Chapter 7
A Thieves Paradise
Zack woke to the sound of the ocean. Beneath a clear blue sky, he found himself lying upon the shoreline of a great white beach. The waves drifted back and forth, refreshing in their playfulness as he began to stir. He hopped that he had been dreaming. He hopped that Suzan was still by his side. But the Professor’s crystal that he wore now about his chest told him differently – he wasn’t dreaming.
Gently Zack sat up, breathing in the fresh air while eyeing the shoreline up and down. Under the warmth of the sun it seemed to stretch forever onward. And though it was beautiful, he could tell that Cara had something else on her mind as the remains of the mine cart washed ashore beside him?
‘Magical Lock!’ she called with a sense of urgency.
‘Ach aye, Madam?’ it swiftly answered.
‘Salvage what you can – essentials only – we’re moving out on the double!’ she commanded before turning her attention back to Zack, ’let’s get a move on kid; we can’t just sit here all day. With a bit of luck we just might make it inland before we’re seen?’
‘Seen...’ he asked unsurely, ‘seen by whom?’
‘Ach, privies,’ replied the Magical Lock, ‘wee blade wayin’, pistol lovin’ privies.’
‘Privies...?’
‘You said it kid, pirates,’ said Cara, ‘the horizon seems clear for the moment. I think we’re good for now, but who knows how long we’ve got?’
‘But where are the dwaves?’ asked Zack, noticing now that they were nowhere to be seen, ‘We can’t just leave without them – I need their help to find Suzie?’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence kid,’ replied Cara, ‘but it’s a miracle that we managed to survive, let alone get washed up here. And if we are where I think we are – a textbook thieves paradise surrounded by pirate invested water – it won’t take the dwarves long before they decide to move inland too.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Sure I’m sure,’ she replied innocently, ‘they’ve probably just found themselves lost on some other part of this island, wondering where in the world we are. All we have to do is keep heading as straight as the crow flies. A couple of fresh coco nuts and some classic vine swinging moments later, we’ll be home free; Just me, you and the five amigos on a world–winning adventure. What could possibly go wrong?’
‘That’s what I’m afraid of...’ thought Zack, feeling that he had little choice but to follow.
Not so far off the shoreline, upon the swaying wave–like motion of a wooded beam, sat a rather slim–line gull. It squatted across from its resting place to make way for another not so slim–lined gull – Squawk! – He should have moved quicker.
‘Hey, Harry.’
‘Hey, Larry.’
‘So... what’s up mate?’
‘Just hanging around as “per–norm” – You?’
‘Same old, same old mate; you know how it is.’
‘So... how’s Barry doing these days, eh?’
‘Fine mate, just fine – Had a chat with Marry and Terry down at the old shoreline. Terry says some gal’s just washed up on the beach; classy type, real doll face too so he says.’
‘Oh yeah, what’s the wife think about that?’
‘With a bit of the right seasoning... she could be tasty.’
‘Speaking of wives; how’s yours these days?’
‘Oh fine mate – You?’
‘Oh you know Sally, always getting her feathers in a rough over some people washed up on the far side,’ said Larry disinterestedly, ‘Not very hygienic – How they are always leave a mess – Must have been out there in the good old deep blue for a while, and all that?’
‘Yeah,’ replied Harry curiously, ‘why is that then mate?’
‘Well it’s because they’re in need of a good old shave – sideburns and all – ain’t it?’ surmised Larry, ‘If I have to listen to her go on about that kind of thing again, you may as well just sweep me up and leave me to a foreign land I should think.’
‘Five bucks says they try to make it inland.’
‘They always try... poor buggers.’
The moment fell quiet. It was as though they were reflecting on the demise of those whom have foolishly come before.
‘So, what’s with the flag?’ asked Larry finally.
‘Just trying to keep the wind off my back mate,’ replied Harry stiffly, ‘but it doesn’t help much; being full of holes and all?’
‘I’ll say... it doesn’t even have a good design,’ replied Larry in dismay, ‘I mean, who in their right mind would go along and put a white skull and bones on a black background anyway?’
‘Should have been the other way round if you ask me – catch the eye more.’
‘You said it, mate,’ agreed Larry, ‘though I wonder what Ltd stands for?’
‘Lucrative Trading Destinations?’ tried Harry.
They shrugged their wings. Around here, anything was possible.
Far below from where the gulls sat, beyond tattered sails and sea worn ropes, stood the bulky shadow of robotic figure? As the figure eyed the shoreline through the use of a spyglass, to its side a crisp wind rippled across the torn surface of a small company flag; the ever so elusive Shiver Me Timber Ship Mates & Co Ltd.
With a number of squeaky clicks, it swept the spyglass to one side, ‘ah me hearties... what say you to a fine traditional bit of wee land lovers activities this fair morn, eh?’
After all, thought Captain Wide Front Silver, things were shaping up to be quite the good day’s work at the office.
‘Curse this wretched jungle,’ grumbled Samif, ‘fools soaked to the bone wondering aimlessly about, that’s what we are – lost to all sense of direction?’ He brushed by a branch – smack! – Earru never seen it coming. ‘Oh aye and I’m hungry too!’ he continued unmindfully, ‘what I wouldn’t give for some smoked pork, a warm open fire and the sweet watering taste of a good hot stew.’ – Snap! – Suspiciously, Airtu son of Airmit seemed to be having trouble keeping his balances? ‘Would you ever quit fooling around back there,’ he said, a loaded branch nervously twitching at the ready, ‘Honestly, you just can’t take you two anywhere but you’re always – snap! – falling behind.’
You didn’t need to picture the outcome... it was heard quite clearly.
‘Keep moving, we can’t afforded to slow down,’ said Droc son of Oric, ‘if I’m right the others should be moving inland, a way out of ill sight from the watchful sea.’
‘You mean Pirates,’ said Samif.
‘Precisely, no doubt Cara will insist upon it – luckily for us.’
‘Poor kid.’
‘Naturally, it would be somewhat wise to make for the nearest trail,’ he continued, ‘if we cut east of here we should make contacted by nightfall – If we survive that long?’
‘How do we know that we’ll find them?’ asked Airtu while rubbing his nose in some irritated manner, his voice seeming squeaky.
‘What happened to you?’ asked Droc, startled somewhat by his shook looking appearance.
‘Allergies chief,’ said Samif, ‘they’re all coming down with it?’
‘I got hit by a branch,’ he corrected.
‘Eh?’
‘He said it feels like he got hit with a branch... I think?’ tried Samif innocently.
‘It’s a nasty one, isn’t it?’ thought Droc.
‘Aye, chief, I feel a little bit under the weather myself,’ agreed Samif, ‘may even have a bit of whiplash too?’
‘Never mind,’ said Airtu, ‘I was simply saying that we could be wasting our time – they might not have made it to shore?’
‘Yes of course,’ replied Droc son of Oric, ‘well, it’s a thick jungle, full of... things, you know?’ His eyes shifted nervously from side to side, ‘and well, whether or not they’ve made it... we still have to find a blooming way out of here?’
They had to admit, he did have a point. However, their fearless leader seemed a little edg
y? Something was clearly amiss, and they were keen to find out why.
‘Okay, what’s the matter with you,’ asked Morku, ‘you’ve been acting a bit strange lately?’
‘Who me – why nothing, I’m just eager to find the others that’s all,’ he replied innocently, ‘you know, rescue a princess – a vast reward – give a ghastly dragon a good old trashing if I ever see one!’
‘Morku’s right,’ agreed Airtu, ‘are you sure that there isn’t something you’re not telling us?’
‘Of course I’m sure,’ he swiftly replied, ‘why I’m your fearless leader – Chief – Chair of Deeds and equal warrior among trusted companions; Why in all my years I have never felt more alive?!’
‘It’s just that you seem a bit edgy,’ tried Earru, ‘almost... fearful?’
‘There is absolutely nothing to be worried about my mighty fellows,’ he insisted, ‘now, enough of this talk and let us brave forth like a vast army, unyielding in our noble deeds.’
As they continued, a gentle breeze swept throughout the jungle’s path. In its timely flow it did reveal a stone hidden partly by layers of earthly foliage. Its surface bore the markings of a small tribe of stickmen, dancing wildly it seemed, around a giant pod–like plant?
And so with such darkly a warning, it is customary to pay heed. But unfortunately for the dwarves, they failed to see it.
Meanwhile, King Evil’s advertisement was the subject of a rather overwhelming response...
A vast army of knights, brave champions – even repulsive hairy woods men wielding gigantic axes to make up for their shortage of manhood – swarmed from their distant lands. Daring the highest mountains and valleys far below, they pressed on relentlessly, unyielding to foe or dire weather cast forth from the most despiteful of ill Gods. Uniting in force, they stood their ground by the thousands. Tail and mighty, a wall of indestructible defiance, they marched forward before the boundary’s of a vast jungle. And drums of war did soar as pace gained ground. Amid the deafening cries of courage many a weapon was now drawn, for lay siege upon this wild land would they... Abruptly, they halted to the sound of a vinyl record screeching?!
A voice yelled out from somewhere of near – possibly third row, next to a Scottish Gnome wearing blue and white face paint and sporting a fashionable Courage Hart t–shirt – ‘Isn’t this that place where, you know... the natives, are?’ it asked.
Of course the word “natives” was used with extreme caution.
With that, sent forth amongst all were whispers like endless waves amongst the sea. And many a brave fellow spoke words of “Ah, shod this!” and “I’m going home!” or “I rather take my chances with the compulsory death penalty than set foot in there with... them.”
Thus... it was time for a new advertising campaign!
Suzan fell back in her cage. Lost in thoughts of Zack and what may have become of him, hope seemed little?
‘Ach, don’t you worry wee lassie,’ said a strange voice, ‘they know only too well that you’re not a princess. Ach, they just need people to believe you are to get a wee ransom; that’s how it works.’
She glanced over her shoulder, noticing a smaller cage not so far off in the distance. To her surprising disbelief, a small clan of Magical Locks gazed awkwardly in her direction?
‘This world is just full of surprises, isn’t it?’ she replied, ‘do you mean that I am being used as some kind of bait?’
‘Oh aye, lassie, they spread the word an’ fools come payin’,’ replied one, ‘real nobles are few in these parts, so they choose a female with a lone companion. It makes it more believable when word gets about. The longer you’re here the more you’ll start to believe it yourself; ain’t that right lads?’
‘Aye, wee captive syndrome, lassie,’ said the rest.
‘Such an offer like that would be hard to pass,’ it continued, ‘that’s how we ended up here.’
‘You tried to pay a ransom?’
‘Oh noo, lassie, we came rescuing,’ it replied confidently, ‘only the wee lass before you wasn’t the co–operative type.’
‘What happened?’
‘Let’s just say that we ended up here and they found you to take her place.’
‘Can you help me get out of here?’
‘Ach crivens sorry, noo’ can do,’ it said, ‘we’d like to help but even if we could, it would take some swayin’ of this wee cage to reach you. We’ll not get away with tha’ too easily ah can tell you. Besides, that would only be the beginning of your problems in getting out of here.’
‘You mean those Trolls?’
‘Ach, noo, Trolls we can handle noo prob,’ it replied while leaning closer, ‘it’s the beast in the shadows. The wee bugger never snoozes – a handful too – you’ll not go far with that devilish fiend hanging about. Ach, but don’t get me wrong lassie,’ it continued, ‘we’d like to try and help you but it’s too big of a wee puppy, aye? – Er, very playful, very naughty; we’d never manage it alone.’
She didn’t seem convinced – Ach wee crivens! – They had a wee fright.
‘Surely there must be someone who can help me,’ she said in disbelief, ‘there must be another way out; another cave perhaps?’
‘Noo, I’ll not lie... your wee chances are slim to none lassie,’ said another lock, ‘best stay put for now ah’d say. Aye you’d want a wee earthquake to find another way oo’t of here.’
‘Ach, maybe the ransom will be paid... crivens!’
Some people never know when to stay quiet. They need a good old nudge, so to speak, in the right direction.
‘I don’t believe this,’ moaned Suzan, knowingly rattling the iron of her cage in vain, ‘if I’m a princess, then where’s a knight in shining armour when you need one?’
Where indeed?
For a time the dwarves did venture far, deep into the heart of the jungle’s growth. More and more the behaviour of their chief seemed strange, as though he alone knew of a dark secret that lay in wait. It may have had something to do with a stealthily figure that now followed their every move?
Out from the shadows a pair of red glimmering eyes set firmly upon them. Indeed, the more the dwarves unknowingly ventured, the more they awakened many sights.
When suddenly...Ouch!
‘Something just bit me,’ yelled Samif, ‘right on the nose too?!’
‘Oh boy, please tell me it was a mosquito bite,’ panicked Droc son of Oric, ‘please–please–please let it be a mosquito bite?’
‘There seems to be something sticking out of your nose?’ said Airtu, stepping forward for a closer look, ‘It looks like a dart; an almost tiny dart made of candy?’
Droc cringed. He may even have just turned pale.
‘Candy?!’ Samif plucked the dart from the bridge of his nose, chewing it thoroughly with an assortment of temperamental expressions, ‘Ach... black lickerish?!’ He spat it out unmannerly.
‘Oh no, they’ve found us!’ yelled Droc, ‘Quick you fools, run... run for your life’s!’
‘Who has found us?’ asked his mighty fellows.
‘Natives,’ he simply replied, ‘run I tell you; run like the wind!’
‘You don’t mean...?’ they asked hesitantly.
‘Yes,’ he cried aloud, ‘who else would be wielding lickerish weapons of miniature destruction in a tropical jungle?!’
Instantly, a grave expression grasped hold of his mighty fellows. Apparently, those in question had earned themselves what you might call a reputation. Though surprisingly, no one had ever survived to say what they may have earned it for?
Ouch! – Airtu, hopped about while holding his backside?
Lickerish candy was proving to be a dangerous business.
Suddenly, it rained of a thousand darts. Forced into a rigid huddle, the dwarves soon found themselves with their backs pinned against a tree of soaring height. But just as swift as it rained, there came now a strange ease? And not a sound could be heard, except for the eerie rustle of bush or the odd creak of b
ranch overhead?
‘The first one of those wretched scamps you see,’ began Samif, reaching for his war–hammer, ‘let them have it...understood?’
And the rustling of bush came once more?
‘Wait for it...’
The creaking of branch?
‘Wait for it...’
The bushes to the left?
‘Steady...’
The right?
‘I said steady...’
Leaves falling to the ground as a pair of faint glimmering eyes vanished overhead?
‘And... now!’ he cried
Snap?!
A swift coil of vine, camouflaged within the jungle’s earth, tightened to a mighty snap. All eyes shifted in puzzlement as they keenly followed its path. It ran right between their legs? It ran up the tree? It disappeared sharply into the canopy high above? Instinctively, they looked down, a large trap–net springing up from the earth to the spread of covered leaves!
Promptly, the dwarves ascended through the air.
They had no choice.