Chapter 19
When I look back on the last few months I realise my life’s been no different to anyone else’s; I’ve had the same luck, the same misfortune and made the same mistakes as the next man but, in the end, I did come through it and better than I would have expected. Don’t get me wrong, no one had died and I hadn’t grown a third nipple or anything like that but being sacked in such a vindictive manner and fighting the emotional turmoil of lust and, dare I say, notional love isn’t an enjoyable experience for anyone, even if they are every day dilemmas.
I know I sound like a bit of a wet lettuce talking about emotional turmoil and the like but I guess I’m only telling the truth. You know, guys talk of love about as often as an eclipse but we do feel it and we do think about it; anyone who says otherwise would be lying. It’s just not the done thing to discuss it that’s all. It’s far better for men to get all frustrated and sullen than to actually talk about their feelings. I mean, I could have spoken to James about my burdens with the opposite sex but, taking Jess aside, I dread to think how he would have acted if I started getting all mushy on him.
I know he would have been impressed by my surprising ability to attract two women at the same time and two very nice ones at that. In fact, I know he would have told me to have my cake and eat it by trying to sleep with both of them but I’m not that kind of guy. I’m the soft sort if truth be told and want something a bit more meaningful than a casual shove. Granted, it would be any guy’s wet dream to sleep with both Jessica and Rachel but I felt, and still feel, that the risk was greater than the reward by doing so. Besides, my feelings for one of them were really something. I’d pretty much known it was her ever since she kissed me on the cheek that night. There was just something in that kiss. I’m not sure what it was but it felt special you know; different but in an exceptional way, like I’d been waiting my whole life for it.
It still shocks me to this day to say I had a choice between the two but, regardless of whether it was fair or not, I did have, so one had to be made.
On the one hand there was Jess and boy did I want to sample her sweaty skin against mine. You well know that I’d wanted her badly ever since the day we’d met, not solely on a physical level I might add although, in the end, it was all I could think of.
I had the devil sitting on one shoulder thrusting images of her tantalising body and smouldering good looks into my mind, reminding me how animalistic I felt around her, and on the other shoulder there was this angel, prompting me to recall how confused I was with her mixed signals and suggesting that her sudden predatory motives were not completely innocent. It had been at the back of my mind for some time and I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being suspicious of where her new found attraction to me had come from. Was I being overly cautious or did she have a revengeful ulterior motive with James the target?
Then there was Rachel, someone who I actually had shared interests with and who I was relaxed around. It may not sound much but, to me, it meant more than a great deal. I was used to being a nervous wreck around women so to not feel that way and be totally at ease with one was like winning the lottery.
Still, as I stand here in my boxer shorts splashing my face with cold water, trying to imagine eating those slimy mushrooms in the hope the bile will calm my erection down; none of it seems to matter. I’ve made my choice and will soon be heading into the unknown. We’ve had a carefree night together, watching Back to The Future, which led to an erotic dry humping session on the couch although no amount of dry humping can prepare you for the real thing. It can make matters worse, that’s for sure, but it’s not even close to that initial feeling on point of entry which is why I have to stifle my arousal as much as my mind will allow. Sure, she might say she understands when I prematurely ejaculate on her thigh but will she really? No, I can’t mess it up. This girl is important.
I wildly slap myself around the face and stare into the mirror, looking hard at the man staring back at me. I have changed over the past couple of months. Granted, I can still act like a scum bag if I want to but I’ve learnt a fair few things about myself and the world around me. I was kind of naïve before but now have a better understanding of life. I’m not perfect by any means and I’ll still make mistakes as time goes on but who doesn’t, right? I guess the only thing anyone can do is learn from them and then cross their fingers and hope for the best.
Although my desire has gradually subsided, a semi bulge still protrudes through my boxer shorts and I know, no matter how hard I try the minute I walk back into that room and clasp eyes on her, Little Terence will be bursting through the seams again. Still, I keep banging on about experiences right so I’m sure I’ll come through this one with my head held high no matter what the outcome. If I know her well enough, and I think I do, we will be fine in the long run.
So, with trepidation in my bones but hope in my heart, I leave the bathroom, walk the few steps down the freshly vacuumed hallway, specifically cleaned for the occasion, and open my creaking door. There she is, naked as the day she was born, feverishly anticipating a night of passion ahead. Oh, she’ll get passion that’s for sure but for how long is anyone’s guess. However, as Little Terence nervously stands to attention, if truth be told; I am happy, I am content and I am ready for a brand new chapter.
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