now visits our door, you didn’t bring it, dear husband...... it’s not your doing. The only thing I hold you responsible for are those seven children; not that I’ve ever regretted having any one of them, and for making me love you.”
“I love you, dear husband (she embraces Farmer Hans), I love you more than words can ever say.....more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow. You’re the finest man I’ve ever met.... the very best!”
(As the seven children quieten down and watch their parents embrace lovingly, Gretta sings Farmer Hans a song of love. When his wife has serenaded him, seeing the seven children observing them, Farmer Hans replies in a ‘matter of fact’ voice)
Farmer Hans: “And I love you too, Gretta. Now let’s get these seven settled down for the night and fast asleep before the fire burns out and they start to feel the cold again and remember when they last ate.”
(Gretta and Farmer Hans move across to the two mattresses upon which their seven children lay. Gretta goes to tuck in the three boys while Farmer Hans sees to the four girls. The four girls occupy their mattress with two girls at each end, head-to-toe. The girls continue to giggle. The three boys are still squabbling about the bed cover as the two boys on each outer edge of the bed continue to pull the bed cover to their side).
Noah Junior: (Tugging the bed blanket to his side of the bed) “Now, come on fellas and give me a fair share of that blanket. Fair’s fair!”
Noah Senior: “I’ll tell you what’s ‘fair’, Junior. The last gets least; that’s what’s fair! You were the last in and the last out. You’re the youngest, ‘Junior’!”
Noah Junior: (Turns and appeals to his brother Josh who occupies the centre of the mattress between the twins) “Come on, Josh, you’re the eldest. Tell him. You can see it’s not fair. Tell him Josh. Tell him what’s fair!”
Josh: (Voice of disapproval) “Younger brothers- tut! You’re both a pain in the butt, ‘Juniors’! Don’t include me in your petty squabbles. I’m ok. I’ve got enough blanket. All I want is some shut eye. Now, stop bickering, ‘Juniors’ and give it a rest!”
Gretta: (Annoyed tone of voice) “Now, settle down there, twins, and stop this infernal squabbling. Who’d believe that less than five minutes separated your entry into the world? You’re twins, not eternal adversaries. Why can’t you both be more like your brother Josh? Now settle down!”
Josh: (Wears a look of smugness as he wraps the bed blanket around himself and closes his eyes with a grin on his face) “Night Mum. Night Father.”
Farmer Hans and Gretta: (Together) “Goodnight, Josh”
Noah Junior: (Grumbling voice) “He’s okay. He’s in the middle. He’ll always remain covered. He’s nothing to complain of. He’s dinky doray!”
Noah Senior: (Grumbling voice) “Yes, he is. ‘Junior’s’ right! Josh has got the best spot. He’s okay!”
Josh: (That’s because I’m the eldest, ‘Juniors.’ I’m the daddy frog and you’re the tadpoles. Get it? Now, put a sock in it. I need my beauty sleep.”
Noah Junior: “You can say that again, fish face.”
Noah Senior: “Yeh, fish face!”
Josh: (Sitting up in bed abruptly and looking angry with his two younger brothers’ remarks) “Did you two pieces of frogspawn just call me fish face? I’ll knock your blocks off, you.... you little toe rags!”
Noah Junior and Noah Senior: (Look at each other and say together with a look of disbelief on their face) “Who? Us?”
Gretta: “Now shush boys. Settle down and no more squabbling. It’s been a long first day for all of us”
Farmer Hans: (Tucks the four giggling girls in) “Good night, Oola La, Frieda, Becky and Lucy. Good night girls.”
Chorus of Four Giggling Sisters: “Good night, Dad. Good night, Mum. Good night, you three!”
Oola La: (Whispers to her sisters) “Stupid, smelly boys!”
Frieda: “Good night, girls. Good night. Don’t let the tadpoles bite!”
All Four Sisters: (The girls break out into a giggle once more).
Gretta: “Good night, girls” (then turns towards her three sons). “Good night, boys. Now say ‘Good night’ to your sisters, you three.”
(The three boys feign sleep and remain totally silent in response. Their eyes are closed, yet remain smiling).
Noah Junior, Noah Senior, Josh: “Snore....snore........snore...sn.....”
Becky: (To her sisters) “They’re like three little pigs, grunting away.”
Lucy: “All huff and no puff. Smelly boys!”(The four sisters break out into another giggle).
The curtain comes down to end scene one and to prepare the stage for the next scene. The Narrator addresses the audience before curtain.
Act One: Scene Two
The Narrator: “Little did Farmer Hans and his family realise when they first set up home in Transylvania, that they’d be surrounded by mounting anger on all sides.”
“For a long time, the village had been consumed by a great many angry farmers. The cause of their anger was a very clever fox called ‘Sleezy’. Each day when their work was done, the farmers would pen their sheep overnight and move their chickens back into the safety and protection of the coop, closer to the farm house.”
“However, each morning their new day would begin with the same old story as some farmer in the village would wake to find one of his fattest chickens stolen or one of his sheep killed. The only sign of the intruder was a set of fox’s footprints in the ground, along with a note that had been left by the chicken thief and sheep killer. The note would say, ‘Thank you so much for my succulent chicken supper’ and would be signed, ‘Sleezy the Fox’.”
All the farmers tried to catch this clever fox, but try as they may, not one of them came close enough to do so. They set all manner of clever and sophisticated traps to catch the fox, but whatever kind of trap they set, Sleezy the Fox was far too clever to be caught.”
“One farmer put an expensive padlock on his chicken coop and went asleep with the key around his neck, convinced that all his chickens would still be there in the morning when he woke up. But Sleezy wasn’t about to be deterred by the simple matter of a padlock preventing his entry. He always went on his raids ‘tooled up’, so instead of trying to pick the padlock, the clever fox simply screwed the door of the chicken coop off its hinges instead!”
“One farmer was so determined to catch the fox that he dug a large pit outside his chicken coop and when he’d finished, he concealed the pit with leaves and bracken. He hoped that if the fox came on his land to steal his chickens during the night, it wouldn’t see the pit and would fall into the trap.”
“Just in case the fox was clever enough not to fall down the trap, the farmer had a second trap to fall back on. Just as soon as the fox poked his head inside the hen hut to steal a chicken, he’d get it (Loud voice) blown off. For inside the large chicken hut, sitting in a chair with a loaded shotgun was the farmer, ready to shoot the fox when he showed his face.”
“But Sleezy was far too clever to be caught by such simple means. As the night got darker and the moon appeared in the sky, the shadow of a fox appeared at the woodland’s edge. It was Sleezy, out on the prowl for some feathered chicken for his supper. Spotting the hen hut in the distance in front of the farm house, the prowling fox approached the chicken coop in the moonlight. He could sense that something wasn’t as it should be as he approached the covered pit on the ground. Sniffing the ground in front of him as he approached with caution, Sleezy noticed the decoyed trap covered in bracken and twigs ahead. ‘Oh no! Oh no!’ he said as saw the trap. ‘Oh no, Buster! You’re not going to catch Sleezy so easily. I’m Sleezy, the cleverest fox in the whole wide world. Oh no you don’t!”
“So seeing the trap ahead of him, Sleezy quietly crept around it and moved closer towards the chicken coop. Sleezy’s nose started to twitch as soon as he smelled feathered chicken. Suddenly, the fox got the slight whiff of another smell; a different smell. It was a human smell. So Sleezy sneaked up on the coop e
ver so quietly and peeped inside, where he saw the farmer sitting there with a loaded shotgun, ready to blow his head off as soon as he poked it inside the hen hut.”
“‘Oh no!’ said Sleezy to himself. “‘You’re not going to blow my head off, Buster!’ Now, Sleezy knew that he was much more patient than any farmer. He knew that if a human has to wait and wait and wait, they eventually get tired and fall asleep. So Sleezy waited and waited outside the chicken coop until the farmer had got too tired to stay awake and dozed off.”
“When the farmer could be heard snoring his head off, fast asleep, Sleezy quietly entered the hen hut, picked out the fattest chicken, bopped it on the head to stun it and ran off with the feathered fowl in his mouth, and back into the woodland. But before he left the chicken coop, he added insult to injury by putting a prepared note around the farmer’s neck ‘thanking him’ for his chicken supper. He wanted the farmer to find the note when he eventually woke up and discovered his fattest chicken stolen.”
“You see, Sleezy regarded his chicken raids as ‘easy peasy.’ He was no ordinary fox, and was probably the cleverest fox in the whole wide world. In fact, it was only a short matter of time and after numerous successful chicken raids by Sleezy, that the fox started to see himself as being too clever ever to be caught by simple farmers. He considered himself to be invincible.”
“Indeed, like many a