He seemed to pause for a long time, before speaking again to April. Jessie couldn’t hear what he said, but April glanced over at her, looking her over. “Yeah, she’s fine. Why?”
Jessie’s heart ached horribly. Kai was there, just a few feet away from her, and he was asking how she was. It took every scrap of will power Jessie had to not rip the cell phone out of April’s hands and beg him to come over. She wanted to hear him. She wanted to see him. But he was right. These unnatural feelings needed to fade away before they could be reunited. Jessie just wished they’d hurry up and leave her already so she could be with her cousin again. Her best friend.
Jessie heard Kai mumble some response and April’s brows drew together as she continued to study Jessie. Then her face brightened and she smiled widely. “What do you mean he liked my cell picture?” She laughed into the phone, relaxing back into the couch like she was talking to a girlfriend and not the man she’d made out with on more than one occasion. “Really? Is he cute?” She paused, listening, then murmured, “Louis, huh? I’ve never met a Louis. What’s he like?”
Kai was apparently going into detail over this Louis person, because aside from a couple “yeahs” and “ohs,” April was pretty silent. Jessie was pretty sure that Kai worked with a Louis, and wondered if he was talking him up to her. Then she started wondering if he’d done that just to distract April from the fact that he and Jessie had obviously not seen each other in awhile. Jessie thought that was probably the reason for the redirect. He wouldn’t want April, or anyone, delving too closely into their relationship. Or at the moment, lack of one.
After another couple of minutes, April finally said, “Okay. Have fun.” She paused and then rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’ll tell her. Bye.” Snapping the phone shut, she then started idly watching whatever show was currently playing on TV. Curiosity was eating Jessie alive. He’d obviously meant her there at the end.
Biting her lip, she only continued to stare at her friend. She didn’t want to seem too eager over a message from her cousin. When April finally glanced her way, Jessie raised an eyebrow at her. April sighed. “Your cousin says hello,” she mumbled drearily, like just telling Jessie that much was putting her out.
Jessie wanted to sigh contently and sink back into the couch. She wanted to let her mind imagine the words coming off of Kai’s tongue, and not April’s. She couldn’t though. She couldn’t look lovesick around anyone over her cousin, least of all April. Jessie shrugged nonchalantly and twisted back to the TV. “That was nice of him.” Not looking at April, she casually asked, “We’ve been too busy to really talk much lately. How is he?”
Her heart hammered as she waited for her friend to respond. But, instead of answering her, April stood. “I have a mani-pedi to get to.” She indicated the kitchen with her thumb. “Harm has all the details for next weekend.” With that, she strolled out of the living room and back to her bedroom.
Jessie silently watched her leave. April was going to stretch out the argument between them for as long as she possibly could. Hopefully things evened out between her and April soon; Jessie didn’t think she could utter, “I’m sorry I was a bitch,” one more time. Maybe this weekend would help? It was Harmony’s brilliant plan to bond them all together again with a girl’s ski trip. They were all going to Harmony’s favorite lodge, deep in the Arapaho National Forest.
Jessie sighed and decided to let April sulk. She knew she couldn’t rush the repair of her friend’s hurt feelings, and April had a right to feel slighted; Jessie never should have spoken to her like she had. Besides being just a little too eager with a cute boy she liked, her roommate really hadn’t done anything wrong. This upcoming trip was probably the best thing for their relationship.
Walking into the kitchen, Jessie found her best female friend chowing down on a bowl of cereal. Jessie went through the mechanics of preparing her own bowl while Harmony looked up at her and flicked the edge of a piece of paper that she was holding. It looked like a printout of a hotel reservation.
“I got us a double at Mountain Inn Resort.” Her pale eyes sparkled at Jessie as she poured her milk. Harmony loved skiing. She’d already been up a couple times for day trips and was thoroughly looking forward to an entire weekend with just the girls. “This is going to be great, Jessie!”
Jessie found herself smiling at her friend’s enthusiasm. “I’m sure it will, Harm.” Sitting beside her, she suppressed a sigh. She’d be hours away from Kai. The distance really shouldn’t matter, since they weren’t speaking anyway, but there it was, she had a distinct ache in her chest at the mere thought of how much physical space would be between them. At least her girlfriends would help to fill that space, assuming April stopped being pissy.
Looking at Jessie like she’d sighed anyway, Harmony tilted her head, her flaming hair slipping over her shoulder and nearly dangling into her milk as she did. “You alright?”
Jessie let the sigh come out and started trying to dunk the tiny ‘O’s floating in her bowl of milk. She wished she could confess everything to Harmony. It would be so nice to finally talk over her confusion with someone. But how do you explain something that awful to a friend? Sure, it wasn’t as bad as if she was lusting over a sibling or anything, but still, they were first cousins, and what was going on with Jessie and Kai was so much more than idly thinking a relative was cute. What was going on with them bordered on illegal in many States.
“Just thinking about…stuff,” she muttered blandly.
Not about to let that go, Harmony put a hand on her arm. “Boy-stuff or April-stuff?”
Jessie shrugged, not really sure how to answer. Harmony sighed, then raised an eyebrow. “Jeremy didn’t call you, did he?”
Raising her eyebrows at Harmony leaping to that conclusion, Jessie shook her head. She supposed it wasn’t too weird for Harmony to think her troubles stemmed from Jeremy though. Jessie had been with him for awhile, and really, they hadn’t broken up all that long ago. Jessie just hadn’t thought about him in so long that he seemed like someone buried in her ancient past, not someone she’d been considering moving in with less than six months ago.
“No, Jeremy may as well have dropped off the face of the earth, for what little I think of him. And I definitely haven’t heard from him.”
She sighed again, grateful for that. Harmony looked at her from the corner of her eye and then took a spoonful of cereal. Around her food, she asked, “Is it because of that Simon guy? He called again by the way.”
Jessie groaned and dropped her head back. “God damn it.” Lifting her head, she dug into her cereal. “I told Grams I didn’t want to be set up with anyone, then she got this newfound friend of hers to get her son to ask me out.” Her spoon angrily clinked against her bowl. “Now he won’t stop.” Jessie had already politely turned him down three times. She was sure he was nice and all, but he wasn’t…what she was looking for at the moment.
Harmony grinned at her irritation. “You could always tell him you’ve switched sides?”
Jessie laughed, then started choking on some milk she’d been swallowing. Coughing, she smacked a laughing Harmony on the shoulder. “Thanks,” she finally managed to get out.
When she could breathe again, Jessie frowned into her cereal bowl, wishing she could be honest. Harmony looked about to question her again when they both heard April’s voice in the living room. “Catch you later, Harm.” The door banged shut and Jessie lightly shook her head. She’d definitely just been dissed, and in that passive-aggressive way that girls could be so good at.
Harmony stared into the living room then brought her eyes back to Jessie. “Don’t let April get under your skin, Jess. You know her, this will eventually blow over.”
Jessie nodded, glumly returning to her cereal bowl. Hoping Harmony wouldn’t ask anything about why Jessie had sort of gone off on their roommate, she asked her about their weekend plans instead. Harmony instantly smiled bright, her questioning look vanishing as she started filling her in on all of the perks their
lodge provided.
********************
Millie was feeling seventy-five again. Her hip had healed and nearly all trace of her clumsy tumble was gone. She felt like she could go down to the senior center, find a charming, distinguished gentleman, preferably with a head full of hair and all his original teeth, and spend the afternoon square dancing. She’d considered it too, except that her heart wasn’t feeling quite as healthy.
Her ticker was still fine, that wasn’t the problem. No, her heart issues were all emotional ones, and all centered around her family. Sometimes she swore that the lot of them was going to be what drove her into the grave. Worrying about them was surely aging her by the second.
Her son, Nathan, was struggling with impatience. He wanted to talk with Kai about his true paternity. He wanted to sit with him and explain why they’d lied to him for so long. He wanted to beg Kai’s forgiveness for withholding the truth. Millie thought it was pointless to tell Kai, but Nathan wouldn’t let it go. And the longer Kai remained ignorant, the harder it was on him.
He’d even admitted to Millie that he’d been distant to Kai. “I can’t stand it, Mom. I just want to talk to him about this…secret looming over all of us, but he doesn’t know yet. I can’t talk to him about what I really want to talk about…so I shut down, and don’t talk to him about anything. He must wonder why I’m so distant… ”
Nathan hated himself for his seeming coldness to Kai, but each time he talked to him, Kai was still oblivious. And frustrated, confused, and disappointed at his own weakness, his anger at Mason’s procrastination was showing itself as bluntness towards Kai. The distance he was creating greatly bothered Nathan.
Millie often had long conversations with him, most of them ending with, “He loves you, Nathan. You are the only father that he’s ever known. In the end, love will win out over everything else. I’m sure, given enough time, he’ll eventually understand.”
But even though she spoke those words to her son, she wasn’t sure if they were true or not. Well, she knew that Kai loved his father, but she wasn’t sure if he would understand Nathan’s behavior or motives once the truth was revealed. Yet another reason that Kai should never know. Why put that strife in a loving relationship, if it didn’t need to be? Why cause irrelevant pain? But Nathan believed in knowing the truth. It was one of the things that made him great at his job. And now that he felt Kai was old enough to be able to handle the truth, he wanted…no, needed, Kai to know it too.
Even if that meant telling him himself.
The longer Kai stayed away, the longer Nathan didn’t have to directly look at him, the easier it was for him to gain the necessary courage to break his son’s heart. Nathan told her repeatedly that he didn’t think he could do it, that he didn’t think he could even form the words. But his impatience at Kai’s continued lack of knowledge was quickly wearing away at his reluctance. Millie knew that before the month was out, before the year ran out, her son would finally be able to tell Kai. And Kai’s entire view on his life would change.
Millie sighed as she went about clipping her herb garden. Tiny piles of chives rested in her palm, just enough for the baked potatoes Jessica Marie was cooking in the kitchen. The girl still checked on her diligently. Perhaps her tumble earlier had made the child feel guilty about not being around enough. Millie tried to assure her that it wasn’t necessary, she was a grown woman, but Harper blood flowed through the young woman’s veins too, and the need to nurture was a big part of that blood.
Filling a small bowl with the clippings, Millie moved on to some thyme for Kai. She’d been giving him whatever herbs were ready, telling him exactly how to prepare food with it, since she was sure the man had never had proper instruction in creating a meal. Not with that woman for a mother. He obliged her, listening raptly and asking the appropriate questions. Millie almost got the feeling that he was only interested in cooking to woo a woman, but then dismissed the thought. He didn’t currently have anyone.
Millie had gotten her hopes up when he’d started seeing that April girl. Surely a friend of Jessica’s would be a good match for the boy? And he was going to need a shoulder to cry on, a warm body to cuddle with, when either one of his fathers finally confessed the truth to him. But, alas, he’d broken it off with the girl. He’d explained to Millie over and over, since she’d kind of badgered him about it, that they just weren’t compatible. Millie had wanted to tell him that she had girl parts, he had boy parts, so, of course they were compatible, but she refrained.
Kai was a gentleman, and wasn’t going to sleep with a girl purely because he needed the release. Millie respected that, and was immensely proud of him for his choice. Most men his age would probably not make the same one. She wouldn’t push him into physical love, especially when he wasn’t aware of the upcoming heartache.
Millie finished her preparation and sealed the tiny bags she’d made for her grandson. For the hundredth time, she wished Kai would decide that he hated it here and move home. Not because she didn’t want him around – far from it, she immensely enjoyed his company – but because she didn’t want him to get hurt. And Mason admitting who he was to him was going to hurt. Maybe if he went home, if Nathan had to look into his eyes every day, he’d lose his nerves and never tell him.
Millie wasn’t sure about Kai’s mother. Perhaps she would be cruel enough to spill the beans, but then again, regardless of what Millie thought of her, the woman was a mother, and what mother wanted to knowingly cause her son harm? And through Kai, Millie knew that he was close to his mother, talking with her near daily. The woman obviously adored her son, no matter who his father was. Millie was pretty positive that the push to send him to Denver, to his biological father, was all Nathan’s idea.
Shuffling back into the kitchen from her greenhouse, Millie caught her granddaughter staring at the numbers on the microwave, seemingly lost in thought. Millie closed the door rougher than was necessary, not wanting to sneak up on the girl. Jessica Marie startled and looked over at her, slapping on what was clearly a fake smile. Millie recognized it; she’d seen the forced happiness several times on her granddaughter over the past few weeks. Come to think of it, she’d seen the same smile on Kai over the last few weeks too.
While Millie had the overwhelming feeling that Mason was making things uncomfortable at work for his newfound son, a suspicion that Jessica had confirmed when she’d mentioned that Kai didn’t think his boss liked him, Millie had no clue as to where her granddaughter’s unhappiness stemmed from. With her age and troubled past love life, Millie suspected a boy, although she never heard Jessica mention one. No one but Kai, that was.
“The potatoes are almost ready, Grams,” she announced effortlessly.
Millie narrowed her eyes. The tone was effortless, but the tired look in the eyes couldn’t be entirely erased. The child was worn, unhappy, and almost always looked on the verge of crying lately. Millie constantly wanted to give her a hug and tell her that nothing in life was ever that bad. Things always have a way of working out. You just had to be patient sometimes. She didn’t say that though, knowing that Jessica would only roll her eyes and tell her that nothing was wrong.
She patted her shoulder, laying the bags on the counter. “That’s good, dear. I got us some chives.” She handed the small bowl to Jessica and then grabbed a marker, labeling the small bags for Kai. Boys usually couldn’t tell herbs apart.
In a nearly wistful voice, her granddaughter said, “Are those for Kai?”
Millie looked up, to see if her eyes were filled with as much longing as her voice. As Jessica was looking down into the chive bowl, she couldn’t be sure. “Yes, dear. Eventually I’ll turn that boy into a good cook. Every man should know how to make a decent meal for his woman.”
She smiled warmly at the thought. Jessica quickly turned her head away, her thick, curly hair covering her expression. She nodded and moved over to the fridge, aimlessly looking through it. “I should get you some groceries soon,” Millie heard her mutter into th
e cool, refrigerated air.
Even though Jessica couldn’t see her, Millie shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, dear. Kai brings me a bundle nearly every time he shows up. As I don’t eat that much anyway, I don’t think I’ll be starving anytime soon.”
A soft chuckle escaped her as she remembered Kai repeatedly popping up with a bag or two on his arm. There was a grocery store close by, but the thought of him riding with a bag dangling off his arm always brought a smile to Millie’s face.
Jessica looked up from the fridge to stare at Millie, a little disbelievingly. “Kai brings you food?”
Millie nodded, noting the aged weariness in Jessie’s eyes. It was so nearly identical to Kai’s, like they were both suffering from the same malaise. “Constantly, like he’s worried I’ll starve.” Millie laughed again and rolled her eyes. “If the boy had moved here with something more substantial than a motorcycle, he could save himself some time and bring me a month supply at a time.”
A small laugh escaped Jessica and her eyes drifted out of focus, thinking. “Yeah, he does love that bike…”