Chapter 52 – Mon. Dec. 12
The morning sun poured in through my window. Dogs barked. Cars drove by. My sister breathed under the blanket with me, curved into me like a spoon, her head across the inside of my right elbow. My fingers and the flesh around the doorknob scar tingled painfully as the nerves woke up.
Groggily, I turned to see my alarm clock. Something blocked the display, and I couldn’t read the numbers. Trying not to disturb her, I reached to clear the view. A piece of paper was neatly placed in the way, and I picked it up, confused.
Holding it in front of me, the sun lit it up from behind. Jessie stirred beside me. She saw the sunlight and turned over, facing me and looking disoriented. I read the note to her.
“Good morning, kids. I told the attendance office I’m keeping you home sick, probably for the rest of the week. I told them the truth; that you’re both suffering from a fever.”
“Cute,” Jessie croaked, her voice not quite awake.
“I’ll be home after lunch. Love, Dad.”
She’d pushed off the blanket, and now sat bathed in a ray of sunshine like some angel or goddess. A loose white tee shirt hung like a gown, her form a shadow inside it. Lit from behind, her hair gleamed – even the delicate, nearly invisible down on her arms.
“Good morning, darlin’,” she purred, and kissed me gently.
“Good morning, beautiful. When’d you come in?”
“About one-thirty. I waited as long as I could.”
“Was this note here then?”
She shook her head.
“I couldn’t sleep. Dad was up in the night – talking with Daniel, I think.”
“Did you hear any of it?”
“I tried. I think they were talking about a lawyer at one point, and Dad seemed really upset.”
“We’ve put him in a tough situation. I feel bad about that.”
“Don’t worry. It’ll work out somehow.”
She bent down to kiss me, and we cuddled for a few minutes. This really was heaven, talking and lying in each other’s arms. I could have died right there a happy man. In that moment I didn’t need anything in the world that I didn’t have. Now I understood what Dad meant when he said love was the only true measure of wealth.
“I’d like to linger, but I need to freshen up a little.” She got off the bed and disappeared around the comer.
I was grateful to Dad for letting us know we were alone, but irritated that he’d walked right in. No, not annoyed, just embarrassed that he’d seen us like that. I felt we’d been irresponsible.
“We’re only human,” I rationalized.
Jess left the bathroom door wide open. She called, “Are you coming?” I heard the shower go on.
The running water woke my bladder. As I used the toilet, she peeked out from behind the shower curtain, watching me.
“How can you hold so much pee?”
“Boys have to. Otherwise how could we write our names in the snow?”
“Have you ever done that? Really?”
“Yeah, I was alone in the woods and had to go real bad.”
“I’ll bet that felt weird.”
“Not really, just a little cold. The weird part was that it steamed.” I finished and flushed, forgetting to warn her.
She jumped as the water turned hot. “Cory!”
“Sorry, Sis.” I checked my lip in the mirror. It didn’t look nearly as bad as it felt, but the rest of my face seemed to get uglier every day.
She adjusted the knob. “Are you coming in or not?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Jess.” I pulled the Band-Aids from my back, revealing a lot of dried blood, but only a small cut.
“I think it’s a great idea.”
It was a hard point to argue. I quickly undressed and stepped in behind her. She turned and faced me.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe this’s really happening.”
As if to prove it true, she took me in her arms and kissed me, pressing our wet bodies together and running her hands down my back.
“Okay, you’re a guy, and I can trust you to be honest. Don’t you think my boobs are too small?”
“What? No, of course not. They’re wonderful, they’re perfect.”
“But don’t I need bigger ones to be a babe?”
“You are a babe.”
She smiled at that. With a sassy pat on my butt cheek, she leaned around and picked up her shampoo. “Do my hair?”
She faced the faucet, dipped her head forward into the flow, and then leaned back with her eyes closed. But I set the bottle down, reached under her arms, and held her close. I was excited. She leaned back, as if melting into me. Every nerve in my body was electrified and that wild urgency ran through me like a flood. My breath catching in my throat, I squeezed her tighter.
Suddenly she jerked away.
“I’m sorry – was that too rough?”
“Hardly, no. It was delicious. But that’s the problem.” She said with obvious difficulty, “Cory, I want… that, I want it all, just as bad as you do, maybe more. But you’re right. We just can’t do this right now. Dad’s coming home; the hot water’s all going to be gone... You were right – this’s a bad idea.”
I started to object. She was being unreasonable – we had plenty of time. “Sis, I’m really sorry.” I couldn’t make sense of the confusion in my head, so I just admitted it. “Jessie, my brain’s so messed up. What do you want me to do? I feel like I can’t tell what’s right anymore.”
“Me, too! I feel like I’m in way over my head. I don’t know what the rules are now or even if there are any. All I want to do is touch you and feel you touch me. That and more. I want; I need to have you with me every second, and to look into your eyes. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to function anymore.” She was almost yelling.
“Me either.” We stood there in the tub with the water splashing around us, afraid to touch and looking desperately at each other. “Uh, okay, the problem is... the problem is that if we get undressed, I can’t think straight.”
“Okay, then what do we do?”
“How about this?” I said, “Let’s just try to get through the next fifteen minutes, just that much. Without losing our minds completely. I’m going to step out and let you finish your shower. I’ll do mine and we’ll meet in the kitchen, fully dressed.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No way. It’ll be fine, Sis. We’ll figure this out. I just can’t... My judgment’s too hard to manage with such a hot babe, all wet and naked within reach.” She had to smile at that. I kissed her on the cheek and stepped out. I went to my room to dry off – I didn’t trust myself within an arm’s length of her right then.
When she was done, I took my turn. Refreshingly cold. I deliberately put on a tee shirt under a button shirt, jeans, and a belt; all to reduce exposed skin and increase the difficulty of removal. I knew it wasn’t rational. I probably would’ve worn full chainmail if I had it.
I walked into the kitchen and just started laughing. Jessie sat at the table in her baggy jeans, three layers of tops, and lace-up boots.
“What’s so funny?” she asked a little defensively.
I sat down across from her. “We both decided to dress for no sex.”
She didn’t think it was as funny as I did, and just looked gloomy.
“I’ve always heard ‘Be careful what you wish for.’ Now I understand it. More than anything in the world, I wanted you to love me back. Now you do, and I’m more miserable than ever. But I can’t un-know it.”
“It’s really frustrating, I agree, but I wouldn’t un-know it if I could.”
“Why? Do you like being tormented?”
“No, but I’m pretty used to it.”
“So what are we supposed to do?”
"Nothing for now. Dad will be home in a couple hours, and I’ll bet he has some ideas. Do you want to lie down again?”
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“I’m too restless. I just need to do something. We can’t go out because we’re supposedly super sick. I can barely sit still.”
“Me either. I’ve been up for half an hour, but I already have cabin fever.”
She looked around. “I could really break something... It sounds stupid but at least it’s physical. Oh, wait, I already did – I’ll fix the chair.”
“Good idea. I’ll come with you. I have a new project.”
“Oh, did you finish that drawing? Let me see.” I brought the plan from my desk and unfolded it on the dining room table. “Ooo, a gaff-rigged schooner – nice, a little like a Grand Banks fisherman, with more rake. But Cory, thirty-two inches long? That’s pretty big. Do you think it’ll sell?”
“It’s not much more investment than a smaller one, in materials or effort, but I think we could ask a lot more for one this size. The detail will actually be easier to do in this scale, like the deadeyes. I thought I’d even hang a dory over the transom. That’d be a nice touch.”
“On davits? Bad idea; It’d break off too easily. How about tying one down over the cargo hatch, here, where it’s better protected?”
“Smart! Then I can make it a little bigger, like a whaleboat. And if I assemble them as one piece, it’ll be easy to glue down.” We talked about the sail plan – I always made those after I’d cut the spars, to make sure they fit just right.
Satisfied, we stood up, but instead of heading to her room to get the broken chair, she embraced and kissed me, long and deeply.
“Wow,” she sighed.
“Yeah, wow. I could get really used to that!” I gave her a squeeze and headed downstairs.