CHAPTER XXVII
THE SACRIFICE--RACE LOYALTY
Getting back to the affair of the Scotch girl, I hated to give up herkindness and friendship. I would have given half my life to have had herpossess just a least bit of negro blood in her veins, but since she didnot and could not help it any more than I could help being a negro, Itried to forget it, straightened out my business and took a trip east,bent on finding a wife among my own.
As the early morning train carried me down the road from Megory, I hopedwith all the hope of early manhood, I would find a sensible girl and notlike many I knew in Chicago, who talked nothing but clothes, jewelry,and a good time. I had no doubt there were many good colored girls inthe east, who, if they understood my life, ambition and morality, wouldmake a good wife and assist me in building a little empire on the Dakotaplains, not only as a profit to ourselves, but a credit to the negrorace as well. I wanted to succeed, but hold the respect and good will ofthe community, and there are few communities that will sanction amarriage with a white girl, hence, the sacrifice.
I spent about six weeks visiting in Chicago and New York, finallyreturning west to southern Illinois to visit a family in C--dale, nearM--boro, who were the most prosperous colored people in the town. Theyowned a farm near town, nine houses and lots in the city, and werepractical people who understood business and what it took to succeed.
They had a daughter whom I had known as a child back in the home townM--plis, where she had cousins that she used to visit. She had by thistime grown into a woman of five and twenty. Her name was Daisy Hinshaw.Now Miss Hinshaw was not very good-looking but had spent years in schooland in many ways was unlike the average colored girl. She was attentiveand did not have her mind full of cheap, showy ideals. I had written toher at times from South Dakota and she had answered with many invitingletters. Therefore, when I wrote her from New York that I intendedpaying her a visit, she answered in a very inviting letter, but boldlytold me not to forget to bring her a nice present, that she would like alarge purse. I did not like such boldness. I should have preferred alittle more modesty, but I found the purse, however, a large seal one ina Fifth Avenue shop, for six dollars, which Miss Hinshaw displayed withmuch show when I came to town.
The town had a colored population of about one thousand and the manygirls who led in the local society looked enviously upon Miss Hinshaw'scatch--and the large seal purse--and I became the "Man of the Hour" inC--dale.
The only marriageable man in the town who did not gamble, get drunk andcarouse in a way that made him ineligible to decent society, was theprofessor of the colored school. He was a college graduate and receivedsixty dollars a month. He had been spoiled by too much attention,however, and was not an agreeable person.
Miss Hinshaw was dignified and desired to marry, and to marry somebodythat amounted to something, but she was so bold and selfish. She took adelight in the reports, that were going the rounds, that we wereengaged, and I was going to have her come to South Dakota and file on aTipp County homestead relinquishment that I would buy, and we would thenget married.
The only objector to this plan was myself. I had not fallen in love withMiss Hinshaw and did not feel that I could. Daisy was a nice girl,however, a little odd in appearance, having a light brown complexion,without color or blood visible in the cheeks; was small and bony; paddedwith so many clothes that no idea of form could be drawn. I guessed herweight at about ninety pounds. She had very good hair but grey eyes,that gave her a cattish appearance.
She had me walking with her alone and permitted no one to interfere. Shewould not introduce me to other girls while out, keeping me right by herside and taking me home and into her parlor, with her and her alone, ascompany.
One day I went up town and while there took a notion to go to the littlemining town, to see the relatives who had got me the job there sevenyears before. But it was ten miles, with no train before the followingmorning. Just then the colored caller called out a train to M--boro andSt. Louis, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that I had almostforgotten Miss Rooks. Why not go to M--boro? I had not expected to payher a visit but suddenly decided that I would just run over quietly andcome back on the train to C--dale at five o'clock that afternoon. Ijumped aboard and as M--boro was only eight miles, I was soon in thetown, and inquiring where she lived.
I found their house presently--they were always moving--and just atrifle nervously rang the bell. The door was opened in a few minutes andbefore me stood Jessie. She had changed quite a bit in the three yearsand now with long skirts and the eyes looked so tired and dream-like.She was quite fascinating, this I took in at a glance. She stammeredout, "Oh! Oscar Devereaux", extending her hand timidly and looking intomy eyes as though afraid. She looked so lonely, and I had thought agreat deal of her a few years ago--and perhaps it was not all dead--andthe next moment she was in my arms and I was kissing her.
I did not go back to C--dale on the five nor on the eight o'clock--and Idid not want to on the last train that night. I was having the mostcarefree time of my life. They were hours of sweetest bliss. With Jessiesnugly held in the angle of my left arm, we poured out the pent-upfeelings of the past years. I had a proposition to make, and had reasonsto feel it would be accepted.
The family had a hard time making ends meet. Her father had lost themail carrier's job and had run a restaurant later and then a saloon.Failing in both he had gone to another town, starting another restaurantand had there been assaulted by a former admirer of Jessie's, who hadstruck him with a heavy stick, fracturing the skull and injuring him sothat for weeks he had not been able to remember anything. Although hewas then convalescing, he was unable to earn anything. Her mother hadalways been helpless, and the support fell on her and a younger brother,who acted as special delivery letter carrier and received twenty dollarsa month, while Jessie taught a country school a mile from town,receiving twenty-five dollars per month. This she turned over to thesupport of the household, and made what she earned sewing after schoolhours, supply her own needs. It was a long and pitiful tale she relatedas we walked together along a dark street, with her clinging to my armand speaking at times in a half sob. My heart went out to her, and Iwanted to help and said: "Why did you not write to me, didn't you knowthat I would have done something?"
"Well," she answered slowly, "I started to several times, but was soafraid that you would not understand." She seemed so weak and forlorn inher distress. She had never been that way when I knew her before, and Ifelt sure she had suffered, and I was a brute, not to have realized it.Twelve o'clock found me as reluctant to go as five o'clock had, but aswe kissed lingeringly at the door, I promised when I left C--dale twoevenings later I would stop off at M--boro and we would discuss thematter pro and con. This was Saturday night.
The next morning I called to see Daisy. I was unusually cheerful, andtaking her face in my hands, blew a kiss. She looked up at me with hergrey eyes alert and with an air of suspicion, said: "You've been kissingsomebody else since you left here." Then leading me into the parlor inher commanding way, ordered me to sit down and to wait there until shereturned. She had just completed cleaning and dusting the parlor and itwas in perfect order. She seemed to me to be more forward than ever thatmorning, and I felt a suspicion that I was going to get a curtainlecture. However, I escaped the lecture but got stunned instead.
Daisy returned in about an hour, dressed in a rustling black silk dress,with powdered face and her hair done up elegantly and without ceremonyor hesitation planted herself on the settee and requested, or ratherordered me to take a seat beside her. She opened the conversation byinquiring of South Dakota, and took my hand and pretended to pare myfinger nails. I answered in nonchalant tones but after a little sheturned her head a little slantingly, looked down, began just the leasthesitant, but firmly: "Now what arrangements do you wish me to make inregard to my coming to South Dakota next fall?"
For the love of Jesus, I said to myself, if she hasn't proposed. Now oneadvantage of a dark skin is that one does n
ot show his inner feeling asnoticeably as those of the lighter shade, and I do not know whether MissHinshaw noticed the look of embarrassment that overspread mycountenance. I finally found words to break the deadly suspensefollowing her bold action.
"Oh!" I stammered more than spoke, "I would really rather not make anyarrangements, Daisy."
"Well," she said, not in the least taken back, "a person likes to knowjust how they stand."
"Yes, of course," I added hastily. "You see," I was just starting in ona lengthy discourse trying to avoid the issue, when the door bell rangand a relative of mine by the name of Menloe Robinson, who had attendedthe university the same time Miss Hinshaw had, but had been expelled forgambling and other bad habits, came in. He was a bore most of the timewith so much of his college talk, but I could have hugged him then, Ifelt so relieved, but Miss Hinshaw put in before he got started totalking, wickedly, that of course if I did not want her she could notforce it.
The next day at noon I left for St. Louis but did not mention that I wasscheduled to stop off at M--boro. Miss Hinshaw had grown sad inappearance and looked so lonely I felt sorry for her and kissed hergood-bye at the station, which seemed to cheer her a little. She wasmarried to a classmate about a year later and I have not seen her since.
Jessie was glad to see me when I called that evening in M--boro, and wewent walking again and had another long talk. When we got back, I sangthe old story to which she answered with, "Do you really want me?"
"Sure, Jessie, why not." I looked into her eyes that seemed just aboutto shed tears but she closed them and snuggled up closely, andwhispered, "I just wanted to hear you say you wanted me."