CHAP. XXIX.
It is a great joy to return to thought after a long absence from it, andJesus was not afraid, though once his conscience asked him if he werejustified in yielding himself unreservedly to reason. A man's mind, heanswered, like all else, is part of the Godhead; and at that moment heheard God speaking to him out of the breeze. My beloved son, he said, weshall never be separated from each other again. And Jesus replied: notagain, Father, for thou hast returned to me the God that I once knew inNazareth and in the hills above Jericho, and lost sight of as soon as Ibegan to read the Book of Daniel. How many, he asked himself, have beenled by reading that book into the belief that they were the precursorsof the Messiah? We know of Theudas and the Egyptian, and there were manyothers whose names have not reached us. But I alone believed myself tobe the Messiah. He was astonished he could remember so great a sin andnot fear God. But I cannot fear God, for I love God, he said; my Godneither forgives nor punishes, and if we repent it should be for our ownsakes and not to please God. Moreover, it must be well not to waste toomuch time in repentance, for it is surely better to understand than torepent. We learn through our sins. If it had not been for mine, Ishould not have learnt that quires and scrolls lead men from God, andthat to see and hear God we have only to open our eyes and ears. God isalways about us. We hear him in the breeze, and we find him in theflower. He is in these things as much as he is in man, and all thingsare equal in his sight; Solomon is no greater than Joshbekashar.
He had not remembered the old shepherd, who had taught him all he knewabout sheep, for many a day. It is nigh on five and forty years, he saidto himself, since he called me to hold the ewes while he made them cleanfor the winter. It was in yon cave the flock was folded when I laidhands on the ewes for the first time and dragged them forward for him toclip the wool from the rumps. He could see in his memory each differentewe trotting away, looking as if she were thankful for the shepherd'skind office towards her. There was something extraordinarily restful inhis memory of old Joshbekashar, and to prolong it Jesus fell torecalling the old man's words; and every little disjointed sentenceraised up the old man before him. It was but three times that I held theewes for him, so it cannot be much more than forty years since thatfirst clipping. Now I come to think on it, the clipping befell on a daylike to-day. We'll clip our ewes to-day, and it was with a sense ofmemorial service in his mind that he called to young Jacob to come tohis aid, saying: Joshbekashar's flock was always folded in yon cave forthis clipping, the only change is that I am the clipper and thou'rtholding them for me. There are forty-five to be clipped, and just thesame as before each ewe will trot away into the field looking as if shewere thankful at having been made clean for the winter. On these wordsboth fell to their work, and the cunning hand spent no more than aminute over each. Stooping over ewes makes one's back ache, he said,rising from the last one, using the very same words he heard forty yearsbefore from Joshbekashar: time brings back the past! he said. We repeatthe words of those that have gone before while doing their work; and itis likely we are doing God's work as well by making the ewes clean forthe winter as by cutting their throats in the Temple. All the samestooping over ewes makes one's back ache, he repeated, for the wordsevoked the old shepherd, and he waited for Jacob to answer in the wordsspoken by him forty years ago to Joshbekashar. Himself had forgotten hiswords, but he thought he would recognise them if Jacob were inspired tospeak them. But Jacob kept silence for shame's sake, for his hope wasthat the flock would be given to his charge as soon as old age obligedJesus to join his brethren in the cenoby.
Thou'lt be sorry for me, lad, I know that well, but thou hast begun tolook forward to the time when thou'lt walk the hills at the head of theflock like another; it is but proper that thou shouldst, and it is butnatural that the time should seem long to thee; but take on a littlepatience, this much I can vouch for, every bone in me was aching when Ileft the cavern this morning, and my sight is no longer what it was.Master Jesus, I'd as lief wait; the hills will be naught without thee.Dost hear me, Master? Jesus smiled and dropped back into his meditationsand from that day onward very little sufficed to remind him that hewould end his days in the cenoby reading the Scriptures and interpretingthem. In the cenoby, he said, men do not think, they only read, but inthe fields a shepherd need never lose sight of the thought that leadshim. A good shepherd can think while watching his sheep, and as theflock was feeding in good order, he took up the thread of a thought towhich he had become attached since his discovery that signs and soundsof God's presence are never lacking on earth. As God's constantcompanion and confidant he had come to comprehend that the world ofnature was a manifestation of the God he knew in himself. I know myself,he said one day, but I do not know the God which is above, for he seemsto be infinite; nor do I know nature, which is beyond me, for that, too,seems to run into infinite, but infinite that is not that of God. A fewmoments later it seemed to him he might look upon himself as an isletbetween two infinities. But to which was he nearer in eternity? Ah, ifhe knew that! And it was then that a conviction fell upon him that if heremained on the hills he would be able to understand many things thatwere obscure to him to-day. It will take about two years, he said, andthen many things that are dark will become clear. Two infinites, God andnature. At that moment a ewe wandering near some scrub caught hisattention. A wolf, he said, may be lurking there. I must bring her back;and he put a stone into his sling. A wolf is lurking there, hecontinued, else Gorbotha would not stand growling. Gorbotha, agolden-haired dog, like a wolf in build, stood snuffing the breeze,whilst Thema, his sister, sought her master's hand. A moment after thebreeze veered, bringing the scent to her, and the two dogs dashedforward into the scrub without finding either wolf or jackal lying inwait. All the same, he said, a wolf or a jackal must have been lyingthere, and not long ago, or else the dogs would not have growled andrushed to the onset as they did.
They returned perplexed and anxious to their master, who resumed hismeditation, saying to himself that if aching bones obliged him to returnto the cenoby he would have to give up thinking. For one only thinkswell in solitude and when one thinks for oneself alone; but in thecenoby the brethren think together. All the same my life on the hills isnot over yet, and an hour later he put his pipes to his lips and led hisflock to different hills, for, guided by some subtle sense, he seemed todivine the springing up of new grass; and the shepherds, knowing of thisinstinct for pasturage, were wont to follow him, and he was often atpains to elude them, for on no hillside is there grass enough for manyflocks.
My poor sheep, he said, as he watched them scatter over a grassyhillside. Ye're happy this springtime for ye do not know that yourshepherd is about to be taken from you. But he has suffered too much inthe winter we've come out of to remain on the hills many more years.Before leaving you he must discover a shepherd that will care for you aswell as I have done. Amos is dead; there is no one in the cenoby thatunderstands sheep. Would ye had speech to counsel me. But tell me, whatwould ye say if I were to leave you in Jacob's charge? He stood waiting,as if he expected the sheep to answer, and it was then it began to seemto Jesus he might as well entrust his flock to Jacob as to another.
He had sent him out that morning with twenty lambs that were yet tooyoung to run with the flock, and he now stood waiting for him, thinkingthat if he lost none between this day and the end of the summer, theflock might be handed over to him. Every young man's past is tarnished,he continued, for he could not forget that Jacob had begun by losing hismaster's dogs, two had been killed by panthers. Nor was this the onlymisfortune that had befallen him. Having heard that rain had fallen inthe west, he set out for Caesarea to redeem his credit, he hoped, but atthe end of the fourth day he could find no cavern in which to fold hissheep, and he lay down in the open, surrounded by his flock,unsuspicious that a pack of wolves had been trailing him from cavern tocavern since he left the Jordan valley--the animals divining that theirchance would come at last. It would have been better, Jacob said, if thewolves had fallen upon him
, for after this disaster no one would employhim, and he had wandered an outcast, living on the charity of shepherds,sharing a little of their bread. But such charity could not last longand he would have had to sit with the beggars by the wayside aboveJericho if Jesus had not given his lambs into his charge, by this actrestoring to Jacob some of his lost faith in himself. He had gone awaysaying to himself: Jesus, who knows more than all the other shepherdsput together, holds me to be no fool, and one day I'll be trusted againwith a flock. I'm young and can wait, and, who knows, Jesus may tell mehis cure for the scab, and by serving him I may get a puppy when Themahas a litter. In such wise Jacob looked to Jesus and Thema for futurefortune, and as he came over the ridge and caught sight of Jesus waitingfor him, he said: call up thy dogs, Master, lest they should fall uponmine and upon me. Gorbotha has already risen to his feet and Thema isgrowling.
Jesus laid his staff across their backs. What, will ye attack Jacob, hecried, and what be your quarrel with his dogs? Poor Syrian dogs, Jacobanswered, that would be quickly killed by thine. If I had had dogs likeGorbotha and Thema the wolves would not---- But, Jacob, thou wouldsthave lost thy dogs as well as thy sheep. What stand could any dogs makeagainst a pack of wolves, and a shepherd without dogs is like a birdwithout wings, as Brother Amos used to say. Yes, that is just it, Jacobreplied, struck by the aptness of the comparison. Thou art known, Jesus,to be the most foreseeing shepherd on the hills; but the flock would nothave increased without thy dogs. Abdiel is great in his knowledge ofdogs, and he told me that he had never known any like thine, Master.Come now, Thema, Jesus cried. Come, lie down here; lay thy muzzleagainst my knee. And growl not at Jacob or I'll send thee away. SoAbdiel spoke of my dogs! They are well enough, one can work with them.But I've had better dogs. Whereupon Jesus told a story how one night hehad lain under a fair sky to sleep and had slept so soundly that therain had not wakened him, but Boreth--that was the dog'sname--distressed at the sight of me lying in the rain, began to lick myface, and when I had wrung out my cloak he led me to a dry cave unknownto me, though I thought I knew every one in these hills. He must havegone in search of one as soon as it began to rain, and when he found adry one he came back to awaken me. More faithful dogs, he said, therenever were than these at my feet, but I've known stronger and fiercer.But I'd tell thee another story of Boreth, and he related how one nightin December as he watched, having for his protection only Boreth (hisother dogs, Anos and Torbitt, being at home, one with a lame paw, theother with puppies), he had fallen asleep, though he knew robbers wereabout in the hills, especially in the winter months, he said; but I knewI could count on Boreth to awake me if one came to steal the sheep. Nowwhat I'm about to say, Jacob, happened at the time of the great rain ofDecember, when the nights are dark about us. I was sleeping in asheltered place in the coign of a cliff, the flock was folded and Borethwas away upon his rounds, and it was then that two robbers stole intothe cave. One was about to plunge his dagger into me, but I had time tocatch his wrist and to whistle; and in a few seconds Boreth leapt uponthe robber that was seeking to stab me. He bit his neck and shoulder;and then, leaving that robber disabled, he attacked the robber's mate,and it was wonderful how he crept round and round in the darkness,biting him all the time, and then pursuing the two he worried them upthe valley until his heart misgave him and he thought it wouldn't besafe to leave me alone any longer. But Gorbotha would defend theeagainst a robber, Jacob said, and he called to the dog, but Gorbothaonly growled at him. Have patience with them, Jesus rejoined; I'll notfeed them for three days, and after feeding them thou'lt take them tothe hills, and when they have coursed and killed a jackal for thee itmay be that they'll accept thee for master. But these Thracians rarelylove twice. Come, Jacob, and we'll look into thy flock of lambs and takecounsel together. They seem to be doing fairly well with thee--a bittired, I dare say thou hast come a long way with them. We walked toofast, Jacob answered, saying he had had to go farther than he thoughtfor in search of grass, and had found some that was worth the distancethey had journeyed, for the lambs had fallen to nibbling at once. Fellto nibbling at once, did they? Jesus repeated When they're folded withthe ewes, thou'lt put into their jaws a stick to keep them from sucking.And without waiting for Jacob to answer he asked which of all theselambs he would choose to keep for breeding from. Jacob pointed out firstone and then another; but Jesus shook his head and showed him a lambwhich Jacob had not cast his eyes over and said: one may not say forcertain, but I shall be surprised if he doesn't come into a fine,broad-shouldered ram, strong across the loins and straight on his legs,the sort to get lambs that do well on these hills. And thou'lt be welladvised to leave him on his dam another hundred days; shear him, for itwill give him strength to take some wool from him, but do not take itfrom his back, for he will want the wool there to protect him from thesun. And all the first year he will skip about with the ewes and jumpupon them, but it will be only play, for his time has not yet come; intwo more years he'll be at his height, serving ten ewes a day; but keephim not over-long; thou must always have some new rams preparing, elsethy flock will decline. The ram thou seest on the right is old, and mustsoon be replaced. But the white ram yonder is still full of service: abetter I've never known. The white ram is stronger than the black,though the black ewe will turn from him and seek a ram of her owncolour. I've known a white ram so ardent for a black ewe that he foughtthe black ram till their skulls cracked. Master, it is well to listen tothee, Jacob interrupted, for none knows sheep like thee, but as nonewill ever give me charge of a flock again, thy teaching is wasted uponme. Look to the ewes' teeth, Jacob, and to their udders; see that theudders are sound. Master, never before didst thou mock at me, who am formy misfortunes the mocking-stock of all these fields. In what have Idone wrong? That my lambs are a bit tired is all thou hast to blame mefor to-day. Jacob, I'm not mocking at thee, but looking forward alittle, for time is on thy side and will soon put thee in charge of aflock again. Time is on my side, Jacob repeated. If I understand theerightly, Master, thy meaning is, that the hills are beginning to wearythee. Look into my beard, Jacob, and see how much grey hair is in it,and my gait is slower than it used to be, a stiffness has come upon methat will not wear out, and my eyes are not as keen as they were, andwhen I see in thee a wise shepherd, between the spring and autumn, itmay be that Hazael, our president, at my advice, will entrust my flockto thy charge.