“You what?” I asked when she didn’t continue.
For a while she didn’t respond. When she finally looked up at me, tears were streaming down her face. “I’ve never even had a boyfriend because of Ben. I always only wanted him. When he died—I felt . . . God, I felt like a part of me died, and I had to keep how I felt to myself. And now I’m going on with my life, just like you and Grey are . . . just like everyone is. But that first day I hung out with her after you both moved back, I could see the way Grey looked when we talked about you. I knew she was falling in love with you even if she hadn’t realized it yet, and I hated her for it. Because even though that’s what I’ve always wanted for you, and what I’ve always wanted for her, I hated that she could move on from loving him when I can’t.”
The rest of the air in my lungs left me in one hard rush. “Charlie,” I whispered. “I’m—I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” I shook my head and looked at her helplessly. “I’m sorry that you went through all that grief alone, but don’t take your hurt out on Grey. After everything she went through, she doesn’t deserve it.”
Charlie let out a sad laugh and nodded, then we just sat there in silence for a while.
Charlie loved Ben and was upset that Grey could move on, but whoever was trying to drive Grey insane wanted to keep Grey and me apart . . . reminding her of what she was supposed to have with Ben. While my mind kept saying the only person who made sense was Charlie, I knew it couldn’t be her. It would’ve been too hard for Charlie to go through everything this person had been.
“You swear it’s not you?” I asked softly.
“I swear, Jagger, I could never do that to her.”
I nodded and fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling fan. “I need to find the person doing this, they need to stop. This is killing Grey.”
“I would help you if I could, but I don’t know who it is. I honestly thought my keys were just lost in here somewhere.”
I blew out a ragged breath, got off the bed, and walked over to Charlie. Holding a hand out, I helped her up and pulled her into my arms. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for blaming you—this is making me crazy and I just freaked when I remembered how mad you’ve been.”
“I understand,” she mumbled against my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. She would never know how sorry I was. For not being there for her, for blaming her . . . for so much.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I reached for it, thinking it would be Grey and knowing I needed to get back to her. My body froze and I stopped breathing as I looked at the message on my screen. With shaking fingers, I opened up the Facebook message and ground my jaw when I saw a picture of Ben and Grey kissing. Looking closer at the picture, I knew it was from the day they’d officially gotten engaged. Underneath were the words: Don’t forget, she’s always belonged to me.
“Jagger?”
Kissing the top of Charlie’s head quickly, I backed away from her. “I have to get back to Grey. We need to figure out who this is. I’m sorry, Charlie.”
Her eyes widened. “Wait, what’s wrong? What just happened?”
“Whoever this is isn’t done. And they need to be stopped. I have to go.” Turning around, I left her room and walked quickly down the hall and into Keith’s room. After checking his closet and the kitchen pantry, I walked toward the front door and didn’t even look at my mom or her boyfriend as I let them know I would bring diapers and food the next day. As soon as I was out of the house and in my car, I pulled up Grey’s name to call her as I flipped my car around and tore off down the street.
“Hey!” she answered on the first ring. “Where are you?”
“I’m coming back to you, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I just—did you find out who it is?”
I blew out a slow breath and shook my head as guilt filled me. “No, I didn’t.”
“Well, who did you think it was? My parents said you’d said ‘she.’ ”
As much sense as it had made earlier, I felt like a dick. No matter that everything pointed to Charlie, I couldn’t believe I’d accused my sister of everything that had happened. “Let’s talk about it when I get to you, okay? But tell me, has anything else happened since I left?”
“No,” she said slowly, drawing out the word when she noticed my eager tone. “Why did you ask like that? Should I be expecting something?”
“No,” I assured her. “No, I just needed to know. I’m only a couple minutes away, I’ll see you soon.”
There was a pause before she reluctantly said, “Okay. Be safe.”
I ended the call and sank deeper into the seat as I ran one hand over my head. I knew I’d have to tell her where I’d gone, and I knew in telling her this, I’d have to tell her about Charlie, and it was killing me. Grey hadn’t known that Charlie had been getting upset about us, or that she’d been mad at her . . . and right now seemed like the worst possible time to tell her. But I couldn’t lie to her. When I pulled up to a red light, I quickly tapped out a text to Charlie.
I have to tell her. I’m so sorry . . . for everything.
By the time I’d pulled into Grey’s neighborhood, Charlie had responded.
I know. Tell her I love her.
I replied with an I will as I walked up the driveway to Grey’s parents’ house and took a deep breath before knocking on the door and letting myself in.
Grey launched herself at me before I even had the door shut behind me, and I stumbled back a step. “Hey, you wanna go to the dock?” I asked into her ear; her only response was to nod her head against my chest. “Okay, hold on a second and we’ll go.” Unwrapping myself from her, I kept a hand on her waist as I looked up at her parents, both of whom were looking at me expectantly. “I was wrong, and I’m sorry I ran out of here. But do you mind if I take Grey for the night?”
“She is not staying with you overnight again. You’ll bring her back tonight,” Mr. LaRue said firmly, and I smiled.
“Of course, sir. It’ll only be for a couple hours.”
“Mark,” Mrs. LaRue hissed, and slapped at his chest. “Just bring her home whenever, Jagger.”
As I backed up with Grey in my arms and walked us out the door, I could hear Mrs. LaRue whispering harshly to her husband about how we were grown and he needed to lighten up.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Grey asked when we got in my car.
“When we get to the dock, but until then . . . I got this while I was gone.” Opening up the Facebook messages, I tapped on the one from Ben’s account and handed it to her.
A choked cry left her, and my face tightened from the pain I knew she was going through. “Why?” she asked softly. “Why are they doing this?”
“I don’t know. You still have that account blocked, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, well, they’ve already pretty much done everything they can. We’ll just hope they’re done.”
Grey looked at the picture of her and Ben for a little while longer before putting my phone down, and a broken sigh filled my car. Reaching out, I grabbed her hand and was relieved when she squeezed mine tightly.
“We’ll figure it out,” I promised.
“I know. It’s just hard, and it makes it worse because I still can’t figure out who would want to do this to both of us.” She said the last part to herself and stayed silent for the rest of the drive to the lake; the entire time I was dreading telling her about Charlie.
I tried thinking of a dozen different ways of telling her so it wouldn’t reflect badly on my sister. But by the time Grey again asked me where I’d gone, when we were lying on the dock, I still hadn’t figured out a better way to tell her, and I ended up saying it exactly as it had gone. From that first night in my place to how Charlie had reacted when she found out we were together, and then finally tonight.
It was safe to say Charlie had been the last person Gray had expected me to start talking about, and I hated how unsure of hers
elf she looked, and confused about everything she’d thought she’d known. Like me, Grey hadn’t had any clue that Charlie had been in love with Ben, and everything my sister had confessed to me tonight seemed to hit Grey twice as hard as it had hit me.
“It makes sense, I guess. Ben always had a soft spot for Charlie . . . he was just as protective of her as you were. Why wouldn’t she fall in love with a guy who treated her the way Ben did?” she mumbled a couple minutes after I’d finished telling her everything. “God, I feel so stupid. Every time I’ve seen her I’ve thought—I don’t know, but I feel like—I just don’t understand,” she rambled. “And what does that say about me if I’m moving on, and she’s not—and she wasn’t even with him?”
“Grey,” I crooned. “Nothing. It says nothing about you. It just says that Charlie hasn’t tried to get past it. No one knew about her feelings for Ben, so she probably didn’t grieve the way she should have. But this . . .” I rolled over so I was looking down at her and cupped her cheek. “Us? It doesn’t say anything about either of us, I promise.”
She nodded, but I knew by her expression that she wasn’t sure whether or not she should believe me, and that terrified me. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to tell her what she meant to me, but only because I needed to reassure myself that we were okay, that she wasn’t pulling away from me again because of what had happened. And I knew I couldn’t do that when it was only days ago that we’d gotten past her shutting me out . . . and now it was happening all over again. The one thing that had stopped her from acknowledging her feelings about me in the first place—her relationship with Ben—was now constantly being thrown in her face.
What she and Ben had before he died was something I knew I’d never be able to have with her. They’d promised each other forever—and now she was moving on with me . . . his best friend. I knew she felt like she was cheating on Ben again; it was all over her face.
Trying to hide my own pain and fear, I rolled back over and stared up at the night sky as we fell into a silence—only this one felt weighted. It was scaring the shit out of me.
By the time I’d gotten her back to her parents’ house, she’d said only a handful of words, and she hugged me good-bye as if it were an afterthought. I stood there for long minutes after she shut the door before I was able to force myself to my car and drive back home. I’d known I was slowly losing her over the last two weeks, but everything about tonight screamed that I wasn’t losing her anymore. I’d lost her.
Chapter 12
Grey
August 13, 2014
I GOT READY to go to bed in a daze, everything Jagger had told me tonight playing through my mind over and over. I was embarrassed that I’d been going on with my friendship with Charlie when she’d been so upset and angry with me. I didn’t know what to feel anymore about everything from “Ben,” and I was back to feeling like I was betraying him.
It wasn’t until I was in my bed that I realized I couldn’t remember even driving back to the house with Jagger, and I didn’t remember saying good night to him. I didn’t know what he was thinking about all of this, and at the moment, I didn’t know where we stood in our relationship.
I lay there for what felt like hours, going over everything that had happened with Jagger, and everything from my time with Ben. I’d told Jagger that I couldn’t lose him, and promised him that he wasn’t losing me, but it felt like that was exactly what was happening. And I was causing it to happen. I was the reason there was this sudden distance between us, and I knew it would only grow if I let it—and I knew I would. I could easily get so lost in my grief to the point where I’d make sure my future with Jagger never happened.
Gripping Ben’s ring in my hand, I blinked away the tears that were forming in my eyes and scrambled out of bed. I didn’t bother with a bra, I just slipped into my sandals and threw my hair up in a messy bun as I ran down the stairs and out to my car.
I raced down the roads of our small town, and was thankful none of the sheriffs were around since I’d left my purse and driver’s license at the house in my rush to leave. Pulling into the lot, I stared ahead as I gripped the steering wheel and, after a few calming breaths, finally got out of my car. I walked slowly until I was in front of the shiny stone, and sank down to the ground.
“Hey,” I whispered as I traced the letters and dates. “I miss you so much,” I choked out, and had to swallow down the tightness in my throat a few times before I could speak again. “I miss you, and I still love you. I know whoever is doing this isn’t you. I know that even though there are times when it’s easy to let myself think you’re the one trying to force Jagger and me apart. But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Just like I would want for you to be happy, I know that’s what you want for both of us. And somehow I know that Jagger is the only man you would trust to keep me safe. Maybe it’s because you knew he loved me and tried not to flaunt our relationship in front of him. Maybe it’s because you knew him better than anyone. Whatever the reason, I know when I’m with him that this is right. I love you, Ben, but I love him too.”
A sob broke free from my chest, and I leaned my head against the stone as I gripped his ring.
“I’m not letting this person take me from Jagger,” I said a few minutes later. “Your death was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I will never forget you or what we had, but I can’t lose him too. There is a man who loves me and who loved you, a man who knows exactly what I need in my healing from losing you—and now it’s time I gave him my heart.” Pressing my fingers to my lips, I shakily pressed them to the stone and whispered, “I’ll always love you, Benjamin Craft, but it’s time for me to love him now. Please understand.”
On weak legs, I stood up and slowly walked back to my car. The drive was smoother and not nearly as rushed as the drive to the cemetery, but I needed the time to cry as I let a part of my life go.
When I was sure I was done crying, I wiped my face and took some deep breaths as I sat outside the place where I knew I needed to be. And just before I got out of my car, I unclasped the necklace I’d worn every day for the past two years and set Ben’s ring down in one of my cup holders. Slowly climbing out of my car, I walked up to the door of the warehouse and unlocked it. I could have called him to let him know I was coming—I should have. But I would’ve started explaining why I was coming, and this wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, and I knew he was awake by the loud music that met me before I even had the door open. Slipping out of my flip-flops and setting my keys and phone down on the counter, I steadied my breathing as I made my way through the large room and to the halls.
My breath caught as I saw Jagger working furiously on a piece in front of him, and just like the last time I’d caught him working—the picture was of me. I looked lost. A part of me wondered if he was replicating what he’d seen on my face tonight, and I hated that I’d zoned out and fallen back into a place where I wasn’t sure of anything.
Jagger hung his head, one hand moving to grip the back of his neck as he stood there in front of the drawing. Dropping the charcoal in his other hand, he looked up and started using his fingers to continue creating what was in his mind, and a small smile crossed my face when I saw the streak of black on the back of his neck.
When I was halfway down the hall, his body suddenly straightened and he slowly looked over his shoulder to where I was standing. Shock crossed his face, but not soon enough that I didn’t see the pain and fear that had been there seconds before. He turned to face me, and just stood there for a few moments before hitting the stereo until the music abruptly cut off.
“What are you—what time is it?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “Um . . . late? I don’t know.”
“Are you okay?” he asked as he closed the distance between us, and my smile came back as I got a better look at his charcoal-streaked face.
Lifting my hands to wipe them across the streaks, I looked up into his green eyes. “You have a little something.”
/> Jagger gripped my wrists, loose enough so it didn’t hurt, but tight enough that I could feel the way his body was vibrating. “Why are you here, Grey?”
My smile fell as my stomach turned. I’d hurt him tonight, it was clear. Brushing my fingers across his cheeks again, I locked my eyes with his and knew I was ready. Knew that I was making the right decision. Jagger already knew I loved him, but this—it was different, and he would know. “I love you, Jagger Easton.”
His worried face softened. “I love you too.”
“I needed to tell you that I’m in love with you, and I’m ready.”
A lopsided smile pulled at his lips as he bent his head lower. “Yeah?” he asked when his forehead rested against mine. “What are you ready for?”
“Everything,” I whispered. Looking directly into his green eyes, I hooked my fingers inside the top of his jeans before slowly unbuttoning them. “Everything with you.”
“Don’t do this for me.”
“I’m not,” I promised. “I’m doing it for us.” Pulling away from him, I started walking backward down the hall, my gaze locked with his the entire time.
With shaky hands, I moved the thin straps of my top off my shoulders and down my arms, and the desire was clear in Jagger’s eyes as I turned the corner to the hall leading out to the main room. I made it to the stairs leading up to his loft before he grabbed me from behind and slammed my body to his. One hand pressed against my stomach as the other trailed up my arm to my bare shoulder. His lips pressed to the base of my neck as his trailing hand moved over my breasts and slowly pulled the shirt down to free them.
“If you need to stop—”
“I won’t,” I assured him.
Pulling my shirt down the rest of the way, I pushed it past my hips and down my legs as his large hands explored my torso and chest. I leaned back against his bare chest and wondered briefly when he’d taken his shirt off; then my thoughts were only on his lips and hands. One of his hands slid down to cup me through my thin shorts, and I moaned as I arched my back off him.