Dorian was breathing heavily, eyes fixed on me like he thought I might disappear if he blinked. He looked like he'd had a rough day, and I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
Then he completely floored me with the next thing that came out of his mouth.
“Are you pregnant?”
My jaw dropped. I’d been so prepared to rally against him the moment he said anything nasty to me that I was at a loss of what to say.
“You came all the way to Las Vegas to ask me if I’m pregnant?” I planted my hands on my hips. “Have you ever heard of a telephone?”
He took a few steps toward me. Still on edge from the evening’s events, I took a step back. A sad look flickered on his face, but I refused to feel bad for inching away from him. Hell, he deserved it. He couldn’t spit venom at me and then just waltz back into my life like nothing had changed.
Especially with a question like that.
“Are you pregnant?” he repeated. “Briana, please, just tell me.”
Why had he come all the way here just to ask me that? If he didn’t want me to be pregnant, had he come here to make sure that I took care of it so as not to cause some sort of scandal? I didn’t want to think so poorly of him, but it was hard given that I’d thought the world of him until he hurt me so badly.
“No. I’m not pregnant.” Muttering, I added, “But I do need a damn drink.”
I turned and left Dorian in the living room as I made my way to the kitchen. He could stay there, for all I cared. I poured a shot of whiskey and downed it. I was already pouring out a second when Dorian came into the kitchen, looking perplexed.
Thinking he didn’t believe me, I raised the glass in the air, then threw it back. I slammed the cup back down on the counter.
“See,” I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Not pregnant.”
“Did you…” He frowned. “Did you lose the baby?”
What the hell was wrong with him? He was looking at me like I was some oddity in a science museum. He wasn't angry. Instead, he seemed more...confused.
“No, I didn’t lose the damn baby,” I snapped. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Dorian sighed and gestured toward the bottle. “May I?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Part of me wanted to tell him that he may not and that he needed to get out of my house before he found himself unceremoniously ejected with my foot in his ass. But the rest of me felt warm just being in his presence. The rest of me was stupid and emotional and reckless and still cared for him, despite everything he'd done.
I wordlessly poured him a drink, shoving it at his chest as I walked past to go back to the living room. From there, I took a seat on the armchair, feeling a little like a queen holding court.
He entered the room, and I pointed to the couch. “Sit. Explain.”
He sat, but he didn’t seem passive so much as he did lost in his own thoughts. After a moment, he started to speak. “I didn’t tell Enzo what Elroy told me about you, but he suspected that something was up when I went back to New York and was...off. So Enzo, being Enzo, hired a private investigator to make sure you were the person you claimed to be.”
What. The. Hell? My mouth opened, a protest poised at the tip of my tongue.
Dorian held up a hand. “I know, I know. I wasn’t happy about it either. But he was trying to protect me, and I can’t fault him for that. And I wouldn't have come...except there was a picture of you and Tiffany at a women’s clinic. And the P.I. found a positive pregnancy test in your trash.”
I gritted my teeth. “He went through my trash? I’m going to kill Enzo! Who does that? That’s next-level stalking!” I was having a hard time keeping my voice down.
Dorian looked exhausted. It was only then that I realized he’d come here assuming the pregnancy test was mine. I didn't understand. Was he sad? Angry? Happy? It was impossible to tell. He just looked so tired.
“It was Tiffany’s test,” I said finally. “Not mine.” I closed my eyes and lowered my head, gathering strength. When I looked back up, I met his gaze. “I’m not pregnant. So whatever obligation you thought you felt was false.” Thankfully, Tiff's home test had been false too.
And now he would leave. He’d head back out the door and out of my life as quickly as he’d muscled his way in. I’d have to clean up the whole mess with Elroy sooner or later, but at least not tonight. But I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. At least with that on my mind, though, I wouldn’t have much time to wallow in Dorian’s rejection.
Again.
39
Dorian
Hearing Briana speak to me in that flat tone, like she didn’t even know me, made my heart clench in my chest. She was staring at me with an overly determined expression, and I knew it was more obvious to me than ever that I'd misjudged her. Grossly misjudged her.
I was an ass.
“Briana...” I stood and took a step toward her, uncertain what I could say to make things right. Everything I said to her the last time we spoke came back to me in flashes.
“Dorian, don't.” She rose to her feet and put up a hand. “You don't owe me anything. You asked what you came here to ask. You can go now with a free conscience.”
“Is that what you think I want?”
She ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it and making a piece stick out on the left side. I wanted to smooth it down for her, but the look in her eyes made me think she'd bite my hand off if I did.
“Why wouldn't you want an easy out?” she asked. “You never wanted to be in in the first place.”
“That's not true.”
I was losing her. Or had I already lost her? Panic gripped my heart and squeezed. I took another tentative step toward her, until we were so close that I could see all the different shades of blue in her eyes. I was surprised she didn't move away, though I caught a hitch in her breath.
“I don't believe you,” she said, expression hard. “You expect me to believe you after what you said to me the last time you were here?”
“I was harsh, I know.”
“Harsh?” she barked a bitter laugh. “Winter in the Midwest is harsh. You were downright cruel.”
She put her hands on my chest and pushed. It wasn't hard enough to move me, but I stepped back to give her some space.
“I am so sick of getting caught up with men who don't give two shits about me,” she hissed in a hushed tone that made me remember that Mikala was probably sleeping somewhere nearby.
“Yes, I was cruel,” I admitted. “I was mean and angry. And I'm sorry, Briana. If you kick me out right now, you'll never know how sorry I am.”
She shook her head. “You're only here because you thought I was pregnant. Would you have ever come if Enzo hadn't hired someone to spy on me?”
This wasn't working. I needed to give her more, or I'd never get her to see how sorry I was.
“Can we sit?” I asked. “Please?”
She took a slow breath, then nodded. We both sat on the couch, with her sitting as far from me as possible. I didn't like it, but at least she was still listening.
“I started dating a girl named Maggie when we were juniors in high school. I thought I loved her, at least as much as I understood love at that time.” I shook my head. “We were together for three years when Maggie got pregnant. Everyone expected me to be upset, but I wasn't. And neither was she. The two of us were barely out of high school, but we'd both talked about how much we wanted a family.”
I paused, letting the memories wash over me, both the good...and the bad.
Briana no longer looked angry as she asked, “So what happened?”
“We lost the baby.” My tone was flat. Dead. Just like I'd felt at the time. It had been like all of my dreams had been whisked from under my feet, and even though we still had each other, it hadn't been enough.
I hadn't been enough.
“I'm so sorry, Dorian.” The concern in her eyes was genuine. As a mother, she could understand what the lo
ss of a child would be like.
“It was a long time ago,” I said. “After it happened, Maggie fell into a deep depression, and nothing I did seemed to help. And then one day, she slit her wrists in the bathtub.”
Briana let out a gasp as I remembered what it was like. We'd been growing apart by then, but I'd still cared enough to be scared at the thought of her death. I'd dragged her limp body out of the bloody tub while screaming into my phone for an ambulance.
“What happened?” Briana asked, pulling me back from the present. I shook my head, re-focusing on her.
“She got to the hospital in time, and then she swore to never forgive me for saving her. The next thing I knew, she left the country. I never heard from her again, but I like to think she’s happy wherever she is. That she found love with someone else, maybe even got a chance to start another family.” I sighed and tried a small smile. “As for me, I swore off relationships altogether. It was easier to entertain myself with escorts than it was to deal with the potential for that kind of loss again.”
“That's no way to live.” Her voice was soft.
A gust of air left my nose. “I know. And I wasn't living. I was existing, moving day to day on a single track, never deviating from the plan.” I took a breath...and jumped. “And then I met you.”
“That's a bit of a cliché,” she said wryly. “Try something I'd never heard before.”
I laughed, unable to help myself. She stared at me with a wary expression, as if she wasn’t sure if I’d gone off the deep end.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Briana.” I shook my head with mirth, and the words came rushing out. “You’re just so...you. You’re kind and sweet, but you call me out on my bullshit. You’re so different from every other person I’ve met, and I’m never bored when I’m with you. You make me want to open up again.”
“It’s all well and good you saying that,” she replied, her voice a little less steady than before. “But your actions so far–”
“Have been deplorable. I know.”
“Deplorable would be putting it lightly,” she said, crossing her arms. “You made me cry. That's something that even Elroy can't claim any more.”
“You're not innocent either,” I said, instantly regretting my choice of words. I hurried to clarify. “By that I mean, I wish you'd told me about Elroy. All of it. I could have helped you with him.” I inched toward her but still didn't touch her. “I could have helped you.”
“I can help myself,” she said sharply, but I could see the fear just behind the brave facade. “And I didn't think...I didn't think you cared. Why would I dump all my drama on you if you were just out to have a good time?”
“Is that really what you thought?” Her words cut me to the bone. “Bri, I can't go back in time and stop me from saying those things. But what I can do is tell you that I would have ended up back here whether Enzo hired that P.I. or not.” I took her hand. “I've been torn up about you, and about what happened between us, but my hang-ups about relationships were screwing with my head. And when I thought you were pregnant, something finally snapped into place for me. The thought of losing you was already so painful, but the thought of losing you and a child...” I closed my eyes. “I couldn't handle it. I had to come to you and make things right.”
I let things fall quiet between us and waited to hear what she had to say.
And waited.
And waited.
I'd run through this conversation in my head a million times on the way here from New York. I'd prepared for every potential response. Except silence.
“Briana?”
She looked at me but still didn't speak.
“Briana, please say something.”
“I don't know what to say,” she said finally.
I reached up to cup her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. I lowered my voice to a breathy whisper.
“Say you forgive me.” My thumb brushed over her bottom lip, and I gave her the last thing I had to offer. “And say that you love me too.”
40
Briana
My eyes snapped open. “What?”
“I love you, Briana,” he said, his eyes so soft and expressive they tore at my heart. “I didn't realize just how much until I thought I'd lost you forever.”
He'd been carefully chipping away at my defenses since he started explaining why he acted like such an ass. I wanted to forgive him. Truthfully, I wanted to throw my arms around him and beg him never to leave me again. But it had been a long damn night, and things were taking a little longer than usual to sink in.
“You love me.” I repeated the words not as a question, but as a statement. More to myself than to him.
“I do,” he said. “Past, present, and future.”
It was that statement that finally managed to break through. He knew about my past, and he loved me anyway.
“I love you too.” I leaned into him and brushed my lips across his. “I love you too.”
A deep growl rumbled in his chest, and he pulled me to him. I kissed him eagerly, each touch of his lips against mine chasing away the darkness, the pain, replacing it with the certain knowledge that I was loved.
He loved me.
Dorian loved me.
And I was free to love him back. He knew all my secrets, all the deep, dark monsters lurking in my basement. It had all been exposed to him without a single measure of finesse, and he accepted me anyway. He wanted me, just as I was.
The realization warmed me to the core, and I climbed onto his lap, needing him inside me, claiming me. My mouth devoured his as his hands roamed over every inch of me. I was basically in my pajamas and wasn't wearing a bra, but the sound he made as his hands moved over my breasts told me he approved.
“Can we go to your room?” he asked, breathing heavily. “I don't want the first time I meet Mikala to be when I'm inside of you.”
I laughed quietly. I'd forgotten how exposed we were out here. In the wake of his proclamation, I'd forgotten nearly everything else. I nodded and climbed off him, stretching out a hand, which he took.
“I should actually go check to make sure she’s okay,” I whispered. “If she heard what happened with Elroy tonight, she might be upset.”
Dorian nodded in understanding. “Do you want me to come with you?”
I shook my head. “Not tonight.” I smiled and squeezed his hand. “You can meet her in the morning, if you’d like.”
A wide smile broke out on Dorian’s face, and he pulled me against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“I’d like that,” he said into my hair. “I’d like that a lot.”
After a moment, I excused myself and headed down the hall to my daughter’s closed door. The light was off, and when I put my ear against it, I couldn’t hear any movement, but I cracked open the door to make sure.
“Mommy?” she whispered in the darkness.
I slipped into the room and closed the door behind me, navigating through the minefield of toys in the dark. “Hey, sweetie.”
She shifted in bed, and as my eyes adjusted, I could see she’d sat up. “Is Daddy gone?”
I sat down next to her and pulled her into my lap, enjoying being able to cradle her still. She’d be too big one day and wouldn’t have time to cuddle with her mommy anymore. But for now, she folded herself against me and rested her head on my chest.
“Daddy's gone, honey. I'm sorry if we scared you.”
Her little hand wrapped around my arm and squeezed. “Why was he here? Didn't he want to see me? And why was he so angry?”
I winced, choosing my words carefully. “He's going through some stuff right now. All that matters is that we're okay, baby. And things are going to get better from here.”
“I don't want to see him anymore if he's going to yell at you. Do I have to?”
If a string was attached to my heart, then Mikala was pulling on it. I didn't want her to see him anymore either. I'd never wanted him to have visitatio
n rights, but he always had my past to hang over my head. Now, though, with Dorian's help, I could finally cut ties with Elroy once and for all.
“I'm going to see what I can do,” I promised. “But remember that he'd never hurt you. He loves you.”
She shook her head. “I don't think he does. But that's okay.” She snuggled in closer. “I've got you and Tiffany. You're all I need.”
“You're too wise for a six-year-old,” I said.
“So they tell me.”
I laughed and squeezed her tighter, my eyes stinging with tears. It broke my heart to hear her talk like this. No girl Mikala's age should have to deal with this kind of thing. She didn't understand her role as Elroy's bargaining chip against me, but she knew enough to have an awareness of his lack of affection toward her.
“Who else is here?” Mikala asked, pulling my attention away from Elroy.
“My friend Dorian. You'll get to meet him in the morning.”
“Good.” She smiled sleepily up at me and yawned. “I'm gonna go to sleep now.”
I chuckled. “Okay, honey. I love you.” I kissed her forehead and settled her back in the bed.
“I love you too.”
Once I was out of her room, I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. The emotional weight of the day was starting to pull on my shoulders.
The air shifted in front of me, and a pair of warm hands wrapped around my upper arms, smoothed down them and then back up to my shoulders.
“How is she?” Dorian asked softly.
I opened my eyes and was nearly blown over by the tenderness in his gaze. He loved me.
“She's okay. Though sometimes I wonder if she's a little girl at all or just a wise wizard masquerading as one.”
He smiled and leaned down to peck my lips. “She's her mother's daughter.”
It hit me suddenly. Until this very moment, I'd always shied away from the idea of Mikala growing up to be like me. I'd made so many mistakes in my life that I was terrified she'd end up repeating them through some sort of genetic twist of fate.