CHAP. XV.
Like every other old Jew, Dan liked the marvellous, and listened to hisson's stories, not knowing whether he believed or disbelieved, norseeking to inquire; content to enjoy the stories as they went by, helistened, suffering such a little disappointment when his son's voiceceased as he might at the death of a melodious wind among the branches,the same little sadness. Moreover, while Joseph talked he had hisattention, and it irritated him to see Joseph's thoughts wander from himin search of parrots and monkeys; and he begged his son to tell himanother miracle, for he was sure that Joseph had not told him the lastone. Joseph pleaded that there was no use relating miracles to one whoonly believed in ancient miracles, a statement that Dan combated, sayingthat one could like a story for its own sake. Like a Gentile, Josephinterposed gaily, bringing all the same a cloud into his father's face,which he would have liked to disperse with the relation of anothermiracle, but he continued to plead that he had told all his stories.There was, however, a certain faint-heartedness in his pleading, and Danbecame more certain than ever that his son was holding back a miracle,and becoming suddenly curious, he declared that Joseph had no right tohold back a story from him, for to do that provoked argument, andargument fatigued him.
Joseph thought the device to extort a story from him, which he did notwish to tell, a shabby one, but, fearing to vex his father in hispresent state of health, he began to think it would be better to tellhim the miracle he had heard of that morning at Capernaum; but, stillloath, he tried instead to divert his father's attention from Jesus,reminding him of the numerous matters that would have to be settled upbetween them, especially Dan's responsibility in the new adventure, thetransport of grain from Moab to Jerusalem. Dan's curiosity was not to bediverted, and seeing him give way to his rage like a petulant child,Joseph decided that he must tell him, and he began with a disparagementof his story, the truth of which he did not vouch for. At Capernaum theywere all telling how some two or three weeks ago Jesus heard Godspeaking within him, and, naming those he wished to accompany him, ledthem through the woods, up the slow ascending hills in silence, no wordbeing exchanged between him and them. Every one of the disciples wasaware that the Master was in communion with his Father in heaven, andthat his communion was shared by them as long as a word was not spoken.A word would break it; and so they journeyed with their eyes set uponthe stars or upon the ground, never daring to look for Jesus, whoremained amongst them for an hour or more and then seemed to them topass into shadow, only his voice remaining with them bidding them tojourney on, which they did, each man in his faith, until they reached alonely hill on the top of which stood a blighted tree. Why, Master, theyasked, have you led us hither? and, receiving no answer, they lookedround for Jesus, but he was missing, and, thinking they walked too fastand had left him on the road behind them, they returned to the placewhere he had last spoken to them; and, not finding him there, theyreturned to the hill-top, and, seeing him among the white brancheswaiting for them, they knelt and prayed. When the stars began to growdim they heard a voice cry out: behold he is with you, he who bringssalvation to all men, Jew and Gentile; and ye twelve are bidden to carrythe joyful tidings to the ends of the earth.
At these words the disciples rose from their knees and looked roundastonished, for only four had gone with Jesus up the hillside, buttwelve were kneeling at the foot of the tree, and the four that had comewith Jesus knew not how the eight were gathered with them, nor could theeight tell how they reached the hill-top, nor what spirit guided themthither. The day is breaking, someone said; and looking towards theeast they saw innumerable angels and all of them singing hosanna;hosannas fell from the skies and blossoms from the tree; for the treewas no longer a blighted but a quickened tree. Jesus was amongst them,talking to them, telling those who were standing around him that theywere chosen by his Father in heaven first of all, and then by him, tocarry the joyful tidings to the ends of the earth, and they allanswered: we heard the words that thou hast spoken, Master. And heanswered: ye have heard truly, and I am here to carry out my Father'swill; ye shall go forth and bring salvation to all, Jew and Gentilealike.
Father, of what art thou thinking--that the twelve slept and dreamed?But before Dan could find an answer to his son's question Joseph sankaway into regrets that he had acceded to his father's request and toldhim this last miracle, and that he had not been able to disguise thefact, in the telling, that Jesus had chosen as his apostles those whoaccompanied him into the mountains. He intended to omit all mention ofthis election, but it slipped from him unawares in the excitement of thetelling, and now to divert his father's thoughts from the unfortunateadmission Joseph called to one of the parrots and spoke cheerfully tothe bird, and to the monkey that came hopping across the sward andjumped into his arms; but Dan knew his son's face too well to bedeceived by the poor show Joseph could paint upon it, and guessing thathis father divined the truth, words deserted him altogether. He satstriving against regret and hoping that his father did not think heloved him less than he loved Jesus. At last something had to be said,and Dan could find nothing better to say than: Joseph, there is gloom inthy face; but be not afraid to tell me if thou art disappointed thatthou wert not with Jesus when his Father spoke to him out of heaven, andthereby missed being among the apostles. For this suspicion Josephrebuked his father, but as it was his dearest wish to be numberedamongst the apostles his rebukes were faint, and feeling he was makingbad worse, he put as bold a face upon it as he could, saying to hisfather that he would have liked to have been numbered among the twelve,but since it did not befall he was content; and to himself that he wasyounger than any that were elected, and if one of them were to die hewould be called to fill his place.
So much admission was forced upon him, for it was important that hisfather should accept his absence from the mountain that day as asufficient reason for his not having been elected an apostle, the realreason being, not his absence from the mountain, but the fact that hechose to turn aside from Jesus and leave him to attend his father'ssick-bed. That was the sin he was judged guilty of, an unpardonable actin Jesus' mind, and one that discredited Joseph for ever, proving himfor good and all to be unworthy to follow Jesus, which might be no morethan the truth. He could follow Jesus' way of thinking, apprehending itremotely; but to his father, Jesus present teaching, that one must learnto hate one's father and one's mother, one's wife and one's childrenbefore one can love God, would be incomprehensible; and he would beestranged from Jesus for ever, as many of the disciples had been thatmorning by such ultra-idealism. It would have been better to havewithheld the miracle, he said to himself, and then he lost himselfthinking how the election of the apostles had dropped from him, for ithad nothing to do with the miracle, and then awakening a little from hisreverie he assured himself that his father must never know, for Dancould never understand Jesus in his extravagant moods. But if someaccident should bring the knowledge to his father? It wasn't likely thatthis could happen, for who knew it? Hardly was it known among those whomhe had met that morning as he crossed the Plain of Gennesaret. He hadseen the disciples with Jesus, Jesus walking ahead with Peter and withJames and John, to whom he addressed not a word, the others followinghim shamefacedly at a little distance. One of his black moods is uponhim, Joseph said to himself, and gliding in among the crowd hequestioned the nearest to him, who happened to be Judas, who told himthat Jesus didn't know for certain if he were called to go to Jerusalemfor the Feast of the Tabernacles. The Master foresees his death inJerusalem, but he is not sure if it be ordained for this year or thenext. Peter would dissuade him, he added, and in the midst of hiswonderment Joseph heard from Judas that Jesus had elected his apostles,and now Joseph remembered how, speaking out of his heart, he uttered alittle cry and said: it was because I am a rich man that he didn't thinkof me. But Judas answered that there might be another reason, to whichhe replied: there can be no other reason except the simple one--I wasn'tthere and he didn't think of me. But Judas murmured that there might beanother reason--he never a
llows a disciple to desert him, whateverreason may be for so doing. But there was no desertion on my part. Myfather's illness! Wait in any case, Judas had said, till the Master hasfallen out of his mood, for he is in his blackest now; we dare not speakto him. But I couldn't believe that that could make any difference,Joseph said to himself, and he put the monkey away from him somewhatharshly, and fell to thinking how he ran to Jesus, his story on hislips. But it all seemed to drift away from him the moment he looked uponJesus, so changed was he from the Jesus he had seen in the cenoby, ayoung man of somewhat stern countenance and cold and thin, with the neckerect, walking with a measured gait, whose eyes were cold and distant,though they could descend from their starry heights and rest for amoment almost affectionately on the face of a mortal. That was two yearsago. And the Jesus whom he met in rags by the lake-side one evening andjourneyed with as far as Caesarea Philippi, to Tyre and Sidon, was nodoubt very different from the severe young man he had seen in themonastery. He had grown older, more careworn, but the first Jesus stilllingered in the second, whereas the Jesus he was looking at now was anew Jesus, one whom he had seen never before; the cheeks were fallen inand the eyes that he remembered soft and luminous were now concentrated;a sort of malignant hate glowered in them: he seemed to hate all helooked upon; and his features seemed to have enlarged, the nose and chinwere more prominent, and the body was shrunken. A sword that is wearingout its scabbard was the thought that passed through Joseph's frightenedmind; and frightened at the change in Jesus' appearance, and still moreby the words that were hurled out at him, when intimidated andtrembling, he babbled out: my father lay between life and death foreight days and came out of his swoon slowly. He could say no more, therest of his story was swallowed up in a violent interruption, Jesustelling him that there was no place among his followers for those whocould not free themselves from such ghosts as father, mother andchildren and wife.
Jesus had flung his father's wealth and his own in his face, and his ownpitiful understanding that had not been able to see that this world andthe world to come were not one thing but twain. And whosoever choosesthis world must remain satisfied with its fleshly indulgences and itscares and its laws and responsibilities, and whoso ever chooses theKingdom of Heaven must cast this world far from him, must pluck it, asit were, out of his heart and throw it away, bidding it depart; for itis but a ghost. All these, he said, pointing to his apostles, have casttheir ghosts into the lake. The apostles stood with eyes fixed, for theydid not understand how they had despoiled themselves of their ghosts,and only Peter ventured into words: all my family is in the lake,Master; and at his simplicity Jesus smiled, then as if to compensatehim for his faith he said: I shall come in a chariot sitting on theright hand of our Father, the Judgment Book upon my lap. As the rocks ofthis world are shaken and riven by earthquakes, my words shall sunderfather from son, brother from brother, daughter from mother; the tiesthat have been held sacred shall be broken and all the things lookedupon as eternal shall pass away even as the Temple of Jerusalem shallpass away. My words shall sunder it Beam by beam, pillar by pillar, andevery stone of it shall be scattered. For I say unto you that God isweary of the fat of rams and goats, and incense delights his nostrils;it is not our flocks and herds that our Father desires nor thesweet-smelling herbs of this world, but a temple in which there shall benothing but the love of God. It is for the building of this temple thatI have been called hither; and not with hands during laborious yearswill it be built, but at once, for the temple that I speak to you of, isin the heart of every man; and woe, woe, woe, I say unto you who delayto build this temple, for the fulfilment of the prophecies is at hand,and when the last day of this world begins to dawn and the dead rise upseeking their cere-clothes it will be too late. Woe! woe! woe! untothee, Chorazin, Bethsaida and Magdala, for you have not repented yet,but still choose the ghosts that haunt the sepulchres out of which yeshall be called soon; too soon for many; for I say unto you that it isnot the dead that sleep but the living. At these words there weremurmurings among the disciples, and they said, turning from one to theother: he says we sleep, brother, but this is not true. He mocks at us.But Jesus, as if he did not hear these rebukers, and moved as if by asudden sympathy for Joseph, said: here is one that left me to attendhis father's sick-bed, but I would have you understand me in this, thatif we would love God we must abandon father, mother, wife and children,for there is not room in our hearts for two loves. Ye say that I layheavy burdens on your backs, but I say unto you that I lay no burdens onyour backs that I did not first weigh upon my own shoulders; for have Inot denied myself brothers and sisters, and did I not say to my mother,who came to dissuade me: God chose thee as a vehicle to give to man aredeemer to lead him out of this kingdom of clay. Thou hast done it andso there is no further need of thee. Out of this corruptible body Ishall rise in Jerusalem, my mission accomplished, into the incorruptiblespirit. His passion rising again and into flood, he seemed like onebereft of reason, for he said that all men must drink of his blood ifthey would live for ever. He who licked up one drop would haveeverlasting life. Joseph recalled the murmurings that followed thesewords, but Jesus would not desist. These murmurings seemed to sting himto declare his doctrine to the full, and he added that his flesh, too,was like bread, and that any crumb would give to him who ate it a placebefore the throne of the Almighty. Whereupon many withdrew, murmuringmore loudly than before, saying among themselves: who is this man thatasks us to assuage our thirst with his blood and our hunger with hisflesh? Moses and Elijah did not ask such things. Who is he that says hewill scatter the Temple to build up another?
Many other animadversions Joseph remembered among the multitude, and herecalled them one by one, pondering over each till one of the monkeyssprang into his arms and snatched some flowers out of his hand andhobbled away shrieking, awaking Dan, who had been dozing, and who,seeing whence the shrieking came, closed his eyes again. While hisfather slept Joseph remembered that Peter, John and James stood by theMaster throughout the dissidence. But what answer will they give, Josephasked himself, when they are questioned as to what the Master meant whenhe said that they must drink his blood and eat his flesh? What answerwill they make when the people question them in the differentcountries?--for they are to go to every part of the world, carrying thejoyful tidings. It seemed to Joseph that the apostles would be able tomake plain these hard sayings even less well than he, and he could notmake plain to anybody what the Master had meant, and still less would hebe able to convince others that the Master had said well that a man mustleave his father though he were dying. He said that he should leave hisfather unburied, the dead not needing our care, for they are the livingones, and the hyenas and crows would find to eat only that which hadalways been dead. Of course if the old world were going out and the newcoming in, it mattered very little what happened within the nexttwenty-four hours. But was the new world as near as that? He wondered!It might be nearer still without his being able to leave his father todie among strangers, and a feeling rose up within him that he knew hewould never be able to subdue though he were to gain an eternity ofhappiness by subduing it; and, pursuing this thread of thought, he cameto the conclusion that he was a very weak creature, neither sufficientlyenamoured of this world nor of the next; so he supposed Jesus was rightto discard him, for, as he knew himself, he would be an insufficientapostle, just as he was an insufficient son. But his father did notthink him a bad son. He raised his eyes, and, finding his father's eyesupon him, he remembered that he had left him because he wished to seethe world, to go to Jerusalem, to live with the Essenes, to go to Egypt;and that he had remained away for nearly two years, and had returned tosettle a business matter between himself and his father. Therefore itwas not love of his father but a business matter that brought him backfrom Egypt; and now he was going to leave his father again, though heknew that his father wished him to marry some lusty girl, who would bearhealthy children.
If he were a good son he would take a maid to bed. But that he couldn'tdo! I am afraid,
he said, speaking suddenly out of his thoughts, I'm notthe son you deserve, Father. I'm not a bad son, but I'm not the son Godshould have given you. Thou shouldst not say that, Joseph, for we haveloved each other dearly. It is true that I hoped to see little childrenabout me, and it may be that hope will never be fulfilled, which is sadto think on. I've never seen thee over-busy with one of our servinggirls, nor caught thee near her bed, and the family will end with, thee,and the counting-house will end with me, and these things will happenthrough no fault of mine or thine, Joseph. Our lives are not planned byourselves, and when life comes sweetly to a man a bitter death awaitshim, for death is bitter to those that have lived in ease and health asI have done. I am still obdurate, for I can sit down to a meal withpleasure, but a time will come when I shall not be able to do this, andthen the sentence that the Lord pronounced over all flesh will seem easyto bear, and the grandchildren I have not gotten will be desired nolonger; only the peace of the grave, where there is no questioning nordainties. But, Father, this world is but the shadow of a reality beyondthe grave, and I beseech you to believe in your eternity and in mine. Inthe eternity of my body or of my soul--which, Joseph? Thou knowest not,but of this we are sure, that there is little time left for me to loveyou in this comfortable land of Galilee. And, this being so, I will askyou to promise me that thou wilt not leave Judea in my lifetime. Thou'lthave to go to Jerusalem, for business awaits you there, and to Jericho,perhaps, which is a long way from Galilee, but I'd not have thee leaveJudea to preach a strange creed to the Gentiles. I know no reason now,Father, for me to leave Judea, since I am not among the chosen. If thouhadst been, Joseph, thou wouldst not have left me in these last years ofmy life? Jesus is dear to thee, but he isn't thy father, and everyfather would like his son to be by him when the Lord chooses to callhim. I would have thee within a day's journey or two; death comesquicker than that sometimes, but we must risk something. I'd have theeremain in Judea so that thou mayest come, if thou art called, to receivemy last blessing. I'd have thee close my eyes, Joseph. The children I'llforgive thee, if thou wilt promise me this. I promise it, Father, andwill hold to my promise if I live beyond thee. If thou livest beyond me,Joseph? Of course thou wilt live many years after me. But, Joseph, Iwould have thee shun dangerous company. And guessing that his father hadJesus in his mind, Joseph asked him if it were so, and he answered thatit was so, saying that Jesus was no new thing in Judea, and that thepriests and the prophets have ever been in strife. That is my meaning,he said. The exactions of the priests weigh heavily, and Jesus is rightin this much, that priests always have been, and perhaps always will be,oppressors of the poor; they are strong, and have many hirelings aboutthem. Thou hast heard of the Zealots, Son, who walk in the streets ofJerusalem, their hands on their knives, following those who speakagainst the law and the traditions, and who, when they meet them, puttheir knives into their ribs, and when the murdered man falls back intotheir arms call aloud for help? So do the priests free themselves fromtheir opponents, and, my good son, Joseph, think what my grief would beif I were to receive tidings that thou hadst been slain in the streets.Dost think that the news would not slay me as quickly as any knife? Iask little of thee, Joseph, the children I'll forgo, but do thouseparate thyself from these sectaries during my lifetime. Think of mereceiving the news of thy death; an old man living alone among all hisriches without hope of any inheritance of his name. But, Joseph, I can'tput away altogether the hope that the day will come when thou'lt lookmore favourably on a maid than now. Thy thoughts be all for Jesus, histeaching, and his return to this world, sitting by the side of hisFather in a fiery chariot, but maybe the day will come when these hopeswill fade away and thy eyes will rest upon a maid. It is strange thatthou shouldst be so unlike me. I was warmer-blooded at thy age, and whenI saw thy mother----Father, the promise is given to thee already, and myhand upon it. I'll not see Jesus during thy life. If the sudden news ofmy death were to kill thee, I should be thy murderer. Jesus will forgivethee these few years, Dan said. The expression on Joseph's face changed,and Dan wondered if Jesus were so cruel, so hard, and so self-centredthat he would not grant his son a few years, if he were to ask it, sothat he might stay by his father's bedside and close his eyes and buryhim. It seemed from Joseph's face that Jesus asked everything from hisdisciples, and if they did not give everything it was as if they gavenothing.
And while Dan was thus conferring with his own thoughts he heard Josephsaying that if he were to keep the promise he had just given, not to seeJesus again, he must not remain in his neighbourhood. Yes, that is so,Joseph; go to Jerusalem. And the old man began to babble of thetransport of figs from Jericho, till Joseph could not do else thanponder on the grip of habit on a man's heart, and ask himself if thenews of his death would affect his father's health more than the newsthat there was no further demand in Damascus for his salt fish. Herepented the thought as soon as it had passed through his mind, and heunderstood that, however much it would cost him, he must go away toJerusalem. He dared not risk the accusation that would for ever echo inhis heart: my father has no peace by day, nor rest at night, he isthinking always that a Zealot's knife is in my back. But after myfather's death--His thoughts brought him back again to a sudden shame ofhimself. I am like that, he said, and shall always be as I am. And, notdaring to think of himself any more, he jumped to his feet: I must tellmy servant that I shall start soon after daybreak.