Part of your initiation, was it? /
JEN
and I've been here ever since.
PHIL
Why didn't you move on? Why didn't you find someone else after your husband left.
JEN
It wasn't that I couldn't. If I were on my own, then I would have. But when you've got children it's not that easy, nor even that desirable. And the longer you take no action the easier it is to accept your situation.
(beat)
I assume that your children don't live with you?
PHIL
Correct.
(pause)
Tea?
JEN
Yes.
(Phil tops-up Jen's mug)
PHIL
One sugar?
JEN
Good guess.
PHIL
Any regrets?
JEN
Should have persevered with the sweeteners.
(pause)
Wiser people than me would say that it's as a result of everything that happens to you that you are who you are today, and if you're happy enough then you should regret nothing.
PHIL
What doesn't kill you...
JEN
I wouldn't put it like that.
PHIL
And you're happy?
JEN
(beat, reflective)
Happy enough.
(pause)
It's not so bad in here. We do have a laugh, sometimes. You see life in here /
PHIL
"Sea life." Back to the dolphin.
JEN
(ignores the comment)
It's like watching short plays. Fringe events. Different casts.
PHIL
You think I'm an act?
JEN
Only from the moment you came in.
(beat)
The tables are stages. They're bare, then the food - the props and the scenery - arrives, performances take place, then the show is over.
(a couple of seconds, Jen looks at Phil who she expects to have replied)
PHIL
I can't top that.
JEN
(points)
That was my first table. Over there.
(Phil looks across the room)
JEN (CONT'D)
My eldest does her homework on that table, waiting for me to finish my shift.
PHIL
It all happens here.
JEN
It does.
PHIL
You wouldn't know from the outside.
JEN
A couple got engaged at this table.
PHIL
A venue for romance.
JEN
And a song was written on this table.
PHIL
But you've cleaned it off.
JEN
It faded in time.
(beat)
A song about me. Apparently.
(beat)
Quite a nice song, actually.
PHIL
He sang it to you?
JEN
He put it on his album.
PHIL
"Album"? Is he famous?
JEN
No.
PHIL
Was your husband jealous?
JEN
I never told him.
PHIL
An indiscretion.
JEN
Hardly. It was down to his insecurity.
(few seconds silence)
JEN (CONT'D)
So - are you still with your fancy woman?
PHIL
No.
JEN
The affair is over.
(beat)
Did it last long?
PHIL
Several years. It was more than an affair.
JEN
Of course. It was "the real thing."
PHIL
"A" real thing.
JEN
So even that, and everything you gave up for it, wasn't enough for you in the end. You just don't get it, do you.
PHIL
What do you mean?
JEN
You can't just switch off relationships like they were a DVD you got bored watching.
PHIL
It's what men do.
JEN
Not all men.
PHIL
You don't understand.
JEN
Me?! I know exactly what it's like. Do you think you can put us on "pause?" The people you leave behind. Held in freeze-frame until you're ready to come back? If you come back. What did your children think when you suddenly weren't there any more?
(beat)
You've no idea, have you.
PHIL
I've never asked them about that.
JEN
Frightened how they would answer you. If you'd died they'd probably have found it easier to cope with.
PHIL
Everything changes.
JEN
Of course it does! Life is about change. Surely you worked that out.
PHIL
But your idea of commitment seems to be one sided. It's the man who makes all the changes, all the sacrifices /
JEN
Oh, per-leeze.
PHIL
Women are born wanting marriage and children.
(beat)
Women simply get older maintaining the same ideals, while men develop. Men need to develop.
JEN
But men don't. It's men who want to keep reliving their "groundhog groins."
(beat)
Women have humility. Something you couldn't possibly understand.
PHIL
(smug / smiling)
This is not quite what I had in mind when I came in. All of this.
JEN
Here we go! Another schoolboy grin, another juvenile comment thrown in to disrupt the conversation when it all gets a bit too heavy. Scared that your beliefs are being challenged. Don't like it when someone isn't constantly agreeing with you.
PHIL
It's not like that.
JEN
What did you expect when you came in for "a talk," after your lonely head pressed its nose up against the window and you thought 'she looks desperate, best go in and chat her up.'
PHIL
You haven't heard my side of the story yet.
JEN
There's nothing new about your story. Nothing unique.
PHIL
You can't say that. You haven't heard it.
JEN
I have!
PHIL
(sarcastically)
Oh, yes. I was forgetting. Here, in the "café theatre," or whatever you want to call it.
JEN
Your family were unique. Where is the other woman now? The blonde, I take it?
PHIL
Not blonde. She looks like you, actually.
JEN
Ha! Is that why you chose me?
PHIL
Huh?
JEN
To talk to.
(pause)
What do your daughters think?
PHIL
They understand.
JEN
Female and they understand you?
PHIL
Yes.
JEN
Amazing.
PHIL
There's a pain inside me now.
JEN
Oh dear. Could be the two eggs.
PHIL
I try to be serious - mature - and then you mock me.
JEN
Go on, then.
PHIL
A pain that I feel when I think about the times I've missed /
JEN
That's called self-pity /
PHIL
for example, when they were at home with their mum in the evenings, watching television together.
JEN
Too bad. You're thinking about it
now, because the affair is over.
(few seconds silence)
JEN (CONT'D)
Shall I get your bill?
(beat)
Or perhaps something for afters.
PHIL
(meekly, reads from menu)
Treacle tart.
JEN
Is that her name?
PHIL
She dumped me. OK? Plain and simple.
JEN
Excellent news.
PHIL
Dumped me back into my own time.
JEN
Now you've lost me.
(mocking, child-like voice)
Do you mean you've found out how old you are?
PHIL
When I first left my wife, I was taken back in time. With Caroline /
JEN
(disparagingly)
Caroline /
PHIL
I became young again.
JEN
Miraculous. "Saint Caroline."
PHIL
When I was with her, I had all the knowledge of an older person, but in a younger life.
JEN
How convenient, and with none of the accrued responsibilities.
PHIL
Then she started getting older as I stayed the same.
JEN
Shame. And I thought you said "men developed."
PHIL
I've been a fool.
JEN
You've fooled yourself.
PHIL
I tell everybody.
JEN
You need to go on daytime-TV to really mean it.
PHIL
I'm even telling you.
JEN
My husband would never have made such an admission. Whatever he felt he would keep inside.
(Jen looks at the table)
PHIL
What?
JEN
All finished?
PHIL
Yes.
JEN
(about to get up)
I'll get your bill.
PHIL
Is that it?
JEN
And a V.A.T receipt, if you want one.
(Jen tidies the table, returns with the bill, gives it to Phil who scrutinises it)
JEN (CONT'D)
It's right.
PHIL
Yes.
(Phil stands, gets some money out of his pocket, puts the money on the table. Jen looks at the money on the table)
JEN
Not much of a tip. Was everything satisfactory?
PHIL
The meal was fine.
(puts another coin down)
It's just that...
JEN
What?
PHIL
Things didn't turn out as I planned /
JEN
Aha /
PHIL
and I admit that I made certain arrogant assumptions.
JEN
That's honest.
PHIL
Twice in one day.
(beat)
I'm getting there.
JEN
Maybe.
(pause)
Maybe.
PHIL
(pause)
How are the girls?
JEN
They're fine.
(beat)
You're still OK to pick them up on Thursday evening?
PHIL
Yes.
JEN
They're looking forward to it. Don't let them down.
PHIL
I won't.
(They exchange a look. Jen crosses to counter, Phil exits. Jen returns to table with cleaning trug, cleans table)
JEN
(stops cleaning, sniffs table top, to Self)
Do come back to Eve's again.
(BLACKOUT)
###
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