"I had to see you again," the barbarian said, but it hardly registered. I was still in shock from the attack. I was still trying to make sense of what was happening. How could this be? This was Bane standing here before me.
And I was still gripped by the intensity of his kiss.
"I would tell you that I did not mean to frighten you," he said. Then he cocked his head just slightly, as if from this angle he'd find whatever it was he was searching for in my face. "But it would be a lie." His husky voice was void of emotion, but I understood why. There was nothing left for his voice because all of his emotions were leaking from his pores, vibrating in his brave and atrocious-looking eyes. There was something severely passionate about him. But this something was not enough, at the moment, to keep me from growing angry.
"Get your hand off me!" I yelled, peevishly. Then, as hard as I could, I kneed him between the legs. Pain sliced through my leg on impact. The barbarian --whom I believed, being a man and all, should have surely been affected by this-- only stood there. There was a look of what seemed to be a mixture of admiration and entrancement on his face. He hesitated, as if contemplating whether or not to let me go. Then his face twisted slightly into something a little less beautiful. The hunger I saw in his eyes was much like what I was used to seeing in Sean's. It was a hunger for fear and pain.
My fear.
My pain.
He decided to let go of my neck, but I did not run away from him like I thought I would. I was totally overcome by the feeling that he would not hurt me, that he couldn't hurt me, that he did not want to hurt me.
"I'm not afraid of you," I said, raising my chin, defiantly.
The barbarian looked very upset, like he wanted to unleash his fury on me, but I saw something beneath that. I saw something that reminded me of me.
The demons.
I could all but actually see them scurrying about in the black abyss of his eyes. Except, his demons seemed scarier, more untamed than mine. Older. No, his demons were ancient. At that very moment, a crazy desire to embrace him came over me. And not just to hold him from the outside, but from the inside, as well. The way I had always longed to be embraced.
This man was Bane. I knew it in my heart. I knew it in my soul. Every fiber of my being knew him.
"You are wrong, Lady Moon," he said. "You are afraid of me." He moved slowly through what little space there was between us, moving the same way he moved in my dreams, like the darkness carried him. He stopped, leaving only inches between us. "I do want to hurt you."
"Then do it," I said, challenging him. His close proximity was making it difficult to breathe. And I couldn't move. Pride, or fear, or desire, or maybe all of the above, kept me still. And from here, I could feel his demon's playground. From here, I understood something about the gooey, black shadow. It was similar to the path Dammon had left through me, except with Dammon, he breezed through me. With Bane, he owned it, like it was never mine, like it was never Dammon's. And I felt a connection. It was a connection I had felt the absence of and had anticipated the completion of for as long as I could remember.
"It felt like coming home.
"I know you. And you know me," I said.
"Yes." He raised his hand and touched the side of my face with a large, warm palm. He was so oddly gentle for such a barbaric beast.
"But you have yet to know who you are," he said.
"Who am I?"
His fingers, which felt oddly nail-less, combed slowly through my hair to the back of my head. I fought the urge to close my eyes, to allow every cell of my body to absorb this moment the way I knew they desired to.
I wanted to ask him how this was possible, but I could do nothing but stand there, trembling in his hand, longing for him to kiss me again like the savage beast he was.
"My possession," he said in a grizzly whisper that erected the fine hairs on my arms. His fingers curled into a tight fist at the back of my head. I winced at the pain of my hair in his fist. But I knew this touch. I knew this pain. It was all too familiar to me. This was how he'd taken his hold on me for years.
Angrily, as if I had done something wrong, he jerked my head back as far as it would go. Strands of his silky, onyx hair fell over the sides of my face as he kissed me. The caress of our mouths was so very familiar, doused with desperation, candy-coated with the sensation of being found after years of having been lost.
The thought of Dammon's near-kiss came out of nowhere and swept across my mind.
Then, all too suddenly, he shoved my head out of his grasp, leaving my lips deprived and naked and leaving me stumbling backward a few steps. He looked at me with eyes that said he despised what I was thinking, and I was certain, just then, that this man had access to my thoughts.
A chill gushed over my flesh.
"What is going on? Who are you? Why are you inside my head? Why are you inside my dreams? Why do you think you can just come here and. . .and. . .kiss me like this? Tell me why!"
"Turn around," he demanded, with an icy-hot tone in his voice.
"No! You're going to leave! And if you leave, I'm afraid I will never feel whole again!" I blurted, desperately.
He and I stared at one another, as what I said seemed to slowly absorb into both of us at the same time. If I had been thinking straight, I knew I wouldn't have said this. But I wasn't thinking straight. I was confused and frightened and frustrated all at once.
"It is easy to understand why that sow of a man had trounced you all the time. Though, I did not understand why it angered me so," he said.
"What are you talking about?" The frustration at this point had filled me so entirely that I thought I was going to implode.
"And I certainly do not understand your infatuation with Dammon," he said, saying Dammon's name as if it were insipid on his tongue.
"How do you know anything about them? You don't! You just don't. So. . .fine. . .just. . .get out of here!" I spun on a heel, turning my back to him so that he would leave, so that I would only feel like half a being once again.
I waited like this for a few moments, trying to soothe my frustration by taking deep breaths, but something was wrong. I would never be the same again, and I knew this. Somehow this man was a part of me. It was like we were two halves coming together to make a whole.
Like, I loved him in a past life.
Or, maybe in a dream life.
I turned around, totally not expecting to find him still standing there, grinning at me. Twilight did something to him. The last remaining slivers of sunlight sketched him into a masterpiece. Like an artist had chiseled from bronze the perfect square of his intense jaws, thick neck and bulging chest. Wind-tousled hair splayed out around his shoulders. The black trench coat was buttoned from the waist down.
Yet, in all his perfection, something was missing. And I knew exactly what it was.
Black, feathery wings.
In that moment, all of my doubts and wonders fell away from me, and I accepted it. This man was Bane. He was here, in the real world. He was real. He told me in a dream that he was real, but I didn't believe him. I should have believed him because it was true.
I stumbled awkwardly, making my way across the porch to him. I hesitated, while seventeen years of pent-up desire collided with reality.
Then I jumped, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face into his hair. I shut my eyes tightly and breathed in the scent of him. He smelled like earth and fire and rain and wind.
"Tell me I'm not dreaming. Please! Tell me this is real," I begged him, feeling my heart squeeze as if my soul had just embraced it.
Strong, rippling arms embraced me and locked me against him. I was crushed into his massive body, but I didn't care. I wanted nothing more than to die just like this.
"I am your Dark Angel. I am Bane," he said.
Tears filled my eyes, as the rush of pure exhilaration exploded within me.
Then, quickly, I wriggled myself loose in his arms and stood on my own feet. I ripped open the collar of his coat a
nd yanked it down over his shoulders. Bane took over from there, pealing the leather from his arms. The duster fell to the porch at his feet.
And I saw them. Beautiful, black wings twitched and unfurled behind him. I gasped at the sight before me, as Bane spread his wings open wide. I covered my mouth in surprise.
I could have stood there like this, staring at him forever. It would have been enough to sustain my every need for as long as I lived.
"How is this even possible?" I whispered through my fingers, in exasperation. It wasn't the fact that such huge wings had been hidden inside his coat that seemed impossible, for the way that they were able to fold up against his back made this possible. It was the fact that my dream had come true. Bane was standing here before me. In the flesh. It seemed so impossible, but it was true.
"How are you even here, in the real world?"
Bane ignored my question. He seemed to be somewhere else in his thoughts. "Something draws you to me," he said in a soft, almost hypnotic voice. "Something you could not begin to explain. It's different from whatever it is that draws you to anyone else. It's more like the wind, when it weaves itself through the trees, it leaves its path, its touch, its caress so that it can find its way back again. The two become one in this way. This is how you'll feel forever, My Lady. Once the wind weaves itself through the trees, the branches and the leaves never will forget," he said, gently taking the underside of my chin in his hand. "You shall never forget."
"Dammon said that to me."
"No, My Lady Moon. It was I who said those words to you."
I turned my chin out of his hand and stepped away from him, shaking my head in denial.
"Dammon did not have the ability to leave his path within you, My Moon. No one has this exact power, but I."
"I don't understand," I said, still shaking my head. "I don't understand any of this!"
"Who I am and who you have made me become are two separate entities, and they will dual against one another. Now turn around," he said.
I could only stare up at him. I couldn't have moved even if I wanted to. Bane took me by the shoulders and turned me around and then promptly let go of me.
I was able to feel the precise moment Bane had left me alone. It was the same exact moment in which I no longer felt whole. I turned around, feeling that awful, hollow place Bane's absence had forged in my being so long ago. I never wanted to feel it again.
Bane was real.
This meant I never had to feel it again.
****
Chapter Forty-One
Luna