Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chase
It was weird looking around at a band that was fifty percent new.
I mean, at least we had band members, so we were in a better position than we’d been in two weeks ago. Luckily, Jonathan knew a guy who knew a guy, and now we had two new guys.
Brandon was the new guitarist and was a pretty cool guy who knew a lot about music. He hadn’t played many live shows, but he had a lot more enthusiasm than our last guitarist and I was pretty sure he hadn’t slept with my ex-girlfriend, so he got extra points just for that.
Jeffrey was Zach’s replacement and even though he preferred to play drums, he was also a pretty good bass player too. He also had a sarcastic sense of humor and within minutes of meeting him, he’d had me cracking up. He was definitely someone you either loved or hated. I could see how his jokes might rub some people the wrong way, but I thought he was hilarious.
Letting go of Deuce wasn’t a big loss, especially since he was such an asshole, but losing Zach was the hardest. Zach was a great guy and had become a good friend over the years. But if he’d found someone who was right for him then I was happy for him. Plus, British accents were hot.
Even though it was tough replacing the original members, I was relieved that they fit in so well and were excited to be part of the band. The guy, Brent, from the management company was definitely going to be there to see us perform live so we couldn’t mess this up. Nothing was going to stand in my way of making this band a success.
As we started going through the set list and the songs we’d be playing at the show, I was amazed at how much better we already sounded. We’d been practicing hard for the last week— we’d had practice nearly every day for several hours—and our time and effort was really showing. There was a great dynamic going on with us.
We started playing the new song I’d written to impress the management company, and I couldn’t help but think about the very thing that I was trying my hardest not to think about. I guess it was a stupid idea to write a song about the girl who’d broken your heart when you were really just trying to get over the whole thing.
Smart move, Chase. Smart move.
Every time we played this song, all I thought about was Hailey Peters. I thought about the look of disapproval she gave me whenever I said something she didn’t particularly like. I thought about the way she would smile at me when I did something unexpected. And I especially thought about the way she felt in my arms.
I was actually pretty happy with the way the song was coming together. It was one of heartbreak—big surprise there—and considering my relationship history, I was starting to become something of an expert on the subject.
When the song ended, I unslung my guitar and propped it against the wall. There were a couple of lines that I wanted to change around, so I pulled my notepad out of my pocket and began jotting down some new lyrics.
I didn’t notice Jonathan beside me until he spoke. He shifted around nervously for a few seconds before he spoke. “How are you doing?”
I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure exactly what Jonathan was referring to—it could be either Heather or Hailey—but I didn’t really want to go into my feelings with him. I wasn’t sure if I was even feeling anything. Was that normal?
I guess I was just blocking my feelings out. My year had been pretty bad as far as years went, and Hailey was just another item added to my list that had gone wrong. It was too much for me to process that my girlfriend of three years had cheated on me with Deuce, or should I say, Donald Worthington the fourth? And to top it off, somehow Heather had ended up blaming me for it.
And, for the final blow, I’d gone ahead and gotten wasted and then completely screwed up my chances with the only girl who’d ever truly given a damn about me. At least I’d had the guts to tell her how I really felt though, which was more than I could say for her. She’d gotten rid of me as soon as her boyfriend had shown up, and that had hurt me more than I wanted to think about.
So it wasn’t really that surprising that I wanted to feel nothing. Feeling nothing was a hell of a lot easier than feeling everything.
“I’m fine. Just focused on making sure we get our set right for tomorrow.”
“I didn’t mean that, Chase. I’m talking about Hailey. I’m talking about Deuce and
Heather.” I’d never seen Jonathan so serious before and I’d known him since he’d been in diapers.
I sighed. “I know what you’re talking about. I just don’t feel like talking about it. There’s nothing left to say. Everyone’s made their choices—all I can do is pick myself up and put all my energy into something that means a lot to me.”
“Hailey means a lot to you,” Jonathan pointed out.
Yeah, like I didn’t already know that. But that ship had sailed. Hailey had rejected me yet again, even though I’d actually had the guts to tell her how I really felt. Sure, it’d taken me until I was drunk to do it, but at least I’d put myself out there.
At least I’d wanted to give us a chance. I didn’t know what Hailey wanted. I didn’t know if she wanted me, but that ring on her finger was the answer to all my questions. She was engaged to that douchebag boyfriend of hers and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew when I’d lost a battle.
“I know she means a lot to me, but she’s engaged to be married to someone else. Not me. She didn’t choose m-me.”
Shit. Was my voice cracking?
I cleared my throat and continued. “At some point I have to do my own thing and let her live her own life. There is nothing else I can say to her.”
“I talked to Tessa and she doesn’t think Hailey is really in love with that guy.”
I was so frustrated, I wanted to smash something. “That’s great, but it doesn’t matter what Tessa thinks. It’s Hailey’s decision, and she wants nothing to do with me.”
Disappointment filled Jonathan’s face. “Maybe she’ll come around.”
“Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, but I can’t let it distract me now. Not when we’re so close to getting somewhere with our music.”
“I hear what you’re saying. I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I’m breathing.”
Because that was the truth. I was still breathing; I was still functioning. There was a gaping hole inside of me that was slowly eating away at me, but I couldn’t focus on it for too long because it would consume me.
There was only one thing that I wanted to focus on—doing well tomorrow night and opening up a whole new future with this band. Something had to distract me from thinking about Hailey.
Sure, Hailey would be in the back of my mind for a while, but one day I’d have to let go of her familiarity and move on. One day I had to make her a faint memory.