When she first took the job, seeing him in the gym or in the hallway set her heart aflutter and her loins athrobbin’. He was a handsome, stunning man. Not in the traditional sense, but with those deep-blue eyes and his vamp mojo, she couldn’t help herself. Getting to know him better, going through what they did, only made her love him more. She knew he’d die for her, almost did die for her.
She’d never had that before.
* * * *
Taz felt exhausted by three o’clock Friday afternoon and knew she was too wiped out to do any good. She packed her laptop, grabbed some files to work on, and drove home. There she kicked off her heels and changed into an oversized T-shirt and pair of flannel pajama pants to chill out.
Robertson brought two Amazon.com boxes into the library. “By the way, these came for you today.” He wore a puzzled look.
“Oh, goodie! They’re here!” Taz squealed and ran to take the boxes from him.
When Matthias returned home later, he was surprised to find her curled up in the living room, season one of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the DVD player, and books scattered across the coffee table. He picked one up. “Undead and Unwed.” He looked at Taz.
“Hey, she’s a good writer. Her books are funny.”
He put the book down. “Why, dare I ask, do you have all of this?”
“Well, I wanted to learn more about vampires.”
No, actually she wanted to bust his balls and distract herself, but hey, whatever.
He shook his head. “This is not the way to go about it.”
“Well, since the Masonic, ‘To be one, ask one,’ approach has gotten me absolute shit from you guys, the next best thing is research.”
“You know all of this is just fiction. It’s not real.” He swept his hand, indicating the large pile of books and DVDs. “This has no truth to it whatsoever. We explained that.”
Of course she knew, but she did it to torque Matthias and the other men as much as she did because she needed a distraction. “I can’t rely on Wikipedia to get it right, can I?”
He sat, carefully picking his words. “I’m sorry it’s been crazy. This, however, is not the way to go about it.”
“Considering you haven’t made much time to answer my questions, and every time I ask Robertson something he says, ‘I don’t know,’ I had to do something. I’m going out of my friggin’ gourd and I need something to distract me. Besides”—she pointed to the screen—“it’s my favorite TV show.”
He closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. “All right, Taz. What do you want to know?”
Point made, she had his attention. She closed her book. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
* * * *
Matthias fought the urge to scream in frustration. He had to be truly in love with her, because no woman since Sarah had ever driven him to such distraction. He knew she was still on edge and unsettled. It was a little over a week since Rafael’s death, barely two weeks since the revelation of her true nature. Plus her powers were awakening at a…dare he say scary pace? She was more powerful than any vampire he’d ever met. Way more powerful than himself, which said quite a lot.
“All right. Just know that whenever you want to talk, I’m here.”
She raised her eyebrow at him. “Yeah. Riiiight. Seems like every time I’ve wanted to talk hasn’t been the right time.”
“I’m here right now, ready to talk.”
At first she defiantly met his gaze. Then her green eyes brimmed with tears and she collapsed against him.
He held her, stroking her back, his face buried in her hair. In many ways she was an indestructible force of nature. In others, she was as fragile as a child.
“Don’t force it, Taz,” he whispered. “Don’t try to pigeonhole everything into neat explanations. Don’t set a timetable for yourself to have this under control. I wanted to take years to ease you through this transition for damn good reason.”
“I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling out of control. I hate it.”
“I know.”
“I love you, Matthias,” she whispered.
He kissed the top of her head and tightly hugged her. “I know, darling. I know you do.”
“I’m sorry that—”
“Shh. The past doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except that I love you and I will do whatever I can to make this up to you.”
She sat up and looked at him. He had to fight not to lose himself in her beautiful green eyes. She wasn’t trying to control him, but he loved her so much he couldn’t help himself around her.
“Matthias, you don’t owe me anything.”
“Yes, I do. And no, you don’t have me under a spell, cara. I have seen more than you can ever imagine, been through more. We don’t need to get into this all right now, you have enough to deal with. Over time, you will come to understand why I can feel the way I feel right now.” He caressed her cheek. “You’re right that we’re not ‘normal.’ With that comes the understanding only gained through centuries of living, centuries of dealing with love and loss and human nature. I’ve learned in my time what matters and what does not. And you matter to me.”
She closed her eyes and took his hand, nuzzling his palm. “Thank you,” she whispered.
* * * *
Saturday morning, Taz walked into the kitchen and heard the three men deep in discussion. Upon her entrance they fell silent, looking at her.
“Yeah, that was real subtle, boys.” She walked to the cabinet and found her coffee mug. “What’s going on?”
Matthias hesitated. She turned to him, seeing in his mind what they were discussing.
“I want to go.”
“Taz, I don’t think—”
“Matthias.” Her voice bore a hard, firm edge. “I will go with you. I–I need to do this. It’s the least I can do.”
Matthias looked at her for a long time and finally nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure you’re up to it?”
She poured her coffee. “I wouldn’t say I’m up to it,” she said, her thumb idly stroking Rafael’s ring. “I’ve got to do it. For him. I owe him that much.”
* * * *
They packed overnight bags and left in the Hummer an hour later with Matthias driving. He let her think they took the Hummer because it held more than his car, but she didn’t know the vehicle was armored. He didn’t think she would be attacked again this soon, not with Caroline safely in custody on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, but he wouldn’t take unnecessary chances.
Taz didn’t know he had a security team follow her to and from work each day, ensuring her safety. He didn’t want her to know because it would piss her off. He’d been surprised to find out she took a really long route via I-75 instead of the Veterans Expressway, but that was her choice and he wouldn’t question it.
“What did Rafe do for a living?” she asked.
Matthias kept his eyes on the road. “He had his own business, but it was a division of Hawthorne International. We set it up like that in case…” He didn’t finish.
“In case of this?”
Matthias nodded. “Had it been me, he would have taken over my role, with Tim and Albert’s help, of course.”
She shivered. If she hadn’t fed Matthias after the Other attacked him at her house, it would be Rafe in charge now, and maybe—
“No. Don’t think that,” the phantom voice whispered. “That’s not healthy.”
She closed her eyes and strengthened her mental barrier, hoping Matthias hadn’t heard the voice. “You didn’t answer my question,” she said.
“Sorry. Software firm. Working in conjunction with our seismology detection equipment division. Rafe knew a lot about the programming end, but he had assembled quite a team. Yet another reason we spent a lot of time in Yellowstone.”
“Who will run it now?”
“I’ll appoint a new manager to take care of daily operations. For the most part, it can continue as it is.”
“Have they been told yet??
??
“Albert’s coordinating with management.”
She fell quiet for a moment. “I want to run his company.”
“Taz, you’ve got quite enough on your plate now, don’t you think?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He gripped the wheel and tried to weigh his words. “You work for Hawthorne International. You have a legitimate job. We don’t make busy work for you. You are an integral part of my executive team, and I cannot simply hand your duties off to someone else.”
“Robertson can help.”
“Not really, because now that the cat’s out of the bag Tim’s already working on several projects with Albert. Their attention is focused elsewhere.”
“Then make it happen, Matthias. You own the friggin’ company. You can do what you want. I want this.”
“I think you want this for the wrong reason, cara. Can we sit down and discuss it when we get home?”
She felt rage taking her over again despite her best efforts. “You know, I’m tired of you blowing me off.”
“Anastazia,” he said sharply, “I’m not blowing you off. But if you don’t mind, I’m not exactly looking forward to this trip. When we return, draw up a proposal and we will sit down and go over it. Until then, I promise I won’t make any decisions regarding Rafe’s company.”
She felt horrible, guilty. Of course this was hard on him. She kept harping on how she felt over Rafe’s death, and Matthias knew and loved him for centuries.
Jesus, I’m such a selfish bitch.
She swallowed, reached a hand to him, and touched his thigh. Moderating her tone, she said, “I’m sorry. You’re right. We can talk about it later.” He finally took her hand and didn’t let go.
After several minutes of silence she spoke again, her tone subdued. “You know, we really don’t know each other that well. I know I love you, and I know I want to marry you. But…” She trailed off and he gently squeezed her hand.
“Taz, this is a rough time for both of us. We should be getting to know each other, and everything is coming down on top of us. This is why I originally wanted to take years to get to the point we are now. I knew discovering your powers gradually would be overwhelming. When you fed me, it triggered an uncontrolled tsunami inside you. It’s a lot to deal with. I understand. We’ll get through it together, I promise. I love you.”
“But why?”
He took his eyes off the road long enough to look at her. “Does it matter?”
“It does to me.”
He turned back to the road. “When Tim showed me your picture, I felt something at the bottom of my soul awaken, something I thought died a long time ago. Something about you took hold of me and wouldn’t let go.”
She tried to keep her tone level, nonsnarky. “You could have had any woman you wanted, and I don’t mean forced them, either. Any woman with half a brain would find you attractive, even without your vamp mojo.”
He glanced at her, satisfied she wasn’t being sarcastic. “I didn’t want any woman with half a brain.” He released her hand with a final, gentle squeeze and she noticed how his knuckles tightened as he gripped the steering wheel.
“I want to talk about this with you, Taz. I want you to know about my past, as much as you want to know. Right now, I need to focus on what we must do today. I would rather wait until we’re home and relaxed. I promise we will, just ask me. Today I wish to focus on Rafe and what I need to do for him.”
She nodded, fighting her own tears. “I understand.” She patted his thigh. “I know you’re afraid of sending me into some sort of catatonic state again if you talk about what happened, but don’t worry, it won’t. I want you to lean on me, too, the way you keep asking me to lean on you.”
“Deal.” He glanced at her. “I know you want to work, but could we take a couple of days off together this week, when we get back, and use that time to sit and talk?”
“Deal.”
* * * *
They fell silent. As the miles passed beneath the tires, Matthias found his mind drawn to the past, to his cousin. Tim had warned that it might be too soon to push Taz together with Rafe with everything else that happened, but Matthias needed Rafe’s help to train her.
He should have listened.
Rafe wasn’t as powerful in all the ways he was, but he was more powerful in some ways. He also had specialized knowledge and skills, extreme, exacting control of his powers, and could help train Taz to protect herself, teach her to hold and fine-tune her mental barriers in ways he himself could not.
Then to immediately sense Rafe’s attraction to her, and hers to him, it didn’t surprise him. Especially considering what he’d felt for Cassandra so many centuries past. Matthias didn’t begrudge it. He knew Rafe would never hurt Taz or betray him. It all happened so fast, and then…
And then Rafe was dead.
Whoever hired Caroline would pay. He wanted to kill them with his bare hands, extract revenge for the pain they’d put Taz through, and for taking his cousin from him. Maybe something would have eventually happened between Rafe and Taz, but better that than to have the man he loved as a brother dead, and the woman they both loved in danger and almost killed.
* * * *
An hour later, Matthias brought up another subject hanging in the air. “If you’re stressed over planning a wedding, don’t worry. We’ll take this as slowly as you wish. I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt, that I didn’t do something stupid to screw up what we’ve got.”
“Or me do something else stupid like getting shot by a demon again?”
He started to reply, spotted the smile on her face, and laughed. “God, you are a ball buster.”
“Sarcasm is just one of my many services. Wasn’t that listed on my résumé?”
“I think Albert overlooked that.”
“You’ll have several hundred years to listen to me hone my rapier-edged wit.”
“Rapiers are pointed, dear.”
“So’s my sarcasm.”
He looked at her, laughed, and took her hand again. “God, I love you. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
“That scares me, I think. Are you a masochist?”
He grinned, and she felt herself wanting him. “No, but I would gladly play dungeons with you.”
“I think that’s called Dungeons & Dragons, Matthias.”
“Not the way I play it.”
It was her turn to laugh. He dealt it as good as she did.
Matthias’ heart leapt at the sound of her laughter. It was good to hear that, to see her genuinely smile again. He knew she would eventually be okay, but it pained him to see her suffer.
She was truly his equal, his match. Dare he say his superior? This was one of the many reasons why he loved her. She wouldn’t give up her personality to mold herself to someone else’s ideal. People had to take her as she gave herself. You liked it or walked away.
He loved her for it. She reminded him so much of…
Best not revisit that now. He was young, then. Impulsive. Sarah had truly been unique.
God, he missed her.
The ache he’d constantly and persistently felt since Sarah’s death had finally abated. He’d felt it lift when Tim first showed him Taz’s picture, then nearly totally disappear when he was able to finally set eyes on Taz in person that night at dinner at his house, when he extended the job offer. God, barely three months ago? He knew then Taz was the one, and didn’t regret his decision to wait for her all those years. Ten long years, from when she graduated law school until Tim felt her ready to move on to the next phase of her life.
Carla took it hard, of course, when he broke up with her. He’d been looking for an excuse to dump that woman for decades. Fortunately, she was much weaker than him and wasn’t able to exact any of the revenge she took great pleasure in describing to him. He hadn’t talked to her in several years. Last he heard, she was terrorizing eligible bachelors along the French Riviera.
Taz studied her hands. “
This sounds stupid, I know, but you’re right that we need to get to know each other. Not that I want to change anything,” she quickly added. “I love you. I guess I’m still worried that maybe you only love me because of the stupid vampire voodoo crap.”
He kissed her hand. “Taz, I love you because of you, because I love you, not because I feel compelled to love you. This isn’t the right time to have this discussion. I’d rather do it at home.”
She nodded. He was right, this wasn’t the time. But still…
“Can we do something when we get home?”
“Anything you wish.”
“I want to go out.”
“Where?”
She shrugged. “Surprise me. We’ve never been on a date, Matthias. Not really. We just kind of fell together and that’s it.”
“All right. We can do that.”
Chapter Seven
Taz didn’t know what she expected. Rafe owned a two-bedroom condo in a small, upscale gated private complex south of Atlanta, not too far from I-75. Matthias shut the Hummer off and touched her leg. “You don’t need to do this.”
“Yes, I do.” She worked Rafael’s ring on her right hand. He noticed she did it, but wasn’t sure if she did. It had become an ingrained tic.
Just like Rafael.
Matthias nodded, and she followed him to the front door, then took a deep breath before walking in behind him. The condo was bachelor neat. Rafe had an assistant at work, but at home he preferred to be alone. It was smaller than she imagined, with a tidy eat-in kitchen and a small great room instead of separate living and dining rooms.
One bedroom was obviously his, with a small master bath. The other bedroom was storage with a futon for the occasional guest.
She closed her eyes and reached out, trying to feel Rafe, to sense him, to see if there was any residual essence of him left in the rooms.
Nothing.