Chapter 13
“What happened after I’d left?” James asked, texting dimples in just his boxer shorts; suit flung to the floor.
“Let’s just say it could be a while before you’re invited to a wedding again?”
“But why, it wasn’t my fault Jess went crazy. I didn’t do anything…”
“Except for cheat on her.”
“Which she wouldn’t have known about had it not been for your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend and besides, you can’t blame her, she wasn’t to know that would happen,” I replied, feeling the need to protect Victoria even though I did fear that a more subtle companion would have handled the situation somewhat more discreetly than she did.
“Well why the hell didn’t you warn her…or at least lie better? If you had maybe I wouldn’t have had a roast dinner hurled at me,” he said, feeling sorry for himself.
It was a good question. If I’m being honest, maybe I could have lied better. I might not have foreseen the disastrous events which had unravelled but I could have lied better. Then again, why should I have? Who was the wedding disastrous for? Fair enough, the bride, groom and their respective families had their day ruined whilst Jess was left in a state of mental carnage but who do you think would be left to help her fix her broken heart? And besides, it’s not like my name was mud after what happened. In fact, I came out of it pretty lightly really. I’d even helped carry the old man to the ambulance so, from a selfish perspective, the wedding from hell had been a small success for me.
I’ve got to be honest though, seeing Jess break down like that did, for the first time ever, leave me questioning what type of woman she actually was. I mean, hurling pieces of beef at the bride on her wedding day whilst chasing a cheating boyfriend around the venue as a hundred and fifty guests looked on in horror wasn’t particularly appealing to potential suitors. Fair enough, if she’d walked in to my room the day after, butt naked except for knee high boots, I would have whipped my underpants off nearly as quick as I would have ejaculated but that’s different to going out with someone, especially someone who had the potential to chop of your member whilst you slept.
“Well, why didn’t you?” James asked again.
“Hey, don’t blame me for all this. I did my best. I can’t think of every permutation can I?”
“Obviously not,” he replied, huffing in the process. “How was the old man anyway?”
“In hospital with a broken nose. Apparently he’d lost a pint of blood by the time he got there.”
“Jesus wept. I didn’t think it would be that bad. Maybe I should write them a card or something?” he asked, underestimating the psychological damage breaking her grandfather’s nose and having his blood alter the colour of her wedding dress would do to a bride.
“Yes, I’m sure a card would put things right,” I told him sarcastically. “You really screwed up there you know. You’ve lost a smashing girlfriend and for what, a quick rub with some girl from Glasgow? Do you think you’ll always be like this?” I asked him, without trying to sound too patronising.
“I don’t know,” he said shrugging his shoulders.
“So why did you do it James?”
“I don’t know!” He barked, frustrated with me. “We’re not all like you Tel, wanting the perfect woman to settle down with,” he declared. “Maybe I like being this way and I guess…well I guess I did it because I wanted to prove I could have her. I wanted something I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t have.”
“You can’t always act like that you know,” I said, not wholly understanding how his mind worked.
“Well actually, yes I can. Love and shit like that is all well and good but people like me just want to have fun, keep our options open and sleep with whoever we please.”
“So you’ll never get married then, is that what you’re saying?”
“Hell No!!” He answered quite adamantly. I knew James well but I was still surprised to hear him shun marriage so quickly.
“Why not?”
He pondered it for a few seconds before giving a perfectly reasoned answer.
“Marriage to me is about suppressing my sexual urges. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I’m legally bound to one person but pining to sleep with another. It’s not fair to anyone; I’m just going to end up hurting someone because I can’t keep my dick in my pants. If I did get married I’d have to be a hermit or live somewhere where all the girls are pigs just to remain faithful.”
“Yeah but what about if the one comes along and you fall madly in love?”
“The one always comes along. I practically see the one every single week; some girl I fall madly in love with before I’ve even had the chance to speak to her. I saw a girl at the train station only yesterday who I would have literally chopped my right arm off just for her to have recognised me. It’s like a disease.”
I doubt he would have literally chopped his arm off. People are always using the word literally when they shouldn’t. Still, I got the gist.
“So, why did you go out with Jess for all that time then?”
“I don’t know. I really liked her at first, you know not in a long term kind of thing but more a sexual-I-don’t-want-it-to-end way but I sort of got dragged along after a while and...well you know the rest,” he said before quickly adding, “You need to realise Tell that love is people’s perception of it, there’s no hard and fast rule. It’s completely different to each individual and once you learn that you might actually find it yourself.”
There was some sense to what he said and maybe he was right but I wasn’t about to take advice from a man who felt it an inconvenience to be dragged along by a perfectly loveable and beautiful woman. He did have a point on the marriage front however. How many of them end in divorce because one or the other gave into temptation? And why did they do it? Most probably because they wanted something they couldn’t have. However, it was ironic that James was concerned with hurting the feelings of a hypothetical woman because of his cheating, less than a few hours after doing just that to Jess.
I didn’t have the energy to argue the pros and cons of marriage with him though. It had been a harrowing and energy sapping day and I was physically drained so I left him to his thoughts and went to bed. My mind did not rest however, not just because of Jess and the wedding from hell but also because of a voice message I had received just before the ceremony. I’d listened to it at the time but forgot to tell you about it amongst the horror stories of the day. It was from a company the job centre had put me in touch with, who were ringing in response to a CV I had sent in more out of duty than anything else. I didn’t really want the job, working as an Assistant Financial Officer for a small firm who made soap dispensers, but I’d applied to keep Margery happy.
‘Surreal Soap Dispensers’ wanted me to meet for an interview on the Monday morning, which was pathetic notice if you think about it but I’m a moral son-of-a-bitch sometimes and I knew I should attend so when the day came I went along with very little enthusiasm but, still, at least I went.