CHAP. XXXII.
Jesus feared to awaken him, but was constrained at last to call afterhim: thou'rt dreaming, Paul. Awake! Remember the Essenes ... friends,friends. But Paul did not hear him, and it was not till Jesus laid hishand on his shoulder that Paul opened his eyes: thou hast been dreaming,Paul, Jesus said. Where am I? Paul inquired. With the Essenes, Jesusanswered. I was too tired to sleep deeply, Paul said, and it would beuseless for me to lie down again. I am afraid of my dreams; and togetherthey stood looking across the abyss watching the rocks opposite cominginto their shapes against a strip of green sky.
The ravine was still full of mist, and a long time seemed to pass beforethe bridge and the ruins over against the bridge began to appear. As thedawn advanced sleep came upon Paul's eyelids. He lay down and dozedawhile, for about an hour, and when he opened his eyes again Jesus'hand was upon his shoulder and he was saying: Paul, it is now daybreak:at the Brook Kerith we go forth to meet the sunrise. To meet thesunrise, Paul repeated, for he knew nothing of the doctrine of theEssenes. But he followed Jesus through the gallery and received from hima small hatchet with instructions how he should use it, and a jar whichhe must fill with water at the well. We carry water with us, Jesus said,for the way is long to the brook; only by sending nearly to the sourcecan we reach it, for we are mindful not to foul the water we drink. Butcome, we're late already. Jesus threw a garment over Paul's shoulder andtold him of the prayers he must murmur. We do not speak of profanematters till after sunrise. He broke off suddenly and pointed to a placewhere they might dig: and as soon as we have purified ourselves, hecontinued, we will fare forth in search of shepherds, who, on beinginstructed by us, will be watchful for a young man lost on the hills andwill direct him to the Essene settlement above the Brook Kerith. Be ofgood courage, he will be found. Hadst thou come before to-day myselfwould be seeking him for thee, but yesterday I gave over my flock toJacob, a trustworthy lad, who will give the word to the next one, and hewill pass it on to another, and so the news will be carried the bestpart of the way to Caesarea before noon. It may be that thy companionhas found his way to Caesarea already, for some can return whither theyhave come, however long and strange the way may be. Pause, we shall hearJacob's pipe answer mine. Jesus played a few notes, which were answeredimmediately, and not long afterwards the shepherd appeared over a ridgeof hills. Thy shepherd, Paul said, is but a few years younger thanTimothy and he looks to thee as Timothy looks to me. Tell him who I amand whom I seek. Jacob, Jesus said, thou didst tell me last night of apreacher to whom the multitude would not listen, but sought to throwinto the Jordan. He has come amongst us seeking his companion Timothy.The twain escaped from the multitude, Jacob interjected. That is true,Jesus answered, but they ran apart above the brook, one keeping on toCaesarea, this man followed the path round the rocks (how he did it weare still wondering) and climbed up to our dwelling. We must find hiscompanion for him. Jacob promised that every shepherd should hear that ayoung man was missing. As soon as a shepherd appears on yon hillside,Jacob said, he shall have the word from me, and he will pass it on.Jesus looked up into Paul's anxious face. We cannot do more, he said,and began to speak with Jacob of rams and ewes just as if Timothy hadpassed out of their minds. Paul listened for a while, but finding littleto beguile his attention in their talk, he bade Jesus and Jacob good-byefor the present, saying he was returning to the cenoby. I wonder, hesaid to himself, as he went up the hill, if they'd take interest in mycraft, I could talk to them for a long while of the thread which shouldalways be carefully chosen, and which should be smooth and of equalstrength, else, however deftly the shuttle be passed, the woof would berough. But no matter, if they'll get news of Timothy for me I'll listento their talk of rams and ewes without complaint. It was kind of Jacobto say he did not think Timothy had fallen down a precipice, but whatdoes he know? and on his way back Paul tried to recall the ravine thathe had seen in the dusk as he leaned over the balcony with Jesus. And ashe passed through the domed gallery he stopped for a moment by the well,it having struck him that he might ask the brother drawing water to comewith him to look for Timothy. If my son were lying at the bottom of theravine, he said, I should not be able to get him out without help. Comewith me.
The Essene did not know who Paul was, nor of whom he was speaking, andat the end of Paul's relation the brother answered that there might betwo hundred feet from the pathway to the brook, more than that in manyplaces; but thou'lt see for thyself; I may not leave my work. If a manbe dying the Essene, by his rule, must succour him, Paul said. But Iknow not, the Essene answered, that any man be dying in the brook. Webelieve thy comrade held on to the road to Caesarea. So it may havebefallen, Paul said, but it may be else. It may be, the Essene answered,but not likely. He held on to the road to Caesarea, and finding thee nolonger with him kept on--or rolled over the cliff, Paul interrupted.Well, see for thyself; and if he be at the bottom I'll come to helpthee. But it is a long way down, and it may be that we have no rope longenough, and without one we cannot reach him, but forgive me, for I seethat my words hurt thee. But how else am I to speak? I know thy wordswere meant kindly, and if thy president should ask to see me thou'lttell him I've gone down the terraces and will return as soon as I havemade search. This search should have been made before. That was notpossible; the mist is only; just cleared, the brother answered, andPaul proceeded up and down the terraces till he reached the bridge, andafter crossing it he mounted the path and continued it, venturing closeto the edge and looking down the steep sides as he went, but seeingnowhere any traces of Timothy. Had he fallen here, he said to himself,he would be lying in the brook. But were Timothy lying there I could notfail to see him, nor is there water enough to wash him down into Jordan.It must be he is seeking his way to Caesarea. Let it be so, I pray God,and Paul continued his search till he came to where the path twistedround a rock debouching on to the hillsides. We separated here, he said,looking round, and then remembering that they had been pursued forseveral miles into the hills and that the enemy's scouts might belurking in the neighbourhood, he turned back and descended the path,convinced of the uselessness of his search. We parted at that rock,Timothy keeping to the left and myself turning to the right, and ifanything has befallen he must be sought for by shepherds, aided by dogs.Only with the help of dogs can he be traced, he said, and returningslowly to the bridge, he stood there lost in feverish forebodings, newones rising up in his mind continually, for it might well be, hereflected, that Timothy has been killed by robbers, for these hills areinfested by robbers and wild beasts, and worse than the wild beasts andthe robbers are the Jews, who would pay a large sum of money for hiscapture.
And his thoughts running on incontinently, he imagined Timothy aprisoner in Jerusalem and himself forced to decide whether he should gothere to defend Timothy or abandon his mission. A terrible choice itwould be for him to have to choose between his duty towards men and hislove of his son, for Timothy was more to him than many sons are to theirfathers, the companion of all his travels and his hope, for he wasfalling into years and needed Timothy now more than ever. But it was notlikely that the Jews had heard that Timothy was travelling from Jerichoto Caesarea, and it was a feverish imagination of his to think that theywould have time to send out agents to capture Timothy. But if such athing befell how would he account to Eunice for the death of the sonthat she had given him, wishing that somebody should be near him toprotect and to serve him. He had thought never to see Eunice again, butif her son perished he would have to see her. But no, there would be notime--he had appealed to Caesar. He must send a letter to her tellingthat he had started out for Jericho. A dangerous journey he knew it tobe, but he was without strength to resist the temptation of one moreeffort to save the Jews: a hard, bitter, stiff-necked, stubborn racethat did not deserve salvation, that resisted it. He had been scourged,how many times, at the instigation of the Jews? and they had stoned himat Lystra, a city ever dear to him, for it was there he had met Eunice;the memories that gathered round her beautiful name calmed his
disquiet,and the brook murmuring under the bridge through the silence of thegorge disposed Paul to indulge his memory, and in it the past was sopathetic and poignant that it was almost a pain to remember. But he mustremember, and following after a glimpse of the synagogue and himselfpreaching in it there came upon him a vision of a tall, grave womansince known to him as a thorn in his flesh, but he need not trouble toremember his sins, for had not God himself forgiven him, telling himthat his grace was enough? Why then should he hesitate to recall thegrave, oval face that he had loved? He could see it as plainly in hismemory as if it were before him in the flesh, her eyes asking for hishelp so appealingly that he had been constrained to relinquish the crowdto Barnabas and give his mind to Eunice. And they had walked ontogether, he listening to her telling how she had not been to theSynagogue for many years, for though she and her mother were proselytesto the Jewish faith, neither practised it, since her marriage, for herhusband was a pagan. She had indeed taught her son the Scriptures inGreek, but no restraint had been put upon him; and she did not know towhat god or goddess he offered sacrifice. But last night an angelvisited her and told her that that which she had always been seeking(though she had forgotten it) awaited her in the synagogue. So she hadgone thither and was not disappointed. I've always been seeking him ofwhom thou speakest. Her very words, and the very intonation of her voicein these words came back to him; he had put questions to her, and theyhad not come to the end of their talk when Laos, calling from thedoorstep, said: wilt pass the door, Eunice, without asking the strangerto cross it? Whereupon she turned her eyes on Paul and asked him toforgive her for her forgetfulness, and Barnabas arriving at that moment,she begged him to enter.
And they had stayed on and on, exceeding their apportioned time,Barnabas reproving the delay, but always agreeing that their departureshould be adjourned since it was Paul's wish to adjourn it. So Barnabashad always spoken, for he was a weak man, and Paul acknowledged tohimself that he too was a weak man in those days.
Laos seemed to love Barnabas as a mother, and Laos and Eunice werereceived by me into the faith, Paul said. On these words his thoughtsfloated away and he became absorbed in recollections of the house inLystra. The months he had spent with these two women had been given tohim, no doubt, as a recompense for the labours he had endured to bringmen to believe that by faith only in our Lord Jesus Christ could they besaved. He would never see Lystra again with his physical eye, but itwould always be before him in his mind's eye: that terrible day the Jewshad dragged him and Barnabas outside the town rose up before him. Onlyby feigning death did they escape the fate of Stephen. In the eveningthe disciples brought them back. Laos and Eunice sponged their wounds,and at daybreak they left for Derbe, Barnabas saying that perhaps Godwas angry at their delay in Lystra and to bring them back to his workhad bidden the Jews stone them without killing them. Eunice was not surethat Barnabas had not spoken truly, and Paul remembered with gratitudethat she always put his mission before herself. Thou'lt be safer, shesaid, in Derbe, and from Derbe thou must go on carrying the glad tidingsto the ends of the earth. But thou must not forget thy Galatians, andwhen thou returnest to Lystra Timothy will be old enough to follow thee.He had fared for ever onwards over seas and lands, ever mindful of hisfaithful Galatians and Eunice and her son whom she had promised to him,and whom he had left learning Greek so that he might fulfil the dutiesof amanuensis.
The silence of the gorge and the murmur of the brook enticedrecollections and he was about to abandon himself to memories of hissecond visit to Lystra when a voice startled him from his reverie, and,looking round, he saw a tall, thin man who held his head picturesquely.I presume you are our guest, and seeing you alone, I laid my notes asideand have come to offer my services to you. Your services? Paul repeated.If you desire my services, Mathias replied; and if I am mistaken, andyou do not require them, I will withdraw and apologise for my intrusion.For your intrusion? Paul repeated. I am your guest, and the guest of theEssenes, for last night Timothy and myself were assailed by the Jews. Bythe Jews? Mathias replied, but we are Jews. Whereupon Paul told him ofhis journey from Caesarea, and that he barely escaped drowning in theJordan. In the escape from drowning Mathias showed little interest, buthe was curious to hear the doctrine that had given so much offence. Ispoke of the Lord Jesus Christ, Paul answered, the one Mediator betweenGod and man who was sent by his Father to redeem the world. Only byfaith in him the world may be saved, and the Jews will not listen. Ahard, bitter, cruel race they are, that God will turn from in the end,choosing another from the Gentiles, since they will not accept him whomGod has chosen to redeem men by the death and resurrection from the deadof the Lord Jesus Christ, raised from the dead by his Father. Mathiasraised his eyes at the words "resurrection from the dead." Of whom wasPaul speaking? He could still be interested in miracles, but not in thequestion whether the corruptible body could be raised up from earth toheaven. He had wearied of that question long ago, and was now propenseto rail against the little interest the Jews took in certainphilosophical questions--the relation of God to the universe, andsuchlike--and he began to speak to Paul of his country, Egypt, and ofAlexandria's schools of philosophy, continuing in this wise till Paulasked him how it was that he had left a country where the minds of thepeople were in harmony with his mind to come to live among people whosethoughts were opposed to his. That would be a long story to tell,Mathias answered, and I am in the midst of my argument.
The expression that began to move over Mathias' face told Paul that hewas asking himself once again what his life would have been if he hadremained in Alexandria. Talking, he said, to these Essenes who standmidway between Jerusalem and Alexandria my life has gone by. Why Iremained with them so long is a question I have often asked myself. WhyI came hither with them from the cenoby on the eastern bank, that, too,is a matter that I have never been able to decide. You have heard, hecontinued, of the schism of the Essenes. How those on the eastern bankbelieve that the order can only be preserved by marriage, while those onthe western bank, the traditionalists up there on that rock in thataerie, would rather the order died than that any change should be madein the rule of life. In answer to a question from Paul he said he didnot believe that the order would survive the schism. It may be, too,that I return to Alexandria. No man knows his destiny; but if you beminded, he said, to hear me, I will reserve a place near to me. My mindis distracted, Paul replied, by fears for the safety of Timothy; andperhaps to save himself from Mathias' somewhat monotonous discourse hespoke of his apostolic mission, interesting Mathias at once, who beganto perceive that Paul, however crude and elementary his conceptionsmight be (so crude did they appear to Mathias that he was not inclinedto include them in his code of philosophical notions at all), was astory in himself, and one not lacking in interest; his ideas thoughcrude were not common, and their talk had lasted long enough for him todiscern many original turns of speech in Paul's incorrect Greek,altogether lacking in construction, but betraying constantly an abruptvigour of thought. He was therefore disappointed when Paul, droppingsuddenly the story of the apostolic mission, which he had received fromthe apostles, who themselves had received it from the Lord Jesus Christ,began to tell suddenly that on his return from his mission to Cypruswith Barnabas he had preached in Derbe and Lystra. It was in Lystra, hecried, that I met Timothy, whom I circumcised with my own hand; he wasthen a boy of ten, and his mother, who was a pious, God-fearing woman,foresaw in him a disciple, and said when we left, after having beencured by her and her mother of our wounds, when thou returnest to theGalatians he will be nearly old enough to follow thee, but tarry not solong, she added. But it was a long while before I returned to Lystra,and then Timothy was a young man, and ever since our lives have beenspent in the Lord's service, suffering tortures from robbers that soughtto obtain ransom. We have been scourged and shipwrecked. But, saidMathias, interrupting him, I know not of what you are speaking, and Paulwas obliged to go over laboriously in words the story that he haddreamed in a few seconds. And when it was told Mathias sai
d: your storyis worth telling. After my lecture the brethren will be glad to listento you. But, said Paul, what I have told you is nothing to what I couldtell; and Mathias answered: so much the better, for I shall not have tolisten to a twice-told story. And now, he added, I must leave you, for Ihave matter that must be carefully thought out, and in those ruinsyonder my best thinking is done.
Speak to the Essenes; tell them of my conversion? Paul repeated. Whynot? he asked himself, since he was here and could not leave tillnightfall. Festus had given him leave to go to Jericho to preach whilewaiting for the ship that was to take him to Rome, and he had found inJericho the intolerance that had dragged him out of the Temple atJerusalem; circumcision of the flesh but no circumcision of thespirit.... But here! He had been led to the Essenes by God, and all thathad seemed dark the night before now seemed clear to him. There was nolonger any doubt in his mind that the Lord wished his chosen people tohear the truth before his servant Paul left Palestine for ever. He hadbeen led by the Lord among these rocks, perhaps to find twelvedisciples, who would leave their rocks when they heard the truth of thedeath and ascension of Jesus of Nazareth and would carry the joyfultidings to the ends of the earth.