The stiffness in her neck made turning it painful, and the dizziness made focusing difficult. She could hear Catherine. Someone was with her. Was it the doctor? Whoever he was, he was right in front of her; an older man with a very pleasant encouraging deep voice.
“Ms. Nichols, I am Dr. Leonard. I’ve been taking care of you since Mr. Rawlings found you in the woods. Can you talk to me?”
Claire lifted her right hand to her throat. It tired her to make the slightest movement.
“Catherine, could you please get Ms. Nichols some water?” Catherine hurried for the liquid. Claire watched as Catherine came back with a glass and a straw. She handed it to the doctor, who put the straw to Claire’s lips. “Drink slowly, your stomach has been empty for a while.” Claire began to sip. The water felt cool and refreshing. She kept drinking. The doctor talked to Tony. Claire continued to drink. She could feel the invigorating liquid lubricate her throat. As she sipped she could only hear a buzz inside her head. The doctor’s lips moved as did Tony’s, but the only sound was the buzz. He removed the straw from her lips. The buzzing ceased.
“Please, that was so good,” Claire spoke. The room went silent. Everyone turned to her.
“Claire, thank god. How do you feel?” Tony leaned over her. She realized she wasn’t in her bed, it was a hospital bed. That made sense. She wondered how she’d sat up. But she wasn’t in a hospital room, it was her suite.
“I feel . . . I feel . . . tired . . . and kind of dizzy” Her voice quivered weakly with uncertainty and pain.
Dr. Leonard asked Tony and Catherine to allow him to examine Claire alone. Catherine agreed and began to leave but Tony stayed, saying that Claire wouldn’t mind him being there. Claire started to say it was all right, Tony could stay. Dr. Leonard continued, “Mr. Rawlings, I realize you hired me. However, as a medical doctor, I need to see and talk to Ms. Nichols alone. You will be welcomed back as soon as we are done.” Tony just stared at Dr. Leonard. The doctor continued, “Mr. Rawlings, she is not related to you. We should allow her some privacy.”
Claire watched and thought Tony can handle this. It’s his battle. But he didn’t battle. “I am sorry. You are right. It is just that it has been so long since she has been awake. I don’t want to leave her.” Standing, he continued, “But I will. I will be right outside the door. Please call me when you are finished.” Then he leaned over, kissed Claire on her forehead, and left the room.
The doctor spoke soothingly as he helped Claire remove her nightgown and removed tubes. Claire mindlessly thought that the doctor’s breath smelled like coffee, she liked coffee. He pushed on her side and asked if it hurt. He touched her face, her cheek, her temple, did any of it hurt? He examined her head, touching her skull, front and back, and near the neck. Then he focused on her arms and legs. Lastly he touched her back, pushing harder in some spots. Claire could see the remnants of the bruises on her arms, legs, and midsection. She could feel them elsewhere. Her back and midsection hurt the most from the doctor’s pressure, and her face felt tender. Looking at her legs covered in brown and yellow marks, she wondered if her face looked as bad as her legs. After he finished with his examination, and yes, no questions, he helped her put her nightgown back on.
“Ms. Nichols, I need you to be completely honest with me, do you understand?” Claire said she did, but she was getting very tired. “Please tell me what you remember from the night of your accident.”
“Dr. Leonard, I am very tired and my memories are fuzzy.” As she spoke her head continued to buzz. Her throat felt raw. The combination made talking difficult.
“It’s all right. Let me put your bed back.” He pushed the button to recline the bed and continued to inquire, “Now please, what do you remember?”
The fatigue overwhelmed Claire. Abruptly her stomach revolted against the water. Initially queasy, she instantly knew she would be sick. “Doctor, I’m going to get sick.”
She sat up. He grabbed a basin, and the water she drank came back up. Dr. Leonard explained that it was normal, her stomach had been empty for too long. The vomiting caused her to shake, and suddenly her head and ribs throbbed. The fierce pain caused her to cry.
“Ms. Nichols, your pain medicine has started to wear off. I will get you some more, but I want you to be thinking straight. Please tell me what happened.” He was persistent.
Claire felt faint with her body limp. She wanted food, but her stomach wouldn’t even hold water. The doctor wanted to know what had happened and she knew. When she closed her eyes and felt the pain in her body she saw Tony. She saw his rage, his fury, his unwillingness to let her explain. She remembered every terrifying minute until she blacked out. It happened two weeks ago but she still felt the agony.
The weakness combined with the unsettled stomach told her that it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. She wanted to go back to her visions. But the doctor waited for the answer to his question. He gave her some more water but instructed her to only rinse and spit into the basin. It helped the terrible taste go away. Her mouth felt moist again. She could talk.
“I went for a walk in the woods, I like the woods. It rained the day before and the ground was slippery in some spots. I made it into the woods fine, but I let it get dark. I watched the sun set. I remember it being crimson and beautiful.” She laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. Softly tears trickled down her cheeks. Dr. Leonard was determined, he asked her to continue. She did, but with closed eyes. “So it was dark by the time I headed back to the house. I remember getting to the clearing, which is about forty-five minutes from here. The sun . . . I mean, moon, was bright. I tried to get back. Catherine had dinner waiting for me.” Her eyelids were heavy and her words slowed and slurred. She never remembered feeling so incredibly tired, all she wanted to do was sleep. Please God, she prayed, let me sleep.
“Ms. Nichols, did you make it back to the house?” Dr. Leonard spoke softly.
“I don’t remember.” Her decision was made. Telling the truth wouldn’t do any good. Actually, it would be a direct violation of Tony’s rules. She wasn’t allowed to discuss private matters. She had learned her lesson well. As her ribs, head, and stomach ached, the lesson was reinforced. “I remember slipping in the mud. There were roots and limbs. It was very dark under the trees. After that, I just don’t know.”
“Please know that anything you disclose to me is said in confidence. I am bound by complete patient-doctor confidentiality,” he spoke quietly. Despite her physical exhaustion, Claire’s mind was astute. She knew that every word they uttered was recorded and possibly overheard as they spoke.
“Doctor, I’m not sure what you are asking me or what you are insinuating, but I can’t remember what happened that night. Perhaps I hit my head.” Her eyes were open and brimming with tears. She felt so tired. “Please, may I rest?” Her eyes closed and she could feel herself slip away.
Claire opened her eyes to see Catherine holding a glass of her famous banana strawberry yogurt smoothie. She told the caring woman that she was afraid it would make her sick, like the water. Catherine explained that the doctor had put some medicine in her IV. It would help with the pain and with her stomach. Claire reached for the button to get herself up, but before she could get to it Tony did. His presence made her involuntarily tremble. His eyes weren’t dark, instead they were melted chocolate. He gently touched her face. “You need to listen to Catherine. Please try to drink the smoothie. You need to get better, and to do that you need to eat.” She looked at him and wondered if he knew about her recent confidential conversation. He continued to plead, “Please, Claire.”
She drank some of the smoothie, then she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
The next time she woke her suite was bursting with flowers. They looked beautiful and the aroma permeated even her dreams. Over the next few weeks they were constantly replaced. It seemed as if they never wilted. They were meant to make her feel better, but they reminded her of the funeral home after her parents’ death.
&nbs
p; She even received get well cards and flowers from the Simmonses, Millers, and Bronsons. Apparently, Tony’s secretary, Patricia, called Sue to apologize. Claire had been so busy recently, and with her accident she hadn’t been able to call. But she would when she felt better and got the chance. It made Claire feel so much better knowing that even though she’d almost died appearances were maintained.
Claire recovered slowly and gradually. Dr. Leonard continued to treat her, coming to the estate every day during the first week after she awoke. After that, the length between visits steadily increased. He never questioned her memory again. He did push her to recover. He pushed her to eat, walk, and go outside. He wasn’t the only one pushing. Catherine pushed. She pushed Claire to eat, shower, and do her hair and makeup.
The provoking seemed necessary. Claire could have lain in bed all day if they would let her. The only motivation she possessed was to return to the visions she’d experienced during her unconsciousness. Unfortunately they didn’t reappear in any of her dreams.
It wasn’t that she felt sad, she didn’t. She didn’t feel scared, and with enough medication she didn’t feel pain. Accurately, she didn’t feel anything. Consciously or unconsciously she compartmentalized everything away. Nothing remained. With each prompt she obeyed. She ate. She walked, with difficulty at first. Her muscles lost tone in just two weeks. And her weight dropped below anything she ever remembered. She showered, at first with assistance and then on her own. She conceded to Catherine’s pleas for hair and makeup. However, every activity tired her. Therefore, sleep became a natural and accepted escape.
The one person who didn’t pressure Claire was Tony. He was, however, omnipresent every day. Catherine told Claire he hadn’t left her side while she was unconscious. Now he went to work but returned every evening. He spent most of his time in Claire’s suite, sometimes with his laptop, reading a book, talking, always willing to listen, and every night sleeping. While Claire stayed in the hospital bed, he slept in a recliner that’d been brought to her room. Once she made the transition to her big bed, he asked if he could sleep with her.
Claire said yes, but . . . Tony said he just wanted to sleep near her. Dr. Leonard hadn’t given her the go-ahead on all normal activities. She’d suffered a concussion that was attributed to her unconsciousness and headaches. However, it was her broken ribs that caused the problem. Claire couldn’t lie certain ways. Her own weight caused intense pain. She knew Tony’s weight would be agony. She didn’t assume she had a choice in his sleeping site. She truly didn’t care as long as she could sleep. He didn’t complain.
Each milestone—getting out of bed alone, walking to the bathroom alone, walking to the dining room, or going into the backyard—received a gift. Some were simple tokens: a book, a journal, or a scarf—apparently very in style this season. But others, like for her first dinner in the dining room, were extravagant. The dining room warranted a new journey necklace, with three diamonds in increasing sizes to represent past, present, and future. The entire carat weight was easily over three. It was remarkable, but Claire missed her grandmother’s necklace. It had been a casualty of the accident.
It appeared that the giving of gifts gave Tony pleasure, so she accepted them. The journey: past, present, and future didn’t sit well. She knew that even in her fragile state she didn’t want any of the represented time periods. The jewelry was so excessive that Claire began to think of it as costume. It made accepting it easier. She tried to act happy about the gifts and the attention. However, she felt like his eyes had been—devoid of emotion. There was nothing inside of her.
Catherine knew Claire liked being outside, and encouraged Tony to take her out into the yard. The scene didn’t help her state of mind. The blue skies rarely shone and the green of spring and summer had dissipated. The leaves gone, the trees were bare, and the outside was gray. Now all that remained was the black and white photo of landscape that Claire saw when she first arrived.
One day, while walking the perimeter of the backyard wearing warm coats, she asked Tony, “Do you have any idea when my debt will be paid?” The question caught him off guard. She saw his eyes fluctuate in intensity, finally settling on light brown.
“My dear Claire, the last time you were on your own, which was only for a day, look what happened. I think you need me. I don’t want you to have any more accidents.” And then he added, “Do you?” Claire knew without a doubt she didn’t want any more accidents.
They didn’t discuss her accident. They discussed travel. The idea of leaving the estate frightened Claire. She felt confident that she could avoid accidents if she stayed put. Tony told her that when she was better he would like to have her join him while he traveled. He talked about Chicago, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, and overseas destinations. Claire asked if she needed a passport if they flew on a private jet. Tony said he would have Brent work on getting her one.
On a Saturday in mid-November, two months after her accident, Claire was technically pronounced physically well. She’d become stronger with time. Her bruises had disappeared, her ribs totally healed, her headaches less frequent, and she could eat, although she had no appetite. Dr. Leonard visited the estate the day before and released her from his care.
Tony decided they should go on a drive. Claire hadn’t left the property or even the immediate house since early September. The idea of getting into the car caused an explosive and unexpected trauma. That morning she obediently dressed in the clothes that were laid out for her, which happened every day since she was well enough to dress. The sun shone and the temperature felt unseasonably warm. She anticipated going outside, but when Tony announced that he had the Lexus out front, Claire panicked. Her reaction was quick and unpredicted. She started to cry and shake. She didn’t want to go.
For the first time since the accident Tony pushed. He didn’t ask, he declared they were going for a drive. It was the best thing he could do. She needed to get out, but Claire couldn’t think straight. She sat down on the front steps and refused to get up. Finally, Tony reached for her arm. She reacted more violently than she had since her arrival. Her entire body filled with anguish. Trembling, she started to scream, “I remember everything! I know the truth! Please do not touch me!” Her body shook. “I hate you! Leave me alone!” He looked at her with disbelief. She looked at him with vengeance.
Her screaming caused Catherine and Cindy to come running. By the time they arrived, Claire’s words were unintelligible, overlapped by sobs and whimpers. She sat on the steps, shaking and holding her knees. Eventually her sobs subsided into freely flowing tears. She didn’t speak as Catherine gently helped her to her feet and calmly walked her to the car.
They began the drive in silence. Tony didn’t do or say anything. He drove and let Claire cry. It had been two months since her accident. She hadn’t cried or said a word, and suddenly it all erupted.
Dr. Leonard had given his clearance. Tony had been patient. Claire knew what he wanted from her and she was petrified to be with him again. He drove them to a meadow. She’d never been there before or even seen it. It was very secluded. Claire’s crying subsided. Tony tenderly helped her out of the car, and while holding her hand he finally offered his apology. “Claire, I am sorry.”
She looked up at his eyes, they glistened light brown. “You are sorry? What are you sorry for?”
His tone was remorseful and sincere. “I am sorry for your accident.” She didn’t respond and looked away from his eyes. He continued, “Yes, I admit that what happened the night of your accident was me. I admit I lost control, something that doesn’t usually happen. I admit I feel terrible, and Catherine has made me feel worse. I admit I was beyond furious with you and the article by Meredith Banks. I wasn’t thinking straight.” His eyes were getting darker. “I trusted you. I believed that you wouldn’t betray my confidence and then . . . and I would do anything to have that night to do over.”
They stood by the car, no longer touching. The breeze gently rustled the tall grass, bl
ew wisps of hair around her face, and filled her lungs with the smell of impending winter. Claire watched his expression as he spoke. It had been so long since she’d felt anything. Suddenly, she fought the rapid mixture of emotions that stirred inside of her.
Tony watched as her eyes, which had been dull and dead, contained a small spark. “Tony, I remember. I remember what you were doing and saying. I remember you saying I would need to be alone for a while to think about who to talk to and who not to talk to.” Tony nodded his head. He’d said that. Claire’s eyes brimmed with tears and her chest swelled with fear, but she had to know. “Is that still coming?”
He reached out to grab her shoulders. He intended to be gentle, but Claire backed away, tripped, and fell onto the ground. His eyes said gentle but she remembered fury. She didn’t know what to think or feel. Not feeling was so much easier. Confusion, apprehension, anger, and dread all showed in her eyes. He followed her to the ground. “Claire, please stop.” He knelt beside her. “No, that isn’t coming. I don’t think you need any more reminders on how to behave, do you?” She said no, she didn’t. “Claire, may I please touch you?”
She started to tremble again. Sobs resonated from her chest. His voice still gentle but firm. “You know I don’t need your permission to touch you. I don’t need your permission to do anything.” Claire’s eyes closed. She tried to swallow her sobs. She nodded her head yes. She knew too well her permission was not necessary. “But I would like to have it. Please, may I have your consent?”
She braced herself and opened her eyes. She looked at him and his brown eyes. She closed her eyes again and said, “Okay.”
He scooted next to her, sitting on the cold hard ground, and softly placed his arm around her back. He could feel her tension. He gently bent down and tenderly kissed her lips, very lightly brushing his lips against hers. She didn’t back away. He could smell her hair blowing in the breeze. It reminded him of flowers. “Have I told you how much I like the highlights in your hair?” She shook her head no. He lightly stroked her hair. “I think you are amazing. You are so strong and resilient. I don’t deserve your forgiveness for what I did, but you deserve to hear me ask for it.” She didn’t want to look at him. Her emotions were too raw. She wanted to forgive him.