Chapter 60
“Jess?”
“Yeah?”
We lay face to face on my bed. She ran her fingers through my fine hair.
“Do you think we’ll ever argue?”
She frowned a little. “I doubt it.”
“If we do, you’ll probably win.”
“I’d let you win sometimes.”
“I just want to make you happy, Jess.”
“You can’t. We have to make ourselves happy.”
“Yeah, that’s what Dad says, too.” I stroked her cheek. “Reverend Dulton asked me about children.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Do you think you’ll want kids someday?”
“With you? Of course.” She smiled.
“Cool. Me, too. They’ll be part of each of us. How many?”
“Good question.” She looked at the ceiling. “Probably at least a couple. Like we talked about on the beach.”
“Same here. Maybe three. One should be adopted.”
She smiled at me. “I think I’d like that.”
“Who do you think they’ll look like?”
“I don’t know, but they’ll be beautiful.”
I was silent for a moment as I worked up my courage.
“He also asked if I kept any secrets from you.”
“I guess we have kept secrets… but those are behind us now.”
“Well, I need to, I mean there’s a couple...”
“Go ahead, Sweetheart.” She stroked my forehead. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
“I lied about Mom saving us. I thought it might help you and Dad to think of her that way.”
“That’s not a bad lie. They found her upstairs, so we knew it was you anyway. The truth just makes what you did more amazing.”
“No, that’s not it. I chose not to take her. I took you... she looked right at me, and I … I left her there to burn to death. I could have taken either one of you. I walked right over her...”
“Cory, I think it was just instinct. You should have just run from the house, but you chose to try and save us.
“You chose to carry me instead of her. She was bigger than me, and you barely made it out alive as it was. If you ‘d tried to take her, we’d all be dead. Probably including Dad by now if he’d lost all three of us. But you chose right. You risked your life to save mine, and suffered horribly as a result.” She brushed my ugly cheek. “For that I’ll always love you. Here’s something else, though. You say she looked at you.”
“Yeah.”
“Did she blink?”
“What?”
Jessie put her hand on my arm. “Cory, look at me. Did she blink?”
“No I don’t think so.”
“Even with all the smoke and soot? Did she cough?”
“No.”
“Why wouldn’t she blink or cough?”
“She was staring at me...”
“Cory, Honey. She was already gone. The coroner said that she died from smoke inhalation.”
“She was...”
“Gone. I was trying to wake her up and she wouldn’t move. It was too late. You couldn’t have saved her. But you saved me. If you hadn’t dragged me away, I don’t know if I could’ve left her. You were my hero when we met, and you were my hero that night. And you‘ll always be my hero. I thought you understood that.”
“I’m your hero? But...”
“And every time I look at your face, it reminds me of your love and your courage.”
“But don’t you think I’m ugly?”
“No, I think you’re beautiful. Do you think I’m ugly because of my scars?”
“Of course not. But they make me feel so guilty.”
“Why?” She propped herself on one elbow.
“Ugh. There’s something else I have to tell you, and I guess Dad, though I don’t know if I have the guts. It’s something much worse.”
“Okay, go ahead.”
I sat up and took a deep breath.
“I... I started the fire.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was using the kerosene heater in the garage.” Tears brimmed in my eyes. “I wasn’t careful, and it started the fire that killed her.” I began to sob. The years of guilt washed over me. It was easier when I hated Mom. Now I was defenseless.
“I killed Mom, I burned you, and just look what I did to Dad. It’s… it’s unforgivable.
Jessie got on her knees and wrapped her arms around me.
“Oh, Sweetie. Sweetie, no, that’s wrong.”
I tried to push her away but she wouldn’t let go.
“It’s the truth. I’m the reason she died. I’m the one who gave you those scars. I’m the one who broke Dad’s heart! It’s all my fault.” I convulsed with the agony of my shame.
“Oh, Cory, no.” She stroked my hair. “Don’t you remember?”
I couldn’t stop crying. “I remember.”
“The report - the investigation.”
“Huh?”
“Oh my God, you were still in the hospital. Dad never told you?”
I tried to get control of my breath.
“What... What report?”
“It was an electrical fire – it started in the wall.”
“But I was there...”
“It was faulty wiring – it began between the kitchen and garage, and broke out in Mom and Dad’s room. Did you think that it magically jumped to the second floor?”
“How would I know?”
“The fire department had to determine the source. You saw that huge settlement check we deposited at the credit union. That was from the company that made the wiring. Do you think they’d pay us anything if the heater started it?”
“Really? Are you serious?”
“Yeah. It knocked all the power out upstairs so the smoke alarm didn’t work.” She pointed at my ceiling. “That’s why the detectors here are battery-powered.”
“It was the wiring?” I felt lightheaded.
“It wasn’t your fault at all. In fact, if you’d gone to bed when we did, we’d all have died. It was just good luck that you happened to be right there, right then.”
“It wasn’t my fault?”
“That’s right.”
“It wasn’t my fault. Oh my God.”
She drew me into her strong embrace.
“Anything else you want to confess?”
“No. No, I think I’m good.”
“That sure explains your nightmares! What an awful secret.”
“You have no idea.”
“Come on, let’s tell Dad. He’ll be so relieved; he’s felt horrible about your bad dreams all this time.”
“Yeah, okay.”