Adieu! Your affectionate A. Fermor.
LETTER 158.
To Mrs. Temple, Pall Mall.
Silleri, July 10.
By this time, my dear Lucy, I hope you are happy with your brotherand my sweet Emily: I am all impatience to know this from yourselves;but it will be five or six weeks, perhaps much more, before I can havethat satisfaction.
As to me--to be plain, my dear, I can hold no longer; I have beenmarried this fortnight. My father wanted to keep it a secret, for somevery foolish reasons; but it is not in my nature; I hate secrets, theyare only fit for politicians, and people whose thoughts and actionswill not bear the light.
For my part, I am convinced the general loquacity of human kind, andour inability to keep secrets without a natural kind of uneasiness,were meant by Providence to guard against our laying deep schemes oftreachery against each other.
I remember a very sensible man, who perfectly knew the world, usedto say, there was no such thing in nature as a secret; a maxim as true,at least I believe so, as it is salutary, and which I would advise allgood mammas, aunts, and governesses, to impress strongly on the mindsof young ladies.
So, as I was saying, _voila Madame Fitzgerald!_
This is, however, yet a secret here; but, according to my presentdoctrine, and following the nature of things, it cannot long continueso.
You never saw so polite a husband, but I suppose they are all so thefirst fortnight, especially when married in so interesting and romantica manner; I am very fond of the fancy of being thus married _as itwere_; but I have a notion I shall blunder it out very soon: we weremarried on a party to Three Rivers, nobody with us but papa and MadameVilliers, who have not yet published the mystery. I hear some misses atQuebec are scandalous about Fitzgerald's being so much here; I willleave them in doubt a little, I think, merely to gratify their love ofscandal; every body should be amused in their way.
Adieu! yours, A. Fitzgerald.
Pray let Emily be married; every body marries but poor little Emily.
LETTER 159.
To the Earl of ----.
Silleri, July 10.
I have the pleasure to tell your Lordship I have married my daughterto a gentleman with whom I have reason to hope she will be happy.
He is the second son of an Irish baronet of good fortune, and hashimself about five hundred pounds a year, independent of hiscommission; he is a man of an excellent sense, and of honor, and has avery lively tenderness for my daughter.
It will, I am afraid, be some time before I can leave this country,as I chuse to take my daughter and Mr. Fitzgerald with me, in order tothe latter's soliciting a majority, in which pursuit I shall withoutscruple tax your Lordship's friendship to the utmost.
I am extremely happy at this event, as Bell's volatile temper mademe sometimes afraid of her chusing inconsiderately: their marriage isnot yet declared, for some family reasons, not worth particularizing toyour Lordship.
As soon as leave of absence comes from New York, for me and Mr.Fitzgerald, we shall settle things for taking leave of Canada, which Ihowever assure your Lordship I shall do with some reluctance.
The climate is all the year agreable and healthy, in summer divine;a man at my time of life cannot leave this chearing, enlivening sunwithout reluctance; the heat is very like that of Italy or the South ofFrance, without that oppressive closeness which generally attends ourhot weather in England.
The manner of life here is chearful; we make the most of our finesummers, by the pleasantest country parties you can imagine. Here aresome very estimable persons, and the spirit of urbanity begins todiffuse itself from the centre: in short, I shall leave Canada at thevery time when one would wish to come to it.
It is astonishing, in a small community like this, how much dependson the personal character of him who governs.
I am obliged to break off abruptly, the person who takes this toEngland being going immediately on board.
I have the honor to be, My Lord, Your Lordship's, &c. Wm. Fermor.
LETTER 160.
To John Temple, Esq; Pall Mall.
Silleri, July 13.
I agree with you, my dear Temple, that nothing can be more pleasingthan an _awakened_ English woman; of which you and my _caro sposo_have, I flatter myself, the happy experience; and wish with you thatthe character was more common: but I must own, and I am sorry to ownit, that my fair countrywomen and fellow citizens (I speak of thenation in general, and not of the capital) have an unbecoming kind ofreserve, which prevents their being the agreable companions, andamiable wives, which nature meant them.
From a fear, and I think a prudish one, of being thought tooattentive to please your sex, they have acquired a certain distantmanner to men, which borders on ill-breeding: they take great pains toveil, under an affected appearance of disdain, that winning sensibilityof heart, that delicate tenderness, which renders them doubly lovely.
They are even afraid to own their friendships, if not according tothe square and rule; are doubtful whether a modest woman may own sheloves even her husband; and seem to think affections were given themfor no purpose but to hide.
Upon the whole, with at least as good a native right to charm as anywomen on the face of the globe, the English have found the happy secretof pleasing less.
Is my Emily arrived? I can say nothing else.
Twelve o'clock.
I am the happiest woman in the creation: papa has just told me, weare to go home in six or seven weeks.
Not but this is a divine country, and our farm a terrestrialparadise; but we have lived in it almost a year, and one grows tired ofevery thing in time, you know, Temple.
I shall see my Emily, and flirt with Rivers; to say nothing of youand my little Lucy.
Adieu! I am grown very lazy since I married; for the future, I shallmake Fitzgerald write all my letters, except billet-doux, in which Ithink I excel him.
Yours, A. Fitzgerald.
LETTER 161.
To Miss Fermor, at Silleri.
Dover, July 8.
I am this moment arrived, my dear Bell, after a very agreablepassage, and am setting out immediately for London, from whence I shallwrite to you the moment I have seen Mrs. Rivers; I will own to you Itremble at the idea of this interview, yet am resolved to see her, andopen all my soul to her in regard to her son; after which, I shallleave her the mistress of my destiny; for, ardently as I love him, Iwill never marry him but with her approbation.
I have a thousand anxious fears for my Rivers's safety: may heavenprotect him from the dangers his Emily has escaped!
I have but a moment to write, a ship being under way which is boundto Quebec; a gentleman, who is just going off in a boat to the ship,takes the care of this.
May every happiness attend my dear girl. Say every thingaffectionate for me to Captain Fermor and Mr. Fitzgerald.
Adieu! Yours, Emily Montague.
LETTER 162.
To Miss Fermor, at Silleri.
London, July 19.
I got to town last night, my dear, and am at a friend's, from whenceI have this morning sent to Mrs. Rivers; I every moment expect heranswer; my anxiety of mind is not to be expressed; my heart sinks; Ialmost dread the return of my messenger.
If the affections, my dear friend, give us the highest happiness ofwhich we are capable, they are also the source of our keenest misery;what I feel at this instant, is not to be described: I have been nearresolving to go into the country without seeing or sending to Mrs.Rivers. If she should receive me with coldness--why should I haveexposed myself to the chance of such a reception? It would have beenbetter to have waited for Rivers's arrival; I have been tooprecipitate; my warmth of temper has misled me: what had I to do toseek his family? I would give the world to retract my message, thoughit was only to let her know I was arrived; that her son was well, andthat she might every hour expect him in England.
There is a rap at the door: I tremble I
know not why; the servantcomes up, he announces Mr. and Mrs. Temple: my heart beats, they are atthe door.
One o'clock.
They are gone, and return for me in an hour; they insist on mydining with them, and tell me Mrs. Rivers is impatient to see me.Nothing was ever so polite, so delicate, so affectionate, as thebehaviour of both; they saw my confusion, and did every thing toremove it: they enquired after Rivers, but without the least hint ofthe dear interest I take in him: they spoke of the happiness of knowingme: they asked my friendship, in a manner the most flattering that canbe imagined. How strongly does Mrs. Temple, my dear, resemble heramiable brother! her eyes have the same sensibility, the same pleasingexpression; I think I scarce ever saw so charming a woman; I love heralready; I feel a tenderness for her, which is inconceivable; I caughtmyself two or three times looking at her, with an attention for which Iblushed.
How dear to me is every friend of my Rivers!
I believe, there was something very foolish in my behaviour; butthey had the good-breeding and humanity not to seem to observe it.
I had almost forgot to tell you, they said every thing obliging andaffectionate of you and Captain Fermor.
My mind is in a state not to be described; I feel joy, I feelanxiety, I feel doubt, I feel a timidity I cannot conquer, at thethought of seeing Mrs. Rivers.
I have to dress; therefore must finish this when I return.
Twelve at night.
I am come back, my dearest Bell; I have gone through the scene I somuch dreaded, and am astonished I should ever think of it but withpleasure. How much did I injure this most amiable of women! Herreception of me was that of a tender parent, who had found a long-lostchild; she kissed me, she pressed me to her bosom; her tears flowedin abundance; she called me her daughter, her other Lucy: she asked mea thousand questions of her son; she would know all that concerned him,however minute: how he looked, whether he talked much of her, what werehis amusements; whether he was as handsome as when he left England.
I answered her with some hesitation, but with a pleasure thatanimated my whole soul; I believe, I never appeared to such advantageas this day.
You will not ascribe it to an unmeaning vanity, when I tell you, Inever took such pains to please; I even gave a particular attention tomy dress, that I might, as much as possible, justify my Rivers'stenderness: I never was vain for myself; but I am so for him: I amindifferent to admiration as Emily Montague; but as the object of hislove, I would be admired by all the world; I wish to be the first ofmy sex in all that is amiable and lovely, that I might make a sacrificeworthy of my Rivers, in shewing to all his friends, that he only caninspire me with tenderness, that I live for him alone.
Mrs. Rivers pressed me extremely to pass a month with her: my heartyielded too easily to her request; but I had courage to resist my ownwishes, as well as her solicitations; and shall set out in three daysfor Berkshire: I have, however, promised to go with them to-morrow, ona party to Richmond, which Mr. Temple was so obliging as to propose onmy account.
Late as the season is, there is one more ship going to Quebec, whichsails to-morrow.
You shall hear from me again in a few days by the packet.
Adieu! my dearest friend! Your faithful Emily Montague.
Surely it will not be long before Rivers arrives; you, my dearBell, will judge what must be my anxiety till that moment.
LETTER 163.
To Captain Fermor, at Silleri.
Dover, July 24, eleven o'clock.
I am arrived, my dear friend, after a passage agreable in itself;but which my fears for Emily made infinitely anxious and painful: everywind that blew, I trembled for her; I formed to myself ideal dangerson her account, which reason had not power to dissipate.
We had a very tumultuous head-sea a great part of the voyage, thoughthe wind was fair; a certain sign there had been stormy weather, with acontrary wind. I fancied my Emily exposed to those storms; there is noexpressing what I suffered from this circumstance.
On entering the channel of England, we saw an empty boat, and somepieces of a wreck floating; I fancied it part of the ship whichconveyed my lovely Emily; a sudden chillness seized my whole frame, myheart died within me at the sight: I had scarce courage, when I landed,to enquire whether she was arrived.
I asked the question with a trembling voice, and had the transportto find the ship had passed by, and to hear the person of my Emilydescribed amongst the passengers who landed; it was not easy to mistakeher.
I hope to see her this evening: what do I not feel from that dearhope!
Chance gives me an opportunity of forwarding this by New York; Iwrite whilst my chaise is getting ready.
Adieu! yours, Ed. Rivers.
I shall write to my dear little Bell as soon as I get to town. Thereis no describing what I felt at first seeing the coast of England: Isaw the white cliffs with a transport mixed with veneration; atransport, which, however, was checked by my fears for the dearer partof myself.
My chaise is at the door.
Adieu! Your faithful, &c. Ed. Rivers.
LETTER 164.
To Miss Fermor, at Silleri.
Rochester, July 24.
I am obliged to wait ten minutes for a Canadian gentleman who iswith me, and has some letters to deliver here: how painful is thisdelay! But I cannot leave a stranger alone on the road, though I loseso many minutes with my charming Emily.
To soften this moment as much as possible, I will begin a letter tomy dear Bell: our sweet Emily is safe; I wrote to Captain Fermor thismorning.
My heart is gay beyond words: my fellow-traveller is astonished atthe beauty and riches of England, from what he has seen of Kent: for mypart, I point out every fine prospect, and am so proud of my country,that my whole soul seems to be dilated; for which perhaps there areother reasons. The day is fine, the numerous herds and flocks on theside of the hills, the neatness of the houses, of the people, theappearance of plenty; all exhibit a scene which must strike one who hasbeen used only to the wild graces of nature.
Canada has beauties; but they are of another kind.
This unreasonable man; he has no mistress to see in London; he isnot expected by the most amiable of mothers, by a family he loves as Ido mine.
I will order another chaise, and leave my servant to attend him.
He comes. Adieu! my dear little Bell! at this moment a gentleman iscome into the inn, who is going to embark at Dover for New York; I willsend this by him. Once more adieu!
LETTER 165.
To Miss Fermor, at Silleri.
Clarges Street, July 25.
I am the only person here, my dear Bell, enough composed to tell youRivers is arrived in town. He stopped in his post chaise, at the end ofthe street, and sent for me, that I might prepare my mother to see him,and prevent a surprize which might have hurried her spirits too much.
I came back, and told her I had seen a gentleman, who had left himat Dover, and that he would soon be here; he followed me in a fewminutes.
I am not painter enough to describe their meeting; though prepared,it was with difficulty we kept my mother from fainting; she pressedhim in her arms, she attempted to speak, her voice faltered, tearsstole softly down her cheeks: nor was Rivers less affected, though in adifferent manner; I never saw him look so handsome; the manlytenderness, the filial respect, the lively joy, that were expressed inhis countenance, gave him a look to which it is impossible to dojustice: he hinted going down to Berkshire to-night; but my motherseemed so hurt at the proposal, that he wrote to Emily, and told herhis reason for deferring it till to-morrow, when we are all to go in mycoach, and hope to bring her back with us to town.
You judge rightly, my dear Bell, that they were formed for eachother; never were two minds so similar; we must contrive some method ofmaking them happy: nothing but a too great delicacy in Rivers preventstheir being so to-morrow; were our situations changed, I should nothesitate a moment to let him make me so.
&n
bsp; Lucy has sent for me. Adieu!
Believe me, Your faithful and devoted, J. Temple.
LETTER 166.
To Miss Fermor, at Silleri.
Pall Mall, July 29.
I am the happiest of human beings: my Rivers is arrived, he is well,he loves me; I am dear to his family; I see him without restraint; Iam every hour more convinced of the excess of his affection; hisattention to me is inconceivable; his eyes every moment tell me, I amdearer to him than life.
I am to be for some time on a visit to his sister; he is at Mrs.Rivers's, but we are always together: we go down next week to Mr.Temple's, in Rutland; they only stayed in town, expecting Rivers'sarrival. His seat is within six miles of Rivers's little paternalestate, which he settled on his mother when he left England; shepresses him to resume it, but he peremptorily refuses: he insists onher continuing her house in town, and being perfectly independent, andmistress of herself.
I love him a thousand times more for this tenderness to her; thoughit disappoints my dear hope of being his. Did I think it possible, mydear Bell, he could have risen higher in my esteem?
If we are never united, if we always live as at present, histenderness will still make the delight of my life; to see him, to hearthat voice, to be his friend, the confidante of all his purposes, ofall his designs, to hear the sentiments of that generous, that exaltedsoul--I would not give up this delight, to be empress of the world.