I gasped for air as he straightened and removed the toy from me. He set it aside and I waited for him to take its place between my legs. Instead, he rolled me onto my stomach and shifted the cushion beneath me until my ass was higher up. I flushed at the thought of him spanking me on camera.
“Did you follow all of my instructions?” Cade asked as he ran his hand over my ass.
For a moment, I thought he was trying to find an excuse to spank me, but then, as his finger teased between my cheeks, I realized what he wanted to know. One of his directions, the one that had embarrassed me the most, would prepare me so that he could make good on a promise he'd made while we were in Canada.
“I did,” I said softly. I tensed as his finger brushed against my asshole.
“Have you ever had anything in here?”
I would've laughed at how casual his question sounded, but I was starting to get nervous. “No,” I said.
“Just relax,” he said. “Trust me.”
I made a surprised sound when I felt something cold and wet between my cheeks, but the sound turned to a moan when Cade slipped a finger into my pussy.
“Relax,” he murmured. “I promise, this is going to feel amazing.”
After a few moments, he removed his hand. Then I felt something hard and cool at my hole.
“Breathe and relax,” he instructed as he slowly pushed it into my ass.
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. It didn't hurt, but the pressure was unique. I felt a strange quick stretch and then the sensation was gone, replaced by something new. There was something inside my ass; I was still trying to decide how I felt about that. A moment later, a second object started to work its way in. This time, I figured out what Cade was using. I may not have been as sexually adventurous as my friends – at least not until recently – but I wasn't completely naïve.
“I chose these particular beads,” Cade said, confirming my suspicion. “Because they're all the same size, and since you're a virgin, we don't want to risk stretching you out too fast.”
“I'm not a–” I started to disagree and then realized what he meant.
“Do they hurt?” Cade asked. I thought I heard a note of concern in his voice.
“No,” I answered honestly. There was a feeling of fullness that was odd, and they rubbed against my insides in unfamiliar ways, but there was no pain.
“Now,” Cade said. “I'm going to show you exactly why these little beauties are so good.”
He slid two fingers into my pussy and I instantly felt the difference. I moaned as his fingers thrust into me, the motion causing the beads to shift, sending ripples of pleasure through me.
“Imagine,” he said. “If it was my cock inside you. Imagine how full you'd feel.”
“Fuck.” I pressed my face against the blanket. I was pushing back into his hand, driving him deeper. The duel sensations were almost too much. I didn't think I could handle both his cock and the beads inside me. Then he pushed another finger inside and I cried out, my body stiffening with an unexpected orgasm.
He stilled, holding his fingers inside until my muscles relaxed and he could move his hand again. This time, he worked his fingers inside me, rubbing against my g-spot with his knuckles before pressing against the thin wall of skin separating his hand from the beads. As his fingers twisted inside me, he slowly began to pull the beads out of my ass. My body jerked with each one, the sudden pressure and pop as they passed sending a jolt through me.
“One more time,” he said as his thumb rubbed against my clit. “Come on, baby. One more time for me.”
I started to nod, wanting to tell him I was almost there, but it was lost in a wail as he pulled the last six beads out all at once. I'd never felt anything quite like it, the electricity shooting across my nerves, muscles twitching and fluttering as I exploded again, this one harder than before.
When he pulled his fingers out of me, I shuddered, another wave of pleasure washing over me. I rolled onto my side, looking up at him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but his eyes were heated. I ran my gaze down his sculpted chest and abs to where I could see the outline of his cock through his jeans.
I reached for his zipper, determined to show him just how much I enjoyed what he had done, but he stopped me. His hands curled around mine.
“Not yet,” he said.
There was something strange in his voice and I frowned. This wasn't his commanding tone letting me know we weren't done. This was something different.
“There's something I need to tell you.”
Chapter 6
I sat up, feeling more exposed than I had just moments before. Cade didn't say anything as I pulled the blanket from behind me and wrapped it around my shoulders. I was glad for the few minutes of silence. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but I had a feeling it was going to change everything.
“I always know the right thing to say,” he began.
I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on his hands as they sat on his lap.
“For the past six years, I've always had the right words to say to every woman I've ever met. I know what she wants and what I need to do to give it to her.” He ran his hand through his hair. “But now, here... I can't find the words I need.”
“Just say it, Cade.” My voice sounded harsher than I meant it to be. My heart was pounding painfully against my ribcage, my palms sweaty. He knew. That had to be it; had to be the reason he’d withdrawn so suddenly. He'd figured out that I had feelings for him and he was trying to find a way to let me down easily.
He took a deep breath and my heart clench as I waited for the words to come. Instead he said the last thing I expected. “I fucked up.”
“How?” I said the word slowly, trying to understand what was behind this confession.
“I made a big deal about how I keep things professional and how, if there's the slightest bit of emotional involvement, everything ends.” He looked at me now. His expression was still guarded, but I could tell it was a struggle for him. “But I fucked up. The things I'm feeling for you, Aubree...” He reached out and brushed his fingers across my cheek. “They're anything but professional.”
I caught my breath and told myself to calm down. I needed him to explain because if this was some sort of test, I didn't want to make a wrong move.
“When I'm with you.” He shook his head. “I can't think straight. I lose control.” He gestured toward the back of the loft where the bathroom was located. “When we were in the shower and you stopped me because we weren't using a condom… that was the first time in nine years I've forgotten to use one.”
The memory of that night warmed me. I hadn't even thought of it that way.
“I tried telling myself it was because you were – and please don't take this the wrong way – more submissive than any woman I'd been with in a long time. Women who want me to dominate them, they still consider themselves in charge. They don't fully give themselves over to me.” A ghost of a smile played at his lips. “But you, even when you're fighting with me, you trust me.”
I wasn't even tempted to protest him referring to me as submissive. I hadn't explored that part of me yet, but this wasn't the time to try to figure it out. I didn't want to speak, didn't want to risk breaking whatever spell it was that had him talking so freely.
“I pretended everything was a physical reaction, because how you responded to me was something I hadn't gotten from other women I'd been with.” He put his hand on my cheek. “And then I saw you with Jason.”
I pulled the blanket more tightly around me. It wasn't a memory I wanted to dwell on.
“The reason I was so adamant about you going through with fucking him was because I thought it'd break this hold you have on me. I thought it would help me see you as just another client, but it didn't.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Even if he hadn't hit you, I would've stopped things.” His hand slid down my neck, stopping before it went under the blanket. “I can't stand the thought of anothe
r man touching you.”
I couldn't breathe.
His voice grew rough and I could see the struggle on his face as he tried to maintain control. “I know this means we're done, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before...” He gestured around us. “I had to look at you one more time. See that expression on your face when you came.” He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip and then pulled his hand away. “But I knew I couldn't take my own pleasure in you, not like this.”
I put my finger on his lips, stopping the flow of words. “When you said you had to tell me something, I thought you were going to say this was over... because of me.” He frowned and I continued. “I feel the same way. I've been trying to lie to myself, to deny the feelings I have for you, hoping they'd go away. They haven't.”
He started to shake his head. “Aubree, that's... I...”
“Hey, usually when someone confesses that they care about you too, it's a good thing.” I tried to keep my tone light, but I didn't understand why he was protesting.
“You don't know,” he said, looking away. “There are things about me...”
“Cade,” I spoke slowly. “I know you have sex for money. Kinda how we met.” I reached up and turned his face back toward me. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
After a moment, he began, “I told you about my mom, but I didn't tell you what I did.” I paused and watched the guilt slide into grief on his face. “I ran. I knew she was dead. There was no point in calling an ambulance and I knew that if I called the cops, they'd arrest my dad. I knew they'd want me to testify against him. And I knew he'd just charm his way out of it like he did everything else. They'd make me go with him, and he'd spend every day until I was eighteen reminding me that it was all my fault. If he didn't just kill me too.”
“Cade,” I started to speak but he cut me off.
“I was on the streets for a few months, doing odd jobs here and there, trying to stay under the radar.” He paused for a moment, like he was trying to decide if he wanted to tell me what came next.
During that silence, I realized I was about to discover how he'd gotten involved in prostitution in the first place. My throat grew tight as I understood the level of trust he was placing in me.
“There was this rich woman, maybe thirty or so, and she hired me to do some work around a house she'd inherited. She fed me, let me stay in the guest house... and then she offered me money to fuck her.”
I was glad my hands were under the blanket and he couldn't see me twisting my fingers together. What kind of woman propositions a kid she should've been helping? Okay, so he may have been eighteen by then, but it didn't mean she hadn't taken advantage of him and his situation.
“For three years, I serviced her and her friends.” Cade was looking away from me again. “They were the ones who taught me everything. How to please a woman physically, how to see what they want, give them what they don't even realize they need.”
I reached out and wrapped my hand around his. He looked over at me.
“I hadn't been a virgin when I'd met her, but I'd only had sex with one person.” He gave me a sad smile. “I'd been like you. Innocent. Not like I am now.”
“Did you lie to me?” I asked and he looked startled at my question. Good. I needed him to understand what I was going to say and catching him off guard was the best way to get his attention. “All of the things you told me about how I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am or what I want? Were those lies?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“Then why are you ashamed of who you are?”
Anger flashed across Cade's face. “Because, while I was fucking Penny and her socialite friends, my father was beating the shit out of his new girlfriend and her kid.”
Now I got it.
“I should have stopped him,” he said fiercely. “It took almost two years of domestic abuse claims and putting the kid in the hospital half a dozen times before the girlfriend finally had enough and shot him. She got off on self-defense, but it never should've happened.”
I could feel his hand shaking beneath mine.
“If I'd called the cops, testified, she never would've been put in that position.”
“You don't know what would've happened,” I said. “She could've met another abusive man. He might have gotten off even if you'd testified. At least he can't hurt anyone else.”
“I should've been the one to do it. Not her.” He pulled his hand away and turned until his back was to me. “That's the kind of man I am, Aubree. A coward. That's why you should leave now and never look back.”
I sat up on my knees, letting the blanket fall off my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, the feel of his bare skin against mine sending a shiver through me. I pressed my lips against the side of his neck.
“I know what kind of man you are, Cade. You saved me, and not just from Steven or from Jason. You saved me from myself.” I spread my hands out on his chest, one over his heart. “You showed me who I could be.”
“Aubree, I–”
I ran my hand down his flat stomach, not stopping until I was cupping him through his jeans. He'd gone soft while we talked, but I heard his breathing hitch when I squeezed him. “No,” I said firmly. “No more putting yourself down.” I flexed the hand on his chest, letting my nails dig into his skin. “I want you. I need you.” I put my mouth against his ear and spoke in a low, sultry voice. “Fuck me.”
Chapter 7
Cade spun toward me and I gasped at the heat in his eyes. He scooped me up and stood as I threw my arms around his neck. Before I could make a sound, his mouth covered mine. I parted my lips, my tongue running out to meet his. I played with the curls at the base of his neck, lightly tugging at them until he growled. His teeth scraped at my bottom lip and I moaned. It still amazed me that I had spent years with Ronald and he'd never once done this to me, and Cade had known almost from moment one what I liked. Being with someone who used to be a professional was definitely going to have its advantages.
He carried me to the bed in the corner and laid me down. It was darker back here, the lights from the photo shoot offering barely enough to see by. It was perfect lighting, softening everything but the way his eyes were blazing. I flushed, warmth spreading across my skin.
He stood next to the bed and stripped off his jeans, revealing a pair of snug black boxer briefs. He kicked the jeans aside and smiled down at me as he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear. Anticipation coiled in my stomach. I wondered if I'd ever get tired of this, of the slow reveal of each inch of tanned, muscular flesh. In the time it had taken him to walk me to the bed and take off his clothes, his cock had started to swell. My mouth watered at the memory of how he'd felt sliding between my lips, across my tongue.
“I said that I felt like you trusted me.” Cade reached over to a battered stack of drawers and opened the top one. “Am I right?”
I nodded, wondering where he was going with this. Wherever it was, I was positive I was going to like it. “I trust you.”
The smile that spread across his face was equal parts seductive and pleased. He pulled a strip of fabric from the drawer. By the wicked glint in his eyes, I could tell he was either going to blindfold me or tie me up. I was hoping for the latter, my heart skipping a beat as I thought about how it would feel, my hands restrained, unable to move.
“Do you remember your safe words?” he asked. “There are some things I want to do with you... to you, and I don't want to freak you out.”
I stretched my arms above my head, hoping he'd understand that I wasn't just agreeing to do what he wanted… I wanted it too. “I remember them.” I stretched my body out, my breasts pushing against the bra until my nipples almost popped free. “Do what you want to me. For me. With me.”
“Fuck, Aubree,” he groaned. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?”
I grinned at him. “Very. Or so I've been told.”
He knelt on the bed next to me and leaned close. His cock brushed against m
y ribcage, drawing my attention for a moment. Then his hands were at my wrists. He crossed them, one over the other, and then wrapped the strip of cloth around them. It wasn't tight, but I could tell it would limit my movement. I couldn't see what he was doing, but when he sat back, I gave a tug and confirmed my hands had been tied to something.
“Here.”
Something soft slid into my palm. I wrapped my fingers around it.
“Two quick pulls and it'll release your hands.”
I nodded to show I understood, then moaned as his hands ran across my ribcage and up to cup my breasts. The little push he gave them caused the material to slip down enough to expose my nipples. The cool air caressed the already hard points, raising goose bumps along my skin.
Cade's fingers teased at my nipples, eliciting little gasps of pleasure from me as he tugged and rolled until I began to squirm. When he released them, he leaned back and reached for one of the drawers next to his bed.
“I once told you that I wanted to use nipple clamps on you,” Cade said. “But when I lived here, I couldn't afford any of the toys I have now.” He held up two wooden clothespins. “These, however, can work in a pinch.” He smirked at his play on words.
Shit.
He moved until he was straddling me, a knee on either side of my waist. I stared up at him, appreciating the magnificent picture he made above me, choosing to focus on him instead of the medieval torture device he held in his hands.
The first clothespin clamped down on my nipple and I sucked in a breath as the pain caused me to arch and twist on the bed. It wasn't too dissimilar from his fingers twisting me when it came to pain level, but it felt very different otherwise; a harsh persistence that finally faded into numbness. I bit my lip as Cade held the other one close to me, teasing me, threatening me with its presence. Finally, it was attached and my breath hissed through my lips as the pinch seared through me.
“Feel it,” he whispered as his fingers traced around my breast. “Accept the pain, don’t fight it. It’s only reminding you that you’re alive. Welcome it.”