So I’m gonna stay away so!” Lyle took over, playing a beautiful keyboard part Josh had written. About a minute later, Josh started singing again.
“Heavy is the crown, That fell to the ground, And split it wide open And I fell Straight to hell, Baby I hurt you…it’s the only thing I regret, I didn’t deserve you and I had you yet…So…So I’m gonna stay away so So I’m gonna stay away so, So I’m gonna stay away so So I’m gonna stay away so You can have the best of me.”
After a minute Josh looked at Lyle, who nodded in approval. He wanted to ask who the song was about, but declined.
“I think its gold,” Lyle just said, smiling. I think you’re gold, he was thinking.
13 “THAT”
Josh left the twinkling lights of L.A. behind him as he drove back to Cheviots. It was very quiet, and it felt strange after he’d just poured his heart out back there with that new song. It was like the world had no response to it, didn’t care, never heard…
Lyle had stayed out. Was he meeting someone? Had he given up on Josh? How much longer are you gonna do this rock thing anyway? Where the hell was Birth? Why did it feel like it was all falling apart?
He wanted to stop thinking. He would go home and take something to help him sleep. It was weird to drive up to his house and have it empty. Usually it was full of voices – Lyle watching his favorite TV show, That 70s Show, and laughing at every single thing even though he’d seen the episode about twenty times, Birth talking about the crazy groupie he met at the show last night, and Stokey filling in the silences with his outrageous belching.
One might think the silence would be welcomed, but it freaked Josh out. It was quiet as a church on a Friday night. And they think you’re so popular, and they think the world wants you, well it doesn’t feel like that right now does it?
He went into the kitchen that, while luminous during the day, was strange and creepy at night. It was the pool light, the way it caught the water and made it dance against the wall. It was his paranoia of thinking someone was upstairs. As he went into the kitchen to get a drink he realized he had a right to be paranoid, with all the people coming and going here someone was bound to leave a door unlocked. And there were so many doors too.
Josh suddenly got involved with a fantasy of his. The hiss of the beer can opening was loud as a snake. He took it over to the couch and pretended he wasn’t bothered by being all alone. He fantasized that him and Birth were on a tropical island alone together – away from everything. Why? Yeah, it was a bit cheesy, but everyone wanted to feel okay every now and then.
What? Josh started laughing at himself. What the hell is wrong with you?
He decided to go upstairs. The windows down here and the dancing water reflection was driving him mad. He walked upstairs and unlocked the room where he kept all of his guitars and precious gifts from fans. It was always a strange rush after a show of signing autographs, of seeing their sweaty faces and hope in their eyes. “You’re great, Josh,” “I wanna be just like, Josh.” “Josh! Josh! Josh!”
He shut the door and walked down the hall to the bedroom. It was too damn quiet. Someone should be here. He collapsed on the bed and tried to think of a friend to call when the phone rang and caused him to jump so he nearly fell off the bed.
“Hello?” he answered. No one said a thing. This was what he feared – being alone and then getting a strange call like this, just like in the scary movies.
“Hello?” he tried to sound unbothered. He even sounded bored. The caller was still quiet. Then Josh heard heavy breathing.
“Okay, bye dude…”
“No!” A familiar voice pleaded.
“Birth?”
Birth was crying hard. It took him a minute to speak.
“Yes…”
“What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“My fucking dad…you know how…how it is.”
“Yeah…what happened?”
“He came like…he was following me at the grocery store – he stopped me and asked me for money.”
Josh understood how Birth felt. It took about a year and a half for Josh’s mom to stop calling him, giving him guilt trips for leaving home, and asking him for money. She never praised Josh, never told him he should follow his dreams of being a musician long before anyone cared about who he was or what he wanted. She never really told him anything. She just liked to drink. She liked to go out and party and pretend she wasn’t getting older. She liked to leave him with the babysitter…
“Where are you?” Josh wanted to know.
There was no response. Josh was afraid he’d hung up. “Birth?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make practice,” Birth finally spoke.
“Don’t worry about that.” It pissed Josh off that Birth was even concerned with that.
“Where are you?” Josh asked. “I’ll come there.”
Birth got very quiet, which worried Josh. He could be anywhere – on the edge of any place. About to jump.
“Birth,” Josh spoke heartfelt.
“Don’t…say…say anything, okay?” he whimpered.
“I won’t…?” Josh was confused. “Tell me where you are, babe.” The “babe” just slipped out.
“Devils Button, 928 Devils Button.” Josh’s mind raced. What was that? A beach house? Did Birth buy a beach house? If so, why was he keeping it a secret? And why in Devils Button? No one liked to go out there. It was a dark, depressing stretch of beach.
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” Josh hung up and hurriedly dressed. Devils Button was about two hours away from here. It was a very secluded beach where, about five years ago, three kids with a suicide pact shot themselves off of a pile of black rocks now referred to in grim fashion as The Black Rock. The bullets to their heads sent them right into the moody ocean. This caused people to think the beach was haunted. Before the incident, houses were being built along the unclaimed stretch of land, but after the incident the houses were abandoned before a lot of the construction was completed on them. No one went out there. Well, obviously someone did.
Supposedly if you were near The Black Rock around three in the morning you could hear gunshots or see three shadowy figures down by the ocean. Another weird thing about Devils Button was the sun never seemed to hit it. It was like an invisible shelter cast a shadow over the beach.
Josh’s only theory on why Birth would want to live out there was to get away from everyone – it was a great hideout. But Josh would take the stalking paparazzi over that spooky beach any day.
Alas, he’d go where Birth was, even if it was Hell’s version of a beach, especially if he knew Birth needed consoling. He left the creepy quiet of his home for the bizarre solitude of the muted Devils Button.
Josh only had one car. This seemed to be a big surprise to other rock stars who looked like they were running a dealership in their yards. Josh thought that was ridiculous. One man needed one car, but of course if that man was only going to have one car it had to be amazing. First, as far as Josh was concerned, it had to be black. Josh had taken Lyle with him to go find the car of his dreams. Lyle thought it was a date but it wasn’t, Josh was just in a hurry and Birth was off with some groupie somewhere, trying to tactfully shoo her off. Josh usually woke up with a certain goal in mind and by day’s end it was seen through. That morning he woke up wanting a new car. He also made it known that, unlike his house, this was not going to be a communal thing between the band.
“So what exactly are you looking for?” Lyle had asked. He didn’t really mean the car, he meant in general.
“Something as close to Batman’s car without it being Batman’s car,” Josh clearly stated. What he ended up with was in his opinion much better. When he saw it, he wanted to fuck it – that was how amazing the car was. He actually even got a bit of a chub.
“THAT,” he pointed to the beautiful black Bugatti Veyron sports car. Lyle’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know such a car existed. It was a special edition developed in the Chinese
Market. They were very rare. With its strange, exotic curves it looked like some kind of torturous spider about to attack. Oh, Josh thought, this has to be mine.
“Don’t you think it would be better to fit in? Because of the paparazzi?” Lyle modestly suggested.
“Fuck that,” Josh said, very annoyed Lyle would bring that up. “This is fucking genius! This is my life and this is the car I want!” He trumped. “Not too many things are perfect in this world, Lyle, but this motherfucking car is.”
Lyle just stood there, wishing he was a Bugatti Veyron.
And the thing drove fast and smooth, making one feel like they were on a plane above the silly world and all its silly problems. The cool thing about going to Devils was that Josh could speed, therefore taking advantage of the car’s gift.
This beautiful stretch of Malibu coast would soon be far behind him. What would the night bring? Once they got passed the grim mood Birth’s father had caused – what then?
14 “I Don’t Really Know Anything About You”
“I thought we were going to stop and eat? I can feel my ribs starting to poke through my skin,” Marisa said.
“Okay,” Nathanial chuckled, looking over at her. They’d changed spots because Jimmy was starting to creep her rout.
“That’s just a bit dramatic,” Nathanial had to say. He knew Marisa was high maintenance. Clair was a complainer. Which was worse?
Marisa could take his criticism well. She stuck her tongue out at him and