CHAPTER VII.
THE BOOK AND THE BAGDAD.
The fears of the druggist were well founded.
That night marked a new era in the Vanderhook home. After five yearsof profound silence, the discarded lover took advantage of hismysterious powers and became an unsought, uninvited, but permanentguest in his successful rival's house.
From this date forward no day, nor occasion, was free from hispresence or the expectation of it. From this day forward anestrangement developed between the hitherto apparently devoted husbandand wife. At first, the still charming Imogene was somewhat awed bythe unusual methods of entrance and exit practiced by thisforeign-mannered Mystic. It did seem so very novel and so very creepyto see a gentleman sliding in through the dado and melting out throughthe frieze.
Since witnessing the swift and scientific pig killing at the Yards,she had seen nothing at once so rapid in execution and so shocking tothe nerves. The first time she observed the back of a chair throughher admirer's waistcoat it gave her a genuine chill. Habit, however,dissipated the sense of awe and the lady became amused, thenentertained, and finally deeply interested--as a student of AdvancedThought.
And further, Mrs. V. soon discovered many agreeable qualities in thisdiaphanous and cultivated Gnani, qualities which by contrastintensified the native inelegance of her husband.
Indeed, so swift was the progress of this marvelous romance that itwas but a matter of weeks until the lawful master of the Vanderhookmansion saw himself relegated to a position inferior to that of thehired man. He inwardly chafed and outwardly expressed himself inlarge, round and unusual words. In vain, however, for notwithstandingboth inward rage and outward expletives, the Honorable William K.Vanderhook, of Kankakee, was as nothing in the presence of this wittyand agreeable shade who pervaded the atmosphere at all times and inall directions.
And what of the wife--she who had deliberately chosen the MansardRoof--she who for five years had earned her board and clothes with atleast every appearance of genuine satisfaction?
She was now as one bewitched. She was deaf to both Bill's appeals andto his imprecations. She was no longer moved by presents. She was awholly changed woman.
When Bill would protest more savagely than usual, she wouldsay,--"Now, don't be a grouch. I don't see that he can do any harm toanybody. And besides, he is no expense to you, and he's no trouble tome."
And thus it was that the once happy home became a battlefield ofwords--words sharp, pointed, prickly and jagged. Bill's temper,usually so sunny, became like a sheet of sand paper. His appetite felloff and his belt hooked in the fourth eyelet. But Imogene, feedingupon a fresh flirtation, bloomed again to girlish gaiety. In thepresence of this suave and insinuating astral interloper she resumedall the fascinations and fripperies of the old days at the Yards.
Imogene Silesia Vanderhook had progressed.
Five years ago she had not even heard of "Occultism." Now, however,since she herself had become an Advanced Thinker, she recognized theadvantages of Mysticism.
The Club of which she was President had given a good deal of time tothe Ultimate Destiny of Everything. Only recently she had prepared a"Paper" on Reincarnation which had been very highly spoken of. Shecould now discuss the nature and uses of the Ego with the sameintelligence as did other ladies of the Club. She had spent hourstogether figuring out how she must have been a Princess--long ago. Shewas now quite up in karma and entirely absorbed in the "Uplift."
It also came to be that while other ladies of Kankakee Tiddeldy-Winkedand Ping-Ponged or wasted time on Diabolo, or clung to Bridge Tables,the members of the New Thought Club lost themselves in PRANAYAMA andKUMBHOKA. Even when their serious work was over they carried theirenthusiasm to Five O'Clock Tea, chattering enthusiastically of PERUSAand KAIVALYA, and uttering longings for the state of NIRVIKALPA.
Mrs. Vanderhook yearned to be the first to waken KUNDELINI.
Bill, however, greatly to his wife's chagrin, had steadily declinedevery effort toward his own illumination. He even on one occasion usedsome near swear-words when Imogene begged him to contemplate hisHigher Self.
It was indeed Bill's own obtuseness that finally helped to turn thetide against him. Had he been less dense and more amenable to themystical peregrinations of the "Thoughters," perhaps this tragedy hadnever been.
For here we must pause and explain how our one-time Typewriter was nowbecome an Advanced Thinker.
The tragic love of Alonzo Leffingwell and his disappearance fromKankakee had made an indelible impression on the woman who rejectedhim.
From this time forward she became curious about "Occultism."
Her marriage afforded the time and means necessary for the developmentof her Higher Self--about which so many ladies were now talking.
Presently she was as familiar with "Mysticism" as other members of theNew Thought Club.
As time went on she enjoyed an ever extending acquaintance with thenumerous and high-priced "Professors" and Specialists in Higher Linesof business.
While Bill was busy in the drug store, or looking after his politicalfences, the charming Imogene was brushing up on her "Subliminal Self"and learning how to "Wake the Plexus."
Gradually Mrs. Vanderhook saturated her daily life with studies of theoccult, adorned herself with mystic symbols, and prepared "papers" forthe Club, on unintelligible subjects.
The Occidental woman who "aspires" does nothing by halves. Whateverher goal of attainment, she conforms her activities to that end,dedicates her energies to that ambition, and colors every duty withthat Aspiration.
In this wise Imogene converted all of her entertainments andindulgences into expressions of the Universal, and made every day inthe week a separate exercise for Self-Development.
To the Western Woman has been left the co-ordination of"Everything--I--WANT--TO--DO" with "Everything--I--ASPIRE--TO--BE."
Mondays Mrs. Vanderhook devoted to Rhythmic Vibrations under the nameof Physical Culture. Mornings she spent with an Advanced Athlete,rounding up with a contest at the Ladies' Club Gym, and closing herday with a session at the Chicago Bargain Counters. This day of theweek she devoted to swinging and swaying and climbing and bending andtwisting and kicking and pushing and pulling, that she might developthe "Body Beautiful" in harmony with her "Higher Self."
She never missed a Monday--in the field--for like most practicaloccultists of the Occident, she tended to overweight, and for thisreason took kindly to the suggestion that reduction of the Surplusmeant increase of illumination.
Tuesdays were given over to Beauty Culture; or, as her Specialistsaid, "To the making of a countenance that shall vibrate with theBeautiful Inner." Throughout this day, therefore, she submittedherself to be steamed and buttered and rubbed and vibrated. Sheendured to be sponged and benzoined and rouged and stenciled andpowdered, that she might "affirm with her face" the "Radiance at theCenter."
This was but one of the steps, for she also was shampooed andhot-aired and "treated" and hennatead and brilliantined and ratted andmarcelled and puffed as to hair; and her hands, now freed from thecramp of the "keys," were also soaked and creamed and massaged, whilethe nails were pumiced and oiled and tinted and polished--and stillsome more, for the ordeal ended in a bout with depilatories andelectric needles.
All these things did Imogene, the charming; not that she liked it, northat she was vain, but only that her Professors insisted that "theOuter must Express the Inner."
"All-Is-Youth" and "There-Are-No Wrinkles" are the watchwords of alady who has "found Herself."
Wednesdays were set aside for another phase of co-ordination. This daywas given over to the Nature-Cure Treatment, in which process she wasplayed upon by vigorous streams of alternating hot and cold water. Shewas Osteopathed and Exercised. She was warmed in the Sun-Parlor,concentrated under blue glass and aired on the roof garden.
After this she ate a Nature-Cure Luncheon of Almost-Ox-Tail Soup,Near-Meat Salad, and other pretty nearly foods, drinking RoastumCereal--thus eliminating t
he poisons of other medical systems, anddeveloping the Cosmic Consciousness.
It was therefore Wednesday evening that the lady drank lemon juicecopiously and slept under the Mansard Roof swathed in wetsheets--slept calmly, with an abiding faith in the illuminative powerof her Water-Soaked System.
Thursdays, however, were reserved for the higher phases of herintellectual uplift. This day was set apart, as one of the mysticsexpressed it, for "Interior Decoration."
This day she immured herself in her boudoir, where, with a rollbefore rising and a kimona all day long, she gave herself entirely tothe "Contemplation of Herself." For this day were reserved the mostmystical books and profounder studies and solemner exercises.
Several hours of this day she gave to "The Secrets of MentalSupremacy," and in the effort to attain "Consciousness withoutThought" she spent many a half hour. Much time she consumed before hermirror in "Meditative Self-Analysis." Again and again would her lunchgrow cold while she was occupied in one of these many expensive Occultor Therapeutical Courses, purchased from leading Wise Men in Illinois.One of these covered Practical Occultism, another was TranscendentalMysticism. In still another she worked upon Rhythmic Inspiration, andyet another she was studying the How to Breathe--but none among themwas more profoundly veiled in mystic meaning than the Course on "Howto Ascertain the Heart Beat Unit." At times she was so engaged in"Concentration" that she would fall asleep. At other times she becameenthused in the effort to discover the Inner Meaning of theMeaningless. She became very skillful in the Expansion of Self andManifested the Joy Philosophy every time she enlarged her Aura.
Fridays were set apart for what the lady termed "Expression"--that isto say, Fridays were selected for Social visits and "At homes," onwhich day she gave a Manifestation of her several acquirements, makingthe rounds--that her friends might observe the Outer Beauty from theRadiant Center. This she felt to be the solemn duty of the Elect--thatthey set up the Joy and Beauty Vibrations in other women.
As a result of her strenuous lessons in Attainment she became theadmired and envied of other New Thought Ladies. This could not fail tobe, for aside from possessing an Original Design for this everincreasing beauty, Mrs. Vanderhook had both the time and money tosearch for her Highest Self in the best shops and under the mostexpensive Seers.
Still further and at odd moments Mrs. Vanderhook increased her wisdomby visiting such Mystics as did business near the Beauty Parlors andthe Department Stores. To one she would go for a Horoscope--a readingof the Stars. Another would trace her glowing future in the lines ofthe palm, and another would instruct her in Psychological Polarity,and another dealt in "Character Sketches by Inspiration."
There were still others who gave short lessons in Vibrations--some whotaught "The Inner Meanings of Everything" in small blocks for largechecks, and another, the Telo-Psycho-Theraput, who taught his patientsto meet him at fixed times--and for fixed rates--out in stellar Space,where "soul to soul" and "freed from the Material," he best coulddiagnose and "impart the healing word."
Still other half hours--for she doted on symbolism--Mrs. Vanderhookwould spend with one who advertised as "The World's Most FamousSeer," from whom she purchased expensive Charms and Sacred Bugs andthings.
Again she would slip into the "Temple" of one whose Circulars"guaranteed" information concerning the Origin of Everything and its"Absorption into Nothing."
Inspiring moments she would steal for the study of Vivilore and inthese brief snatches she would "Contemplate the Path of Perfection,"or, breaking away from the downtown luncheon, she would rush for theMasonic Temple, where an American-East Indian was imparting Fourteenlessons in Philosophy in a few minutes.
With Saturday for Shopping and the Matinee, and Sunday for home andBill, the mistress of the Mansard Roof led the life of the up-to-dateNew Woman.
Thus, as time went on, the erstwhile Typewriter became thoroughly"Advanced," and the "Yards" became a far off memory.
And of all this Bill knew nothing.
Like other students of the "Ultimates," Mrs. Vanderhook found that her"Attainments" did not mix well with every-day commonplaces. Herhusband's absorption in the drug store, and his fondness for a "Game,"seemed quite to unfit him for Higher Thought.
Indeed, at times Imogene seriously doubted Bill's understanding of theUnknowable.
Bill was not watching for the subtle changes taking place in hisImogene. But one phase of it seemed to reach his obtundedconsciousness, for this made a direct inroad upon his bank account.
The Special Course in "OPTIMISM AND OPULENCE"--for which "Ten Lessonsat reduced prices" had captured Mrs. Vanderhook as a specialbargain--produced direct results for which even the generous druggistwas not prepared.
From the first "All-is-good" to the middle "Opulence-is-MINE" and tothe final lesson, "I-AM-IT," Imogene Vanderhook absorbed and radiatedthis beautiful Attitude of "I-am-entitled-to-everything-I-can-get."
Matters of expense were airily dismissed. Bill's "We-can't-afford-it"was met by that splendidly wide Optimistic Smile and ignored with thatexpensively broad sense of Universal Opulence which is so perfectlyfascinating in those who do not pay the bills.
The beautiful feeling that "I can tap the Universal for all I need"and that "I have only to affirm OPULENCE and have it," encouraged theMayor's wife to extend her Charge Accounts with a childlike faith inthe "Higher Currents of Wealth."
Then again, Bill had experienced a sense of loneliness at times, whenhe would come in with a toothache or a touch of gastritis, to beassured that it was all in his Mortal Mind, and that what he supposedwas Pain was but an "error" and instead of the earlier coddling toreceive but a calm, vague, unsympathetic glance and a frosty littlesmile of one who "Functioned in the Realities."
But these were all mere incidents, and the still devoted husband wenton earning dollars for his Imogene Silesia to "radiate."
Thus it was that the Mayor's wife had been drawn into the rage for"Occultism" and the current "Uplift," without his knowledge orconsent, and by "Holding a Thought" or two and by means of fifty-sevenVarieties of Unfoldment, had gradually unfitted herself fully to shareher husband's ambitions and tastes, which still centered in the DrugStore, the Lighting Plant and Politics.
Thus, unknown to him and scarcely apprehended by herself, the fairImogene was preparing for a Change. This was why the Appearance ofAlonzo, the Wise Man, had not disturbed her more, and why she soquickly accepted him as a matter of course and adjusted herself toOrientalisms.
But now that her perceptions were sharpened, the lady could not butperceive the primordial relation between herself and the once despisedMystic. She also was forced to cognize the enormous advantage ofastral attainments over physical conditions and physical powers. Shebegan to draw odious comparisons and invidious distinctions betweenher lawful master and her extra-lawful mate.
"Fool, and blind,"--she now murmured, from time to time, in just thesame tone and with the same wild, back-handed gesture she had seen atthe Chicago Opera House.
And the Gnani, day by day, murmured to _his_ Higher Self,--"She isadvancing beautifully." He noted the sweet trustfulness with which shenow leaned upon him--that is, philosophically speaking.
"She now Aspires from choice"--he would whisper to himself again andagain. "She will lop off several reincarnations, while I--aha! haha!"--and his gaseous form would undulate with ethereal ecstasy.
In that astral realm where thoughts are things and business istransacted by mental checks, the inhabitants have distinct advantagesover mere human beings who are circumscribed by purveyors of goods andsettlements on a cash basis.
The learned Mystic quite obscured the Mayor of Kankakee. He coveredhim with humiliation at his own fireside. He trifled with thehusband's prerogatives. For, did the good-natured Bill, thinking topropitiate her on the old lines, send home to Imogene a Paris modelfrom the swell modiste, then did his skillful rival at oncematerialize for her another headgear out of nothing, a "dream" sounique, so gorgeous, so becoming and so altogether
stunning, thatImogene would shriek with delight, while Bill could only grind histeeth in rage.
Did the husband bring to his wife a bunch of early violets, thevigilant Gnani would immediately materialize great loads of Americanbeauties towering upon extraordinary stems. He would shower her withMarechal Niels, worth a dollar apiece. With but one sweep of his handa hundred rare blossoms would descend from the ceiling, covering andenveloping the lady in beauty and bloom.
Could any mere, mortal woman withstand such attentions as these?
To please her eye this ardent admirer rendered his appearance asalluring as his manners. Independent of tailors, and with everythingat hand, this astral man got himself up regardless of expense, andthought on his costumes at will, to meet the requirements of thefashion plates. He frequently would surprise her with rapidtransformations of raiments, posing successively in the distinctivegarbs of many nations, races and times.
Perhaps at breakfast it was some Oriental potentate in royal robes whohovered by her side. At lunch a velvet coated artist, at dinner agorgeous Indian chief, whose picturesque scalp-lock, beads andfeathers and whose thrilling war-whoop delighted her refined taste.
And Alonzo would discourse to her oft and long of the beauties andpractices of "_Meditation_."
"But I'll be switched"--she would say at times, "if I can understandyour kind of mysticism."
Whereupon the seer, smiling indulgently, would with all perspicuityreply,--
"Of course you don't. I don't expect you to. That isn't what we'rehere for. Nobody understands mysticism; for don't you see, if theydid, or could, or were likely to, there wouldn't be any mysticismleft, and then--why, _my_ occupation is _gone_."
"Why, sure; I hadn't thought of it that way"--his Mate would murmur,and then she would add, "How sweet to be taught by one so wise."
Moreover, this proficient prestidigitator constituted himself herprivate secretary and astral errand boy. He not only precipitated hersocial correspondence upon kid-finished, but he thus prepared all ofher "advanced thought" papers, thereby saving her long hours over theEncyclopedia Britannica. Still more, he would read to her all lettersand notes received, thus saving her the trouble of breaking the seals;and to amuse and gratify her, would peep--astrally, of course--andreport upon the private correspondence and the private affairs of herfriends in Kankakee.
And this was but one of the many offices and arts he exploited tocharm his Affinity. And so it came to be an every-day occurrence thatfollowing any social invitation into the exclusive circles ofKankakee, Imogene would call to her "Llama Lonnie," or her "LonnieBird," and say, "Please won't you just run over to Mrs. Dr. this, orMrs. Judge that, and rubber a while? Then," she would say,--"I'll knowwhat to wear and who is invited and how much it'll cost, etc."
Mrs. Vanderhook's sudden acquisition of unlimited finery and jewelscreated unfavorable comment. The sudden costly equipment of her houseastonished everybody. Her lavish display in entertaining was severelycriticised by the best people. For in Kankakee, as elsewhere, the bestpeople keep tab on each other's faults, follies and failures.
The ghost of this gossip drifted back to the drug store; and Bill, whowas too proud of himself to betray his wife, chafed in secret.
For, of course, the world knew nothing of the great astro-human dramathat was being enacted in the Mayor's home.
But there came a day when the outraged owner of the Mansard Roof castaside all semblance of hospitality toward his rival and broke out intoa fierce and jealous anger at his ethereal tormentor.
"Begone! you bloodless villain,"--he roared one morning when he hadentered his dining room unexpectedly and found his guest strewinglilies of the valley around the plate laid for Imogene's breakfast."Begone! I say. Get out of my sight! Leave my house! Get out! I say,now, at once. Fly! melt! disappear!--vamoose!"
But the platter he hurled at his rival's head went straight throughit, crashing against the back of the chair on which sat the seer,smiling and unruffled.
Imogene snickered, and the astral man showered lilacs over her chair,while a handful of thistles were viciously flung from nowhere--intothe blazing countenance of the enraged husband.
"Faithless woman! black magician!" shrieked Bill Vanderhook; andgathering up a large, bright carving knife, he sent it spinning intothe heart of his rival. That is to say, the point of the knife clovethe back of Alonzo Leffingwell's chair, while the handle protrudedfrom that gentleman's left vest pocket.
But the gay Gnani of Gingalee still sat in his chair, erect, tranquil,smiling.
Imogene was so tickled she stuffed a napkin into her mouth. She didnot intend to betray herself before the dining room girl.
Whereupon, the Mayor of Kankakee flung himself out of his mansion ina frenzy.
He did not come home to lunch.
At dinner he did not exchange a word with his wife. He scowled throughfive courses. Imogene was radiant. And their guest who seated himselfat the table, [merely to keep Imogene company,] amused himself byinciting the knives, forks and spoons to cut unseemly capers on thecloth.
A few days later Bill Vanderhook returned from his office an hourearlier than usual. He came with the deep, deadly purpose of seeingwhat was to be seen, and he saw it.
Gently turning his latch-key, softly treading the deserted hall,stealthily crossing the costly Wilton of the drawing-room, and stillon, still creeping through and around and up and back, on through mylady's boudoir, still on, to the draped portals of his own privateden--the one corner of his castle which thus far had been left to itsmaster. Up to this time he had not dreamed that even an astral mancould become wholly lost to the amenities of polite society.
But here and now he came upon the guilty pair, trespassers, invadersof man's most sacred corner, his elysium in hours of peace, his refugein times of woe,--his "Den."
Outside, and screened by the heavy portieres, Bill Vanderhook sized upthe situation. He saw what made his blood first warm and then tosimmer and boil. It was not simply that they sat side by side. This heexpected. But this--that they had the nerve to sit in his den; andmore, to sit upon his couch; and worse still, to sit upon that gay andpicturesque Bagdad which, of all his possessions, should have beenleft to him and him alone.
For this artistic creation had been Imogene's gift to him upon thatfatal anniversary wedding. That she had bought this Bagdad on bargainday and that Bill thought she had made it herself did not alter thesentiment. True, she bought the Bagdad to please herself; and true,that he cared no more for the dizzy thing than he would for adoor-mat; yet, all the same, she had given it to him, and the givingwas what he cared for.
Was it to be expected that this would ever have been made thebackground of his rival's wiles and fascinations?
"This is too much, too much. Where am I at?"--and Bill Vanderhookclenched his fists and glared ferociously.
But, hist!--what is it these two are doing? What new conspiracy ishatching against the master of the house? Why do they sit so close,with heads bent in such juxtaposition? Why are they so silent, soabsorbed?
"Aha! aha! a book!" It is a book they are poring over; a great leatherbook. A hand of each is under it. The other two are slowly turningleaves. Aha! they search for something. This is no ordinary book. Theysearch,--and for what?
So intent are these two, this gay Gnani and his giddy Mate, that theyhave neither heard nor sensed the intrusion.
Bill Vanderhook listens.
What he hears chills his blood,--congeals it. He hears the frozenpellets rattle through his veins.
"Oh, my Llama Lonnie, it is not here."
"Yes, my Goo-goo Eyes, it is, it is."
"I don't believe it, my Llama," whispered Imogene.
"But it _must_ be, it _must_ be there my lady bird; for I happen toknow something of the jurisprudence of Illinois."
Bill was struck by the expression of their faces. He had never beforeseen the astral man evince any sort of anxiety over anything. He neverremembered seeing that look in Mrs. Vanderhook's face, except w
hen shewanted something he couldn't buy.
But he could no longer restrain himself. The jealous husbandsacrificed his curiosity to gratify his anger. With one bound hecleared the threshold and landed in the middle of the den, full underthe light of the Turkish lantern.
"You measly monstrosity!"--he cried in a loud voice. "Get yeback!--get ye back to your musty old lair in Gingalee!"--and liftinghis walking stick he brought it down upon the despoiler of his peace."And this is how you occupy yourself in my absence!"--he bawled."These are the uses to which you put my house and my furniture, and mybooks! Is it for this that I run a drug store and--for Mayor the restof the time? What new infernal scheme are you hatching now?"--and Mr.Vanderhook pounded the air,--instead of Alonzo Leffingwell.
Alonzo sat on the couch. He leaned against Mr. Vanderhook's cushions.
At the first stroke Imogene had leaped from the couch; but the mysticnever turned a hair, much less his head. A shower of blows fellharmlessly upon the gilded frame of the costly couch. There were somegilt chips on the carpet, some abrasions on the walking stick,but--the gentleman who had been beaten sat wholly unmoved, upright andsmiling.
When it was all over, however, he rose, bowed mockingly and silentlyfloated out of the room alongside of Imogene, who had regained hercomposure.
The deserted man now seized upon the book which had fallen from thehands of the surprised couple and lay upon the floor. He glanced atthe title and then--his eyes were opened a little wider. Now he saw itall. Now he understood the weepiness in their tones as they had turnedthe pages.
The gay Gnani of Gingalee and Mrs. William K. Vanderhook had beenreading the "_Statutes of Illinois_."
The section on Divorce was blurred by tears.
But alas, as they had discovered, even this liberal and up-to-datecommonwealth does not recognize the astral. Their case was thereforewithout parallel or precedent. These two had found in their particularcase _that there was no cause for divorce_.
When he finally took in the whole force of the incident Bill vibratedwith wrath. He dashed the book upon the floor of his den. He tore thebrilliant Bagdad from its moorings of silken pillows; and then, as ifby a wicked inspiration, he stooped, seized both book and drapery anddashed them into the open, glowing grate.
"So, there!--perish my love of woman!--and--and--anathema uponeverything from anywhere that takes advantage of friendship andhospitality, that plays upon a woman's vanity and with the honor of anhonest man!"
And the plotters, but momentarily disturbed, had glided down stairsand sought another retreat. Their sorrow was soon modified, for theyremembered presently that they could, in reality, defy all thestatutes of all the states. They remembered that they could not be_separated_ by law, even though the party of the third part could notbe _eliminated_ by law.
_It was now Bill Vanderhook's time to meditate._