She waited for me to smile back. I knew how important that had become for her. "Okay. Mommy," I said, giving her that smile, "We'll be happy forever,"
"That's my girl," she said. "That's my Sail..." She stopped herself, bit down on her lower lip.
"You can say it. Mommy. None of this ever changes that," I told her with firm, steely eyes.
She nodded, "I know. honey. I know." She quickly wiped off any semblance of sadness and smiled, practically jumping in her seat. "Oh. I'm so nervous I can't eat anything. I think I'll go up and soak in a hot bath and try desperately to relax. Come see me before you go to sleep. okay?"
"Okay," I said.
I watched her go inside, and then I sat and looked out at the ocean, watching the sun sink below the horizon and waiting for the first star. I waited so long that by the time I went up to see Mommy I found her asleep in her bed, a smile of pure happiness on her lips.
"Good night." I whispered, and went to my room where the silence and the solitude finally brought home to me what was going to happen tomorrow.
.
The wedding was everything Mommy had dreamed it would be and far more than I had imagined. I thought she looked beautiful in her wedding gown, and I could see from the faces of the guests that many of them did as well, especially the men who looked enviously at Winston. As he moved through the line of well-wishers his mare
contemporary friends either gave him lusty smiles or leaned in like roosters to peck at his ear with something similar to "You lucky dog," I'm sure.
For her part Mommy surprised me by not looking half as nervous as I had anticipated. In fact, she looked as if she had been brought up here among these very wealthy people. She knew so many by first name. It was apparent to me that she had taken detailed mental notes at every single social event to which Winston had taken her. Most of the guests she spoke with looked as if they had expected no less. How could you forget that this one was called Brownie or that one Muffy or Bunny, even though they were married to men with names like Chester Lloyd Marlborough and Stratton Newton Polk, Jr.?
When they were introduced to me I could see their thoughts in their eyes: Winston was old enough to be my grandfather, not my stepfather.
My legs trembled as I walked down the aisle of flowers to the altar with Mommy. The sheer opulence and grand scale of this wedding made it seem all the more unreal to me. Looking around at the army of servants, the decorated tables, the ice sculptures, the wonderful displays of every imaginable food, the dance floor, and the twenty-six-piece orchestra. I thought I was surely in some fantasy. I had wandered into another woman's dream, and soon I'd wake up in bed, blink, and realize none of this was happening.
When the ceremony began, the minister's voice assured me it was real. Mommy avoided looking at me through most of it I think she was afraid of what my face would say and how that would affect her. She focused entirely on Winston, and together they repeated the vows until the minister declared them husband and wife. Winston gave her a quick, almost fatherly kiss, and the guests cheered.
Everything went as it had been orchestrated, down to the very toasts of good wishes. Winston's friends rising to speak for exactly forty-five seconds, almost to the man jokingly warning him not to be "too vigorous a husband." Many of the couples I met resembled Mommy and Winston, however, the women looking years younger than their husbands. mostly. I thought, as a result of thousands and thousands of dollars' worth of cosmetic surgery,
Both Dallas and Warren were very happy for Mommy and me. At one point I overheard Mommy tell Dallas she owed it all to her. They swore they would never stop being friends, and they cried and hugged. I had to look away, and that's when I was forced to confront Phoebe, who was sitting and glaring at me. scowling. If ever a face was a glass window it was hers. She was probably not even aware of how it was betraying her jealous, hateful thoughts.
"Lucky you," she spat when I approached her. She was so angry and envious it brought tears to her eyes. She threw back her head and brushed her hair from her cheek, turning back into her old defiant self again quickly. "I'll marry someone this rich someday and have just as much."
"You probably will. Phoebe," I said.
"You think you're better than me now, don't you?"
"Not because of having money or living in this grand estate," I said.
"Right," she muttered. "I didn't want to come here, but my father said if I didn't I couldn't get my car replaced."
"Well. I'm glad you didn't come because you wanted to come. I would have worried more."
She squinted and pursed her lips when she looked back at me, "Don't think you can now invite all my friends over here or invite Roger and Wally and have them hate me," she warned.
"I won't. You're welcome to them."
"Oh, so you're going to make better friends and go to a ritzy private school now, huh?"
I stared out at the boisterous crowd of guests, some of the women dripping with diamonds, glittering like alabaster statues, their laughter tinkling with its thinness, its artificiality. All around me women were air-kissing one another, commenting on gowns, comparing designers, and then conspiring to say something unpleasant about someone they had just greeted with gushing joy. I felt I was at a costume party more than at my mother's wedding. Why couldn't she and Winston just have had a simple, authentic, and sincere ceremony with just a few really close and dear friends? Why was all this required? Would it make their marriage any more substantial or guarantee their happiness any more? At least they would have albums, wedding pictures, and other mementos to give the day a false sense of immortality, I thought.
"You know what. Phoebe." I said, continuing to look out at the wedding party. "If some angel appeared at this very moment and asked if I would trade all this, give it all up, and become poverty stricken to bring Randy back..." I looked at her. "I would do it in a heartbeat."
Her stern mask of defiance shattered like brittle china. Her lips trembled.
"Have a good life," I told her, and walked off. I spent as much time alone as I could, sitting off to the side of the dais, watching the festivities. Despite the variety of delicious foods. I had little appetite and ate almost nothing.
Winston finally realized I was off by myself and quickly came to ask me to dance. I started to shake my head.
"Oh, you have to." he said. "We've got to show these stuffy Palm Beach people how to have a good time. Grace. Please," he begged.
I couldn't help but smile and give him my hand. He led me out to the dance floor, and just as he had predicted, almost all eyes were on us. I saw Mommy sitting and looking proudly at us. Winston held me firmly. I thought to myself that he must have been a really good athlete in his youth. He had a wonderful sense of timing and rhythm.
"Think we made your mother happy?" he asked me, "Yes," I said.
"I hope so. She deserves to be happy, and so do you. Grace. Making you guys happy will make me happier. too. Let me do that, okay?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes. "Don't resent me for wanting to give you too much."
He was so sincere. His hand lightly brushed over my hair. and I felt myself crumbling under the weight of so much sadness mixed with so much joy. I wanted to let myself fall into his arms and let him hold me and protect me and keep out all the demons. Maybe Mommy was right. Maybe it could be only within this castle.
"Okay," I said in a small voice, and he smiled and kissed me on the forehead.
"Welcome to Joya del Mar forever and ever.Grace." he whispered.
The tempo of the music picked up.
"Oh, no," he cried with feined panic, but he didn't let go of me.
We started to dance just the way we had on Paradise Island and some of the guests actually cheered. Some looked absolutely shocked right down to their Gucci undergarments. Before we finished I glanced to the right and saw Phoebe, who had been talking with some younger people. turn and shoot off. her hair bouncing on her neck, her hands clenched in fists. When I had first met her I was for a short while actua
lly envious. I wanted to be like her: beautiful, popular. powerful. That seemed ages ago. I felt as if I had grown up overnight. I was no longer a child. I would na longer think like a child. I would put all that away forever.
Mommy and Winston had decided to leave on their honeymoon in the morning. The wedding ran late. I actually went to bed before the last guests left. I understood that for many of these people an all-night event was not that unusual. After all, what did they have to do the following day besides sleep if they wanted?
I was still asleep myself when Mommy stopped by nearly at noon to say goodbye. She was dressed and ready to leave. I tried to grind the sleep from my eyes, but it was still like looking at her through some gray veil.
"Did you have a good time, honey?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. I had actually eaten late and enjoyed the wonderful wedding cake. Other men had asked me to dance after I danced with Winston, younger men. I had. but I didn't remember all their names. I had drunk some champagne, too, and my thoughts became foggy. my memories merging-.
"It was a wedding they will talk about around here for a long time. It's sure to make the front page of the Shiny Sheet." I knew that was the Palm Beach newspaper's nickname. "And be featured in the magazines. I'll call you from the yacht." she promised.
"Yacht?"
"Winston's surprise was hiring a yacht to take us to some wonderful places in the Mediterranean. We're flying to Nice where it is waiting for us. There is someplace on the coast of southern France he especially wants me to see. He's thinking of taking a villa there for us next summer. Won't that be wonderful?"
I nodded, Actually I had a small headache, and nothing she was saying made sense to me.
You look like you need to sleep. Grace. Don't rush to get up. Invite anyone you want over, if you like."
"I don't know anyone I want to invite," I said quickly.
She looked unhappy about that. "Well, after you start your new school you'll make new friends. You'll set," she assured me, kissed me, and started out. "We've done it." she said from the doorway. "We've given nasty fate the old heave-ho."
Then she was gone. and I let my head full of lead drop back to the pillow. I slept well into the afternoon, and when I woke up I realized it was all true. We were really here. and I was a modern American princess.
But I was alone.
.
Mommy called the following day. She was very excited.
"I'm calling you from the yacht. Grace. I'm looking at the port of Nice. We're on our way to Monte Carlo and then to ports in Italy. Winston promised Louisa we would stop in Capri and visit with her brother and sister-in-law. The scenery everywhere is beyond words. I'll take lots of pictures. Are you all right?"
"Yes, Mommy, I'm fine," I said, almost laughing. It hadn't been quite twenty-four hours. "I'm getting started on the reading list for my new school."
"Try to do something that's fun. too. Grace."
"I will," I said, a promise as hollow as an empty peanut shell.
"You can reach us anytime you want. Jakks has the numbers," she said, referring to our butler.
She called me every other day and gave me a quick summary of what they had done, always asking me what was new. She even called the day before they were returning, but that was for more special information,
"Winston and I have chosen a villa for next summer." she declared. In the few days that had gone by it was now "Winston and I." "We're bringing a video so you can get a good idea of it all. How are things back there?"
"Nothing's changed since you called day before yesterday. Mommy," I said, She told me how much she looked forward to seeing me and how I would love the gifts she and Winston had bought for me.
The following day I fell asleep on a lounge by the pool while reading and wake to the sound of her calling my name from the rear loggia. For a moment I didn't know who it was. She had done her hair again, this time in an even shorter style, but she had colored it as well.
"Grace, we're back." she announced, and spun on her heels to model her new self. She was wearing a pretty two-piece pants set and new shoes.
"What happened to your hair?" I asked.
"Don't you like it? I had it done over in Monte Carlo. The stylist thought I might look striking in black hair. Winston likes it."
I shook my head. "You look... different," was all I could manage.
"That's the idea. silly. Now come into the house to see what we brought back for you. I had it all brought up to your suite." she said. and gave me a quick hug. 'I have so much to tell you and pictures to show you Stop staring at me like that and come along."
I rose and followed, Inside Winston was giving the servants instructions. The moment he saw me he stopped and rushed over to hug me as well.
"How do you like your new mother?" he asked with a wry smile,
"I'm not sure." I replied honestly. "It's too shocking a change."
"Oh, you'll get used to it," she assured me. "C'mon." she said, grabbing my hand and leading me up to my room.
I stopped in the doorway. The bed was covered with boxes. There were even same piled beside it.
"What is all this?"
"Clothes and jewelry and shoes and same pictures for your walls and perfume. Oh. and this wonderful French facial cream that will keep your skin soft forever. I bought a lot in Saint-Tropez. There were wonderful artists and handicraft makers in Eze and Saint-Paul-de-Venice."
I began to look at the gifts. It was truly overwhelming. "There's so much." I couldn't help saying. and she laughed.
"Get used to it." she told me, and proceeded to go through each and every present, explaining where she had been. how Winston had helped negotiate prices, and what she had bought for herself as well.
I couldn't deny that Mommy was happy. Sometimes in the days and weeks that followed I felt she was forcing herself to be happy, but that might have been what I was doing. One of the first things she did in the house was take over one of the dens and create her own office. just to handle the social schedule. Winston's personal secretary soon was working with her as well, at times more than she worked with Winston. I thought. An oversized calendar was put up on the office wall. Even; weekend for months was filled with one event or another, and soon the weekdays followed. It wasn't that she wanted to attend everything. In fact, she gave me a short lecture about the differences between the A-list parties and events and the others.
The ants that were considered A actually had an A inscribed alongside them.
One of the first publications Mommy acquired was something Winston's secretary called the black book. It was The Social Index Directory, a Who's Who of the most important people, their addresses, and other important data. These were the people she said she would invite to any affairs at Joya del Mar. Any affairs any of these people invited her to she would be sure to attend. When I said it reeked of snobbery, she actually flamed up and turned her temper on me.
"That goes both ways. Grace. You can't dislike people just because they have money and influence. There's nothing wrong with associating with people who are in your class."
"In our class? We're not blue-bloods, Mommy. We're simple people."
"Of course we're not simple people. My forefathers and your father's were important people," she declared.
I smiled incredulously at her, and she looked away quickly. What fictions was she creating in her own mind? Later Winston found me sulking down by the beach.
"Hey," he said. "you've been a stranger all day today. Anything wrong?"
"No," I shot back, practically taking his head off with my reply.
"Oh boy." he moaned, and sat on the sand beside me. "I used to do this a lot." he began. "You get so busy and so wrapped up with things you forget to stop to smell the roses. An hour or so out here is good spiritual medicine. I could stare at the sea for hours and hours."
I felt my body relax and snuck a glance at him. He was looking intently at the breakers. Off to the right, sliding against the horizon, we could s
ee a cargo ship.
"Your mother thinks we should have a party just for you, invite the young people who belong to some of the families we know. What do you think?"
"I won't come." I said.
"To your own party?"
"I don't need to be put on display and practically beg for new friends. Winston."
He smiled. "'That's good," he said, surprising me. "I didn't like the idea. either."
I turned to him. He was being truthful.
"My parents always did things like that, tried to get me involved with this one or that one because it would be a good social contact. They even tried to arrange my marriage once."
"Really?"
"Yes, with the daughter of an oil executive who had an estate here. in Palm Springs, in the Hamptons, and in Monte Carlo. I felt just as sorry for their daughter. She knew she was being manipulated. too. In the end we were both honest with each other and ended it before it could get started.
"Meaningful relationships are like anything else. They'll find their own depths and levels if you leave them be."
"That's right," I said.
He smiled. "I know it's hard to change your whole life like this. Grace. It takes time to make so many adjustments. but I hope you'll be as happy as your mother seems to be. I'd like it if you would come to me with any problems you have."
"Okay," I said.
He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and then stood up.
"You know. I was wondering. Grace. I'm sorry I don't know. But do you have your driver's license?"
"No," I said. "My father was going to give me driving lessons this year. but..."
"I'd like to do that." he said. "You should know how to drive, even though we have a chauffeured limousine always at your disposal. You shouldn't have any fewer skills than any other girl your age. Okay?"
"Sure," I said.
"We'll start tomorrow." he promised. "Watch that sunshine now. The sea breeze can fool you."
"I know." I said. "Thanks." He smiled and walked off.
He did what he promised. We began my driving lessons on the property first, and then, to put the finishing touches on my lessons, he hired a private driving school instructor who helped me get my license.