I walk over and drop a kiss to her lips. “Hey, darlin,’” I whisper directly into her ear, and she shivers beneath me.
“Hey, cowboy.” She digs her fingers into the back of my hair. “Looks like everyone’s here.”
“And then some. Annie’s been amassing new friends by the minute, and each one of them showed tonight for free appetizers. Can I get you something?”
“I’m starved. You want to split some nachos?”
“Sounds good.” I put in our order, and we take a seat next to Annie and her buddies.
“So”—one of Annie’s friends pipes up while openly checking me out—“you’re the available one, huh?” Her hair is up in two perfectly curled pigtails, making her look all of thirteen. She’s grinning at me, ear to ear, running her tongue over her lips as if it was a racetrack, and I know where this is headed.
“Nope, not me.” I try to scoot into Iz and wrap my arm around her, but the chairs are so wide they manage to keep us a good foot apart.
The girl leans into Izzy. “Can we trade seats?”
“No.” Izzy glares at her for a second. She doesn’t look amused by the fact this girl is trying to steamroll her. “We’re sharing a meal.” She blinks a smile. “And, if I’m way over there, he might leave hungry.” She slits her a look that says back off, this boy is mine.
“Oh, I’ll make sure that boy gets everything he needs.” She skims her teeth over her lip as if she were getting ready to take a bite out of my balls.
“Excuse me?” Izzy scoots back. Her voice pitches enough to let everyone within earshot know she’s pissed.
“No need to get touchy.” The girl tugs at a pigtail. “It’s just that I think your brother is hot. That’s one of the things I promised myself I’d do when I got into college—spend way more time with hot boys.” She raises her brows in my direction, and, holy shit, Iz looks like she’s ready to rip her a new one. “You don’t want to stand in the way of a young girl’s ambitions, do you?”
“First, you can have all the ambitions your little girl self wants. And second, he’s not my brother.” Iz looks over at me, a smile playing on her lips. “He’s my boyfriend.”
The girl in the pigtails breaks out in a cackle. “Yeah, right.” Annie nods, and she stops cold. “No shitting, huh?” She sinks in her seat a little. “I swear, I thought you were kidding. I mean—you’re pretty and stuff, I just didn’t think you were together. You’re like older.”
“Nice.” Izzy forces a smile to come and go.
“To each his own, right?” She adds, further burying herself in the hole. “I mean it’s not a big deal. Men do it all the time. I hope when I’m as old as you, I can do the same thing. You’re an inspiration. I think we should toast.” She and her friends are quick to pick up their glasses. “What’s your name?”
Izzy seals her lips tight. Clearly she’s not up for any of their sorority girl games.
“Okay, fine”—the girl smirks—“to the older woman sitting at our table. Thank you for blazing a trail for the future cougars of America.” She laughs under her breath at the dig.
“To the future cougars of America!” Her friends chime in, and it’s a bitch-fest all around.
“We’ll be manthers.” The girl next to her howls.
“We’ll be the hottest MILFs around!” She hacks out a laugh as if she’s already wasted.
Both Annie and her friend, Marley, look stunned as shit. It’s nice Annie has at least one friend with her head screwed on straight.
I lean into Izzy and whisper, “Let’s get out of here.” The night has already turned into crap on toast.
“No. Tonight is a big deal to your brother—Laney, too. Really, I’m fine.” The hard expression on her face says she’s not, but who could blame her for being pissed? “We just need to get used to the fact that people can be dumbasses.” Izzy says it while looking straight at the rude girls still nursing their drinks, and the smiles fade right off their faces.
A stunted silence crops up at our end of the table.
“We should never get used to bullshit.” I lean in. “Come here.” I touch my finger under her chin and pull her toward me until our lips find one another. There’s not a whole lot our kisses can’t cure.
The girls break out in a round of oohs and awws and one audible eww.
Crap.
Izzy gets up and excuses herself for a minute.
Izzy is right.
People can be dumbasses.
11
Love Like This
Izzy
Dear Dad,
Sometimes I wish I had tougher skin. You would think between you taking off and a mother who says it like it is, I’d have my heart wrapped in barbed wire but I don’t. I’m open and exposed, all flesh, no bone. Words cut me deeper than knives, and I’m perfectly capable of bleeding out from the wounds.
Soft shelled in Hollow Brook,
~Iz
Cougar.
I make an excuse about the inability to control my bladder at my age and head to the bathroom, locking myself in the furthest stall possible—ironically the same stall Holt and I claimed for ourselves a few weeks back.
Who knew girls could act so ridiculous? Me, that’s who. I should know—half the teenagers at the dance studio create enough drama to power a nuclear reactor.
The door to the restroom opens, and two sets of heels click their way in.
“Why would she just take off like that?” A familiar voice vents in frustration.
It’s Laney.
I suck in a quick breath.
Great. Now I’ve ruined her party. My finger closes over the latch, and just as I’m about to open it, I hear her give an exasperated sigh.
“I mean, what did she think was going to happen?”
My heart sinks. This is Laney—my baby sister who I fought all those years to protect. Couldn’t she do the same for me for all of five minutes?
“It’s not that big a deal.” I recognize Baya’s voice. “She’s a big girl, and he’s a big boy. They both know it’s going to be tough at times. It’s a cruel world. You and I know that.”
Tough at times?
“Tell me about it. After all that B.S. that my mother and Ryder’s mom put us through—I know exactly how cruel it can be. And that was just from family. It’s never easy. But, you know, this is different.”
I try to even my breathing in an effort to hear them better.
“How so?” Baya asks the question for me. I’m starting to like her better by the minute. And why is Laney so narrow-minded all of a sudden?
“Izzy is—” she gives an exasperated sigh—“I don’t know. She’s just always been a little different.”
What? I’m not different. Am I different?
“Well, not always”—Laney continues—“but for a while now.” My stomach bites with heat because suddenly I know where this is going. “It’s like the entire world has her paranoid. It’s as if she’s afraid to admit she’s got some deep-seated psychological issues. She’s been skittish around guys for as long as I can remember, so it doesn’t surprise me she’s not in a normal relationship.”
Just wow.
I bust through the stall, and both Laney and Baya look as if they’ve seen a ghost.
“Excuse me.” I huff an incredulous laugh. “But I’d hate to hide out in a bathroom stall and exhibit any more of my deep-seated psychosis.”
“Izzy, I’m so sorry!” Laney steps into me, and tries to take hold of my arm, but I move out of the way. “Look, I didn’t mean any of that.”
“Yes, you did. You meant every word.”
“For the record”—Baya raises her hands in the air as if this were a stick up—“I swear to you, I think what you and Holt have is totally fine. In fact, my mom will be in town in a few days, and I really think you should talk to her. She loved my father. She would be your biggest cheerleader.”
“Yeah, well, too bad my sister won’t be making the team.” I speed toward the exit just as that sassy pigtail-
wearing bitch from the table makes her way in, and I jam my shoulder into hers on the way out. I may or may not have meant to do that. I can’t decide if it was a happy accident or if I finally grew some balls.
“Watch it!” Her friend barks in my direction.
“Never mind,” Pigtails shouts. “She can’t see well. She’s old.”
I can still hear their cackles as I dive into the crowd and try to lose myself in the congestion of bodies. The music is so loud my head pounds with its annoying hammer-like backbeat.
“Izzy.” Laney pulls me in by the arm. “I swear to you, I’m sorry.” Her features crumble as if she’s about to cry. “I didn’t mean any of it. It just bubbled out of me like verbal diarrhea. Please, can we just forget this ever happened?”
“No, because it did happen. And stop saying you didn’t mean it.” I bite the air with my words. “You were right. I am a freak. And you want to know why? Because I’ve been too busy protecting you! I wanted you to grow up without any of the bullshit I had to deal with. I wanted you to have a healthy, happy life. You’re the reason I’ve stayed in that shit house all along. I didn’t go to college, Laney, because I stayed home to watch out for you. So next time, instead of telling the world what a nutcase I am, how about just saying thank you!” I bolt deeper into the bar.
Okay, so I may have left my mother from of the equation temporarily as to why I’ve hung out at home for so long, but for the most part every word is true.
I thread through a thicket of bodies. I just want to find Holt and get the hell out of here. I want to head to his place and not come out for weeks.
An odd sight snags my eye. I spot Holt facing the other way while a tiny little hand slithers up and down his back.
What the?
A bleached barfly hacks out a laugh while her hands continue to ride up and down his body.
Shit.
He gingerly plucks her off, but it’s too late, I’m too far gone. My sanity has already plunged off a cliff. I’m swan diving into the rocks below, and there’s no parachute, no one around to stop me from what I’m about to do next.
“Izzy.” He steps back, his face darkening as if he were embarrassed.
“No—I get it.” I close my eyes for a moment. “You’re attractive, and look at her—she’s beautiful.” I swallow hard while examining the bimbo who was molesting the hell out of my boyfriend a moment ago. Boyfriend. What a joke. “Laney was right. We’re not normal.” The girl backs away, and Laney and Baya take her place. I glance to Holt and his stunned expression. “There are tons of girls your age and younger who would die for a chance with you.”
His features flex with a cloud of grief.
“Iz, I swear, she just sprung out from nowhere. I plucked her off as soon as I could.” Holt wraps his arms around me, but I’m quick to push him away.
“Look”—I nod over at Jemma’s sister, Marley—“there’s someone who’d be perfect for you. She’s nice, and I know she likes you.”
“I’m not into her. I’m into you.” Holt doesn’t take his eyes off me. “What the hell happened?” He turns to Laney. “What the fuck did you say to her?”
Ryder and Bryson show up, ready for a fight.
“I have to get out of here.” I slip out of Holt’s grasp.
My phone goes off, and I fish it from my pocket. It’s a group text from Mom to my sister and me.
FYI, your father just walked through the door.
“Oh my, God,” I whisper, leaning against the wall to keep from passing out.
Laney and I head for the exit. She rides home with me, but we don’t say a word.
Somehow we’ve both fallen through the rabbit hole tonight.
Things were getting pretty wild back there, and, now—dear God, my father is back.
But something tells me it won’t be such a happy ending. Today has already been hit by a shit storm. After all, I’ve just lost the only other man that has ever meant anything to me.
I just lost Holt.
Laney and I hit the driveway and storm into the house. There’s no car out front. No news crews or crowd amassing at the door to document our miracle.
“Mom?” I shout, tearing through the empty living room and into the kitchen.
“Come here, girls.” Mom stands with her face slicked with tears.
A tall, muscular man, older with a graying goatee stands alongside her. I recognize those navy eyes, that stern, lantern-jawed face.
“Daddy.” I rush over and collapse my arms around his thick, solid waist. Here it is. I’ve finally lost my sanity and willed my father into being. Tears brim to the surface as I drown in a sea of unfathomable emotion.
Holt and Ryder burst into the room.
“Izzy?” Holt comes at me as if I might be in danger.
“I’m okay.” I wipe down my face with the back of my hand. “This is my dad.” I look up at him, this phantom, this ghost I’ve pulled from deep in my memory. “Since the minute he left, I never stopped believing he’d be back one day.” I run my hands over his shirt just to feel how real he is—how believable my fantasy had become. He’s older—with far more silver in his hair than the jet-black I remember. He looks hardened. His eyes say they’ve experienced two lifetimes worth of grief.
“Where were you? And why did it take so long for you to man up and come back?” I can hardly believe the words as they spill from my lips.
“Prison.” He doesn’t hesitate with the answer.
Ryder wraps his arms around Laney, and suddenly I want to do the same. It’s always been Laney I’ve wanted to protect against the madmen my mother brought into the house. And now I wonder if the most deranged of them all was my father.
“Your dad never left us.” Mom buries her face in her hands for a moment. “They took him away.” She looks to my sister, her lips quivering out of control. I’ve never seen my mother so distraught, so fragile. “Sweetie, we didn’t think he was coming back. Once they threw the book at him, we thought it best to just move on.”
“What happened?” I’m not so sure I want to know, but we’ve come this far.
“Killed a man in a bar fight.” He gives a weak smile that dissipates as quick as it came. “He was going after your mother, and I lost my cool. I cold-clocked him. He fell to the ground and never woke up.”
Oh God. I shoot Mom a look. “Find a man who’ll kill for you, and that’s your pot of gold, huh?” I think I’ve demystified her macabre riddle. It takes all of my effort to restrain my anger for being lied to all these years. “It sounds to me like you omitted a few important details.”
“I was never out to trick you.” Mom wags her head with attitude. “I said he left, and he did. Your father and I decided it was best you not know. We didn’t want you thinking he was a coldblooded killer because he’s not. What happened was an accident. And, at the house, we never talked about it in depth. You never probed, Izzy—you never asked questions.”
“That’s because I didn’t know what I needed to ask!” My voice reverberates over the small room. “Did you ever ask why the hell I was so afraid of every damn man you dragged into the house?”
She inches her head back as if she had just been slapped.
“That’s right. Remember Chuck? I believe your cute little pet name for him was Chuck the Fuck? Well, guess what? He was trying to fuck more than just you.”
“Shit!” My father thunders as he slaps his hand down onto the table, and now he looks as if he wants to kill my mother, too.
My body goes numb. My stomach turns into lava, and vomiting doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.
Here my father is back, and, instead of appreciating the moment, instead of accepting it for what it was, I threw every form of misery I had ever encountered into my parent’s faces.
“I’m sorry.” I bolt out of the house, and Holt appears beside me on the porch.
“Come here.” He wraps his arms around me, and I lose it. I bury my face in his warm, familiar chest and sob for what feels like weeks. It’
s safe like this with him. Holt is the only real and tangible thing in my life right now.
“I’m sorry.” His voice cracks as he takes in a quick breath. “I’m so sorry about what happened to you.” He presses his lips over my ear, panting into me with his grief. “Just say the word, and we can be anywhere.”
“Little Bit?” My father’s voice resonates from the living room as he makes his way over, and I melt straight down to my soul. “I’ve waited twenty long years to see your pretty face again.” He chokes on his words. “I understand if you don’t want to see me.” He steps outside, wiping down his cheeks. “But I’d sure appreciate it if you’d stay a minute longer.”
Here he is, alive and in the flesh. He’s real, not some figment of my imagination. This is happening. It’s no dream.
Holt and I head back into the house together. We sit for hours listening to my mother and father tell stories about the past, filling Laney in on a world she never knew.
My father thought they had locked him up and threw away the key. He and my mother were simply trying to protect us.
I take in the beautiful man by my side, and the beautiful man in front of me. I have two wonderful men in my life—Holt and my father, the only two men that I’ve ever really needed in order to breathe.
And here I am wondering if I should let either of them back into my world.
Holt
The night before the wedding, Cole and I take Ryder and Bryson out for their last meal as free men.
The Carving Board is a ritzy steakhouse that sells cow carcass for the price of gold per ounce.
“Where the hell do they get their cattle? Middle earth?” Cole nearly passes out as he scans the prices.
“Take it easy,” Ryder says it calm while perusing the menu. “Tonight it’s my treat.”
“No it’s mine,” I offer. “You two are the ones putting your balls in a noose. It’s the least I can do.”
“Balls in a noose?” Bryson shakes his head. “Say one more boneheaded thing around Izzy, and you’ll be begging her to noose your balls as she’s walking out the door.”