Chapter XXI
Such, for some time, was the course of my meditations. My weakness, andmy aversion to be pointed at as an object of surprize or compassion,prevented me from going into public. I studiously avoided the visits ofthose who came to express their sympathy, or gratify their curiosity.My uncle was my principal companion. Nothing more powerfully tended toconsole me than his conversation.
With regard to Pleyel, my feelings seemed to have undergone a totalrevolution. It often happens that one passion supplants another. Latedisasters had rent my heart, and now that the wound was in some degreeclosed, the love which I had cherished for this man seemed likewise tohave vanished.
Hitherto, indeed, I had had no cause for despair. I was innocent of thatoffence which had estranged him from my presence. I might reasonablyexpect that my innocence would at some time be irresistablydemonstrated, and his affection for me be revived with his esteem. Nowmy aversion to be thought culpable by him continued, but was unattendedwith the same impatience. I desired the removal of his suspicions,not for the sake of regaining his love, but because I delighted in theveneration of so excellent a man, and because he himself would derivepleasure from conviction of my integrity.
My uncle had early informed me that Pleyel and he had seen each other,since the return of the latter from Europe. Amidst the topics of theirconversation, I discovered that Pleyel had carefully omitted the mentionof those events which had drawn upon me so much abhorrence. I couldnot account for his silence on this subject. Perhaps time or some newdiscovery had altered or shaken his opinion. Perhaps he was unwilling,though I were guilty, to injure me in the opinion of my venerablekinsman. I understood that he had frequently visited me duringmy disease, had watched many successive nights by my bedside, andmanifested the utmost anxiety on my account.
The journey which he was preparing to take, at the termination of ourlast interview, the catastrophe of the ensuing night induced him todelay. The motives of this journey I had, till now, totally mistaken.They were explained to me by my uncle, whose tale excited myastonishment without awakening my regret. In a different state of mind,it would have added unspeakably to my distress, but now it was morea source of pleasure than pain. This, perhaps, is not the leastextraordinary of the facts contained in this narrative. It will exciteless wonder when I add, that my indifference was temporary, and that thelapse of a few days shewed me that my feelings were deadened for a time,rather than finally extinguished.
Theresa de Stolberg was alive. She had conceived the resolution ofseeking her lover in America. To conceal her flight, she had caused thereport of her death to be propagated. She put herself under the conductof Bertrand, the faithful servant of Pleyel. The pacquet which thelatter received from the hands of his servant, contained the tidings ofher safe arrival at Boston, and to meet her there was the purpose of hisjourney.
This discovery had set this man's character in a new light. I hadmistaken the heroism of friendship for the phrenzy of love. He whohad gained my affections, may be supposed to have previously entitledhimself to my reverence; but the levity which had formerly characterizedthe behaviour of this man, tended to obscure the greatness of hissentiments. I did not fail to remark, that since this lady was stillalive, the voice in the temple which asserted her death, must eitherhave been intended to deceive, or have been itself deceived. The lattersupposition was inconsistent with the notion of a spiritual, and theformer with that of a benevolent being.
When my disease abated, Pleyel had forborne his visits, and had latelyset out upon this journey. This amounted to a proof that my guilt wasstill believed by him. I was grieved for his errors, but trusted that myvindication would, sooner or later, be made.
Meanwhile, tumultuous thoughts were again set afloat by a proposalmade to me by my uncle. He imagined that new airs would restore mylanguishing constitution, and a varied succession of objects tend torepair the shock which my mind had received. For this end, he proposedto me to take up my abode with him in France or Italy.
At a more prosperous period, this scheme would have pleased for its ownsake. Now my heart sickened at the prospect of nature. The world of manwas shrowded in misery and blood, and constituted a loathsome spectacle.I willingly closed my eyes in sleep, and regretted that the respite itafforded me was so short. I marked with satisfaction the progress ofdecay in my frame, and consented to live, merely in the hope thatthe course of nature would speedily relieve me from the burthen.Nevertheless, as he persisted in his scheme, I concurred in it merelybecause he was entitled to my gratitude, and because my refusal gave himpain.
No sooner was he informed of my consent, than he told me I must makeimmediate preparation to embark, as the ship in which he had engageda passage would be ready to depart in three days. This expedition wasunexpected. There was an impatience in his manner when he urged thenecessity of dispatch that excited my surprize. When I questioned him asto the cause of this haste, he generally stated reasons which, atthat time, I could not deny to be plausible; but which, on the review,appeared insufficient. I suspected that the true motives were concealed,and believed that these motives had some connection with my brother'sdestiny.
I now recollected that the information respecting Wieland which had,from time to time, been imparted to me, was always accompanied with airsof reserve and mysteriousness. What had appeared sufficiently explicitat the time it was uttered, I now remembered to have been falteringand ambiguous. I was resolved to remove my doubts, by visiting theunfortunate man in his dungeon.
Heretofore the idea of this visit had occurred to me; but the horrorsof his dwelling-place, his wild yet placid physiognomy, his neglectedlocks, the fetters which constrained his limbs, terrible as they were indescription, how could I endure to behold!
Now, however, that I was preparing to take an everlasting farewell of mycountry, now that an ocean was henceforth to separate me from him, howcould I part without an interview? I would examine his situation with myown eyes. I would know whether the representations which had been madeto me were true. Perhaps the sight of the sister whom he was wontto love with a passion more than fraternal, might have an auspiciousinfluence on his malady.
Having formed this resolution, I waited to communicate it to Mr.Cambridge. I was aware that, without his concurrence, I could not hopeto carry it into execution, and could discover no objection to whichit was liable. If I had not been deceived as to his condition, noinconvenience could arise from this proceeding. His consent, therefore,would be the test of his sincerity.
I seized this opportunity to state my wishes on this head. My suspicionswere confirmed by the manner in which my request affected him. Aftersome pause, in which his countenance betrayed every mark of perplexity,he said to me, "Why would you pay this visit? What useful purpose can itserve?"
"We are preparing," said I, "to leave the country forever: What kind ofbeing should I be to leave behind me a brother in calamity without evena parting interview? Indulge me for three minutes in the sight of him.My heart will be much easier after I have looked at him, and shed a fewtears in his presence."
"I believe otherwise. The sight of him would only augment your distress,without contributing, in any degree, to his benefit."
"I know not that," returned I. "Surely the sympathy of his sister,proofs that her tenderness is as lively as ever, must be a sourceof satisfaction to him. At present he must regard all mankind as hisenemies and calumniators. His sister he, probably, conceives to partakein the general infatuation, and to join in the cry of abhorrence thatis raised against him. To be undeceived in this respect, to be assuredthat, however I may impute his conduct to delusion, I still retain allmy former affection for his person, and veneration for the purity of hismotives, cannot but afford him pleasure. When he hears that I have leftthe country, without even the ceremonious attention of a visit, whatwill he think of me? His magnanimity may hinder him from repining, buthe will surely consider my behaviour as savage and unfeeling. Indeed,dear Sir, I must pay this visit. To embark with you without payi
ng it,will be impossible. It may be of no service to him, but will enable meto acquit myself of what I cannot but esteem a duty. Besides," continuedI, "if it be a mere fit of insanity that has seized him, may not mypresence chance to have a salutary influence? The mere sight of me, itis not impossible, may rectify his perceptions."
"Ay," said my uncle, with some eagerness; "it is by no means impossiblethat your interview may have that effect; and for that reason, beyondall others, would I dissuade you from it."
I expressed my surprize at this declaration. "Is it not to be desiredthat an error so fatal as this should be rectified?"
"I wonder at your question. Reflect on the consequences of this error.Has he not destroyed the wife whom he loved, the children whom heidolized? What is it that enables him to bear the remembrance, but thebelief that he acted as his duty enjoined? Would you rashly bereave himof this belief? Would you restore him to himself, and convince himthat he was instigated to this dreadful outrage by a perversion of hisorgans, or a delusion from hell?
"Now his visions are joyous and elate. He conceives himself to havereached a loftier degree of virtue, than any other human being. Themerit of his sacrifice is only enhanced in the eyes of superior beings,by the detestation that pursues him here, and the sufferings to which heis condemned. The belief that even his sister has deserted him, andgone over to his enemies, adds to his sublimity of feelings, and hisconfidence in divine approbation and future recompense.
"Let him be undeceived in this respect, and what floods of despair andof horror will overwhelm him! Instead of glowing approbation and serenehope, will he not hate and torture himself? Self-violence, or a phrenzyfar more savage and destructive than this, may be expected to succeed. Ibeseech you, therefore, to relinquish this scheme. If you calmly reflectupon it, you will discover that your duty lies in carefully shunninghim."
Mr. Cambridge's reasonings suggested views to my understanding, that hadnot hitherto occurred. I could not but admit their validity, but theyshewed, in a new light, the depth of that misfortune in which my brotherwas plunged. I was silent and irresolute.
Presently, I considered, that whether Wieland was a maniac, a faithfulservant of his God, the victim of hellish illusions, or the dupe ofhuman imposture, was by no means certain. In this state of my mind itbecame me to be silent during the visit that I projected. This visitshould be brief: I should be satisfied merely to snatch a look at him.Admitting that a change in his opinions were not to be desired, therewas no danger from the conduct which I should pursue, that this changeshould be wrought.
But I could not conquer my uncle's aversion to this scheme. Yet Ipersisted, and he found that to make me voluntarily relinquish it, itwas necessary to be more explicit than he had hitherto been. He tookboth my hands, and anxiously examining my countenance as he spoke,"Clara," said he, "this visit must not be paid. We must hasten with theutmost expedition from this shore. It is folly to conceal the truthfrom you, and, since it is only by disclosing the truth that you can beprevailed upon to lay aside this project, the truth shall be told.
"O my dear girl!" continued he with increasing energy in his accent,"your brother's phrenzy is, indeed, stupendous and frightful. The soulthat formerly actuated his frame has disappeared. The same form remains;but the wise and benevolent Wieland is no more. A fury that is rapaciousof blood, that lifts his strength almost above that of mortals, thatbends all his energies to the destruction of whatever was once dear tohim, possesses him wholly.
"You must not enter his dungeon; his eyes will no sooner be fixed uponyou, than an exertion of his force will be made. He will shake off hisfetters in a moment, and rush upon you. No interposition will then bestrong or quick enough to save you.
"The phantom that has urged him to the murder of Catharine and herchildren is not yet appeased. Your life, and that of Pleyel, are exactedfrom him by this imaginary being. He is eager to comply with thisdemand. Twice he has escaped from his prison. The first time, he nosooner found himself at liberty, than he hasted to Pleyel's house. Itbeing midnight, the latter was in bed. Wieland penetrated unobservedto his chamber, and opened his curtain. Happily, Pleyel awoke at thecritical moment, and escaped the fury of his kinsman, by leaping fromhis chamber-window into the court. Happily, he reached the groundwithout injury. Alarms were given, and after diligent search, yourbrother was found in a chamber of your house, whither, no doubt, hehad sought you. His chains, and the watchfulness of his guards, wereredoubled; but again, by some miracle, he restored himself to liberty.He was now incautiously apprized of the place of your abode: and had notinformation of his escape been instantly given, your death would havebeen added to the number of his atrocious acts.
"You now see the danger of your project. You must not only forbear tovisit him, but if you would save him from the crime of embruing hishands in your blood, you must leave the country. There is no hope thathis malady will end but with his life, and no precaution will ensureyour safety, but that of placing the ocean between you.
"I confess I came over with an intention to reside among you, butthese disasters have changed my views. Your own safety and my happinessrequire that you should accompany me in my return, and I entreat you togive your cheerful concurrence to this measure."
After these representations from my uncle, it was impossible to retainmy purpose. I readily consented to seclude myself from Wieland'spresence. I likewise acquiesced in the proposal to go to Europe; notthat I ever expected to arrive there, but because, since my principlesforbad me to assail my own life, change had some tendency to makesupportable the few days which disease should spare to me.
What a tale had thus been unfolded! I was hunted to death, not byone whom my misconduct had exasperated, who was conscious of illicitmotives, and who sought his end by circumvention and surprize; but byone who deemed himself commissioned for this act by heaven; whoregarded this career of horror as the last refinement of virtue; whoseimplacability was proportioned to the reverence and love which he feltfor me, and who was inaccessible to the fear of punishment and ignominy!
In vain should I endeavour to stay his hand by urging the claims ofa sister or friend: these were his only reasons for pursuing mydestruction. Had I been a stranger to his blood; had I been the mostworthless of human kind; my safety had not been endangered.
Surely, said I, my fate is without example. The phrenzy which is chargedupon my brother, must belong to myself. My foe is manacled and guarded;but I derive no security from these restraints. I live not in acommunity of savages; yet, whether I sit or walk, go into crouds,or hide myself in solitude, my life is marked for a prey to inhumanviolence; I am in perpetual danger of perishing; of perishing under thegrasp of a brother!
I recollected the omens of this destiny; I remembered the gulf to whichmy brother's invitation had conducted me; I remembered that, when on thebrink of danger, the author of my peril was depicted by my fears inhis form: Thus realized, were the creatures of prophetic sleep, and ofwakeful terror!
These images were unavoidably connected with that of Carwin. Inthis paroxysm of distress, my attention fastened on him as the granddeceiver; the author of this black conspiracy; the intelligence thatgoverned in this storm.
Some relief is afforded in the midst of suffering, when its author isdiscovered or imagined; and an object found on which we may pour outour indignation and our vengeance. I ran over the events that had takenplace since the origin of our intercourse with him, and reflected on thetenor of that description which was received from Ludloe. Mixed up withnotions of supernatural agency, were the vehement suspicions which Ientertained, that Carwin was the enemy whose machinations had destroyedus.
I thirsted for knowledge and for vengeance. I regarded my hastydeparture with reluctance, since it would remove me from the means bywhich this knowledge might be obtained, and this vengeance gratified.This departure was to take place in two days. At the end of two daysI was to bid an eternal adieu to my native country. Should I not pay aparting visit to the scene of these disasters? Should I no
t bedew withmy tears the graves of my sister and her children? Should I not exploretheir desolate habitation, and gather from the sight of its walls andfurniture food for my eternal melancholy?
This suggestion was succeeded by a secret shuddering. Some disastrousinfluence appeared to overhang the scene. How many memorials should Imeet with serving to recall the images of those I had lost!
I was tempted to relinquish my design, when it occurred to me that Ihad left among my papers a journal of transactions in shorthand. Iwas employed in this manuscript on that night when Pleyel's incautiouscuriosity tempted him to look over my shoulder. I was then recording myadventure in THE RECESS, an imperfect sight of which led him into suchfatal errors.
I had regulated the disposition of all my property. This manuscript,however, which contained the most secret transactions of my life, I wasdesirous of destroying. For this end I must return to my house, and thisI immediately determined to do.
I was not willing to expose myself to opposition from my friends,by mentioning my design; I therefore bespoke the use of Mr. Hallet'schaise, under pretence of enjoying an airing, as the day was remarkablybright.
This request was gladly complied with, and I directed the servant toconduct me to Mettingen. I dismissed him at the gate, intending to use,in returning, a carriage belonging to my brother.