"See it, do it. See it, do it." To humor him, I picture my spirit remaining inside the Shell...to my surprise and delight, a bolt of power hits me. A tide of determination and excitement buoys me. I can do this! I can stay inside the Shell.
I step into my Shell...and this time, I stay put.
TROIKA
* * *
From: T_L_2/23.43.2
To: L_N_3/19.1.1
Subject: rwat trey
Soed
A
S
S
Seow gpc/ehceo fo e y echd iiiii
EOC.SOECC EPOS.Sdl clwo dowleo wos w w ro.s
kr.
TROIKA
* * *
From: L_N_3/19.1.1
To: T_L_2/23.43.2
Subject: Your message skills--or lack thereof Wow, Miss Lockwood. You really know how to insult a man. Too bad I haven't learned to read complete gibberish. But keep practicing. You (obviously) can't get any worse.
Light Brings Sight!
General Levi Nanne PS: I usually end my transmissions with Light Brings Sight! For you, I'm ending with: Bend or Break!
TROIKA
* * *
From: T_L_2/23.43.2
To: L_N_3/19.1.1
Subject: Tesy Tesr Test
Yo cab shove yor light ip tour add.
But srrioualy. hiw ia yhis??//?
General-in-training,
Twn Lockqood
TROIKA
* * *
From: L_N_3/19.1.1
To: T_L_2/23.43.2
Subject: Yawn!
I guess you're ready to admit Killian isn't the right partner for your Everlife. Obviously you don't want to see him again. And perhaps that's for the best. At this rate, the reunion will happen when you're both in your six thousands. A diaper is never a good look.
Light Brings Sight!
General Levi Nanne
MYRIAD
* * *
From: K_F_5/23.53.6
To: T_L_2/23.43.2
Subject: Tenley Lockwood
This is a test. Try to ace it.
ML, KF
MYRIAD
* * *
From: K_F_5/23.53.6
To: T_L_2/23.43.2
Subject: Some days I think I hate you
But only because I miss you more with every breath I take.
Never forget your messages are monitored. Do not reply to this.
You're probably wondering how I contacted you. Archer gave me a Troikan comm before he died. And don't worry. His rep won't suffer. The action was approved by his superiors to help us help you.
I'm awesome. You like numbers, you get numbers.
I know you had trouble with your dad, but I also know you're the forgiving type. Something I'm grateful for only when it applies to me. But. You'll be happy to know he's being treated with nothing but respect. On the flip side, your mother requested a court date, hoping to defect to Troika, and she's currently in hiding. I have friends seeing to her protection every second of every day. No harm will come to her, you have my word. You will, of course, owe me big-time, and I will, of course, expect payment. I'm sweet like that.
You said you'd always trust me. Never forget.
Guess who gets to mentor Sloan? I'll give you a hint. He dreams about you every night.
You are the best friend I've ever had. I miss looking at you, talking to you, laughing with you. If I could sneak into your room and watch you sleep, I would. Screw the creep factor.
The next time we're together, we will fight. There's no way to avoid it. Be ready.
143
ML, KF
TROIKA
* * *
From: T_L_2/23.43.2
To: K_F_5/23.53.6
Subject: o miss you top 1) Thank you gor caring dor my mother.
2) I am heafed to land of Harvess--I will see you therr and thank you properly.
3) What does 143 mean/
If it's your way of telling ne we're over, sorry boyo, but it's not going tp work out for you.
Conduit-in-training, Ten Lockwood
TROIKA
* * *
From: Mailer-Erratum
To: T_L_2/23.43.2 K_F_5/23.53.6
Subject: THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN DEEMED UNDELIVERABLE
A report of this exchange has been sent to your superior, General Levi Nanne.
chapter seven
* * *
"What you seek, you will find. Good or bad."
--Troika
For over a week, I practice with my Shell, a plethora of Whells/weapons and my teammates at all hours of the day and night, driven by unwavering determination. Several Generals stop by periodically to watch my progress, or lack thereof. Alejandro, who I'd swear was an Italian model in his Firstlife. Luciana, who is short, curvy and covered in adorable freckles. Shamus, who is the epitome of a Scottish warrior. And Ying Wo, who is as graceful as a sunbeam.
Each of the Generals oversees a different part of Troikan security and well-being. Everything from war planning to communications to the well-being of our citizens. They are the leading experts in their fields.
But no pressure for me to perform without error, right?
Every day Levi says, "Take my hands. Send a stream of Light to me through the Grid." Every day I fail, and frustration is riding me hard.
In what little spare time I have, I read the Book of the Law. If there's power in knowledge and strength in consistency, I'm going to be the strongest, most powerful girl ever to live!
Confession: half the time I don't understand what I'm reading.
Page one states: The law does not define your life. The condition of our heart does that. You can only walk in the Light you know. Never violate your Light.
So the laws aren't as important as our intentions...or the laws are just as important as our intentions, but if we mean well, we'll be forgiven for our mistakes? And how do you violate Light? Doing the wrong thing when you know what the right thing is? Or simply doing the wrong thing?
Either way, my brands throb as I read, so I figure some part of me gets the gist. Kind of like when I eat manna. I don't know what vitamins and minerals I'm putting into my spirit, but my cells absorb the nutrients all the same.
Every part of me understands the importance of forgiveness. My bitterness is poison--but only to me.
I force myself to let go of my anger with Elizabeth. When the feeling resurfaces, and it does, I focus on her good qualities. Her loyalty and passion. She hasn't returned the favor; she's holding on to her anger like it's a new boyfriend, putting me down at every opportunity.
She'll say, "If you're our savior, I weep for the fate of our realm." Or, "I wonder if the Firstking looks at you and regrets the creation of all humans." Oh, and I loved this one, "I bet your name stands for all the ways you make those around you miserable. Numbers one through ten, existing."
Thankfully, the rest of the realm has pardoned me. I'm greeted with smiles.
I wonder what everyone would think if they knew I'd received a message from Killian. I wonder what they'd think if they witnessed my reaction to the message.
Every time I think about it, I laugh, spread my arms and twirl. The untouchable, indomitable Killian Flynn might maybe possibly be in love with me!
In the middle of my apartment, I do my thing. Laugh. Spread arms. Twirl. I have come to believe 143 is the numerical equivalent of I love you. 1--a one-letter word. 4--a four-letter word. 3--a three-letter word.
Until I received Killian's note, I constantly shied away from the word love. But why? My aversion seems so silly now. I mean, what's so frightening about four little letters? L-O-V-E.
Love gives. Loves protects. Loves lifts up and never tears down. Love empowers.
I think I might 143 Killian right back. My heart softens at the mere mention of his name. He is st
rong, smart and witty. He is courageous. He is learning how to be kind. When he looks at me, I don't see the pain of the past, but the brightness of the future.
I will tear the world apart to be with him.
But how can we be together?
We will have to brave the hostility of two worlds. I'll have to be stronger physically and mentally. A soldier capable of defending those under my protection and ignoring insults.
Yesterday Elizabeth said, "What if you're wrong about your Myriadian boy toy, huh? What if, when you compete with him, he uses your feelings for him against you? Who am I kidding? He will."
She hopes to ignite doubt. I have to be careful. Doubt is an insidious creature. It can creep in, set up a tent and ruin everything.
Killian has more than proved his loyalty to me. He deserves my trust. He's hiding my mother, even guarding her so that she can defect.
One day, she might walk the streets of Troika at my side, her hand in mine. Because of Killian's efforts and love.
Maybe he'll go a step further and work with me to end the war. Together, we can do anything! After all, not every Myriadian is a representative of darkness, and not every Troikan is a representative of Light. There are good and bad people in both realms.
The brands in my hands vibrate, and I jolt, preparing to--oh. Right. My internal clock. Ever since I learned to move in and out of a Shell, I've been able to produce a glowing keyboard above the center of my wrist. I can type whether I'm in or out of a Shell. I've learned to set an alarm.
Time to head to the Tower of Might for my next training session with Levi.
I stuff the arsenal I've collected into a backpack and blow my brother's hologram a kiss. He's reclined in a beautiful walnut crib. Four posts stretch toward the ceiling, each carved to resemble a tree trunk with curving branches up top. He kicks his legs as he giggles at me.
A feed of me plays on his walls, and he likes to watch me. I'm a source of entertainment.
My heart swells with love for him, strengthening my determination to end the war between realms. One day, he'll be old enough to join the army. If peace reigns, he'll never have to fight. He can enjoy the fruits of my labors.
"I'll come see you when my session ends," I tell him.
He farts.
Meredith visited with him a little while ago. Now his nanny sits in a rocking chair beside the crib, reading a passage from the Book of the Law. Nose wrinkling, she waves a hand in front of her face. "That was more than gas, wasn't it, my lovely," she says and stands. She's a beautiful girl, with red hair and a wealth of freckles. "I bet you filled your little diaper with toxic waste."
Ann-nn-nnd that's my cue to go. "Bye, guys," I say.
"Bye, Ten," she replies. I like her. She's been nice to me from the start. "Have an enlightened practice."
"I will, thank you." I'm smiling as I exit my apartment...the cathedral. Light spills from the exquisite watery sky, stroking and warming me. My insides hum with energy.
I might not be ready for my first mission, but I'm eager to help the girl infected with Penumbra. While rotting inside Prynne Asylum, I often fantasized about someone swooping in to save me. Then came Archer and Killian.
A familiar pang of guilt--I miss you so much, Archer. A electrifying thrill of anticipation--I crave you like air, Killian.
Levi hasn't mentioned my email exchange with "the Myriadian," and I haven't brought it up. If I'm going to be penalized for consorting with the enemy, I'd rather wait until after my first assignment...because I have every intention of consorting again.
I take my usual route through two different Stairwells and three Gates. The first Stairwell leads me to the manna fields. I count one hundred thirty-seven people hard at work this bright and sunny morning.
My name--well my preferred name, Ten Lockwood--equals one hundred thirty-seven when the letters are changed to their numerical counterpart.
20 + 5 + 14 + 12 + 15 + 3 + 11 + 23 + 15 + 15 + 4 = 137
I pluck a purple petal from a nearby branch and nibble as I walk to the first Gate. The breakfast of champions who are on the go. I receive nods, waves and smiles.
I spot redhead Nico, adorable Rebel and the charming Clementine. The boys give me a thumbs-up.
"How's training going?" Clementine asks.
"Slowly," I reply. "How's it going for you guys?"
"I'm rocking it." Nico flexes his biceps. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for these two clowns."
Snickering, Rebel punches him in the shoulder. "You're only good with a musket, old man."
Clementine crosses fisted hands over her heart. "We're going to be Laborers under General Chanel's command. She's the best!"
"Unless we're late," Nico adds.
She looks at the comm on her wrist. "Oh, crap! Gotta run."
"Have an enlightened day," I call as we hurry our separate ways.
The next Gate takes me to the House of Secrets. In my black catsuit, I stand out. Everyone else is wearing a white robe. Some robes have gold thread, some have red, blue or green. The Grid supplies the reason: the threads denote different sub-positions. Gold--those who are in charge. Red--assistants. Blue--assistants to the assistants. Green--trainees.
Hoshi, Sawyer and Winifred are here, their heads bent over a table of books. Oh, look. Fatima is here, too. She's in the middle, almost too short to distinguish. The little girl has begun training already?
I take another Stairwell to a different section of the city, and the brands in my palms vibrate. Great! I have five minutes to make it to the Tower of Might.
I pick up the pace. My brands continue to glow as if...are they absorbing Light?
As a Conduit, I have the ability to absorb sunlight and turn it into Light, then project it to others. Or I should have the ability. The rays energize me before fizzling. The very reason I can't send any Light to Levi when our hands are joined.
Frustration and disappointment plague me. But come on, what did I expect? I haven't deciphered my Key, haven't unlocked the secret doors inside the Grid. Whatever that freaking means! I'm still at a complete loss, and no one knows how to help me. My code isn't like theirs, and theirs isn't like mine.
I reach the third Gate...exit and--
Bang!
I careen to the side and land on my hands and knees. Sharp pain explodes through my head, dizziness following. I come close to blacking out. Lifeblood leaks into my eyes, hazing my vision. A high-pitched ring assaults my ears, but even still I think I hear gleeful laughter from two different sources. A boy and a girl.
A whistle of air catches my attention. Incoming! I roll to my back, kicking up to knock--A board slams into my calf, another burst of pain exploding inside me. The board sticks to me, spiked tips sinking past flesh to bite into muscle.
I gag as I pull out the board, but I don't hesitate to swing at anyone or thing in my vicinity.
Thunk!
There's a grunt. Shuffling footsteps. Who'd I hit? I stand on shaky legs in time to watch three retreating figures; my mind is desperate to reject the idea I've been attacked. But I was. Three against one. The shock nearly sends me to my knees.
Troikans physically attacked a fellow citizen.
The knowledge leaves a dark, sticky film over my skin. A shadow?
A strong arm enfolds me, but I wrench backward, severing contact. Friend or foe?
"Hey, hey. Are you all right?"
I know the voice, at least. Victor. "I'm fine. I'll be fine." Will I, though? Whether in body or spirit, people are people; where there is free will, there is potential for ultimate good or ultimate evil. I could be attacked at any moment.
"Tell me what happened," he demands.
I relate the story as best I can.
He gives me a gentle push toward the Gate. "Let's get you to a Healer. You'll be patched up heart, mind and body."
Most of--cough all cough--my training sessions have ended with me bruised and bloody, but I ate manna and boom, my spirit patched up all on its own. I had no reason to vi
sit a Healer. Now I consider Victor's words. Patched up heart, mind and body. I guess Healers do more than deal with physical injuries.
"No." Teeth chattering, I sidestep him. What if I'm deemed unfit to train? What if I'm ordered to take time off? "I'll be all right. I'm due to practice with Levi. And so are you." We're overdue now.
"When you visit a Healer, a report is filed and an investigation launched. The Grid can be used to find out everyone in the vicinity of your attack. Your assailants will be caught and disciplined. Probably with an Exchange."
The Exchange is the best way to teach us the importance of doing unto others as we want them to do unto us.
"If those kinds of details can be unearthed, who would ever dare break the rules?" I ask.
"Well...some people know how to hide their location from the Grid," he admits. "But it's always best to check."
No doubt my attackers hid their location. "Did you see what happened?" I drop the board and rub my temple, hoping to ease the pain and pressure.
A heavy pause before he sighs. "When I came through the Gate, you were standing alone with a spiked log in hand."
"So that would be a no." I wipe my eyes to clear my vision. Victor is in front of me, his hair a mess, his amber gaze glittering with concern. "I still don't want to visit a Healer."
He bends to pick up the log. "This is a pretty abysmal start to your Everlife, yeah?"
"I'm sure there have been worse."
"None that I've seen."
Great. Wonderful. I lumber toward the coliseum, and he stays by my side. "Why would someone do this?"
"Before your arrival, we lost a Conduit," he says. "Ever since, our Light has been dimmed."
"Exactly! Why would anyone risk killing me? I'm needed!" Whether I'm liked or not.
"Darkness makes people...cranky. Besides, I'm not sure your Second-death was the endgame today. I'm guessing your attackers simply took satisfaction in your pain."
One of my number brands tingles, the same way it tingles when I read from the Book of the Law, and I frown. I look left then right, up then down, but notice nothing amiss.