Nox’s head falls onto my stomach as his body shakes with laughter. I don’t even have the energy to be embarrassed about my wanton hussiness. That was effing awesome.
After a moment’s recovery, Nox lifts his head and I feel his hand at my mound. His eyes meet mine. He rubs me gently, up and down, and my eyes flutter.
It’s perfect. He knows not to be too rough right now.
My pulse quickens and the happy feelings start to sizzle. Still soaking wet, I feel his thick finger circle my entrance, as if asking permission. I lift my hips a little and the tip of his finger slips inside.
Damn!
That feels a little funny.
Nox watches me. I watch him. His finger slides deeper inside of me and his face becomes pained. “You’re so tight.”
And I cringe. “I’m sorry.”
His face turns to stunned disbelief. “Baby, that’s not a bad thing. My cocks harder than a rock. I just have no idea how I’m gonna last more than ten seconds in your sweet pussy.”
Oh, wow!
I haven’t heard Nox use dirty words before and unintentionally, my core moistens again.
Nox groans when he feels it and starts a motion with his finger, sliding in and out of me. He mutters, “Fuckin’ hell. She likes the dirty talk.”
My cheeks flame, but I have no time to react when his finger slides out of me and he pushes two inside of me. A twinge of pain hits me and my eyes close in hurt.
Geez, I hope that was it.
But Nox keeps a slow motion and eventually I enjoy the feel of two of his thick fingers inside of me. He makes a scissor like motion with his fingers inside me and the pain returns. I whisper, “Ow.”
His eyes sad, he asks softly, “You sure you wanna do this? The first time…it hurts, baby.”
Putting on my poker face, I nod and smile. He searches my face a little while before moving up my body so the tip of his shaft kisses my wetness.
He says gently, “Bend your knees.”
So I do. It opens me a little more and the tip of him slides into me.
I gasp and wince. It hurts a little, but not too bad. I suppose the wetness helps. He watches me closely, “’Kay, babe?”
Nodding for him to continue, I grip his upper arms for support. He slides in a little more and the pain doubles.
Oh shit. This really sucks!
Never being one to mask my emotions, Nox leans forward and kisses my nose. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll go slow.”
I breathe deeply, desperately trying to steady myself when his thick length slides a little deeper. A burning pain slithers through me and it hurts so much I whimper. He starts to pull out, but I cry out, “Just do it. Please, honey. Just do it.”
His eyes flash with concern but I hold his stare. He swallows hard before whispering, “Shit. I’m sorry, baby.”
He slides all the way in.
Something rips inside of me.
And the pain is so intense that my mouth opens in a silent scream.
I’m being torn apart.
Wrapping his arms around me, he rocks me gently. Kissing my forehead, he mutters, “Sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Wincing, my eyes close. Tears fall out the sides of my eyes. I could only describe the pain as agony. I cry silently, but hold Nox tight and whisper through shuddering breaths, “I’m so happy. So happy. I’m glad it was you.”
Wiping my tears away, he places sweet, soft kisses at the corners of my eyes. “Don’t cry, baby. You remember what you said this morning? About it being totally stupid to fall in love with me?”
At that, my eyes open. He adds quietly, “Then you should start calling me a fuckin’ moron.”
Overcome with emotion, I burst into tears and whisper, “Me too.” Then I close my eyes and wail, “I’m the village idiot!”
Nox bursts into laughter while I continue to wail. Wiping away my tears, he smiles down at me, “We’re quite a pair, huh?”
Sniffling, I answer truthfully, “I don’t think it could get better than this for me. So, yeah, we’re quite a pair. The best kind of pair.”
Then suddenly, I realize that I’m no longer hurting.
Testing out how much I’m hurting, I wrap my legs around Nox and pull up, pushing him further into me. My eyes flutter and I hear Nox growl.
Oh, damn. That feels kind of amazing.
Nox places his hands by my head, supporting himself over my body while I rock against him. My eyes never leave his. This is feeling good but something is missing. Leaning up, he comes down to me, kissing me hungrily. My lips part and I feel his tongue lick along the inside of my top lip. And it’s so hot that my hips buck.
Against his mouth, I mutter, “Baby, move. Please.”
So he does. And although I’m sore, it feels good. The friction is deliciously addictive. He thrusts slowly and I sigh.
This is what sex should feel like.
As if reading my mind, Nox shares, “Amazing. And it only gets better, princess.”
My heart rate spikes. My body suddenly desperate for more, I beg, “Faster. Harder.”
Kissing my lips fiercely, his thrusts become wild and my body feels warm and light. The vein in his temple pulses, and pulling away from my lips, he murmurs, “This is gonna be quick, Lily.”
Then just as I reach up and connect our lips again, he pulls out of me. Panting, he groans into my mouth and I feel his warm come spurt onto my mound and belly.
And it’s then that I realize we didn’t use a condom .
So careless. So stupid. So freakin’ idiotic.
I guess I’m just lucky that he remembered to pull out or I’d have a possible pregnancy on my hands. And although that’s an option one day, it’s not something I want now. Not wanting to break the mood, I reach up and run my fingers down his cheek. I smile up at him and bite my lip. “That was amazing.”
His eyes warm as he smiles down at me. “You’re a liar. It was horrible, not amazing.” I laugh at myself. Leaning down, he pecks my lips as he adds a promise. “But it will be.”
Running my nose along his, I utter sleepily, “I’ll hold you to that.”
Chapter Eighteen
The eye of the storm
Lily
Waking with a smile, I bury my face deeper into the crook of Nox’s neck.
“Mornin’, babe,” he mumbles, “Feelin’ okay?”
Not really sure how I feel yet, I clench between my legs and hiss, “Ow. Not ready for another round just yet, I’m afraid.”
Wrapping his arms tighter around me, he suggests, “You should have a nice warm bath. You do that and I’ll bring you some breakfast.”
Raising my head, I look at him through sleepy eyes. “You do that and I’ll never go home.” And as soon as I say it, I want to eat the words while they’re still in the air. But it’s too late.
Both our faces fall. An awkward silence follows.
I move to roll out of bed, but his hand closes around my wrist. Pulling me back to him, he tucks me into his side and sighs, “We knew it was gonna get brought up eventually, princess. We can’t pretend forever.”
The bridge of my nose tingles and I whisper, “But I like pretending with you.”
He kisses the top of my head and murmurs into my hair, “Me too, baby. Me too.”
***
This morning flew by.
First, Nox started a bath for me. I climbed into said bath and spent around half an hour relaxing my sore muscles. Some of those muscles I didn’t even know I had. Secondly, we ate breakfast together. Today was not an oatmeal kind of day, so I made pancakes and much to Nox’s obvious disgust, I drenched them in butter and syrup before wolfing them down. Mostly without chewing. Thirdly, after my sugar rush, we worked out. Today was a rare occasion where all four of us did our sessions together.
And Boo. Oh, Boo.
The entire time, she kept her eyes on me. Squished face and smiling like a freakin’ dork. It got to me so badly that I threw a padded baton at her.
Talk about awkward.
And lastly, after our session was done, Boo pulled me into her room for the four-one-one on last night. And it went a little something like this:
Bouncing on the spot, she squeaked, “Sooo. How did it go?”
It’s a total bummer on her behalf, after all the time she took explaining things to me, but I have to be honest. “It was awful.”
Her bouncing slowed. Then stopped. Her face bunched in confusion. “What?”
Nodding, I explained, “Yep. Totally sucked. It was bad. Like bad bad. And painful. And seriously awkward.”
Boo’s mouth gaped.
But then I added, “But it was perfect.”
Looking even more confused, she mouthed, “What?”
Smiling, I uttered, “Nox. It didn’t matter how it went. It mattered that it was him. And he was so good to me. So gentle and super sweet. Saying the right things when I needed them to be said. He was so perfect that it didn’t matter how it went. I was with him. So it was perfect.” Looking up at Boo, I smiled a genuinely happy smile, trying to convey just how perfect it was.
Her lips quivered and her eyes misted. She whispered, “That’s awesome, Dee.” Clearing her throat, she added, “It gets better though. Way better. And you get better at it, too.”
Leaning back, I pursed my lips. “Shit, Boo. It couldn’t get worse.”
A bark of laughter burst out of her and I smiled.
…It better get better.
***
Smiling to myself, I all but skip down the hall to Nox’s office. Not bothering to knock, I open the door and step in. Nox stands with his back to me, looking out the window, talking on the cell phone. I hear one side of the conversation.
“No, sir. It’s not that complicated.” Pause. “I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.”
My heart skips a beat.
Obviously not having heard me enter, he continues, “She’s just a girl. She’ll get over it. We knew it wouldn’t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.”
My heart shrinks. Then shrivels. Then dies.
My throat thickens. I try to swallow the lump but can’t. My eyes blur with unshed tears.
“Yes, sir. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again.”
Oh God. No.
***
Nox
Mitch’s voice sounds into the cell, “Listen, Nox. I know it can be lonely in this life, but you’re better off finding one of your own. I’m not sure if I want you working this anymore. You’re in too deep. I think it might be clouding your judgment. Hell, you took her off site! That isn’t like you.”
I should’ve known he would find out about me and Lily at the beach.
The door to my office opens. I know it’s her. But I need to steer Mitch the other way.
My eyes shut tight and my chest aches as I say, “No, sir. It’s not that complicated.”
Mitch utters, “I hope not. This could cause trouble. I think it already has.”
I force out, “I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.”
I almost hear Lily’s heart break when I say, “She’s just a girl. She’ll get over it. We knew it wouldn’t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.”
Mitch pauses a moment, then, “I’m sure you did the best you could, son. I know I can count on you, Nox. You’re one of my best men.”
I choke the urge to roar in anger and mutter, “Yes, sir. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again.”
The rage builds inside of me. I feel it trail up my chest as it claws its way into my head.
Mitch finishes with, “I suspect it won’t. Keep me updated.” Then he’s gone.
Head pounding, I clutch the phone tight. Breathing deep, I dip my chin and say, “Come here, baby.”
Her voice hitches, “No.” She chokes out, “You made me believe…I’m so stupid…I believed…”
Turning, I throw down the cell and walk over to her. She holds her hands out, palms up and utters through gritted teeth, “Don’t you touch me. Don’t you fucking touch me.”
I plead, “Baby, listen to me.”
Walking back with her palms up, tears fall down her cheeks. She hisses, “I believed you! Don’t come near me, Nox. You’ve made it clear where we stand.”
Turning on her heel, she tries to escape.
Not a chance of that happening.
Running up behind her, I wrap my arms around her arms, holding her tight. She kicks out. “Let go of me! You’re a liar!” A sob bursts out of her, “You’re a goddamn liar and I hate you!”
Her body shakes with silent sobs and I rock her side to side, allowing her a moment to get it out. She weakens in my hold and stops fighting. I take this chance to explain, “Knew you were there the whole time, baby. And I never lied to you. I lied to Mitch.”
Lily mutters, “I don’t believe you. You were always going to leave me. You were never going to come back for me.”
There’s so much I want to tell her right now, but I can’t. Swallowing hard, I tell her, “Lily, I swear, I never lied to you. There are things I want to tell you, but I can’t right now. Just please believe me when I say I never lied to you.”
Still hurt by what she heard, she tries to pull free. “No. I don’t have to believe shit!”
Holding her tighter, I lean my head forward, closer to her ear and whisper, “What’s my name, princess?”
She stills in my arms. “Adam.”
I urge, “My full name.”
She whispers, “Adam Christian Taylor.”
“And where was I born?”
Her breath hitches. “White Deer, Texas.”
Planting a kiss to her neck, I ask, “When’s my birthday?”
She chokes on a sob. “March eighteenth.”
Burying my face into her neck, I say, “Know how many people know that information?”
Her answer if a sniffle.
I state, “You. Just you, Lily. You’re the only one I trust with that. Because you’re everything to me.”
Collapsing in my arms, she cries softly. I turn her around and pull her into a hug. I’m immediately relieved when her arms come around me and she squeezes me tight.
“I just heard- I mean, I walked in and--then you said--and I didn’t know--and it hurt so much!” She cries into my chest and I kiss the top of her head.
“I know. And I’m sorry you thought what you thought. But it was Mitch who needed to think what you thought. I heard you come in, baby. I knew you were there the whole time. I still had to do it,” I say as I rub her back.
Feeling protective of my girl, I decide to let her in on one little secret. “Doesn’t matter where you are, baby. I’ll come for you.” She lifts her watery eyes to mine and I state confidently, “I’ll come for you.”
Lifting her face, I lower mine. We meet in the middle.
The kiss is sweet. So much conveyed in that small gesture. I release her lips to whisper, “You gotta trust me like I trust you, ‘kay?”
She nods and sniffles. So I kiss her sweet lips again.
And again.
And again.
***
Lily
I hang out with Nox in his office for the rest of the afternoon.
He puts me to work filing, and although it’s a crappy job, I used to do it at Flynn Logistics all the damn time, so I’m good at it. Within an hour, I have him up to speed and he sets me to work looking through boxes to see if there’s anything else I can do without getting bored.
Nox types away at his laptop, clearly busy, so when I open the first book and gasp quietly, he doesn’t react.
There, on top of the files, is my cell phone.
Picking it up, I hold it for a while before placing it back in the box and shutting the lid.
Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply. Temptation will not win out. I am stronger than this. I do not need to turn it on. I’ve been f
ine without it for months. I don’t need it.
You don’t need it.
No. I don’t.
Opening the box again, I pick up my cell and hold down the power button. It starts without a problem. There are a ton of text messages and missed calls, but before I can check anything, the phone rings.
Staring at the display, I still.
Jett.
Jamie’s twin brother.
I need to take this.
I’m so tangled in the phone ringing that I don’t hear Nox move until he’s behind me. “Lily, baby, don’t answer.”
Still kneeling in front of the open box, my fingers twitch.
“Baby, that phone isn’t secure. Don’t answer.”
Standing, I hold the cell phone by my side and turn to Nox. He looks worried. I whisper, “I have to take this.”
Nox shakes his head. His lips thin. “It’s not a secure line, Lily. Anyone can track it.”
Looking back down at the still ringing phone, I whisper again, “I need to take this.”
Nox reaches out to take the phone, but I hold it out of reach. His eyes meet mine, confusion written all over them. Breathing heavily, I say, “I’m sorry.” Then run out the door, down the hall and into my old room. Taking the chair from inside the room, I drag it into the bathroom with me and lodge it under the door knob.
Not a second after I place it there, the door handle jiggles. Nox yells, “Babe! Stop! Do not answer!”
Closing my eyes, I press the call button. I hold the cell to my ear and whisper, “Hello?”
Nox bangs on the door and booms, “Hang up, Lily! Fuck!”
“Lily! Lily, darlin’! Please don’t hang up! It’s urgent!”
Oh my effing God!
A heavy Irish accent but the wrong brother. A clearly distressed Jamie Harrison begs for me to stay on the line.
The person who I thought was my friend.
The person who organized a hit on me.
He was going to have me killed for money.