CHAP. XLI.
Hast slept well, Paul, and hath sleep refreshed thee and given theestrength to pursue thy journey? Paul answered that he was very weary,but however weary must struggle on to Caesarea. Thy strength wilt notsuffer thee to get farther than Bethennabrio, and to reach BethennabrioI must make thy sandals comfortable, Jesus answered, and on these wordshe knelt and succeeded in arranging the thongs so that Paul walkedwithout pain.
They walked without speaking, Paul afraid lest some chance word of hismight awaken Jesus' madness, and Jesus forgetful of Paul, his mind nowset on Jerusalem, whither he was going as soon as Paul was safely out ofthe way of the Jews. Each shut himself within the circle of his ownmind, and the silence was not broken till Paul began to fear that Jesuswas plotting against him, and to distract Jesus' mind from his plots, ifhe were weaving any, he ventured to compare the country they werepassing through with Galilee, and forthwith Jesus began to talk to Paulof Peter and John and James, sons of Zebedee, mentioning theirappearances, voices, manner of speech, relating their boats, theirfishing tackle, the fish-salting factory at Magdala, Dan, and Joseph hisson. He spoke volubly, genially, a winning relation it was of thefishing life round the lake, without mention of miracles, for it was notto his purpose to convince Paul of any spiritual power he may haveenjoyed, but rather of his own simple humanity. And Paul listened to allhis narratives complacently, still believing his guide to be a madman.If thou hadst not run away crying, he is mad, he is mad! thou wouldsthave heard how my crucifixion was brought about; how my eyes opened inthe tomb and---- Interrupting Jesus, Paul hastened to assure him that ifhe cried out, he is mad, he is mad, he had spoken the words unwittingly,they were put into his mouth by the sickness in which Jesus haddiscovered him. And the sickness, he admitted, might have been broughtabout by the shock of hearing thee speak of thyself as the Messiah. But,Paul, I did not speak of myself as the Messiah, but as an Essene whoduring some frenzied months believed himself to be the Messiah. But,shepherd, Paul answered, the Messiah promised to the Jews was Jesus ofNazareth, who was raised by his Father from the dead, and thou sayestthat thou art the same. If thou didst once believe thyself to be theMessiah thou hast repented thy blasphemy. Let us talk no more about theMessiah. In the desert these twenty years, Jesus answered. But not tillnow did I know my folly had borne fruit. Nor do I know now if Josephknew that a story had been set going. It may be that the story was notset going till after his death. Now it seems too late to go into thefield thou hast sown with tares instead of corn. To which Paul answered:it is my knowledge of thy seclusion among rocks that prompts me tolisten to thee. The field I have sown like every other field has sometares in it, but it is full of corn ripening fast which will be readyfor the reaping when it shall please the Lord to descend with his ownson, Jesus of Nazareth, from the skies. As soon as the words Jesus ofNazareth had left his lips Paul regretted them, for he did not doubtthat he was speaking to a madman whose name, no doubt, was Jesus, andwho had come from Nazareth, and having got some inkling of the truestory of the resurrection had little by little conceived himself to behe who had died that all might be saved; and upon a sudden resolve notto utter another word that might offend the madman's beliefs, he beganto tell that he had brought hope to the beggar, the outcast, to theslave; though this world was but a den of misery to them, another worldwas coming to which they might look forward in full surety; and many, hesaid, that led vile lives are now God-fearing men and women who, whenthe daily work is done, go forth in the evening to beseech the multitudeto give some time to God.
In every field there are tares, but there are fewer in my field than inany other, and that I hold to be the truth; and seeing that Jesus waslistening to his story he began to relate his theology, perplexing Jesuswith his doctrines, but interesting him with the glad tidings that theburden of the law had been lifted from all. If he had stopped there allwould have been well, so it seemed to Jesus, whose present mind was notable to grasp why a miracle should be necessary to prove to men that thelove of God was in the heart rather than in observances, and the miraclethat Paul continued to relate with so much unction seemed to him socrude; yet he once believed that God was pleased to send his onlybegotten son to redeem the world by his death on a cross. A strangeconception truly. And while he was thinking these things Paul fell totelling his dogma concerning predestination, and he was anxious thatJesus should digest his reply to Mathias, who had said thatpredestination conflicted with the doctrine of salvation for all. ButJesus, who was of Mathias' opinion, refrained from expressing himselfdefinitely on the point, preferring to forget Paul, so that he mightbetter consider if he would be able to make plain to Paul that miraclesbring no real knowledge of God to man, and that our conscience is thesource of our knowledge of God and that perhaps a providence nourishesbeyond the world.
Meanwhile Paul continued his discourse, till, becoming suddenly awarethat Jesus' thoughts were far away, he stopped speaking; the silenceawoke Jesus from his meditation, and he began to compare Paul'sstrenuous and restless life with his own, asking himself if he enviedthis man who had laboured so fiercely and meditated so little. And Paul,divining in a measure the thoughts that were passing in Jesus' mind,began to speak to Jesus of our life in the flesh and its value. For isit not true, he asked, that it is in our fleshly life we earn ourimmortal life? But, Paul, Jesus said, it seems unworthy to love virtueto gain heaven. Is it not better to love virtue for its own sake? I haveheard that question many times, Paul answered, and believe those thatask it to be of little faith; were I not sure that our Lord Jesus Christdied, and was raised by his Father from the dead, I should turn to thepleasures of this world, though there is but little taste in me forthem, only that little which all men suffer, and I have begged God toredeem me from it, but he answered: my grace suffices.
A great pity for Paul took possession of Jesus, and seeking to gain him,Jesus spoke of the Essenes and their life, and the advantage it would beto him to return to the Brook Kerith. Among the brethren thou'lt seekand find thyself, and every man, he continued, is behoven sooner orlater to seek himself; and thyself, Paul, if I read thee rightly, hathalways been overlooked by thee, which is a fault. So thou thinkest,Jesus, that I have always overlooked myself? But which self? For therehave been many selves in me. A Pharisee that went forth from Jerusalemwith letters from the chief priests to persecute the saints in Damascus.The self that has begun to wish that life were over so that I may bebrought to Christ, never to be separated again from him. Or the selfthat lies beyond my reason, that would hold me accursed from Christ, ifthereby I might bring the whole world to Christ in exchange: which selfof those three wouldst thou have me seek and discover in the BrookKerith? He waited a little while for Jesus to answer, then he answeredhis own question: my work is my conscience made manifest, and my soul isin the Lord Jesus Christ that was crucified and raised from the dead byhis Father. He lives in me, and it is by his power that I live.
The men stopped and looked into each other's eyes, and it seemed to themthat no two men were so irreparably divided. Thou must bear with me,Paul, Jesus said, a little while longer, till we reach a certainhillside, distant about an hour's journey from this valley. I must seethee to a place of safety, and the thoughts in my mind I will considerwhile we strive up these sand-hills. Now if thy sandals hurt thee tellme and I will arrange the thongs differently. Paul answered that theywere easy to wear, and they toiled up the dunes in silence, Paulthinking how he might persuade this madman to return to his cenoby andleave the world to him.
There are some, he said, as they came out of a valley, that think thetime is long deferred before the Lord will come. Thou'rt Jesus ofNazareth, I deny it not, but the Jesus of Nazareth that I preach is ofthe spirit and not of the flesh, and it was the spirit and not the fleshthat was raised from the dead. Thy doctrine that man's own soul is hiswhole concern is well enough for the philosophers of Egypt and Greece,but we who know the judgment to be near, and that there is salvation forall, must hasten with the glad tidings. Wilt tell me, Paul
, of whatvalue would thy teaching be if Jesus did not die on the cross? Manytimes and in many places I have said my teaching would be as naught ifour Lord Jesus had not died, Paul answered. Are not my hands and feettestimony, Paul, that I speak the truth? Look unto them. Pilate put manybeside thee on the cross, Paul replied, and, as I have told thee, myChrist is not of this world. If he be not of this world, is he God orangel? Jesus asked, and Paul said: neither, but God's own son, chosen byGod from the beginning to redeem the world, not the Jews only, but allmen, Gentiles and Jews alike. Thou hast asked me to look into thy handsand feet, but what testimony may be a few ancient scars to me that heardour Lord Jesus Christ speak out of the clouds? Thou wast not in thecenoby when I told my story, hoping thereby to get a dozen apostles toaccompany me to Spain, a wide and difficult country I'm told, a dozenwould not be too many; but thou wast not there to hear what befell me onthe road to Damascus, whither I was going to persecute the saints; andagain a great pity for Paul took possession of Jesus as he listened tothe story. Were I to persuade him that there was no miracle, his mindwould snap, Jesus said to himself, and he figured Paul wanderingdemented through the hills.
And when Paul came to the end of his story he seemed to have forgottenthe man walking by his side. He is rapt, Jesus said to himself, in theJesus of his imagination. And when they had walked for another hourJesus said: seest the ridge of hills over yonder? There we shall findthe village, two hours' march from Caesarea. The sea rises up in front ofthee and a long meandering road will lead thee into Caesarea. At yonderridge of hills we part. And whither goest thou? Paul asked. Returnestthou to the Brook Kerith? I know not whither I go, but a great seemingis in my heart that it will not be to the Brook Kerith nor to Jerusalem.To Jerusalem? Paul repeated. What persuasion or what desire would bringthee to that accursed city of men more stubborn than all others? I leftthe Brook Kerith, Paul, after listening to Hazael for a long while; hesought to dissuade me against Jerusalem, but I resisted his counsel,saying that now I knew thee to be preaching the resurrection of Jesus ofNazareth from the dead, thereby leading the people astray, I must returnto Jerusalem to tell the priest that he whom they believed to be raisedfrom the dead still lived in the flesh. However mad thou beest, thepriests will welcome thy story and for it may glorify thee or belike putthee on the cross again. But this is sure that emissaries will be sentto Italy and Spain, who will turn the people's mind from the truth; andthe testimony of the twelve that saw Jesus and of the five hundred thatsaw him afterwards will be as naught; and the Jews will scoff at me,saying: he whom thou declarest was raised from the dead lives; and theGentiles will scoff and say: we will listen to thee, Paul, another day;and the world will fall back into idolatry, led back into it by thedelusions of a madman. The word of God is a weak thing, Paul, Jesusanswered, if it cannot withstand and overcome the delusions of a madman,and God himself a derision, for he will have sent his son to die on thecross in vain. Of the value of the testimony of the twelve I am thebetter judge. Then thou goest to Jerusalem, Paul asked, to confute me?No, Paul, I shall not return to Jerusalem. Because, Paul interrupted,thou wouldst not see the world fall back into idolatry? Thou art a goodman despite---- Despite my delusions, Jesus said, interrupting Paul. Sothou'rt afraid the world will fall back into idolatry?--yet Jesus ofNazareth has been proclaimed by thee as the Messiah, a man abovemankind. A spiritual being, higher than the angels, therefore, in a way,part and parcel of the Godhead though not yet equal to God. Thinkest,Paul, that those that come after thee will not pick up the Messiah wherethou hast left him and carry him still further into deity?
It is not fear of idolatry, Paul, that turns me from Jerusalem. Theworld will always be idolatrous in some sort of fashion. Bear that wellin mind whither thou goest. The world cannot be else than the world.
Let us sit here, Paul answered, for I would hear thee under this rock infront of this sea; thou shalt tell me how thou earnest into thesethoughts. Thou, a shepherd among the Judean hills. Jesus answered him:the things that I taught in Galilee were not vain, but I only knew partof the truth, that which thou knowest, that sacrifices and observancesare vain; and when I went to Jerusalem the infamy of the Temple and itspriests became clear to me, and I yielded to anger, for I was possessedof a great desire to save the people. The Scribes and Phariseesconspired against me, and I was brought before the High Priest, who renthis garments. We have but little time to spend together, and rather thanthat story I would hear thee tell of the thoughts that came to theewhilst thou didst lead thy flocks over the hills.
For many years, Paul, there were no thoughts in my mind, or they werekept back, for I was without a belief; but thought returned to mydesolate mind as the spring returns to these hills; and the next step inmy advancement was when I began to understand that we may not think ofGod as a man who would punish men for doing things they have neverpromised not to do, or recompense them for abstinence from things theynever promised to abstain from. Soon after I began to comprehend thatthe beliefs of our forefathers must be abandoned, and that if we wouldarrive at any reasonable conception of God, we must not put a stint uponhim. And as I wandered with my sheep he became in my senses not withoutbut within the universe, part and parcel, not only of the stars and theearth, but of me, yea, even of my sheep on the hillside. All things areGod, Paul: thou art God and I am God, but if I were to say thou art manand I am God, I should be the madman that thou believest me to be. Thatwas the second step in my advancement; and the third step, Paul, in myadvancement was the knowledge that God did not design us to know him butthrough our consciousness of good and evil, only thus far may we knowhim. So thou seest, Paul, he has not written the utmost stint of hispower upon us, and this being so, Paul--and who shall say that it is notso--it came to me to understand that all striving was vain, and worsethan vain. The pursuit of a corruptible crown as well as the pursuit ofan incorruptible crown leads us to sin. If we would reach the sinlessstate we must relinquish pursuit. What I mean is this, that he who seeksthe incorruptible crown starts out with words of love on his lips topersuade men to love God, and finding that men do not heed him he beginsto hate them, and hate leads on into persecution. Such is the end of allworship. There is but one thing, Paul, to learn to live for ourselves,and to suffer our fellows to do likewise; all learning comes out ofourselves, and no one may communicate his thought; for his thought wasgiven to him for himself alone. Thou art where I was once, thou hastlearnt that sacrifices and observances are vain, that God is in ourheart; and it may be that in years to come thy knowledge will beextended, or it may be that thou hast reached the end of thy tether: weare all at tether, Paul.
Wouldst thou have me learn, Jesus, that God is to be put aside? Again,Paul, thou showest me the vanity of words. God forbid that I should saybanish God from thy hearts. God cannot be banished, for God is in us.All things proceed from God; all things end in God; God like all therest is a possession of the mind. He who would be clean must be obedientto God. God has not designed us to know him except through ourconscience. Each man's conscience is a glimpse. These are some of thethings that I have learnt, Paul, in the wilderness during the lasttwenty years. But seek not to understand me. Thou canst not understandme and be thyself; but, Paul, I can comprehend thee, for once I wasthou. Whither goest thou? Paul cried, looking back. But Jesus made noanswer, and Paul, with a flutter of exaltation in his heart, turnedtowards Caesarea, knowing now for certain that Jesus would not go toJerusalem to provoke the Jews against him. Italy would therefore hear ofthe life and death of our Lord Jesus Christ that had brought salvationfor all, and Spain afterwards. Spain, Spain, Spain! he repeated as hewalked, filled with visions of salvation. He walked with Spain vaguelyin his mind till his reverie was broken by the sound of voices, and hesaw people suddenly in a strange garb going towards the hillside onwhich he had left Jesus; neither Jews nor Greeks were they, and onturning to a shepherd standing by he heard that the strangely garbedpeople were monks from India, and they are telling the people, theshepherd said, that they must not believe that they
have souls, and thatthey know that they are saved. What can be saved but the spirit? Paulcried, and he asked the shepherd how far he was from the village ofBethennabrio. Not more than half-an-hour, the shepherd answered, and itwas upon coming into sight of the village that Paul began to trace alikeness between the doctrines that Jesus had confided to him and theshepherd's story of the doctrines that were being preached by the monksfrom India. His thoughts were interrupted by the necessity of asking thefirst passenger coming from the village to direct him to the inn, and itwas good tidings to hear that there was one.
However meagre the food might be, it would be enough, he answered, andwhile he sat at supper he remembered Jesus again, and while thinking ofhis doctrines and the likeness they bore to those the Indians werepreaching, some words of Jesus returned to him. He had said that he didnot think he was going back to the Brook Kerith, and it may well be,Paul muttered, that in saying those words he was a prophet withoutknowing it. The monks from India will meet him in the valley, and ifthey speak to him they will soon gather from him that he divined much oftheir philosophy while watching his flock, and finding him to be oftheir mind they may ask him to return to India with them and he willpreach there.
Sleep began to gather in Paul's eyes and he was soon dozing, thinking inhis doze how pleasant it was to lie in a room with no bats above him. Aremembrance of the smell kept him awake, but his fatigue was so greatthat his sleep grew deeper and deeper and many hours passed over, andthe people in the inn thought that Paul would never wake again. But thislong sleep did not redeem him from the fatigue of his journeys. He couldnot set out again till late in the afternoon, and it was evening when hepassed over the last ridge of hills and saw the yellow sands of Caesareabefore him. The sky was grey, and the rain that Jesus had foreseen wasbeginning to fall, and it was through shades of evening that he saw thegreat mole covered with buildings stretching far into the sea. Timothywill be waiting for me at the gate if he has not fallen over aprecipice, he said, and a few minutes after he caught sight of Timothywaiting for him. Paul opened his arms to him. Thoughtest that I was lostto thee for ever, Timothy? God whispered in my ears, Timothy answered,that he would bring thee back safely, and the ship is already in offing.It would be well to go on board now, for at daybreak we weigh anchor.Thou'lt sleep better on board. And Paul, who was too weary even toanswer, allowed himself to be led. And, too weary to sleep, he laywaking often out of shallow sleeps. He could hear Timothy breathing byhis side, and when he raised his eyes he saw the stars that were toguide them along the coasts; but the beauty of the stars could not blotout of his mind the shepherd's face: and Paul's thoughts murmured, hewho believed himself the Messiah and still thinks he is Jesus ofNazareth which was raised by his Father from the dead. Yet without hishelp I should not have reached Caesarea. It then seemed to Paul that theshepherd was an angel in disguise sent to his aid, or a madman. A madmanwith a strange light in his eyes, he continued, and fell to thinking ifthe voice that spoke out of the cloud bore any likeness to the voicethat had compelled his attention for so long a term on the hillside. Buta bodily voice, he said, cannot resemble a spiritual voice, and it isenough that the Lord Jesus spoke to me, and that his voice has abided inme and become my voice. It is his voice that is now calling me to Rome,and it is his voice that I shall hear when my life is over, saying:Paul, I have long waited for thee; come unto me, faithful servant, andreceive in me thy gain and the fruit of all thy labour. He repeated thewords so loudly that Timothy awoke, and at the sight of the young man'sface the present sank out of sight and he was again in Lystra, and onlooking into the young man's eyes he knew that Timothy would remind himalways of the woman in Lystra whom he would never see again. Of what artthou thinking, Paul? The voice seemed to come from the ends of theearth, but it came from Timothy's lips. Of Lystra, Timothy, that weshall never see again nor any of the people we have ever known. We areleaving our country and our kindred. But remember, Timothy, that it isGod that calls thee Homeward. And they sat talking in the soft starlightof what had befallen them when they separated in the darkness. Timothytold that he remembered the way he had come by sufficiently not to fallfar out of it, and that at daybreak he had met shepherds who haddirected him. He had walked and he had rested and in that way managed toreach Caesarea the following evening. A long journey on foot, but a pooradventure. But thou hast been away three days, three days and threenights.... How earnest thou hither? Thy eyes are full of story. A fairadventure, Timothy, and he related his visit to the Essenes and theirdwelling among the cliffs above the Brook Kerith. A fair adventuretruly, Timothy. Would I'd been with thee to have seen and heard them.Would indeed that we had not been separated---- He was about to tell theshepherd's story but was stopped by some power within himself. But howdidst thou come hither? Timothy asked again, and Paul answered, theEssenes sent their shepherd with me. Timothy begged Paul to tell himmore about the Essenes, but the sailors begged them to cease talking,and next day the ship touched at Sidon, and Julius, in whose charge Paulhad been placed, gave him the liberty to go unto his friends and torefresh himself.
The sea of Cilicia was beautifully calm, and they sailed on, hearing allthe sailors, who were Greek, telling their country's legends of the warsof Troy, and of Venus whose great temple was in Cyprus. After passingCyprus they came to Myra, a city of Cilicia, and were fortunate enoughto find a ship there bound for Alexandria, sailing from thence to Italy.Julius put them all on board it; but the wind was unfavourable, and assoon as they came within sight of the Cnidus the wind blew against themand they sailed to Crete and by Salome till they came to a coast knownas the Fair Havens by the city of Lasea, where much time was spent tothe great danger of the ship, and also to the lives of the passengersand the crew as Paul fully warned them, the season, he said, being tooadvanced for them to expect fair sailings. I have fared much by land andsea, he said, and know the danger and perils of this season. He was notlistened to, but the Haven being not safe in winter they loosed forPhoenice; and the wind blew softly, and they mocked Paul, but not long,for a dangerous wind arose known as euroclydon, against which the shipcould not bear up, and so the crew let her drive before it till in greatfear of quicksands they unloaded the ship of some cargo. And next day,the wind rising still higher, they threw overboard all they could layhands upon, and for several days and nights the wrack was so thick andblack overhead that they were driven on and on through unknown wastes ofwater, Paul exhorting all to be of good cheer, for an angel of God hadexhorted him that night, telling that none should drown.
And when the fourteenth day was spent it seemed to the sailors that theywere close upon land. Upon sounding they found fifteen fathoms, andafraid they were upon rocks, they cast out anchors. But the anchors didnot hold, and the danger of drowning became so great as the nightadvanced that the sailors would have launched a boat, but Paul besoughtthem to remain upon the ship; and when it was day they discovered acertain creek in which they thought they might beach the ship, whichthey did, and none too soon, for the ship began to break to pieces soonafter. But shall our prisoners be supposed to swim ashore? the soldiersasked, and they would have killed the prisoners, but the centurionrestrained them, for he was minded to save Paul's life, and all reachedthe shore either by swimming or clinging to wreckage which the wavescast up upon the shore.
They were then upon the island of Melita, where Paul was mistaken for amurderer because a viper springing out of a bundle of sticks fastened onhis hand. But he shook off the beast into the fire and felt no harm, andthe barbarians waited for him to swell and fall down suddenly, but whenhe showed no sign of sickness they mistook him for a god, and in fearthat they would offer sacrifices in his honour, as the priests of Lystrawished to do when he bade the cripple stand straight upon his feet, hetold them that he was a man like themselves; he consented, however, thatthey should bring him to Publius, the chief man of the island, who laysick with fever and a flux of blood, and he rose up healed as soon asPaul imposed his hand upon him. And many other people coming, all ofwhom were hea
led, the barbarians brought him presents.
After three months' stay they went on board a ship from Alexandria,whose sign was Castor and Pollux, and a fair wind took them to Syracuse,where they tarried three days; a south wind arose at Rhegium and carriedthem next into Puteoli, where Paul found the brethren, who begged thecenturion Julius to allow him to remain with them for a few days, and onaccount of his great friendship and admiration of Paul he allowed him totarry for seven days.
From Puteoli Paul and Timothy and Aristarchus went forward towards Romewith the centurion, and the news of their journey having preceded themthe brethren came to meet them as far as The Three Taverns.... Withgreat rejoicing they all went on to Rome together, and when they arrivedin Rome the centurion delivered the prisoners to the Captain of theGuard, but Paul was permitted to live by himself with a soldier on guardover him, and he enjoyed the right to see whom he pleased and to teachhis doctrine, which he did, calling as soon as he was rested the chiefsof the Jews together, and when they were come together he related tothem the story of the persecutions he had endured from the Jews from thebeginning, and that he had appealed to Caesar in order to escape fromthem. He expounded and testified the Kingdom of God, persuading them onall matters concerning Jesus, his birth, his death and his resurrection,enjoining them to look into the Scriptures and to accept thetestification of five hundred, many of whom were still alive, while somewere sleeping. He spoke from morning to evening.
The rest of his story is unknown.
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