Dora takes me to a large conference room at the back with a magnificent view of the city. I want her to take my case, to tell me what to do. I have been meaning to do this for a while and now it’s time. She points at the chair opposite and I sit, hoping that we can be civilised.
“Jacob, what are you really doing here?” she asks, when the awkward silence settles between us.
“I told you. I need a lawyer and you coincidently fell into my lap, well, my bedroom last night, so this morning I thought what the hell,” I state, wondering if she realises how much she screwed me over.
“Okay, so you thought about it before you shagged that blonde bimbo or after?”
I laugh. Nothing has changed. She is still the same hard-nosed Dora.
“The issue I am referring to has been on my mind for some time. I kind of forgot about Kim when I saw you,” I say, with a wink. She stares at me for a long moment, weighing up my response and probably deciding what to say next. Getting her on board is my number one priority; maybe when this case has been put to bed and I get my closure I can finally move on.
“Jacob, you must know that I’m engaged and very much in love. Robert is rich, handsome, and once we get married we are relocating to Miami,” she says unexpectedly, giving me a fake triumphant smile.
My stomach makes a funny jolt. I didn’t expect her to be getting hitched to someone, but maybe that’s even better. I clear my throat, pretending that I’m not fazed by her news.
“That’s too bad, but that won’t make any difference. I want you to represent me. I know I can trust you. I know that you will have my best interests at heart,” I insist, stating the obvious. Seeing her again helps me make up my mind. At first I came here because I was curious, but now seeing her so comfortable and obviously settled—she has her life already sorted—I kind of want to mess it up. Payback’s a bitch, but then, so were you, Dora.
I cut all ties after I found her in bed with another dude. Maybe now it’s my turn to get a little revenge, to ruin her little love story that she has created for herself here in London.
She looks dumbfounded, like she still doesn’t get it that I’m being serious.
“Represent you? Why? I don’t think we should even be in the same room.” She sneers, tossing her hair over her shoulders. God, even that makes me instantly hard. I want to have her in my bed again, maybe just for a short while.
“I want to sue one of the papers that ran a story about me a while ago. They were the reason that I got fired from the club in France. I need someone good, someone that I can trust. So no, Dora, this isn’t about the past, but my life,” I say, moving closer, blissfully aware of her perfume. Fuck, it’s the same one that she used to wear when we were going out. It’s been five fucking years, but I will never forget the way it clung to our bed sheets, or the smell lingering in the hallway before she went out.
She grabs my hand unexpectedly and pulls me closer to her. Our faces are only inches away from each other. I can see the tiny scar on her lip that I loved to kiss. There is no way that she wants to be with that Rob guy. We still have a connection. I can feel it zap between us.
“No, we are done, Jacob. We were done a long time ago. I’m in love and I don’t want you to ruin this for me. Last night was a mistake. I had no idea that I was in your house,” she says shakily, barely in a whisper. I smile wolfishly, scanning her full lips that I used to kiss.
“I was in love, too, a long time ago, but she betrayed me, fucked me over. I never got over her,” I tell her, brushing my thumb over her cheek and into her silky hair quickly before she snaps at my hand with rage. “But as I said before, this isn’t about the past. I really need you to sue these bastards.”
She shivers and I want to fucking jump on the table and dance like crazy. Even in love with another guy, she is affected by my touch. It looks like this whole revenge thing is just getting started.
Dora
Jacob Radcliffe is melting my insides. I don’t know why I just lied to him about being engaged and being happy. I do it all the time, but with him it’s different. Is this my way of dealing with seeing him? God, I hate the way he is looking at me right now, so turned on and curious. Shit, I’m losing control around him and this is not good. Love? What the hell do I know about love? I’ve been searching for it my entire life and I only ever felt love from Jacob. With every guy that I dated I wanted to feel love; I always hoped, but none of them ever made me feel the way Jacob used to.
“Stop touching me like that, Jacob. I’m committed to another man and I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to take on this case. Maybe I can recommend another—”
“Dora, I don’t want anyone else. You’re the right woman for the job. I’m glad that you moved on. We had a blast in the past and that’s about it,” he adds, grinning, doing something to my stomach. I need to get out of this room. It’s suddenly too hot and he looks so good. His strong shoulders seem wider and his waist narrower. His cheekbones are pronounced and the stubble on his face frames his mouth. Even his lips are way sexier now than before. He used to do this thing when we kissed when he would bite an old scar on my lip—god, I loved it. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I pushed him away once, so I can easily do it again.
“All right, fine. Obviously you’re trying to be difficult,” I tell him, straightening my back. His eyes fall on my boobs.
“Oh, Dora … Dora, I’m not being difficult, but I have to admit, I’ve been a bad boy. Trouble seemed to find me. I abused drugs and overdid booze, but it’s all behind me now. That story the papers published ruined my relationship with my mother, and it nearly jeopardised my transfer to London. Sarah Willcock and the newspaper need to pay for the bullshit that she made up about me. I won’t let this go. The fees won’t matter. I’ll pay whatever you want,” he says, nearly enough slamming his fist over the table, then giving me his most charming smile.
My anxiety is rising and I’m afraid that he’ll see through my act. Last night I thought I would get drunk and forget about the crappy day that I had. Jacob ruined that, and now he’s sitting in front of me looking like a wet dream.
“Good. I’ll gather all the necessary information and we will discuss this further. I don’t have a secretary, so I might be slow in getting back to you,” I explain, hoping that he’ll stay away for a bit, give me some breathing space.
“Of course, but I want to keep in touch, so how about you give me your number?” he suggests.
“Jenny will give you all the office contact details. That should be enough to get us going,” I say, not wanting to take this further than necessary.
“What? Are you a little worried that I might call you during late hours, when you are cuddled up with your fiancé in bed?” he teases.
My palms are getting sweaty. Jacob keeps playing a game with me. How do I know that he has a case? A month ago when I was on holiday I remember being so calm and relaxed.
The lies, the lies are going to be the death of me. Now that he thinks that I’m taken, he might want to pursue me, maybe out of spite, maybe because he wants to remember how good we used to be together.
“No, you can call me at home if you want. Rob doesn’t mind,” I mutter, getting up. Maybe I should get in touch with India, find out if Oliver has had any contact with Jacob over the past five years. I know those two are happily married, but I need to know what Jacob is trying to achieve showing up so unexpectedly.
“Dora, you might be practically hitched, but I can see that even after all these years I still have that effect on you, and besides, I already have your number. Mike gave it to me last night,” he says, giving me a wink and rubbing his hands up and down on my arms. In that moment I stop breathing and my heart freezes in my chest. He is way too close, and old memories are slowly slipping in. “You’re shivering. I remember how much you loved it when I pushed you against the wall and fucked you really hard. I’d just push your thong to one side and take you. We had good times, Dora.”
He pulls away and
walks to the door before I have a chance to take another breath. His words ring in my head.
“See you around, Dora,” he adds, and leaves me completely stunned. Then I’m alone, lost and utterly crushed, knowing that five years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. I betrayed the man I still love.
Chapter Four
Visitor.
Dora
I run to the bathroom ready to throw up, but when I get there I manage to gain control of myself. Sitting on the floor, next to the loo, I try to breathe in deeply. I don’t want people to spread more rumours about me. On top of that, there is someone else in the next cubical. Jenny was staring at me suspiciously when I rushed along the corridor just a second ago, and she is friends with everyone in the office. After some time, I hear the toilet being flushed and the person next door leaves. I come out a few minutes later and stare at my own pale reflection in the mirror, thinking about Jacob. My life suddenly seems so complicated.
I splash water all over my face, remembering that day when I made a decision to ruin my whole life, to push him away.
“Dora … hey, Dora. Make sure you’re ready when I walk into that bedroom. We are going out. I have something really special planned for us,” Jacob shouts from somewhere downstairs.
I panic and wrap my hands around Ricky’s arms. He begins trailing kisses down my neck, but my heart pounds a hundred miles an hour. I can’t stop this now; it’s too late to have second thoughts. I hear Jacob’s steps. He’ll see me at any second now.
“Dora, why are—”
Jacob stops in the door, dropping whatever he was holding in his hand, and I quickly cover myself, pushing Ricky off me, like I’m surprised that we’ve just been caught. There is no need to scream, to add any theatrics. Everything is very real.
“Jacob … I can explain,” I say, but he is staring at me, pale, not reacting at all.
“Dora, who the hell is that?” Ricky asks, and I wish that he would just shut up. He is just some random guy that’s helping me out. He has no idea what’s going on between Jacob and me.
“How could you do this to me? To us?” Jacob starts asking, with that broken look and that empty stare. I hate myself right now. I need to pick up the knife, find something sharp quickly to ease off this sudden, unexpected pain. This was supposed to be easy.
“Ricky, get the fuck out. We are done here,” I snap, thinking about the amount of money that we both agreed on. I can pay him later. He has my number. Maybe I’ve gone too far, but I have always been a coward.
Pain and vicious disappointment passes through Jacob’s features and the hole in my heart keeps growing with every single heartbeat. The moment I made the decision to push him away seems like the worst in my life, but it was necessary. I never deserved him, although now I’m regretting hurting him when he looks at me with so much sorrow.
Jacob slides down the wall, hiding his face in his palms. I thought that he was going to shout, scream or try beat up Ricky, but this is so much worse. Why do I keep doing this shit to myself? Everything was fine until he got that opportunity to kick-start his career.
“Call me, Dora,” Ricky whispers, winking at me and then disappearing behind the door.
“You ruined us, everything, with this. How could you do that?” Jacob asks again, after a long moment of silence. My heart is bleeding, splitting in half. I want to scream, shout that this was just an act.
“Jacob, you better leave. I had a bit too much to drink last night and Ricky came over. I didn’t plan this,” I explain, telling him lies, but this time nothing is going to make me feel better.
He exhales sharply and then looks away, shaking his head. The voices in my head are roaring at me not to give him up, to tell him the truth. He is the only man that I ever truly loved, and now I’m going to stay lonely and broken.
“Stop talking, Dora. I had a surprise for you this morning. Last night I was out preparing for this; that’s why I didn’t want to see you,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Now it’s all over, whatever there was between us.”
“Jacob let me ex—”
“No, Dora. I thought we agreed. I thought you wanted to be with me. I was planning to propose to you this morning, instead I find you with another man … do you even realise how ironic this is?”
My mouth drops and the tears run down my cheeks. I never cry. Jacob has never seen me crying. The pain is so much better than tears. Marriage?
Was he really planning to ask me to marry him? The sudden devastation spreads all over my body. I have been stupid, so fucking stupid. Now it’s too late for everything.
“And I thought that I finally found the one. We are done, Dora. I’m leaving today. Don’t try to contact me ever again. I don’t care what happens. The moment you let that arsehole into your bed is the moment you broke me.” He grabs his jacket and leaves me alone in my bedroom.
The world around me starts spinning. I don’t know what to do, how to react. The anxiety is making it hard to draw breath. My lungs stop working, so I throw off the covers and run to the bathroom as soon as I know that Jacob is out of the house.
My hands are shaking so much when I pick up the blade and start cutting my skin. When I see the blood, the usual relief doesn’t arrive. The pain is still there, spreading quickly everywhere. My vision is blurry, so I cut deeper, knowing that it’s the only way to get rid of the demons. I’m so pathetic, Jacob never really wanted to marry me; he only felt sorry for me. Who would want me? I am unlovable.
I’m falling, realising that I’ve ruined us, but it’s for the best, because we would never have survived being in love. It was just a fairy tale with a sad ending.
Jacob
It’s been four days and I still haven’t reached out to Dora and made that damn phone call. The idea of revenge is burning my flesh, rotting me from the inside out. Dora is happily in love with another man. I never thought I would ever see her again, especially like that, being a hotshot barrister in London. If I want real closure I have to steal her happiness, seduce her, tear her away from that arsehole—and then walk away.
The training with the new team went well yesterday. Everyone seems to get on well and I like London. I could be happy here, so why can’t I let this thing with Dora go?
Dora—that name has been on my mind constantly the past few days. I even asked Pete to send another girl, but I couldn’t get it up for her. There is something really, really wrong with me. Sex has never been a problem before. After Dora there were plenty of girls, but no one ever satisfied me the way she had.
My mobile suddenly starts vibrating and my sister’s name flashes on the screen. She can be intense sometimes and her lectures are irritating. I bet she wants to check if I’m still clean, after that damn article. Sometimes I think she just doesn’t believe me.
“Hello.”
“Hey, little bro, how is it going?”
“Good, why? Are you checking on me already?” I tease her.
She laughs. “As always. How is your new flashy life in the capital?”
“Great actually. The paps are off my back for once, so everything is good.”
“You sound strange. Are you sure you’re all right?” she presses, and I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, sure … I had this party a couple of days ago and guess who showed up? Dora Harrison,” I explain, knowing that I shouldn’t even be starting this conversation with her. Hell, Madison is a lot like Dora. She has a gabby mouth on her and doesn’t take any shit from anyone.
She always nagged me to try to patch things up with her. She kept saying that Dora had some emotional issues, that apparently she staged th whole affair. My sister has a very active imagination.
“What? Dora, as in your Dora?”
“Yes, Madison, my ex, Dora Harrison, but don’t get too excited. She is happily engaged to some financial douche,” I add, imagining having her in my arms again. I really need to get a grip. “It was kind of an accident. I wasn’t expecting to see her, and then there she was standing in my bedroom.
She still looks the same.”
“Jacob, why are you telling me this? What did you do? How many times did you say that you never wanted to hear her name again?” Madison keeps blabbing. She is right. I used to keep changing the subject whenever Maddie started talking about her. I don’t think I should use her to represent me.
Revenge won’t change anything. She cheated on me, took a piece of my soul, and stamped on it.
“Nothing, it’s nothing. Forget that I said anything, Maddie.”
“Jacob, what happened? Come on, I’m not dragging this out of you. You’re planning to see her again. I know you still lo—”
“No, Maddie, stop making a big deal out of it. This isn’t about the past. She is a solicitor and I thought that she could help me sue that paper that ran that fucked up story about me a couple of weeks ago,” I say, stretching my neck. Maddie goes silent for a moment, but I already know what she is thinking. Am I that fucked up?
“At least you’re doing something about it. Dora has always been smart, but why her? There are other firms in the city. Why would you want to get her involved in your life again, after what she did to you?”
Maddie is my sister, but she is also my best friend. I can’t lie to her, but I know for a fact that she won’t like my idea of revenge.
“I don’t know, it was just an impulse. I didn’t expect to see her that day. An idea popped into my head and I decided to pursue it. Next day I was in her office, asking her to take on that case.”
“Stop lying to yourself, Jacob. I know what you’re thinking. She cheated on you when you were planning to propose to her. It’s clear that you want her back.” Maddie laughs, pushing me to tell her everything.