I had a very hard time falling asleep that night. I tossed and turned in my bed, staring at the stacks of moon-drenched boxes that were cluttering my small room. I couldn't stop thinking about Sean and Dammon and all that had happened that night. I knew my escape was only a dream away, but I just couldn't slip into slumber. Bane awaited me there, in my dream world. And I so missed my Dark Angel. I knew it was true that one shouldn't fall in love with imaginary creatures, but I found this safer than falling in love with the ones in the real world. With Bane, I was madly and deeply in love. And maybe this was a way of protecting myself from all the men in the real world who pursued me.
I was taken. However silly this was, it was still a fact; I belonged to the Dark Angel of my dreams.
But now, there was Sean Hylander.
I closed my eyes, missing Bane to the extent that I could have cried. I burrowed deep into my blankets, cocooning myself in darkness, imagining, like I'd done a gazillion times before, that I was wrapped inside of Bane's magnificent wings, that he was holding me, and that I never had to leave the sanctuary of his massive, muscled arms.
Then, as if my will and desperation had beckoned him, slumber pulled me under. And, mercifully, my Dark Angel came for me.
I heard his voice before I saw him. It came to me out of the blackness, the nothingness around me. His voice was like a wave that started in the distance and grew in strength until it whipped around me with great intensity.
"Stay away from him. I command you!" The deep rumble of Bane's voice filled me with relief and washed away the ugly despair of missing him so. I couldn't see myself in all the darkness, but I felt myself turning in a circle, searching for him.
"You're not the boss of me," I said, feeling a tinge of panic when I realized that Bane may not show himself to me in this darkness after all. He was mad, for some reason. I made him mad a lot, actually. But this time he was really mad.
"On the contrary, My Lady Moon." His voice sounded closer now, like he was almost directly in front of me. "He is not whom he appears to be."
"He and every other person on the face of this planet," I said. "I already know, anyway. He's a Son of Hallow. A high priest."
"He is much more than that," Bane said, bitterly. Then he was right there, in front of me. I could feel the intense hum of his body. The heat that radiated from him. The power that wreathed him. But I still could not see him. I reached out my hand. I could not see it, but I could feel my fingers trembling with anticipation.
He was punishing me for something, by not allowing me to see him.
"I know that, too. He's a warlock," I said.
"He is more than that, even. You will stay away!"
The boom of his voice caused my hand to recoil from him. I stepped away from him. Bane's anger frightened me. He had been coming to me in my dreams since I was a little girl. In all that time I had never seen him this agitated, this upset.
"I don't have to listen to you," I said. "If you were real, maybe I would think about it. I can't stay away from Sean, and that's all your fault. He reminds me of you, Bane. That's why I think I'm so drawn to him. You're not real. I can never have you! And Sean is real. He's right here in the real world where you're not."
Suddenly, after I felt a whoosh of air and the soft, feathery, brush of feathers, he appeared before my craving eyes, unfolded from the darkness --his darkness-- and solidified only inches away from me. His beautiful, hard face and blue-black obsidian eyes hovered over me. His long black hair fell in silky waves over his sun-drenched shoulders. Bane was much larger than Sean. There was not a man on earth as large as Bane, that I knew of. But then again, Bane was not of this earth.
My Dark Angel curled his wings around me, walling me like I was in need of his protection. "I am real, My Lady Moon," he said, grabbing my hand and lifting it to his face. "Feel me!" he commanded, pressing my palm to his hard, muscled cheek. "Feel. Me!" Raw power emanated from his voice.
It hurt. Oh, god did it hurt! I wanted to believe him. More than anything on the face of this earth, I wanted Bane to be real. I wanted him to exist in my world. His words churned this hurt in me and made it so unbearably awful.
Because they were a lie. What Bane was saying simply was not true. He was not real.
I quickly slipped my hand out of his grip and stepped backward, trying to put distance between me and this hurt. Every time he came to me it made the hurt grow just a little bit more. And every time I woke from his dream, I had to face the awful truth that he was not real.
"Only here. In this world, Bane. You are only real here! And I hate you for that! I hate you. Maybe it would be better if you just left me alone."
"You are right, My Lady Moon, he is much like me. You are right to believe so. This is why you must stay away from him."
"Because he is like you? Bane, I'm not afraid of you."
"If you knew me, if you knew what I am, you would have no choice but to be afraid of me."
"Then tell me! What don't I know about you?" I felt this would be a challenge for him since I'd known him for so long, but it only made me wonder. What exactly did I know about my Dark Angel?
"Who am I, Luna?"
"You're Bane!" I said, but he was right. I guess his name was all I really knew. It was strange how I just now realized this. Since I had known him for seventeen years, I guess I felt as if I knew him well.
"What am I?"
"You're an angel." My voice trailed off with uncertainty. "Of some kind."
This was a good question. What exactly was Bane? I never wondered this before. It never mattered. He was a product of my inner desire for companionship, a figment of my wild imagination, spawned by the hunger of all that was dark and ugly inside of me. He was my demon's imaginary companion. And at times, Bane was the epitome of all that was dark inside me. The sum of all my demons.
Most of all, he was the one and only thing that had ever been there for me. When my father hammered 16 penny nails into my palms, Bane was there. When Barron burned the flesh from my back, Bane was there, embracing me in my dreams.
"It doesn't even matter! You're just a dream! Who cares who you are?" I yelled, frustrated.
"It does matter, My Lady. And you care. Only to you, am I a dream. For now, that is. One day, you will know what I am. Until then, you must stay away from the Hylander," Bane warned.
"Well, I'm not going to," I said, defiantly. "If I can be even slightly close to you in the real world by being around Sean then I think I might just spend every minute of my life with him."
"He is not I!" Bane growled so loudly that I flinched. I backed to the wall of his wing where I could go no further.
"Good! Because like I said, I hate you! You've ruined my life! You stole my heart, and now I can never love anyone else but you! And that's not fair! Give it back! Just give it back and let me live my life!"
Bane's wings closed in on me, causing me to have to move closer to him, until we were standing toe-to-toe. My heart quickened. I held my breath. I remembered my longing to be held by him, the agony throughout my waking hours of not having him in the real world. I forgot about Sean and every other part of my life that awaited my return from outside the cocoon of Bane's wings. I longed, with incredible ferocity, to stay right here forever, to never wake again. Bane was all the sustenance I would ever need.
Bane held my face with both his hands, tilting my head up so that I would look at him. His eyes glittered with their own light. The darkness around him nuzzled against him. It was jealous of the affection he was giving to me.
"Never! I will never give you back your heart, My Lady Moon. It is mine. It belongs to me. Forever, it will belong to me," he said, with a passion so potent that I could feel it seeping into my pores as it spewed from his body. Then, without warning, the jealous blackness stole him away, and he was gone, leaving me alone with my awful, churning hurt. Leaving me alone to wonder. Who exactly was my Dark Angel?
****
Chapter Four
Luna