CHAPTER SIX
I want to get this over with, which is why I decided to go by Kari's right after work. Walking the two blocks from the train station to her apartment, I call her up. She doesn't answer. I lived here for three years before moving out a year into my relationship with Robert.
A couple minutes pass and I call her again - still no answer. I reach the front of her building and see Robert's car. I feel the knives they stabbed in my back digging deeper, and flinch from the pain. No matter how many times I see his plates here it never gets easy, but this time I'm not going to turn around and go back home. I'm not pretending anymore. Robert and I are over. No one needs to pretend anymore.
My heart is pumping its way out through my throat when the elevator reaches her floor. I walk to her door and knock. She doesn't answer. I continue to knock for five minutes before she comes to the door.
"Hi Leah," Kari says hiding behind the door. "What's up?"
"Can I come in?"
"Sure," she steps out of the way. Passing her to go inside I smell him on her, his cologne, his sweat, and his semen. The urge to vomit pesters my stomach. I take a seat on the living room sofa, and wonder how many times they were intimate on it.
"I tried calling but you didn't pick up."
She closes the door and walks towards me. She's wearing the green silk robe that I got her for Christmas a couple years ago. The pure irony of it makes me laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"I got you that robe for Christmas a couple years ago."
"Yeah so?"
"That's funny to me. Is Robert here I thought I saw his car outside."
"No. He lent it to me. I was having trouble with my car."
"Of course, that explains it. Am I interrupting? Do you have company?"
"Yeah."
"Mr. X?"
"Yeah."
"I won't be long. I just want to give you your Christmas present."
"Hold on let me get yours."
"No. Don't." I stop her from walking away by patting the cushion next to me. "Sit." With a deep breath I push aside the hurt. "I think you will make a good mom," I tell her and give her a hug.
"Thanks little sis, I needed to hear that. I love you."
Unable to return those three words I get to the point. "I found a job."
Surprised she says, "I didn't know you were looking."
"I gave my two week notice to Deloitte today. I was planning on giving them three, but I'm eager to move on."
"Wow, I didn't know you were unhappy there."
"I'm leaving New York."
A smile comes on her face.
Her initial reaction, although predictable, is disheartening.
"Really? Where are you moving to?"
"Pennsylvania."
"Oh, that's close."
"You would have preferred me further?" I allow the hurt to show in my eyes, but I'm not sure if she notices or cares.
"When are you leaving?"
"In two weeks. I've already put down a security deposit on this small house in the suburbs. When I saw it I just had to have it. And I bought a car."
"A car?"
"Yep. A black BMW 328i. It's going to be delivered to my new place in PA, a few days after I move in."
"Wow, you're really moving fast with this."
"Life's too short to waste it being in the way of others."
She doesn't say anything.
"Doesn't Jason live in Pennsylvania?"
"Jason who?" Her tone is instantly abrasive.
"Jason Cunningham, you dated him in high school."
"Why does it matter if he lives in PA?"
"Maybe, I'll see him. I wonder what he's up to. I have to remember to search for him on Facebook."
"Whatever Leah," Kari snaps.
Both she and I continue to give the other the cold shoulder. After sitting in silence for a few more minutes I decide it's time to leave.
"I just came by to tell you about my move…I have to go to the bathroom."
I get up and walk down the hallway, I pass the bathroom door and continue until I reach Kari's bedroom door. Unsure of myself or what my reaction will be, I pause. Screw it. I grab hold of the door knob. It's locked.
Of course it's locked. He's a coward.
When I return to the living room Kari is still sitting on the couch. The sight of her lets me know that I am doing the right thing - she's the happiest I've seen her in a while.
"Alright, I'm going to go. I'll see you if I see you." I head for the front door, she follows me.
"Where's my Christmas gift?"
"That was it."
"What?" She genuinely looks confused.
I look her in the eyes. "Leaving New York, that's my gift. You can have Robert. He's my gift to you." She doesn't say anything. Not a sorry or forgive me for betraying our friendship. I guess her silence says it all. "I'm so tired of hating you more than I love you. I wish things…I wish we could go back to the way we were. I wish we could be close again."
I grab hold of the door knob. "Good-bye sis."
"Leah," her voice is a whisper. "I'm so sorry Leah. I love you. Nothing can change that. You're all that I have."
My heartbreaks and my tears begin to pour. She holds me tight. We stay like that for a while, both of us in tears.