Aerity wound the cloth around his palm and set to cleaning the caked-on dirt from his fingers with her bare hands. When Paxton tensed, Aerity glanced at him. His jaw was set in hard lines as he watched her work.
She gently continued, trying not to cause him further pain, using her small nails to scrape away the dirt edged into his cuticles. The bit at the very bottom was particularly difficult. She splashed more water on his fingers and rubbed again, staring, then scratched harder, pushing at the dirt, willing it to budge. But it was too straight, too uniform, too smooth.
Her stomach dropped. She looked at his next finger, and the next. All the same.
It wasn’t dirt at all.
Aerity went stiff as she stared at the purpled lines. She stood still, but the room seemed to be moving. For a moment she forgot to breathe. She couldn’t look at Paxton’s face, but she could hear his quickened breaths close to her ear. In a moment of denial, Aerity scratched lastly at his thumbnail, only to reveal another line.
Almighty seas . . . Aerity felt a sob rising up inside her as the truth flooded her system.
“Paxton . . .” she whispered.
“Now you know.” His voice was resigned. “Now you can let me be.”
But she couldn’t. She knew he had not received those lashings from hurting another person, unless perhaps it was self-defense. No matter his outer temper, she had always sensed the man underneath this secret—a secret massive enough to warrant his anger and hurt. Aerity knew in her gut that he would have only used his power as a last resort.
He remained so still beside her, allowing her to keep his hand in her own.
Truth and understanding continued to pour over Aerity in a heavy wash. Stories cartwheeled through her mind—Lashed being persecuted and abused, rounded up and killed out of fear. She had studied the history of the Lashed in great detail. The thought of anyone seeing his hands in this state, of anyone trying to kill him, filled her with a fierce protectiveness. She held his hand tighter.
He could have chosen not to reveal this to her. Aerity felt certain that Paxton did not share his true identity lightly. In fact, he’d probably done it to scare her away, and at great risk to himself. Well, it hadn’t worked, because she wasn’t scared of him. If he’d intended to put a greater gap between them, he’d only succeeded in making her feel closer. Her heart filled with empathy.
Words would not do at this moment.
Aerity turned and their eyes caught. He stared at her as if wading through thorns, searching, waiting for what harsh word or sharp accusation might come from her lips.
The princess rose to her toes again, circling his neck with her wet hands, and pressing her mouth against his. He jolted in surprise before reacting. This time, he did not remain still.
Paxton’s free hand rounded her waist and pulled her body firmly against his. His mouth took over, his lips moving against hers in a heated rush of ownership that caused her entire body to react.
He growled against her lips. “Will you never cease to surprise me?”
Aerity was overwhelmed and could only cling to him, her eyes stinging with emotion as she soaked in all he’d held back, all he’d tried to keep hidden. She hadn’t been a fool after all—he’d felt this thing between them as much as she had.
Distant footsteps and voices sounded down the stone hall, and Paxton stepped away, rubbing his stubbled jaw with his uninjured hand. Aerity felt cold as she dropped her arms to her sides, except her mouth, which still burned. Paxton moved closer to the bucket, over which his injured hand hovered, the cloth now stained red.
“You should go,” he said.
“Please don’t leave tonight,” Aerity whispered. “Talk to Mrs. Rathbrook.”
She could only hope the woman would have some sort of idea or advice for Paxton.
His expression was one of disappointed strain. “I can make no promises to you, Aerity.”
She swallowed and nodded. This was about life and death for him. It was wrong that he should have to live this way, that he should have to give up his freedom. Aerity needed to speak to her father. Something had to be done in the kingdom. It was one thing to read about Lashed. To see this pain, to feel it up close, was wholly different. She felt ashamed at her past inaction. She could no longer be silent.
A quiet knock sounded on the door as it opened. Mrs. Rathbrook’s gaze passed between Aerity and Paxton before she let out a knowing sigh.
“Go,” Paxton whispered to Aerity.
The princess gave a nod and shared a meaningful look with Mrs. Rathbrook before she exited the room, leaving her to heal, and hopefully mentor, the magical man who had so ensnared her heart.
Chapter
33
Lady Wyneth held her skirts tightly in her hands as she walked over the cobblestones. This morning she had started to choose a pale yellow dress, a favorite of hers. But even touching the fabric made her feel traitorous to her love’s memory. She chose gray again, though she knew Breckon would want her to be happy. He wouldn’t want her to continue mourning, but her heart was not ready to let go of what they’d had. A part of her would always long for that sweet love. Wind whipped past and she grasped the shawl at her chest.
A great divide had taken up residence within her—the half that ached to see Lord Lief Alvi each day and the half that dreaded it, knowing it was wrong to feed this interest. She hated herself for having these torn feelings for one man, as she wore the bereavement color for another.
Her heart became a rapid drum as she approached the entrance gates. Thankfully, Harrison and Tiern were standing close by with their bows strung across their backs, talking in low tones.
“Oy, lads,” she called to them. They raised their chins and smiled as she entered. From the corner of her eye she saw a group of men emerge from the tents, geared up. The tallest, broadest, blondest of their ranks stared in her direction.
Feeling his eyes on her, she was momentarily too distracted to speak.
“All right then?” asked Harrison.
“Oh, yes.” She cleared her throat. “I came to see what happened this afternoon.”
“Pax finally kicked that coldlandman’s arse,” Tiern said, grinning. “Been asking for it since day one.”
Wyneth raised her eyebrows. “But they’re both all right?”
Harrison shrugged, like people beating each other was commonplace, and perhaps it was. “They’ll survive. Probably even be back for the hunt tonight.”
“Well, all right then.” Wyneth could see Lief moving in their direction now, and her stomach rattled with nerves. “Good. I’ll just be going, I suppose.” She gave them nervous smiles as she turned to leave.
“Are you all right, Wyn?” Harrison called, his voice tinged with worry.
“Aye, fine,” she responded over her shoulder.
When she was nearly at the gates, his smooth, deep voice called out to her. “My lady.”
Wyneth slowed, her stomach giving a massive stir of satisfaction, which quickly filled her with shame. Her hand clung to the gate, but she didn’t turn. The guards watched, and when Wyneth looked at them they turned their faces away.
“Are you well?” Lief’s concerned voice asked her.
Wyneth shut her eyes. “I’m ready for this cursed beast to be killed, and this hunt to be over.” Come what may, she meant that with all her heart. She was ready for this sense of doom to lift from the kingdom so they could all seek a normal life again, though “normal” would likely have a completely different meaning once the hunt finished.
“Walk with me?” He held out a bare arm, and Wyneth looked toward the guards. The self-preserving part of herself hoped the guards would suggest against it, as they would with Aerity, but they only moved aside. Wyneth’s heart flipped and then fell in a single swoop. Past Lord Alvi, she could see Harrison still watching her, a terse frown on his face. Guilt churned within her.
“My lady?” Lord Alvi was holding out his arm.
Wyneth tore her gaze from Harrison and hes
itantly took the coldlandman’s arm, her fingers curling over a small portion of the muscle there, and he led her away from the castle. He felt so nice, so masculine and safe. But her brief feeling of comfort quickly morphed into one of misgiving. He wasn’t hers and he wasn’t safe. Nobody was.
“Lord Alvi,” she said as they turned the corner toward paths into the forest. “I should return to the castle. This—it’s not proper.”
“It’s merely a walk. I’ll have you back soon.”
She pulled his arm to stop him and dropped her hands, a sense of resolve settling over her. “This has to stop. Please. I don’t want to think about you anymore—”
“Have you been thinking of me?” His light blue eyes trapped her, and his white smile dazzled her senseless.
“I . . .” She cleared her throat. “I mean it, Lord Alvi. I can’t see you alone anymore.”
“Why won’t you call me Lief?”
“Your wife may call you Lief. But I will never be your wife.”
His head tilted downward. A brisk wind came up from the waters and rustled through the nearby trees, causing Wyneth to shiver. How could he stand there, half naked, and completely unfazed by the elements? He reached for her arms, as if to warm her with his broad hands, but she stepped back in a hurry.
“You can’t do that.” Her voice held a plea, and his eyes fell. “Doesn’t it bother you at all that you might be married to my cousin soon?”
He blinked, his lips pursed. “In Ascomanni, as it used to be here in Lochlanach, royalty marry for purpose—land, ties, wealth, politics, carrying on the bloodlines. Our commoners marry for companionship. It is understood that I will marry for the reasons all my fathers before me have married, but that does not mean I cannot have a separate relationship with one I love.”
Wyneth swallowed down a bout of bile, sickened by the bitterness. “I will not be your mistress. To even suggest such a thing is offensive. Here, in this time, it is a great dishonor to your spouse to love another. And I would never do that to my cousin. You should be warned that Lochlans would withhold their support of any prince who treated their princess in such a way.”
The look of ease never left his face. “Lady Wyneth, surely your king and your kingdom understand by his proclamation that Princess Aerity’s marriage is not likely to be one born of love. And if I kill this beast, which I fully intend to, it would be a great dishonor to refuse the king’s offer. I will treat your cousin with the utmost respect, but I will not deny myself or her, of taking another. It’s simply how it’s done.”
She gaped. “But you’ll lie with your wife to carry on the bloodlines?”
He let out a breath. “Yes.”
“Well, I will not be that other whom you take.” Tears welled in Wyneth’s eyes at the fact that Lord Alvi could be so cold. In that moment, it was no longer about herself or him, but about her cousin, who deserved so much better than the vision of union this Ascomannian was willing to offer. She couldn’t stand the thought that her cousin was doomed to such a marriage.
“I am not a heartless man, my lady. This is how it has been for generations. It works well for our royals. You only have to get your mind past the barriers of social norms you’ve accustomed yourself to. It’s a different path of thought. Different, not wrong.”
Wyneth shook her head. Romantic delusions or not, she could not get past this. “It’s my hope that your feelings for my cousin will grow so that you don’t need another. This ends right now.”
“Lady Wyneth . . .” His warm, strong fingers reached for her and slipped away from her arm as she walked off, hurrying out of his reach. She kept her head down, hiding the heartache that was undoubtedly etched across her face.
Chapter
34
The smart thing for Paxton would have been to stop the kiss. The smart thing would have been to ignore his feelings for Aerity, and the calming words of the Lashed healer, and to leave as planned. But all of Paxton’s wisdom had filtered away like water through sand when Aerity’s kiss of acceptance had seized his heart, claiming it as easily as if it’d never been guarded at all.
And then there was Mrs. Rathbrook. The Lashed woman had appeared unsurprised when she saw his marks. She’d healed him, then returned with a small jar of a milky substance. She dabbed a bit on each of his nails and Paxton had strained to hear her quiet words.
“This will act as a temporary paint that matches your normal coloring. I’ve invented this mixture myself. You’re not the first I’ve had to hide. If you scrub or scratch your nails, it will chip off. Be careful, lad.” She patted the top of his hand when the paint dried and sent him on his way. As he exited he heard her call out. “Will you hunt tonight? I think you should.”
He thought about it solemnly before giving a nod. “Aye. Perhaps I will.”
The woman grinned and set to cleaning the table. “Very good, then.” She began to whistle a tune. It took Paxton a moment to recognize the folk song as he left the hall. He could almost hear his grandmother’s voice singing it in her old cottage . . . something about the winds of change blowin’ o’er the loch—a sea of change a-brewin’.
Paxton groaned when Tiern saw him gearing up for the hunt, because his brother looked as excited as a child at the fall carnival. Paxton wanted to tell him not to get his hopes up, that he might have to leave at any moment without notice, but he didn’t bother. Tiern’s hopes were already too high. So much so that they were unperturbed by the sharp glances being thrown their way by a swollen Volgan. Lord Lief Alvi met Paxton’s eyes, and though he gave Paxton a nod, he seemed disturbed by something.
The Zandalee entered the commons, dressed in their hunting clothes.
“How are you feeling?” Tiern asked.
“Good enough to eat you.” Zandora made a move to bite him, her white teeth clicking an inch from his nose, which she touched with her finger before smiling. Her sisters laughed.
“All better then,” Tiern said, his back stiff. “Well done.”
“Though I am not happy with your healer.”
“Why?” Paxton asked.
“She gave us a potion to sleep and we missed all of the fun.” She appeared indignant that she’d been held back from joining them in their freezing hike.
“You have the heart of a true hunter, Zandora,” Harrison said.
“Of course I do.” She strapped on her bow. “Now you will tell me every detail we missed.”
As they set off with the Ascomannians and Zandalee, Paxton furtively checked his nails. Then he wondered what in the high seas he was thinking remaining in this hunt. It was foolhardy at best for him to stay. His mind felt like a sapling caught in a gale, leaning this way and that.
When he’d decided to reveal his true nature to Aerity, he’d been fairly certain she would keep his secret, yet thought for sure she would be disappointed enough to finally let him go. What he’d not expected was for her to kiss him with more passion than he’d ever felt before. It turns out that the princess, in all her riches and innocence, was as hot-blooded as he. Even now his blood heated, warming him against the chill in the air, imagining her soft lips and the island scents of coconuts and berries that lingered over her fresh skin.
Deep seas alive, that kiss . . .
But even if Aerity accepted him, the kingdom never would. Secrets had a way of revealing themselves. If the people found out there was a Lashed among their royals, Paxton imagined riots, looting, and uprisings. Worst of all, he imagined the people would take their fears out on innocent Lashed and their families. Paxton would be selfish to take such a chance. He couldn’t see himself living in a castle, anyhow. Though he could imagine himself sharing a bedchamber with Aerity.
Cursed thoughts.
Paxton shook his head and made his way quietly through the fallen leaves to the same spot they’d hidden in last time. They would line the same river, and the watermen had agreed to help once more, their boats offshore. Their hope was to lure the beast down from the mountains or out from the water.
>
They waited hours, feeling the frost set in around them. Paxton crouched under the drooping branches of a persimmon tree, his frozen ears perked for any sound. From a distance he could see Tiern shivering, even in his fur-lined leathers, but Paxton wasn’t worried. The temperature was cold, but not quite freezing like last time.
The Zandalee were as still and quiet as ever.
The night was silent. No horns. No beast. No hunters calling out. No fishermen throwing rocks toward shore. Paxton nodded to himself as the far sky began to lighten. The creature had probably taken the night off to tend its wounds. He clenched his teeth in frustration at another unsuccessful hunt.
As the hunters marched stiffly back to royal lands, tired and sullen, Tiern and Paxton kept toward the river, talking in low tones in case Harrison or the Zandalee caught up to them.
“How long will that last on your fingers, whatever she used?” Tiern whispered.
“Few days, maybe a week if I’m careful.”
They walked in silence a few moments until Tiern looked around to make sure nobody had come near. “Listen, Pax. In no time at all those marks’ll be gone, and nobody will ever know. If you kill the beast, you can marry the princess, and—”
“No. Tiern, get it through your mind. I cannot marry her. Lashed . . . we don’t even live full lives.”
“What do you mean, you don’t live full lives?”
Paxton shrugged. “Lashed need to work magic to live longer. Haven’t you seen how quickly they age?” His brother’s eyebrows were drawn together. Of course he hadn’t noticed. “I’ll most likely die in my forties, as ragged as an old seafarer.” He hadn’t let himself dwell on this part, though it bothered him far more than he let on.