The interview ends with a close-up shot of your father’s face, pleading. Then Monica Baker reaches out and puts her hand on his.
We’ll never get him, you think. Never.
Chapter 58. Saralinda
When Antoine has been dead for thirty-three days and Evangeline (and my mother and Antoine’s mother) have been dead for thirty-one, Georgia and I arrive a few minutes tardy for an early morning appointment in Dr. Lee’s office. Generally I am prompt but in this case I wish I could be so late that I would never get there. I don’t understand why Dr. Lee is even permitting this meeting to happen, but he is my guardian and not Caleb’s. Caleb agreed to come, he said it was better to find out what the hell his father wants—and that maybe if we watched and listened carefully, his father would let slip something that we can use against him.
Caleb has taken to heart this idea of mine that we can somehow prevail, so I don’t quite dare to tell him that deep inside I don’t think there’s a way. Our brainstorming so far has come to nothing, and Kenyon, well, if I didn’t know better I would think she was avoiding me, I have not been able to have a real conversation with her.
Caleb is already inside Dr. Lee’s office and seated.
Caleb’s father is there already too. Dr. Colchester has on jeans and boots and a pale yellow button-down shirt and over it a leather jacket which is too young for him in my opinion. He arches his brows in surprise at me and for my part I do not give him the finger which showcases my growth in maturity and self-control. Or fear?
“Dennis?” says Dr. Colchester to Dr. Lee. “I thought you were mediating a meeting between my son and me.”
“Caleb asked for Saralinda to be here.”
“I wish you had told me in advance.”
Dr. Lee raises his brows. “Would you not have come? Do you mind?”
“Oh, no. Of course not.”
“Good.” Dr. Lee nods professionally.
I take my seat and glance at Caleb and my stomach shrivels, because if you start with how his face looks when he so much as thinks about his father, well it is ten times worse in his father’s presence.
By the way, Caleb is no longer Caleb, he is going to choose a new first name and take his mother’s last name. I approve completely, he should not have the same name as his father or be “junior.” But until he does pick a name I don’t know what else to call him.
My seat is between Caleb and Dr. Lee and directly across from Dr. Colchester. I keep Georgia ready in my right hand so that I can stand up and walk out—stand-and-walk-out is an option that you should always keep available according to Shoshanna.
“Well, Caleb,” says Dr. Colchester. “I’m glad you’re willing to talk at least.” He smiles at me. “You look good, Saralinda. I like the short hair, and that is a very pretty top.” He checks out my breasts and Dr. Lee breathes in sharply which tells me he notices and does not like it one bit. That encourages me, and also makes me think that Dr. Colchester might be trying to offend me into leaving Caleb here without my support. So I do not respond and Georgia and I do not walk out.
Caleb speaks through gritted teeth (he noticed the look at my breasts as well, which is also exactly what his father intended): “Why did you want to see me?”
Dr. Colchester smiles charmingly. “I’d like you to spend a couple of weeks this summer with Spencer and me. We’re renting a place in Provence. Spencer would like to get to know you.”
I imagine Caleb hanging upside down in a giant cocoon from a tree in the French countryside. Yes I have stolen this image from The Hobbit.
“No, thank you,” Caleb says.
“What if we invited Saralinda too? Spencer suggested that also.”
I choke, and Dr. Lee says quickly, “Saralinda will be attending summer school here on campus.”
This is the first I have heard of it but I am not opposed.
Dr. Colchester puts one booted ankle on his knee. “Caleb, I expected you to say no, but I hope you’ll reconsider. Spencer didn’t just ask me to invite you, she asked me to come here and talk to you in person. It means that much to her, to heal this breach.”
I sneak a look at Dr. Lee to try to gauge what he makes of all this but he is checking the time on his phone, he is a busy man.
“It’s strange,” Caleb says. “You paying attention to what the woman in your life wants.”
“Stop.” Dr. Colchester raises a hand. “Be fair. Your mother and I may have made a mess of our marriage, but I’m not a misogynist. My marital problems with your mother have nothing to do with Spencer. You know your mother was an illegal immigrant. She lied to me about that when we were dating. Her motive for marrying me was to get a green card. She got pregnant and—”
“That’s your story, but she says—”
“Nevertheless, I behaved well. I supported your mother for eighteen years and never asked her to earn a dime. I have been generous with her alimony. Despite your lack of respect toward me over the years, including right now, I’m still willing to pay for your college—assuming you can get accepted somewhere—just like I’m paying your tuition here at Rockland. But your comments on my relationship with Spencer are not welcome.”
“But here you are inviting me to come be a witness to that relationship.”
“Not my idea. It’s Spencer who asked me—” Rage and frustration flicker over Dr. Colchester’s face. He looks at Dr. Lee. “Spencer wants peace. And she doesn’t know my son, so . . .” He turns to Caleb. “Let’s discuss this logically. Is there anything you want? Because this means a lot to Spencer.”
Is Dr. Colchester trying to bribe Caleb? But there is no way Caleb will agree and why Dr. Colchester is still sitting there trying is beyond me.
“Yes,” Caleb says. “There is. I want you to tell the truth. But I don’t suppose you will.”
“What truth is that?” says Dr. Colchester with a patient smile.
Caleb leans forward. “That there’s nothing wrong with me. That you—that you . . .” He draws in a breath. “That you made it all up, about me—” He breaks off and I think he won’t go on but then he does and it is maybe the bravest thing I have ever seen with my own eyes. “About me having psychological problems.” He looks straight at his father. “There is nothing wrong with me.” Only then his voice goes up a little at the end like it’s a question, and I wince.
I want more than anything to go to him, to put my arms around him.
I stay where I am this is not about me.
His father smiles understandingly. “I know that you want and need to believe that, son.”
Inside I am dying, why does Caleb need anything from this man in order to believe in himself, he will never get the truth from him I know this, and I turn to Dr. Lee hoping he will end this—please end this!—only again he is looking at the time—
Which is when there’s a very loud knock and Dr. Lee calls, “Come in!” and the door opens—Kenyon—
Followed by Spencer Merriman Song, dressed all in soft white cashmere.
Behind her, dressed to match, is Evangeline.
Chapter 59. Caleb
You freeze. You wonder if you’re hallucinating or dreaming or if there really might be such a thing as ghosts—but Evangeline looks alive. Her skin glows, her eyes gleam, her lips curve.
Dr. Lee looks at her calmly.
Your father’s mouth opens and closes, opens and closes.
Evangeline puts her palms together. “Namaste,” she says, looking directly at your father. “Motherfucker.”
You have no thoughts, you have no words, but a knot dissolves inside you; a knot so deeply located that you had believed it was permanent.
Kenyon runs to Saralinda and hugs her. “Sorry, you guys.” Kenyon turns to include you. “It had to be a secret until after Evangeline turned eighteen. She’s been with Spencer in Bermuda this whole time.”
“The rumors o
f my death were greatly exaggerated. I didn’t drink all that much of the smoothie,” Evangeline says merrily.
You want your father’s expression on permanent loop in your memory.
Spencer says, softly, “Caleb?” Automatically you look at her, but she doesn’t mean you. Your father half rises from his seat but she stops him with a lifted hand.
“Stay there.”
He does. “Spencer. Please. I don’t know what they’ve made you think—”
“Nobody made me think anything. Believe it or not, I’m capable of thinking for myself.” Her mouth twists in self-mockery. “When I decide to.”
“Of course you’re intelligent, my darling, but—”
Again Spencer lifts her hand. This time, it’s to work off her engagement ring. It hits your father mid-chest. He begins again: “But you can’t possibly think that I had anything to do with this, I can’t be responsible for what three insane people and several traumatized kids—understandably traumatized, of course . . . Besides, the police have cleared me of any involvement . . .”
Spencer isn’t listening. She holds out her arms to Evangeline. They embrace, clinging to each other, rocking for several seconds. Spencer whispers, “Text you later.”
“Yes,” says Evangeline. “Love you.”
“Love you.”
Then Spencer is gone.
Your father is left surrounded by Dr. Lee, Kenyon, Evangeline, Saralinda, and you.
“Well.” Dr. Lee holds up his phone. “Look at the time. I’ll have to ask you to leave, Dr. Colchester. We have a busy day ahead. For one thing, Evangeline has a lot of schoolwork to catch up on.”
“Actually not,” says Evangeline chattily. “I kept up from Bermuda. All those online syllabuses come in handy.”
“You haven’t changed,” Kenyon remarks. “Still smug.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not even slightly.”
They beam at each other.
Your exhilaration is fading fast. You watch your father. You have never seen him defeated before. You can’t believe it will last. He grips the arms on either side of his chair, knuckles compressing and releasing. His expression is a mask of calm, with a slight smile in the eyes. This is the same expression from your nightmare, the one with Saralinda’s neck under his foot.
Dr. Lee starts to say something else about the time. Your father interrupts. He looks around the room, eyes resting one by one on each of you. He ends with Dr. Lee.
“I am a bad enemy to make.”
“I am aware,” says Dr. Lee quietly.
So are you.
But Evangeline chuckles. “Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Your next line is going to be: This isn’t over?”
Kenyon laughs.
You don’t. Neither does Dr. Lee, and neither does Saralinda.
Saralinda. Dr. Lee. Evangeline and Kenyon, miraculously reunited. Others too. Your mother. Dr. Lee’s wife, who has been so good to Saralinda. And Spencer.
Targets. All of them.
Your father smiles pleasantly. “You’re right,” he says mildly to Evangeline. “One should resist the temptation of melodrama. My next line is: Good-bye for now.”
He starts to get up—
There is no decision to make. There is just one thing you can do to save them all forever, and this one moment in which to do it. You can do it. Maybe you aren’t Mr. Hyde, maybe Saralinda is right. But you are after all your father’s son.
You are going to make damn well sure that nobody is in his power, ever again.
You launch yourself across the room at his throat.
Chapter 60. Saralinda
I’m not sure how I know what Caleb intends, but I am watching him and because he is my friend he can’t be allowed to kill anyone, even or maybe especially his father. It is not really a decision as there is no time. Caleb doesn’t get to his father—because I get there first.
Georgia and I get there first.
What happens is this, I jump up and my equally good foot twists and I plummet forward toward Dr. Colchester, who is positioned opposite me. Georgia flies out horizontally as I grip her. I scream not so much because I am falling (which frankly isn’t unusual) but because of what is happening with Georgia.
As I fall I flail for a grip on my cane and press Georgia’s mechanism, twice.
Chapter 61. Caleb
Four inches of sharp steel slice through your father’s windpipe.
Chapter 62. Saralinda
Dr. Colchester lies on the floor with his hands on Georgia and his eyes wide. He does not utter a word because Georgia’s blade has severed his trachea, the whole function of which is to conduct air to the lungs. We need air to speak we need air to breathe we need air to live.
Dr. Colchester has both hands on Georgia. Tentatively he pulls at her then stops.
As for me I am on the floor and so is my Caleb. I roll away I touch my throat, oh the human throat is delicate and from mine come sobs gasps screams. I hear them, I look wildly around—Kenyon Evangeline Dr. Lee. And Caleb.
What have I done I did it, so it is done.
Caleb is on his knees now.
His father pulls feebly at Georgia again.
Nobody goes to help him.
Bilbo and Frodo had Sting for a sword but as for me I have Georgia.
They say that when a person is dying her life flashes before her eyes. As Caleb’s father dies Georgia’s life flashes before mine. I was twelve and out alone which was a rare thing, and the sign on the basement store in the West Village said HAND-CARVED CANES and GOING OUT OF BUSINESS. Bells tinkled sweetly as I entered, and inside a man short like a hobbit, short like me, whittled a wooden cane with a small sharp tool. He smiled and so did I, we were friends that very instant. We drank tea and talked about life and I told him how scared I was sometimes, and he touched my ugly metal cane and said, “Saralinda, it would give me great pleasure if you would accept a gift. It has a secret, which I know you won’t use unless you have to. But you will always know that it is there.”
I know as I sob on the floor of Dr. Lee’s office that I am saying good-bye to Georgia forever, I will not be allowed to keep her after this. I will have to make my own feeling of safety.
I put a hand over my mouth to stop sobbing.
Dr. Lee has a hand over his mouth like me.
“Holy crap,” Kenyon says.
Evangeline inhales.
Caleb is on his feet. He says to his father very calmly, “You are the defective one. You are the monster.” This time there is no question mark in his voice.
His father’s face contorts. He is not dead quite yet and he transfers his gaze from his son to me for a bare instant and there is shock disbelief hate and the very beginning of fear in his face, then he looks back at his son and opens his mouth one last time.
But he cannot lie to his son anymore, because I Saralinda that would be me I have taken his voice.
Chapter 63. Caleb
After your father dies, Dr. Lee punches in 911 on his phone. He says, “I’m calling to report an accident.”
Chapter 64. Saralinda
Not-sorry-not-sorry-not-sorry sounds the gong in my head. I don’t know I don’t know.
Caleb puts his arms around me tight, his body heaves, and I hold him and Kenyon and Evangeline, we are in a huddle together. I say Evangeline’s name she is alive! I am alive too, relief and fear, fear still, what have I done what have I done.
My friends are safe now forever. “I will go to jail,” I say bravely but Dr. Lee interrupts.
“You are not going to jail, Saralinda. You’re a minor. It was an accident.”
“But—”
“Sit down and shut up. All four of you.”
We do that. Dr. Lee says he will talk to the police first and explain how this terrible accident happened. He is so calm that when he as
ks me about Georgia and how long I have had her and how her mechanism works, I answer calmly too, and he nods. “So you fell and you struck the mechanism as you fell. Is that right?”
“Yes,” I say. “That’s true.” It is.
“Repeat it.”
I repeat it.
“That’s what you say to the police,” Dr. Lee tells me, and “Just like that, SL,” Kenyon says, and “Exactly, Saralinda,” Evangeline (Evangeline!) says. Caleb says nothing, he holds my hand too tightly, and I get it what Dr. Lee is saying. It doesn’t matter what I was thinking only what I did, and now I am not sure of that. Did I aim? I was falling, it was quick, I wanted to get between Caleb and his father.
I fell and hit Georgia’s mechanism and Georgia hit Dr. Colchester.
The police come. Detectives. It turns out that when there are four eyewitnesses to an accident including someone like Dr. Lee, it is not like on TV where they put the perp (me) in a small room and make her (me) tell the story over and over while they play good cop bad cop. They do not care what I was thinking as I fell or before I fell. However I offer to go to jail (I don’t mean to say it, it comes out) and the detectives look at me and one of them says, “Just stay in school.”
That said, I am in some trouble because guilty of criminal possession of a concealed weapon. “You’ll be charged as a minor,” the detective says to me without raising his head, he is filling out a form. “You and your guardian will get a summons within thirty days.”
I do not get to say good-bye to Georgia, they take her away in a plastic bag.
At one point I hear a detective call Dr. Colchester that guy. There is a tone in his voice which makes me think about Kenyon’s grandfather, Lieutenant Kelly, and that maybe these detectives are not so very unhappy to see Dr. Colchester dead and maybe they were careful not to ask too many questions about what happened. This is a theory which I have which is mine.