I know you told me not to, and you’re probably gunna get cheesed off at me again, but I tried really hard not to send an “I Love You” letter to Rachel, and for awhile I even didn’t. Almost an hour. But then I started thinking about the way her eyes smile even when her mouth doesn’t and the sound her laugh makes whenever Kathy Fine says something funny to her, and I couldn’t help it. How come I can’t make her laugh like that? But I’m sending you what I wrote to her anyway so you can chew me out.
Hazel has a surprise for you, but I’m going to let her tell you what it is.
Your buddy,
Joey
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Dear Goodlookin’,
It wasn’t my idea to land on the cover of Life magazine, especially in coveralls and a welding iron. However, our little shyster decided he was going to help build dive bombers at the Navy Yard no matter what, and you know what happens when his mind is made up—air raid sirens go off all over Brooklyn. Apparently they caught him sneaking in through a drain pipe, so he cornered some Admiral Whozis and promised he could deliver “Hazel MacKay, the World-Famous Singer” if they’d let him on the assembly line. Well, what was I supposed to do?! You can’t open a damned newspaper any more without reading about some little Tillie from Tallahassee who threw away her egg beater and picked up a rivet gun instead. “Woman Ordnance Workers—The Girl He Left Behind Is a WOW!” So the boys from Life unpacked their cameras and I managed to whip up a fuselage. Don’t ask me how. I have enough trouble with omelettes.
I wonder where you are tonight. I hope it’s someplace safe and snug.
I love you.
-Mrs. H-
P.S. And I promise—my pinup days are over.
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*Dear Joey,
I can’t tell you where we are, but at least I can tell you where we aren’t. Not Ethiopia where zebras eat antalope legs and never dance. (If Stuke really thinks we are going to get away with this one, he is out of his fuckin mind.) There is nothing for us to do here except (1) cool our heels for 3 wks. until the other divisions pull in and we leave for the war, or (2) watch their movies which are so old that nobody talks in them and the people walk fast and jumpy. (Who in Hell is Clara Bow?) But Stuke got kicked in the ass by a kangaroo.
I read your letter to Rachel. What is it with you and the damn yellow snowball????? Are you going to give her one for a wedding present too? And who do you think your fooling anyway? “I know you told me not to, and you’re probably gunna get cheesed off at me again” and etc. Bullshit Bucko. How long did it take you to figure out that I wanted you to send her one all along? 10 seconds? 9? 3? You use to be alot easier to trick. In Cincy you did not find out that I was putting one over on you until after you fell for it and learned the Tora. Remember? (Come to think of it, I guess I was no cracker-jack either. One minute I am telling you that I would never take you on the road with me, then all of a sudden I am chasing your ass ½-way across Chic. and trying to keep your face out of D. Walker’s bosoms. How in Hell did you get me to say Yes?) It is a good thing that Rachel does not know you as well as I do or she would of put 2 and 2 together by now and learned that “This is my last try” only means “Until the next one”. Nobody stays in the ring longer than you do.
Want to hear a pisser? I just found out that when we get to where we are going, I’m not allowed to go on the beach and fight with Stuke and Marantz and Shiloh and etc. Sgt. Block said The Word came from the Old Man (who could be anybody from FDR to Vandagrift to Moses for Christ’s sake). “Washington does not want any dead All Stars on their hands on account of it screws up the news reels.” Ever hear of anything more beef-headed in your life? It gets worse too. Where they are putting me is at a type writer in the Communications Room. What a laugh. They will have to teach me how to spell first. Whoever came up with that idea must of died from the neck up (which means it was probably FDR after all).
But I’m a little worried Iron Fists. Sometimes Stuke’s brains are in his belly-button, especially when I’m not around to look out for him. If you don’t believe me, ask the kangaroo who kicked him. So keep your fingers crossed. He means alot to both of us, huh?
Charlie
P.S. We found out from Armed Forces Radio that the Giants are really in 2nd place and not last. Also, Billy Werber is a good man (for an old fart). Thanks for telling me different though.
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Dear Mrs. Hazelnut,
One of the bunk fliers in Easy Company had a bunch of pinups on the wall, and right in the middle of them was you on the cover of Life. You were stuck in between Chita, Rita, Lola and Roxie, who all together weren’t wearing enough to diaper a kid with. Well, I thought about these things for awhile and when I was finished thinking, I bopped him on the conk. (I probably should have let your husband do it, but I’m a Pfc. and he’s not.) So when you’re scouting godfathers for Charlie Jr., remember who upheld your honor down here in the balmy South Seas.
Stuke
P.S. Keep a glim on Sprout. The way he’s going, he could be a father before any of us.
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Dear Joey,
I never knew a boy like you before. First you put food in my hair and boogies in my lunch and then you think I’m going to a night club with you. Well, I probably am and I don’t even know why. Maybe because you’re cuter than Mickey Rooney. But not by a lot.
My mother says I can stay out until 10:00 unless Gypsy takes her clothes off.
Rachel
P.S. But this doesn’t mean we’re getting married or that I’ll kiss you. I don’t think.
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dear joet,
i am in thr communication shack on the voat. either there is something wrong with the fype writer they gave me or with the dingers on my left hsnd. also i cannot figure ouyt how to make big letters eben though i have tried almOST ALL OF THE KEYS EXCEPT THE ONES WITH MUMBERS. I GUESS ONE OF THEM WORKLED. NOW HOW DO I TURM IT OFF????
WE ARE IN THE MIFFLE OF THE S. PAVIFIC ON OUR WAY TO VISIT HIROHOTO,s boys. we will be there tomorrot. then we will have to ask them where we are on accoumt of they still will not tekk us.
rachel is a goner. the part that gives it aWAY IS “I NEVER KNEW A BOT LIKE YOU BEFORF”. YOU DID A GOod job buckio. but when you puck her up to take her to the cxanteen make sure you vring her one of those shrively purple flowets that they like to pin on their dress. hezel will know what they are caLLED. AND DONT GET NERVOYUS ABOUT KISSING HER. BITE THe bull by the horns.
i will wrute again after we gert to the war.
charLIE
P.S. YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUYT THE BOOGIES IN HER LUNCVH. YOU ROCKHEAF.
P.S.2. DON’T FORGET TO BRING UP THE YELLOW SNOWBALL. IT HAS BEEB ALMOST 2 WKS. SINCE THE LAST TIME.
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Dear Charlie,
I’m taking her to the Canteen on Saturday night at 7:00. That’s 94 hours and 21 minutes. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to remember everything you told me, so I went through it again and this is my list.
I won’t say shit or fuckin or piss or chowderhead.
I’ll hold the door open for her.
When I pin the orchid onto her dress I won’t let my hand shake much.
If she says something boneheaded like “The capital of South Dakota is Philadelphia” I’ll tell her she’s right even if I have to bite my mouth off.
I won’t fart.
I’ll look at her and smile at least once when Hazel and I are singing our song.
I won’t pretend I’m a Big-Shot.
If she wants to talk about uranium, I’ll let her.
I’ll keep our color list in my pocket in case I want to tell her how white her eyeballs are but I forget what comes next.
When I walk her home from the subway, I’ll hold her hand. (I don’t know about this one, Charlie. I haven’t practiced it enough. And smokes, I’m only 14. Maybe we could wait
for a couple of years, huh?)
You’re a lot smarter than the USMC after all. They left the zebra and antelope line in your letter so I could figure out where you were. Then I looked at a map and I think I know where they’re sending you next. It’s on our Noah Check List from Braves Field which ought to be inside your helmet—the part where I said “Smokes, even So-and-So wouldn’t have pulled a fast one like that.” Well, they named a whole bunch of islands after So-and-So and that’s where you’re headed. Bet?
I think I need to start getting ready. It’s 93 hours and 48 minutes.
Your buddy,
Joey
P.S. How’s this for a pisser? Remember Lenny Bierman, the guy who used to kick the heck out of me and Craig until you wised him up? Well, guess who’s paying me two bits a week to do his algebra for him? He even bought me a burger when he got an 83%. Boy, you sure straightened him out. Did I ever say thanks for that? If I didn’t, I was a dope.
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WAR BULLETIN:
Marines Invade Solomon Islands
GUADALCANAL, Friday. The United States Marine Corps today launched the first offensive of the Pacific war in an amphibious attack on the tiny island of Guadalcanal in the Solomons. Heavily fortified by Japanese troops, the Imperial stronghold has been targeted by the Yanks principally for its airstrip at Henderson Field, situated on the edge of Sealark Channel. Its capture by the Marines would establish an Allied footing in the South Pacific and cut off all supply lines to and from Rabaul, the primary Nipponese base in that sector of the globe.
Resistance was reported as moderate to light when the first U.S. Higgins boats landed on Green Beach early this morning. Outside of a few pockets of rifle fire, the Marines encountered little opposition, though it is believed that a counter-attack is presently being mounted by the War Ministry in
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*Dear Joey,
I can’t tell you where we are but this time it is the medics who are putting in the longest hours. Gee usually all doctors are lucky—camps and nurses and leaves. (It has taken me 2 hrs. to write this much. You know why.)
We lost Shiloh today. He was in the first landing party on the beach and they did not even let him get out of the boat before they chopped him. It turned out he was only 16. That’s you in 2 yrs. Maybe this is why I have not been able to stop thinking about you since I heard the news, and remembering the first letter you ever wrote to me and how we almost didn’t get to be friends and how little you looked when you told me about your father and Nana Bert and etc. We have come a long way together.
Joey listen to me. Everybody gets handed a rotten deal sooner or later and your just getting it out of the way early. Want to hear a secret? The same thing happened to me too. My Mom was a waitress who died from the flu of 1918 when I was almost 2, and I only know from pictures that she was pretty and looked like my big brother. But my old man was a cheap hood who would of swiped the fleas off a cat if he thought he could of pawned them, and who croaked from being on the wrong side of a shootout in Madison when they brought him home horozontal. (I told you not to believe everything you read, especially baseball cards.) This is why Harlan was the only hero I ever had. He took me to school and made me supper and kept the bullies away from me and showed me how to play his sax and shaped me up and taught me everything I know about baseball. He was also the one who kept my father from beating the shit out of me on account of it use to happen all the time. Three days before my old man died he caught me playing with his jack-knife and came after me with a bat. But Harlan got in the way. When I took him to the hospital he was hardly breathing and blood was coming out of his nose. The rest of what I told you is true—he hung on for as long as he could. But it wasn’t a pitch that killed him, it was my father. And I’ve never told anybody this in my life.
I want everything to go the right way for you Iron Fists. “Chapter One—I Am Born.” Remember that.
Charlie
P.S. When Marantz radioed in for supplies Stuke asked for Yank with Hedy Lamar in it. So we know he’s OK.
P.S.2. By the time this gets to you, I am betting that Rachel will of let you kiss her. So how did it go? I am putting my chips on you Bucko. You never lose.
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Stage Door Canteen
240 WEST 44TH STREET
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
A Rookie and His Rhythm………………………Kay Kyser and His Orchestra
“The Package”………………………Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy
The Machine Gun Song………………………Gracie Fields
The Girl I Love to Leave Behind………………………Ray Bolger
Blow, Gabriel Blow………………………Ethel Merman
How About You?………………………Hazel MacKay and Joey Margolis
Zip………………………Gypsy Rose Lee
I Can’t Strip to Brahms
Bugle Call Rag………………………Benny Goodman and His Orchestra
Sing For Your Supper………………………Nancy Walker
South American Way………………………The Andrews Sisters
Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree
My Heart Belongs to Daddy………………………Mary Martin
The Hut-Sut Song………………………Betty Comden, Adolph Green and Judy Tuvim
By the Mississinewah………………………Ethel Merman
I Got Rhythm………………………Hazel MacKay
Buckle Down, Winsocki………………………Ray Bolger and Nancy Walker
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Dear Charlie,
I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her. Then I kissed her again. (The first time it was on her mouth, but the second time I missed a little. I think I bit her chin.) And guess what? Holding her hand was the easy part. I can’t believe what a noodlehead I was.
These are the only things I did that would have pissed you off.
1. When I opened the Canteen door for her, my hand was so sweaty that I accidentally let go and hit Harpo Marx in the forehead.
2. When Hazel and I were singing, I looked over at Rachel at the ring side and I winked at her and I smiled at her and then I forgot all the words to the song. (Hazel said afterwards that she wanted to push me down the tuba.)
3. When we got back to Brooklyn, it was still early so we walked around the reservoir and I took her hand like it was something I was used to doing 8 times a day. Then I pointed to the water and told her I peed in it when I was a kid. I still don’t know why I said that.
4. When it looked like it was getting to be kissing time, I took out our sax and tried to play “Moonlight Serenade” to set the mood, but I guess my mouth was already thinking about hers because it didn’t come out so hot. Then a man opened a window and yelled out “Hey. Shut the fuck up.” So I kissed her instead.
Charlie, this was all your idea and I want you to be my best man even if I have to come out there in a row boat and bring you back myself. (You’ll do it, right? Because I’ll wait for you if I have to.) Do you think that Mel Ott would let us have the wedding at the Polo Grounds? We don’t even need the whole park. Just third base.
Joey
P.S. It’s 4:25 in the A.M. but who the Hell cares? I’m never going to sleep again in my whole life. What if I miss something?
P.S.2. I forgot to tell you the best part. She even kissed me back.
P.S.3. The Giants just dropped to third place. This time it’s the truth. I told you they’d stink without you.
P.S.4. How soon do you think they’ll let you come home?
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Dear Joey-San,
I just heard it on the radio and I thought it was that rock-head Orson Welles making suckers out of us again like he did with the Martians. B
ut then Pop said it was true, and I had to believe it. Are you okay?
Joey-San, remember when my grandma died and I cried for three days until you got me the Hornet ring? Well, Uncle Mits said something to me that I’ll never forget. He said, “Craig, if you think about all the happy times, you won’t be sad anymore.” And the reason I’ll never forget it is because I tried it myself and found out that my uncle was full of baloney. I guess what I mean is that only Charlie could have stopped Bierman from ganging up on us, and only Charlie could have taken you on a road trip, and only Charlie could have made the Gophers think I was some kind of prize at 3d base even though I secretly stink, and only Charlie could have gotten Rachel to love you back. And he did all these things because he wanted to. So think about the happy times and when you start to cry anyway it’s because you should. Charlie earned it.
As soon as they let us out of here I’m coming to Brooklyn to visit you, even if I have to walk. And you know I mean that.
Friends forever,
Craig
P.S. I’ll give you back the Hornet ring too, if you think it’ll help you feel better.
P.S.2. I didn’t really like Mel Ott better than him. He knew that, didn’t he?
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