As the couple walked hand in hand to share a tour of their home it wasn’t hard to imagine that a splendid wedding ceremony could easily occur within these walls. The grand hall is breathtaking on this February afternoon. The two-story winding staircase ascended to a railed landing which appeared to extend down various hallways. The ceiling, at least another story high, holds a magnificent chandelier that illuminates the foyer. The intricate marble flooring extends behind the stairs to a window-lined sitting room. These areas were all utilized during the ceremony. Beyond the sitting room, which also contains a magnificent fireplace, is a comfortable sunporch that Mrs. Rawlings says is one of her favorite rooms in their home. She enjoys reading and sunlight very much. Even in the winter months, if it’s not too cold she can enjoy the sun’s rays on the porch. However, it is in the summer with the windows open and the fresh breeze that the room is ideal. Not far from these exquisite rooms is a grand dining room that the newlyweds claim to utilize regularly. Mr. Rawlings commented that just being with his bride was a special occasion worthy of a formal dining.
Beyond the sunporch this reporter could see the expanse of their backyard. Apparently, during the wedding it contained a large tent that created the hall for their reception. On this day it was snow covered and pristine. The yard is encased by trees. Currently, the trees are bare and one can see into the depths of the forest, but Anthony explained that within months the green leaves will obstruct the view into the forest and the lawn will appear an oasis in itself. He also pointed out the deck, pool area, and patio. He is proud of the house which he helped design from memories and ideas of other dwellings. He believes the result is exquisite, and this reporter agrees wholeheartedly.
Mr. Rawlings also showed Vanity Fair his home office. As an entrepreneur who began his fortune with the Internet, it seems only appropriate that his home contained high-tech electronics. Not only does his desk contain multiple computer screens, but behind his desk on the wall was also a collage of screens second only to the ones this reporter has seen in television studios. His office is decorated in a masculine tone of wood and leather. When asked if he often works from home, Anthony responded that he did when he could. It gave him an excuse to be close to Claire when she was not out and about. (Photo of Mr. Rawlings behind his impressive desk, working on his computer with screens illuminated behind him.)
Mrs. Rawlings took that opportunity to tell Vanity Fair a little about her recent philanthropic endeavor. While working as a meteorologist, Claire saw the damage and devastation that natural disasters can wreak upon our country. She never imagined that she’d be in a position where she could make a difference to people, but now she is. Claire has recently begun to work with the Red Cross of Iowa, the Greater Quad Cities, and of the United States. She’s been diligently working to facilitate their fund-raising efforts. The economy has had a dreadful effect on the Red Cross’s reserves. These are essential for the organization to be able to continue their efforts on a daily basis, and especially in case of disaster. The sad reality is that the reserve is dwindling. With Anthony’s connections and her understanding of disasters and the resources needed, she hoped to be of help to the organization. Anthony’s admiration for his wife’s endeavors was evident in his expression as she discussed the work the Red Cross could possibly do if adequately funded.
The tour continued to the lower level of the main house, where a large welcoming entertainment/ recreation room exists. There’s a pool table, game table, comfortable sofas and chairs, a large flat-screen television with four smaller screens around it, and a handsome handcrafted mahogany bar with intricate tile in the mini kitchen behind the bar. Adjoining this room was a theater room complete with plush seating for six, and a screen large enough for twenty-six. The other direction from the recreation room leads to an exercise gym, with every piece of exercise equipment you would want or need. Mr. Rawlings explained that he liked to workout. He finds himself needing to burn off energy after a day of business dealings, which usually occur while seated. Vanity Fair noted that he appeared fit, as did Mrs. Rawlings. She, however, leads our crew to her favorite workout, an indoor lap pool complete with spa and sauna. Claire Rawlings said she preferred the outdoor pool, but during the colder months, which are numerous in Iowa, the indoor pool was an ideal alternative.
Back in the sitting room, Vanity Fair tries once again to learn more about this stunning couple.
(Photo of the couple with warm coats standing on the front steps of their home and another of them sitting on the floor before a roaring fire in a grand six-foot tall fireplace. Note the portrait of Mrs. Rawlings in her wedding gown above the fireplace.)
VF: Mrs. Rawlings, how do you feel about living in Iowa after living in Atlanta, Georgia?
Rubbing the sleeves of her soft cashmere sweater, Claire responded, “I would gladly live any place with Anthony. However, if he chose some place warmer it would be all right.” They both smile. “Seriously,” she continued, “I grew up in Indiana. Iowa isn’t much different. The Midwest is a beautiful area. I love sunshine and warmth, but the change of seasons and newness of each spring is in my blood. From my short experience with Iowa, I think it is a wonderful state with wonderful people.”
VF: It was rumored that you, Anthony, wanted to surprise your wife with your honeymoon destination. Is that true?
Smiling with a smirking grin, he answered, “Yes, I tried diligently to surprise Claire for our honeymoon. And I almost succeeded.” VF had to ask, “Almost?” Anthony looked at his wife, she continued the story. “He would have succeeded had it not been for the TSA agent in Hawaii.” Mrs. Rawlings was obviously amused by the story. “I wasn’t the least bit upset. I’d sought to learn the destination for some time. No one would betray his confidence, no matter how much I tried. So after arriving in Oahu, Hawaii, all I knew was that we had farther to fly and we were crossing the International Date Line.” Anthony chimed in, “Actually, she figured that out from a hint,” and he winked at Claire. She continued, “So when the agent looked at our passports and asked us our destination, I wasn’t able to answer.” Smiling, she added, “But Anthony had to. And it was then I learned that we were going to Fiji.” (Photo released by the Rawlingses of the two of them dining on a torch-lit deck with a magnificent sunset and the ocean in front of them.)
VF: Mrs. Rawlings, were you pleased with your husband’s destination choice? Some women would want to be more involved in the planning.
“That may be true, but my husband planned ten days in paradise. It was amazing. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was a tropical oasis. I know we have pictures for your publication to release, but honestly photos can’t do it justice. The climate, atmosphere, cuisine, beach, and leaning close to Anthony, smiling into his big brown eyes, his company, all made it a dream. I’m not sure heaven can compare.”
VF: So you did not mind not being involved in the planning?
“If all his decisions are as amazing as our honeymoon, I do not mind at all.” He kissed her cheek.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Anthony added, “I have had many years of living on my own, making my own decisions, and doing everything for my benefit. I have learned that people remember most how you make them feel. I try to work my business with that in mind. When I negotiate with someone, they will forget what I say or what I do, but they will not forget how I make them feel. Do they feel important to the deal? Do they feel central to the transaction? I wanted our honeymoon to be special because it would benefit me.” His smile looked mischievous to this reporter. “However, I wanted it to be special so that Claire would feel special and know how important she is to me.” He no doubt had her full attention during his statement, and this reporter would guess during their stay in paradise.
Mr. Rawlings seems to have the gift of making everyone feel special. Claire agreed he has made her feel special
since they first met.
VF: Vanity Fair would like to thank you for taking the time to allow us into your home. Now is it true you have other homes besides this one?
Anthony answered, “Due to my multiple business sites and intensive travel schedule we do own a few apartments here and there. It makes traveling much easier.” (Insert text box of real estate holdings of Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Rawlings.)
VF: Mr. Rawlings, your answer about “we” owning brings VF to another more controversial subject. May I ask about the debate regarding the lack of a prenuptial agreement prior to your marriage?
“I would prefer you didn’t. However, the only way to stop the rumors is to address them. First let me say there was no debate. We did not consider a prenuptial agreement, much less debate one.” Taking his wife’s hand in his, he continued, “I am elated to have the world get to know my wife. Mrs. Claire Rawlings is an amazing woman. She did not know who I was when we met. She has told me exactly what she thinks of me or of my actions and not always in a complimentary manner. She did not anticipate a marriage proposal on that cold,” he smiled at Claire, “night in Central Park. I trust her implicitly. I have worked my entire life to build a business empire. It means nothing without someone with whom to share. I did not feel it was fair to ask her to sign something that would restrict her partnership with me in any way. She is my wife and I am her husband. It may not be PC to say this today, but we believe in forever, in trust, and in love. A piece of paper is not going to matter when we are old and gray. We decided together that our commitment to one another is stronger than any legal agreement.” Mrs. Rawlings squeezed his hand. “Like it is said in a movie, she completes me.”
VF: Thank you again for the brief glimpse into your life. Below is a quote that was recited during your wedding ceremony. To our readers, it was meant as a dual statement to both of them, from each of them.
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am
when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have
made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
—Roy Croft
(Photo collage at the end includes photos of home: grand hall, sitting room, library, office, dining room, recreation room, exercise room, theater room, and indoor pool. Also included are wedding photos: of ceremony, reception, with cake, talking with guests, and dancing. There are a few of Fiji, the private island where the couple stayed, the beach, infinity pool, lounging decks, and outdoor shower.)
Claire read the copy and imagined the photos that would be inserted. It truly appeared perfect.
Three days later, on the eighteenth of March, Tony surprised Claire with a long weekend getaway to Lake Tahoe. The beautiful snowy mountains filled with skiing, roaring fires, and hot coffee made for a great escape. The ski resort, literally a mile above sea level, had crystal-clear air that permeated deep into their lungs. The mountains provided the most amazing skiing with over a hundred inches of base and freshly fallen powder. The tall majestic evergreens bowed to the weight of the snow that layered each branch. Their small private chalet held amazing views, warm fires, and no cook. For the first time in a year, despite limited supplies Claire managed to keep them from starving. With the intensity of their exercise, both indoors and out, she was pleased he liked her cooking. A while ago she’d heard some advice. Eating is important to keep up their strength.
Warm, naked, and covered with a soft blanket, she rested her head against his chest. Claire contemplated the significance of this weekend as they rested in the afterglow of their love and the glow of fireplace. Three hundred and sixty-six days ago she’d been a different person in a different life. It wasn’t that her life now was bad. It was just that the transition had been unplanned, unwanted, and well, brutal. She needed to hear her husband’s answer to the question that lingered in her mind. “Tony, why are we here this weekend?”
They both watched the crackling blaze, his strong arms encircled her petite body, and he took a deep breath and replied, “I didn’t want you home in your suite this weekend. I wanted you outside in fresh air.” He felt her chest lift then drop and heard the soft sniffles. Damn, the crying was what he’d been trying to avoid. Nuzzling his face in her hair, he kissed her head. “If it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be here now. There is a reason for everything.”
He tenderly turned her to face him and then rolled her over onto her back. Her blonde hair fanned out onto the rug like a halo. He looked down at her angelic face. Even with the moisture, her eyes were stunning. The tears only made the green more intense in the firelight. Tony couldn’t help himself, she was beautiful and he wanted her. His bare chest pushed against her supple breasts. He caressed her pink cheeks and her soft shoulders as he looked into her eyes. “I’m not sorry that we are together, but I am so sorry when I think about . . . remember the things I—”
Claire stopped him. Shaking her head no, she put her hand to his mouth. He stopped talking and kissed her hand, gently sucking the tips of her fingers. “Please, Tony. Don’t. I don’t want to remember or think about that.” Her voice sounded amazingly steady despite the tears that now streamed from the corners of her eyes. “I want to think about now.”
“But you should know—”
“All I know is that I love you today. I hated you then. It is too much of a contrast for my mind to accept. I want to concentrate on today.”
“I love you today too. Tell me what I can do to help. Claire, anything you want, it is yours.”
He couldn’t take away her memories. That was what she wanted more than anything. “I want you. I want you to love me and fill me with so many good memories that I don’t have room for the others.” She kissed her husband. “Tony, fill me completely.”
Claire wasn’t thinking. Her body was in control; more accurately, out of control, moving in sync with desire. She didn’t think, because she feared if she did it would be about the past and not the present. Instead, she surrendered her body and her mind to her husband. There was a time she’d tried to keep her mind, but no longer. He possessed them both.
His lips found her soft skin and watched as her eyes responded. He wanted to see the spark, to have it be there. Briefly he thought about the saying the end justifies the means. If that were true, then he wasn’t sorry. In his arms, beneath his body, responding to his touch, was the woman he’d watched for so long. He suckled her hard nipples, and she moaned deeply, wanting—no, needing him. At that moment and time, sorry was not at all what he was feeling.
Nothing improves memory more than trying to forget.
—Unknown author
Chapter 38
It was happening again. The satin sheets dripped with sweat as Claire gasped for breath. Trembling, she concentrated on inhaling and exhaling, convincing herself that she could breathe. This was only a dream or a nightmare. Once over, she never remembered the scenes, just the terrible feeling of helplessness. It always ended when she heard the beep and woke. It was the same damn beep she’d heard when she first arrived. It meant her suite was locked. When the dreams first started, she could roll over, find her sleeping husband, curl up next to him, and fall back to sleep. Now regulating her breathing, she knew that wasn’t possible. Like so many times before, she needed to get out of bed and complete her new routine.
The steady breathing from a few feet away told Claire that Tony was sleeping peacefully. Quietly, she lifted the covers and eased out of bed. Her hands shook as she tied her robe and tiptoed to the hallway door. “This is dumb,” she whispered as her feet crossed the lush carpet. However, it was now her reality. She knew sleep wouldn’t be possible without completing this new drill. Gripping the metal lever, she pulled, and the door easily opened. She closed it and went to the balcony. Moving the draperies aside, the French door opened without hesitation. The rush of fresh air filled the room and her lungs. She walked through the opening, gently closing the door behind her.
Her
perspiration-drenched body relished the cool night breeze. Standing at the rail, she inhaled the spring air and lifted her hair to dry the perspiration from her neck. It wasn’t that she wanted to remember the feelings of a year ago. Truly she didn’t. When she stepped onto a patio, terrace, or into the backyard and memories would start to surface, she could stop them. It was at night while she slept that the compartmentalization of her interment would come rushing back. Then in the minutes or hours that followed, she would attempt to calm her lingering fear. It was the one she tried to keep away, the terror that at any moment, without warning, history could repeat itself. The sickening realization that she would be completely helpless to stop it was what robbed her of sleep.
The cool cement under her feet brought her back to present. She shivered, pulled her cashmere robe tighter, and wished that she’d grabbed slippers. But the trembling wasn’t caused by the cold. She knew it was her dream. Looking up she noticed the clear black velvet sky peppered with stars. Absentmindedly, she thought, That’s why the temperature dropped.