trust all of them.”
Fairly certain? I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Jesus, wasn’t that just great. “It’s too dangerous. Too reckless. We need to be rational.”
He groaned and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “I hate it when you’re rational; you always try to leave me when you’re rational.”
With a harsh laugh, I yanked my hands out of his grasp. “Because it’s the smart thing to do, Noel. My God, do you not realize how much we lose control when we’re around each other, how much we put at risk? This is the second time we’ve gone without any kind of protection, and you said you’ve never—”
“I know what I said,” he snapped irritably as he ran his hand through his hair and pushed to his feet. “And it’s not like I mean to forget. It’s just...everything with you is different. That’s the entire point of all this. If you weren’t, if you were just any other girl, we wouldn’t have any of these problems. I wouldn’t lose my head when you’re close, and I wouldn’t forget my fucking condoms. But then, we probably wouldn’t have to worry about remembering either, because you’re my teacher and I would have no problem staying away. But you are different. You’re more. And that’s exactly why it’s worth the risk.”
“No.” I shook my head, even though his words were getting to me. He always knew how to break my restraint. Because he was different too. He was more to me too. “It’s not worth it.” Since he was more, I didn’t want him to get hurt.
“Baby.” Cupping my face, he came in for a kiss. I knew the moment his mouth touched mine, I’d be a goner. We’d be right back where we started, sucked into the moment and forgetting reality...again. So I dodged away, making him seethe.
Letting me retreat, he blew out a hard breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “Okay,” he muttered. “I know tonight freaked you out—”
“It didn’t freak me out. It opened my eyes.”
He didn’t like that answer. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched. “Look, I know the chances of us actually making it through this unscathed seem impossible, but—”
“But what? You want to keep plowing forward as we are until we’re exposed and everything explodes in our faces?”
Throwing his hands into the air, he shouted, “I don’t care about exposure. I care about staying with you.”
I slammed my fists to my hips. “Well, staying with me isn’t good for you.”
Noel barked out a laugh. “What the hell ever. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I had to raise myself with no guidance of how to be a good person, how to build good study habits, how to feel like someone actually cared about what happens to me without me needing to fix all their problems in return, how to depend on someone else. You taught me all that. I need you, Aspen. Jesus, you really have no idea what you’ve done for me in the time we’ve been together, do you?”
Hugging my waist, I paced across the floor, craving some space before I wavered. “I’m not saying what we had together wasn’t...wonderful. But there are other very important things to consider here. Other people to consider.”
Noel sat on the couch arm I’d just vacated and stared across the floor at me as a dawning horror list his gaze. “What we had together?” he repeated slowly.
Everything inside me clenched with dread over what I was about to do. “I think—”
“No.” He shot to his feet and stalked toward me. “Don’t you dare say it.”
I scrambled backward, my eyes widening. But he caught me and clutched my shoulders tight. His eyes commanded me not to say a word. But I did anyway. “We need a break.”
“No,” he growled. “We started this together, fifty-fifty. We are not ending it unless both of us want out. And I say no.”
“Noel.” My voice cracked, and his face fell.
“Damn it, Aspen.” He dipped his head and came in to kiss me. I set my hand against his chest.
We stared at each other, eye to eye, both of us breathing hard as my little cat clock on the wall with the swishing tail and shifting eyes ticked back and forth, filling the silence.
“Fine.” His fingers eased off my arms as he took a step back. But his eyes remained intent, still full of fight. “You take your break. Take however long you want to think about it, or whatever shit you think you need to do. But I’m not. I’m still in this one hundred percent, and I’m not going anywhere until you realize we belong together despite everything there is against us.”
Without waiting for me to respond, he marched for the front door and jerked it open. His footsteps pounded on the front porch, growing fainter as he left. Holding my fingers to my lips, I tried not to cry.
Noel cared so much he was going to fight for us no matter what. It made me love him more than ever, which broke my heart even harder.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Never underestimate a pretty little liar.” - Sara Shepard, Pretty Little Liars
~ASPEN~
Four grueling, awful, incredibly long days passed. And I didn’t see Noel once. I think he was torturing me on purpose. He knew my willpower was nil. He knew I’d have to see him soon. And honestly, tomorrow—when he walked into my classroom for Early American Literature—couldn’t come soon enough. I needed my Noel fix. Now.
I tapped my fingers against my chin, unable to concentrate on my work as I stared longingly at the cell phone I’d set on the corner of my desk. When I started to reach for it, thinking I could send him one little text, just to say hello, I mentally slapped myself and snapped my fingers back to my keyboard.
No. Bad Aspen.
I turned my attention to the screen of my computer where I was entering scores into the campus’s grading system, and couldn’t focus on a single thing. I hated entering scores. I might have to go completely paperless just to bypass the monotony of score entering.
The only class so far where I’d decided to go paperless was Noel’s. And it was going surprisingly well. After we’d started our relationship, I’d had the students in his class turn in their next essay electronically. That way, I didn’t see a name when I read their papers. I just read them as fairly as possible, assigned the score when I was done, and that was that, they were instantly in the system. That part, I loved.
The scary part came when I realized I’d had no idea what letter I’d given my own boyfriend, because I hadn’t been able to discern which paper had been his. After I’d finished with everyone in the class, Noel and I had checked his score together. I think I nearly squeezed his fingers off I was so nervous by the time we saw he’d gotten a B.
I almost bawled because I hadn’t given him an A like I’d hoped I would. He was the one who’d laughed and pulled me into a hug, telling me it was okay. He was making an overall high C in the class. All he had to do was pull another B in the last essay, and he’d be fine. He’d sounded so sure of himself I had relaxed. But, God, I’d had no idea dating one of my students would put this much stress on my job. When we’d begun this thing, I’d been confident I could separate school and personal life. Except I couldn’t. I wanted to give Noel the biggest A possible.
A throat cleared, jerking me from my daydreaming. “Dr. Kavanagh?”
I lifted my face from my computer screen to find a pretty redhead standing in the doorway of my office. She looked familiar, but I
wasn’t sure where I’d seen her before. Swiveling my chair to face her, I pasted on a smile, always thrilled when a student sought me out. “Yes?”
She bit her lip, looking a little nervous. “I’m Marci Bennett. I’d really like to talk to you about my grade.”
“Okay. Come on in.” Since I was already in the system, I quickly typed in her name to pull up her file. “You’re in World Masterpieces, right?”
“That’s right.” She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. It caught me off guard because students typically didn’t do that when I met with them. Usually, we kept the door open, or I was the one to close it. Only Noel had ever done that to me, which only made me more uneasy about Marci doing it. But I shrugged off my apprehensions and continued to smile.
As soon as she seated herself, her demeanor changed. Her coyness melted away to be replaced by a smug little smirk. Confused by the transformation, I skimmed my gaze over her, taking in the entire picture. Her hair was her one shining feature, but it was so brilliant a red I wondered if she dyed it. Her boobs looked big, but again, they were nothing help from a good bra couldn’t make. Most everything about her seemed fake and enhanced.
“So, how can I help you?”
She folded her hands precisely in her lap, reminding me of one of my mother’s moves. “Well, for starters, I’d really like an A.”
To keep from rolling my eyes, I gave a serious nod. “I see. Well, it looks like you have a C now.” I flickered my gaze briefly to my computer, and yep, she was so rocking a C, a C minus at that. “All you have to do is attend all your classes, turn in all your papers, work really hard and raise it two grades, and you’ll be set.”
Okay, that might’ve been a bit smarmy of me, but she was giving me a pretty smarmy look herself. The spoiled brat.
“Actually,” she said, twirling a piece of a hair around her finger. “That’s doesn’t work for me, ‘cause I’m not planning to attend another one of your classes for the rest of the semester. And I’m sure as hell not writing another one of your damn essays.”