And I wanted to do it with Johnny Bulluci. Mr. Right Now had turned into Mr. Forever.
The kiss went on for a long time. I tried to take a few steps to the side, where the bed was oh-so-conveniently waiting for us to make wild, crazy love in it. But Johnny wasn’t cooperating. The kiss ended, and he pulled back.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, eyeing the bed. If I could just maneuver him a few more feet to the right—
“I’ve been thinking a lot today. About you, me, my father, Angel, everything. I… we… we can’t be together, Fiona,” he said in a low voice.
All thoughts of the bed and what we could do in it fled.
“What? Why?” My voice came out as more of a shriek than a wail.
Johnny ran his hand through his tawny hair. “Because of Siren and Intelligal. Because… of everything.”
“But it’s over now,” I protested. “We stopped them. The ubervillains are dead. They’ll never bother us again. Justice has been served.”
“Thanks to you. You saved us all, Fiona. Your father, Henry, me, Lulu, my family. All I did was almost get myself and you killed.” Johnny’s eyes were dark and troubled. His gaze wandered around the room, settling on something over my shoulder.
“But—”
“No buts. You were right. This whole time, you were right. I let my need for vengeance blind me. I acted like a reckless, selfish fool, and I almost killed you in the process. I let an ubervillain take over my mind and make me her puppet. I put you in a fish freezer and left you to die.”
“But you helped me escape,” I pointed out. “You gave me your lighter.”
Johnny’s mouth twisted. “Too little, almost too late. How can I expect you to forgive me for that? I can’t even forgive myself for hurting you. How can we be together after everything that’s happened? I’m sorry, Fiona. I don’t deserve you. I never have, and I never will.”
Johnny stared at me, as if memorizing the curves of my face. Then, he opened the door and left the room.
Leaving me alone.
31
To say that I spent the next few days in a bad mood would be the understatement of the year. The century even.
After Johnny left me, I stayed in a perpetual pissy state. I alternated between crying, swimming, and growling at everyone who crossed my path.
And eating. I ate everything I could sink my teeth into. I always ate more when I was heartbroken.
Three weeks after the battle at the observatory, Carmen and Sam returned from their honeymoon. They looked rested, tanned, and more in love than ever. Their happiness and Lulu and Henry’s engagement only made me more painfully aware of what I could have had with Johnny if he hadn’t been such a hard-headed stubborn ass.
I tried to get through to him, of course. I called him and sent gag gifts and even showed up at the Bulluci mansion with dinner from Quicke’s. But Johnny didn’t take my calls. Didn’t return my gifts. Didn’t even acknowledge my visit.
It was a problem I couldn’t fix by using my fists or fireballs or general fabulousness. I didn’t know what to do.
Carmen, being the unbearable, cheerful newlywed, made light of my disastrous love life.
“He’ll come around eventually, Fiona,” she murmured, her eyes vacant the way they always were when she was listening to the voices in her head. “I just know he will.”
Stupid voices in Carmen’s head. They gave me a shred of hope. But as the days passed and Johnny didn’t respond to my reconciliation attempts, my depression only grew. Four weeks after the incident in my suite, I paced around my office.
Brooding as usual.
A knock sounded, and Piper entered the room. She set a bag of doughnuts down on my desk. I tore into them like a dog snapping at a bone. Sugar was always good for a broken heart.
“Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” Piper asked.
“It’s nothing a couple dozen of these babies won’t fix,” I said, shoving a chocolate-glazed pastry into my mouth.
“If you say so.” Piper leaned against the doorway. “Well, now that the fall line has finally been shipped out to our suppliers, I had a chance to look over your sketches for spring.”
I stared at her, another sticky doughnut halfway to my lips. “What sketches?”
Piper held out a stack of papers. “These sketches. Don’t you remember?”
I took the papers from her and flipped through them. My heart sank. They were the drawings I’d done the first time Johnny had sent me flowers. Now, they just reminded me of what I had lost and would never have again. I tossed them aside and ate another doughnut, a cream-cheese-filled one this time.
Piper flipped through the pages of discarded drawings. “I love it, Fiona. The color, the patterns, everything. I think it will be one of your best lines ever.”
I snorted. “It’s crap, Piper. Garbage. Those designs don’t have any edge, any real style. I’m going to totally redo the spring line for next year. I’ll do something bold, something daring, something… in black, I think.”
“Black? You only use black when you’re depressed about something.” Piper’s eyes narrowed. “Or when you have man troubles. What’s his name and what’s he done to you, Fiona? It’s Johnny Bulluci, isn’t it?”
Just hearing his name was painful. “What makes you think that?”
Piper sighed. “Because you’ve eaten a half dozen doughnuts in the space of about two minutes.”
“So?” I asked, popping another one of the sugary treats into my mouth. “What does that prove?”
“It doesn’t prove anything. But it’s a bit of a record, even for you. You can talk to me, Fiona. I’m more than your business partner. I’m your friend too.”
Piper had such a sweet, earnest look on her face that it made me sigh.
“I know,” I said, licking a bit of glaze off my finger. “And I appreciate you wanting to help me through this. But honestly, the only thing that eases the pain is food.”
I reached into the bag for another doughnut. My hand clutched at air. I peered into the bag. Empty already.
Damn.
———
That night, I headed out to the manor, since it was my turn to be on call. Superhero duties went on, broken heart or no broken heart.
I wandered into the library to find Lulu sitting inside. The computer hacker had recovered from Siren’s energy blast, except for the burns on her chest and arms. Even those would heal with time, which meant Lulu was back to compiling information and weaving her web of wickedness on the Internet.
“Where are the others?” I asked.
“Carmen and Sam had some society benefit to go to, and Henry and the chief had to work late.” Lulu didn’t even glance up from her monitor.
“Oh,” I said, feeling deflated. I’d hoped somebody would be around. I’d wanted to go a few rounds in the training room with Sam to burn off some of my pent-up anger and frustration.
Lulu heard the sadness in my tone. “Any word from Johnny?”
I shook my head and started pacing. “Of course not.”
Bored, I grabbed a Rubik’s Cube off Carmen’s desk in the corner and tossed it back and forth in my hands. I put it down when the plastic started to melt. Carmen got a little touchy about people messing with her stuff. But the cube was already too far gone. It slid off the desk and hit Lulu’s knee before falling to the floor and soaking into the Persian rug.
“Watch it!” Lulu said, rubbing her knee. “Some of us aren’t made out of steel, you know.”
I looked at the melted plastic, then at Lulu’s knees.
What the hell? My eyes widened.
I leaned over Lulu and hit her leg. I didn’t give her the ole Fist-o-Might, but I smacked her hard enough so that it would hurt.
“Ouch! What did you do that for?” Lulu glared at me.
I hit her again.
“Fiona! What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m hitting your leg. Can you feel it?”
“Hell yeah, I feel it
, and it bloody well hurts—”
Lulu’s eyes got as big and round as balloons. “I can feel it. I can feel you hitting my leg. Do it again, Fiona! Do it again!”
I was happy to oblige her.
“I can feel it! I can feel it! I can feel it!” Lulu screamed.
We started laughing. I kept hitting Lulu, and we both kept laughing and screaming and crying until the chief and Henry walked in an hour later.
They thought we were insane. At first.
Once I explained why I was playing pin the fist on Lulu, the chief whisked her away to do some tests. A few hours later, we gathered in the sick bay to get the results.
The chief pointed to some X-rays he’d taken of Lulu’s back and said a bunch of scientific mumbo jumbo about neurons and electricity that I mostly tuned out. I loved my father, but he could be such a bore sometimes, especially when he was in doctor mode.
“Oh, get to the point, Dad,” I snapped.
“Please, Chief,” Lulu begged. “What does it all mean?”
“Well, I can’t be sure without running an extensive battery of tests, but it seems that Siren’s energy ball has kickstarted the dead nerves in your spine.”
“And what does that mean?” Lulu asked, clutching Henry’s hand so hard I thought it would pop off.
“It means, my dear, that one day, I think you’ll be able to walk again,” Chief Newman said.
There was complete silence.
Then, we all started screaming.
———
As it turned out, the chief was right. Siren’s energy bolt had done a number on Lulu. The huge amount of electricity she’d been hit with had fired up the synapses and nerves and other things that make up a person’s spine. In short, Siren had jumpstarted Lulu’s body into healing the damage done when she’d broken her back a few years ago. With massive amounts of physical therapy, she should be able to walk again.
The next night, the members of the Fearless Five gathered in the library to celebrate the good news with champagne and chocolate. I stood a little apart from the others, watching them laugh and talk and celebrate. I was happy for Lulu, truly I was, but I still felt sorry for myself. I wanted Johnny here to celebrate with us. I wanted… I just wanted him. Always. Forever.
Carmen detached herself from Sam and strolled in my direction.
I stifled a groan and downed the rest of my champagne.
I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that another unwanted probe of my psyche was coming up. Carmen stood beside me, sipping from her own glass of champagne.
“It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” she murmured.
“It’s just ducky.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, Fiona. I really, really am. But you don’t have to take it, you know. You can always do something about your situation.”
“What do you want me to do? Beg Johnny to love me?” I snapped. “Johnny has made it perfectly clear he never wants to see me ever again.”
“You’re a fighter. You’re Fiera, for crying out loud. Protector of the innocent and all that. So do what you do best. Fight for your man, Fiona. Fight for Johnny.”
Carmen moved back to Sam. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.
Suddenly tired, I gave my goodnights to everybody and went to my suite. I flopped down on my bed, grabbed the picture of Travis, and stared into his dark, smiling eyes.
“It was always so easy with you and me,” I said. “Why can’t it be that way with Johnny?”
I stroked his face with my fingers, but Travis didn’t have any answers for me.
My fingers stilled. Or maybe he did.
The truth was things hadn’t always been easy for Travis and me. Sure, we’d loved each other, but we’d also had our share of fights and arguments and problems just like everybody else did. But we’d worked through them all. Together.
I thought about Carmen’s words, about how I should fight for what I wanted. I thought about Johnny and how he made me feel. The way he listened to me, laughed with me, loved me.
“She’s right,” I whispered to Travis. “I hate to admit it, but she’s absolutely right.”
It was time to fight. Time for a new beginning.
Starting right now.
I went over to the dresser, shoved aside some of my fashion magazines, and gently put Travis’s picture down in the clear spot. He looked a little strange, a little out of place sitting there, but I knew I would get used to it.
I’d gotten used to the pain of his loss, and I’d found new love in the process. Johnny would never take Travis’s place, but he had an equal share of my heart. He was here now, and we could have a life together. A fabulous life.
All we had to do was fight for it.
I’d never been very good at waiting, and I’d never been a quitter. I wasn’t going to give up on Johnny now. Not now, not ever. Miracles really did happen. Lulu was proof of that.
Now, it was time to make a miracle of my own.
32
I placed a few strategic phone calls to recruit some spies and put my plan into action the very next night at Paradise Park.
After a leisurely dinner at Quicke’s, Bella, Bobby, and Johnny Bulluci strolled into the park at exactly eight o’clock. While Bobby yammered into Johnny’s ear about something, Bella flashed me a discrete thumbs-up as they walked by. Everything was in place and right on schedule.
I swallowed the rest of my raspberry-flavored cotton candy and followed the Bullucis as the three of them wandered around the park, keeping a good distance between us.
I was also wearing a floppy hat, oversized sunglasses, and a tight-fitting black trench coat so Johnny wouldn’t spot me.
Bella and Bobby chatted and laughed and even played a few of the carnival contests. Bella won every game she played, even the rigged ones. Bobby bought a large funnel cake from one of the vendors and ate all of it, despite his granddaughter’s dire warnings and hot glares.
Johnny just looked pained the whole time. I wondered if he was remembering our first date here. I hoped so. It was why I’d chosen the spot.
Bella pulled Johnny over to the enormous Ferris wheel.
The ride stopped, and people filed off. At first, Johnny balked, not wanting to ride, but she whined and pleaded and begged until she got him to the front of the line. I elbowed people aside until I was right behind them. Meanwhile, Bobby went over and talked to the operator, whispering in his ear and slipping him some money.
Johnny sat down in one of the swinging carts, scooting over to the far side. Bella started to get in next to him, but stopped.
“You know what? I just remembered there’s somewhere else I need to be,” Bella said.
She stepped aside. I tossed my hat and sunglasses to Bobby and took her place.
“Hi, Johnny. What’s up?” I slid in next to him and yanked the bar down over us.
“Sorry, folks. This is a private ride,” the operator said to the other people in line.
A groan went up through the crowd. The ride started, and we sailed into the air before Johnny could protest, much less get off. Bella and Bobby waved to us once and then disappeared to check out the rest of the park. Johnny didn’t say anything, but his eyes looked frantic and confused. I smiled.
It was always good to keep a man guessing.
We went round one time as the calliope music played.
Then, just as we crested the top the second time, the wheel jerked to a halt. We dangled in the air, high above the shrieking carnival goers.
“Why are we stopped?” Johnny asked. “Did you have something to do with this?”
“Of course I did. So did Bella and Bobby. It was really a team effort.”
Johnny sighed. “So how long are we stuck up here?”
“Oh, we’re not coming down until you tell me why you dumped me,” I said in a cheerful tone.
Johnny stared at the city lights around us. “We’ve been through this before, Fiona.”
“Johnny, I don’t care about the past. I only care about the future and you.”
He seemed surprised. “You don’t care that I attacked you? You don’t care that I was a complete ass to you and the rest of the Fearless Five? You don’t care that I tried to kill you? You don’t care that I let my need for vengeance blind me to everything else? You don’t care—”
I put a finger on his lips. “Of course I care. But it’s nothing that we can’t work through. Together. I’m willing to try. Why aren’t you?”
“Because I’m not a superhero. I never have been, and I don’t know that I can ever be one. You’re Fiera, a member of the Fearless Five. You do good things, important things. I’m just Johnny Angel. A guy who rides around the city on a motorcycle and looks cool because it’s what his father used to do, and his grandfather before him.”
“I don’t care whether or not you’re a superhero. As for being Johnny Angel, it’s part of your family legacy, and that’s part of who you are. I understand that, and I don’t want to change it.”
“What about Travis?” he asked in a soft voice.
“What about him?”
“You’re still in love with your dead fiancé, Fiona.”
Johnny looked away. “You still have his things. You still have his picture by your bed. You still wear his ring.”
I thought back to my conversation with Bella in the kitchen when she’d accused me of the same thing. The constant looks Johnny shot at my ring and Travis’s picture. It all became clear to me. Johnny thought I didn’t love him.
That’s what he was really afraid of. He’d told Bella that, which is why she’d warned me to be careful with him, with his feelings.
I’d made my peace with Travis and his death. Now, it was time for Johnny to do the same.
So, I did something I’d never done before—I took the engagement ring off my finger. A white band marked its place on my hand.
“I love Travis. I always will. But there’s plenty of room in my heart, and it’s time to move on. That’s what I want to do. With you. The man I love.”