Good night! Just then while I was talking I happened to look over toSlausen's and there was Mr. Slausen standing in the back doorwaywatching us and listening. Gee whiz, I guess he heard everything I said.Anyway, I should worry, because I didn't say anything that I was ashamedof. But just the same he had an awful funny look on his face.
CHAPTER IX--NAPOLEON AND WATERLOO
Now as long as you couldn't be there to have any of the eats there's nouse telling you about it. Because a scout is supposed to be kind.Anyway, I wouldn't want you to buy this story just because refreshmentsgo with it. Because actions speak louder than frankfurters and pie andthings, but, anyway, Tony came across just as I said he would. And thatwas when the plot began to get thicker.
We had running matches and jumping matches and sulphur matches and allkinds of games, and a lot of girls came and watched us, and Main Streetwas full of people watching us.
But nobody went over to Tony's. Sometimes scouts would kind of strollover that way and look at the list of things pasted on the door and sortof jingle their money and then stroll back again. The field was all fullof people just like at a carnival, and we put boards on grocery boxesfor the girls to sit on and watch the big events. Pee-wee went over andtold the girls about how he was a martyr like Nathan Hale because hecouldn't eat any frankfurters and things--I mean Pee-wee. And they saidhe was _noble_ and that they were all on our side.
Pretty soon, _good night_, over came Fritzie from Bennett's with popcornand ice cream cones and things, and everybody began buying them, andthat was too much for Tony. He wasn't going to stand there and seeGermany conquer the world. So just then, oh, boy, Italy began gettingready to come into the war.
I called all the scouts together and I said, "Sh-h! We've won the day,only we have to beware of strategy. Tony is coming over here with a lotof sandwiches and things in a basket. Don't buy anything. Stand firm.Leave him to me."
Pretty soon over he came with a big basket under his arm, shouting,"All-a hotta, all-a hotta, fiver de cents, all-a hotta."
I went up to him and I said, "Have you got any soup?"
He said, "Buy-a de frank; all-a hotta."
Everybody began crowding around and asking for soup. I said, "Youhaven't got any counter for us to eat at. Some of us want soup. Otherswant soup. Still others prefer soup. Nothing doing."
He said, "All-a fresh-a."
I said, "I'm sorry, but we're tired and we want to eat sitting down. Wecan't eat soup out of brown paper."
After a while he saw there wasn't any use trying to peddle things aroundthe field, so he went away and in a little while we saw him and hisbrother pulling down the boards from underneath the wagon. Oh, boy, butweren't we glad! He wasn't going to miss that chance. I guess he knewwhat we wanted all right. All the scouts began shouting, "_We've won,we've won!_" And the fellows in my troop went around telling all theothers how they had done us a good turn. They all began calling meGeneral Blakeley because I had managed it.
But one thing, girls are smarter than fellows, I have to admit that.Just you wait and see. Because something terrible is going to happen.
Pretty soon Tony's old lunch wagon came lumbering over toward us. Therewere about seven or eight men pushing it and Tony was holding onto theshaft to steer it. When we saw that, we all began shouting and yellingand a scout from East Bridgeboro jumped up on a grocery box and tied hisscarf on the end of his scout staff and began calling:
"Hurrah, for General Blakeley! Hurrah for the young Napoleon ofBridgeboro! Three cheers for the hero of the battle of Downing's lot!All hail the conqueror of Tony Spaghetti! Three cheers for the greateststrategist of the age! _The car shall pass!_"
Believe me, we didn't do a thing but lay waste to that conqueredterritory! I bought three frankfurters to start. Vic Norris bought twoslices of lemon pie, just to begin. Dorry Benton bought a whole cake.The counter inside that wagon was lined with victorious scouts, andothers were waiting outside for their turns. Our young hero was openinghis program with a ham sandwich and a piece of custard pie, and a cup ofcoffee. That was just the prologue.
Pretty soon over came the girls and one of them wanted to know what wewere all shouting about. I know that girl; she's Professor Skybrow'sdaughter and she wears big spectacles. She's too smart to live, thatgirl is. She was in my class last term and she took all the merits insight. She'd have taken the whole school if it hadn't been fasteneddown.
Pee-wee went up to her and tried to speak. He was trying to hold his cupof coffee and sandwich and his pie in two hands, and there was custardall over his face. He looked as if he'd been through a war.
"We've--we've won the war," he was trying to say. "Roy Blakeley plannedthe whole thing--he----"
"I'm the modern Napoleon," I said. "I've got General Pershing tearinghis hair."
She said, "Did you ever study the battle of Waterloo?"
I said, "This is the battle of coffeeloo. We like that better thanwater. Will you have a piece of pie?"
She just stared at me and said, "And you consider yourself astrategist!"
"He's--he's the great mil--mil----" Pee-wee began, trying to talk andeat a piece of pie at the same time. "He's the greatest military geniusof the age."
She just looked through those big glasses, very smart and superior like,and she said, "If _I_ were a general I wouldn't be so stupid as toforget all about my reinforcements."
"W-a-a--what d' y' mean--reinforcements?" Pee-wee blurted out, while thecoffee and custard were trickling down off his chin. "Wha' d' y' mean?"
She just said, "When is that train going to arrive that you are waitingfor?"
"At exactly four-sixty--five o'clock," I told her.
She said, "Well, then, Mr. Smarty, you timed your battle wrong. You madea blunder----"
"The pleasure is mine," I said.
"And in order to hold this wagon here and keep the track clear till yourfriend Mr. Jenson comes, you have got to keep on eating for exactly twohours and forty minutes. If you can hold the fort that long you can moveyour car. _But you'll have to keep eating all the time._"
There was a dead silence.
"We--can--d-d-d-wit," Pee-wee managed to blurt out, all the whilespilling his coffee and munching his pie. "Scoutscam----"
Good night! I just stood there, and that girl kept looking right at methrough those big glasses. She got ninety-nine in arithmetic, that girldid, and she wrote a poem that was in the newspaper, too.
Then she said, "You see, General Napoleon, you didn't figure yourcampaign properly. If you had gotten the Girl Scouts to help you,perhaps you wouldn't have found yourselves in this ghastly predicament."
Those are just the words she used--_ghastly predicament_.
CHAPTER X--MINERVA SKYBROW TAKES COMMAND
"Hurrah for Joan of Arc!" one scout began shouting.
"What do we care?" Pee-wee managed to blurt out.
"We care a good deal," Westy said. "Our glorious leader is all right onthe field of battle, but when it comes to planning a strategicalmove----"
"We can't go on eating for nearly three hours," a scout from the EastBridgeboro troop said. "We've got to get home sometime."
Minerva Skybrow (that was her name), she just looked at us and she said,"Oh, doubtless you'll think of a way; scouts are so smart. They're soresourceful."
One of the other girls said, "Yes, and they can do _anything_ with theirappetites, you know."
"Up to a certain point," Westy said.
"Upstrn put in--vncble," Pee-wee blurted. "Bth not insrmtble----"
I said, "Don't try to manage a cup of coffee, a sandwich and a piece ofpie and the word insurmountable at the same time. It can't be did."
"I--cnsrmntble cern pnt----"
"Shut up," I said; "this is no time for words; this is a time foractions."
Gee whiz, I saw we were in a tight place and there was that girl juststanding there staring at us through her big glasses. I bet she was justthe kind of a girl that likes algebra. Th
ere were the old rusty railroadtracks clear at last right across the field as far as Slausen's. Andthere was Tony's Lunch Wagon a couple of hundred feet away from where italways stood. We knew he'd move it right back to its old place again assoon as there wasn't anything more doing in the field, because onaccount of his regular trade there, and besides there was a littleflight of wooden steps built over there which just fitted in front ofthe door. And all his boards and things were there besides. There was akind of a bulletin board there, too, with all the eats and things markedup on it. Jimmies, if he had been able to talk English maybe we couldhave argued with him, but we couldn't get anything into his head, noteven with a crowbar.
Everybody knows that scouts have good appetites, and I can prove it bythe cook up at Temple Camp, but gee williger, no scout can go on eatingfor over two hours; even Pee-wee couldn't. I saw the terrible mistake Ihad made. It was a military blunder.
I said to Tony, "How soon you go back?"
"Sooner no more de biz," he said.
"I'll have one more sandwich," said Westy.
"Can you make it two for the sake of the cause?" I asked him.
"Give me another plate of chowder," Connie Bennett said. "You don't heara train in the distance, do you?"
One of the girls said, "Oh, _mercy_, it won't be here till five o'clock.We'll stay and let you know when it comes. Because, you know we reallyhave _nothing_ to do. We can't run and jump and play ball, you know.We're only girls, aren't we, Minerva?"
I said, "Well, there's only one thing for us to do. We've got to holdthe fort----"
"Can we hold the food? That's the question," some fellows shouted.
"Absypostvly," Pee-wee blurted out. "Hip, hip----"
"Shut up," I told him. "There's only one thing for us to do and that isto work in platoons. Scouts will go into the wagon four at a time andeat at the counter. Nothing must be eaten except at the counter. As theycome out they'll be relieved by others. Don't eat too fast. The trainwill be here in two hours. We can hold out. There is nothing else to do.The lunch wagon _must be held_. Somebody go over to the station and findout if the milk train is on time. Keep busy. Chowder is recommended, butscouts must use their judgment. _On to victory_. We can eat _forever_!"
"Make th wrld safe fr dmcrcy!" Pee-wee yelled.
"Forever!" a lot of them shouted.
"What's two hours?"
"We can eat forever! Hurrah!"
Just then one of those Little Valley scouts came running back from thestation. "The milk train is an hour and a half late!" he said.
"Oh, isn't that just too _exasperating_?" said Minerva Skybrow.
CHAPTER XI--WE FIND A WAY
I said, "Good night, that ends it for us. We can't keep this up forthree hours and a half. There's no use trying. We're beaten."
"Scouts beaten!" one of the girls said.
"Just the same way as Napoleon was beaten," I said. "You think you're sosmart. Maybe you don't know he was beaten because his reinforcementsdidn't show up."
"Don't let's give up," Pee-wee shouted, just as he finished his lastmouthful of pie.
Minerva Skybrow said, "Isn't it nice how much you know about history?"
"Sure," I said. "It's just too cute. But my favorite studies are themultiplication table and the dining table. You're so smart, maybe youcan suggest something. You don't expect to go on eating for three hours,do you? Even--even--General--even Foch couldn't do that. And he'sgreater than I am, I guess."
She just said, "Oh, is he, _really_?"
"And so is Washington," I said. Because I was good and mad.
"You mean he _was_," she said. "He's dead, you know."
"If you can get us out of this scrape," I said, "let's see you do it."
She just said, "Well, of course, if you admit that your appetites havefailed you, and if you really want the Girl Scouts to tell you what isin your _own handbooks_, I'll remind you of the value of mushrooms."
"Oh, is that so?" I said. "I know all about mushrooms and I can tell amushroom from a toadstool or a footstool or a piano-stool or any otherkind of a stool. But that's not going to keep this blamed wagon here, isit?"
She said, "Oh, isn't it?"
"Well," I said, "you're so smart, you were always getting E plus in MissHarrison's class and you wrote a poem for the High School paper and allthat, let's see you keep this wagon here for three hours. Do you mean totell me you and the rest of these girl scouts could go on eating forthree hours?"
"No, but we could use our brains for three seconds," she said.
"Maybe you think it's easy to argue with a wop that doesn't understandten words of English. What would you do? You're so smart. What would youdo?"
She said, "Well, of course we're only girls and we haven't had theadvantages of a Temple Camp, and we can only eat raspberry sundaes andbanana splits. But if I were a smart, wonderful boy, head of a scoutpatrol and had my face on the covers of a lot of books, and knew allabout the boy scout handbook, _I'd_ try to make this man understand thatthat dark spot underneath where his wagon stood is simply _filled_ withmushrooms. I'd try to make him understand that the _best_ mushrooms growin the dark and damp places. And I'd tell him (because you know scoutsknow everything) that mushrooms are worth about seventy-five cents apound. I'd do him a good turn. I'd show him how to dig them all up so asto get the spawn and everything, and I'd show him how to plant them inboxes. Then he'd have two beds of them. Perhaps all that would occupyhim for the rest of the afternoon, and of course the wagon----
"But then, I'm only a girl, and I can't _eat_ my way to power and worlddominion." That's just the way she talked. Honest.
I said, "Minerva Skybrow, you've got Joan of Arc beaten about 'steendozen ways. I know that about mushrooms in the handbook; it comes rightafter Woodcraft. When I used to see you in Assembly I thought you werestuck up, and I know I'm always making fun of the girl scouts. Butyou've done us a good turn. Gee whiz, I always hated Miss Harrison,didn't you? Because she kept us in till five o'clock. I guess she didn'thave any home. But, anyway, I have to admit you can play on the pianoall right.
"And another thing I know about you, too: you started taking Italian inthe Academic course. I bet you can speak Italian. I know the girl thatused to sit next to you before you went to the High School; I pulled heron a sled once. You know the girl I mean. She was always eatingchocolate. Believe me, I have to admit that you've got more sense thanwe have, and if you'll help us to keep this blamed wagon out of our pathof glory till the milk train comes we're going to give a big racket inyour honor when we get our car down to the field near the river, if weever do.
"Honest, Minerva, to tell you the truth, we can't eat another thing, andI see that what counts most in the world is brains--brains andmushrooms. But, gee whiz, I like ice cream, too."
CHAPTER XII--THE GRAND DRIVE BEGINS
The next minute that girl started talking Italian to Tony, and, oh, boy,you should have seen him. Right away he got excited and wanted to dig upthe whole earth. I guess she told him there was a gold mine where hiswagon had been standing.
I don't know if you know much about mushrooms, but they're easy to raiseand you can get a lot of money for them, and that's something that mostscouts don't know about. All you need is a place that's kind of damp anddark, like under a car or a wagon or in a cellar that hasn't got anyheat. It's a lot of fun raising them. Maybe that's why they call themfungi. Anyway, Minerva Skybrow put the fun in fungi for us all right,because now we have a dandy little mushroom patch under our car down bythe river and the only competition we have in Bridgeboro is from Tony.We should worry.
Every Saturday morning people come down to Van Schlessenhoff's field tobuy mushrooms from us. Only you've got to be careful, because if you eatthe wrong kind of mushrooms, the first thing you know some fine dayyou'll wake up and find yourself dead. So you better read what thehandbook says about them.
The kind we raise are dandy big ones and we call them the _Skybrowmushroom_, and t
hey're known far and wide--all the way up as far as MainStreet.
Now for the rest of that afternoon we helped Tony dig up mushrooms andplant them in boxes and spread more of them in the space where his wagonbelonged, and Minerva Skybrow managed the whole business. I guess itmust have been after six o'clock when we heard the milk train whistling,and, believe me, we were all pretty tired when it pulled into thestation.
Minerva said, "Now isn't that better than just eating? You've won theday, you've kept the tracks clear, and you've done something worthwhile. You've done a good turn in the bargain."
"And when we start raising mushrooms ourselves," Pee-wee piped up,"we'll have something more to eat, too. Hey?" Jiminy, that's all thatkid thinks about.
I said to Minerva, "You're so smart, maybe you can think of a way for usto get past Slausen's Repair Shop. Believe me, that's going to be someHindenburg line. Maybe we can tell him to plant rubber bands andautomobile tires will grow up. We should worry; we've done enough forone day."
Mr. Jenson, who is engineer on that milk train, was mighty nice. He saidthat scouts did him a good turn once, and so he was going to pay themback. While the men were loading the milk cans onto the train he ran hislocomotive very slowly onto those old rusty tracks and the first thingwe knew, _plunk_, he bunked right into our old car. Gee whiz, it lookedgood to see it move. It just gave a kind of a jerk.
Then he called down to us and said, "Now where do you want me to leavethis de luxe Pullman Palace car?"
I said, "We want you to push it across Main Street, past where the lunchwagon usually stands, and right about to the middle of the field. That'sas far as we can go to-day."