Chapter Two
"No," I say into the phone. "The bastard actually said no."
I'm in the guest suite that has become my temporary home. I have my headphones in, and am spread out on the bed, idly petting Lady Meow Meow as I stare out through the French doors toward the pristine beach upon which I was so soundly spurned. "I mean, can you believe it? He turned me down flat."
From somewhere in Mexico, Nikki's voice filters over the line. "Actually, I can't believe it. I've seen the way he looks at you, and there is some serious lust happening. But, James, what the hell were you doing coming on to him in the first place? I thought you were doing a moratorium on sex."
Since I really don't want to get in to my convoluted logic with my best friend, I fall back on reason and rationality. "You know what? I'm an idiot. I can't believe I dumped all that on you. And what the hell are you doing calling me anyway? Aren't you supposed to be banging Damien's brains out?"
"Did that," she says with the kind of sigh that makes me jealous. "And I expect a repeat performance very soon. But right now he's on the phone, too. We're flying to Paris tonight and he's checking in with the pilot. And since I didn't have the chance to tell you good-bye before the honeymoon, I wanted to call. I love you, you know. And I'm so glad you were my maid of honor. Also, Damien wanted me to remind you that the gas gauge on the Ferrari isn't working. He's going to e-mail you where to take it when you get to Dallas, but in the meantime, pay attention to the odometer and get gas when you've burned about half a tank, okay?"
"I know. He already told me at least a dozen times." The car that Damien and Nikki gave me is the same sleek, sexy Ferrari that I accidentally totaled in San Bernardino. At least, I'd thought I'd totaled it. Apparently Damien called in the best car surgeons in the world and got her up and running again. And then--to my shock and amazement--he and Nikki gave the Ferrari to me. "I still can't believe that you guys--"
"Will you shut up about it, already? You love the car. We love you. End of story."
"Right. Thanks." I can practically hear Nikki rolling her eyes, and the thought makes me grin. "Right," I say again, then clear my throat. "So what should I do about Ryan?"
She sighs. "Hell, James, I wish I knew what to tell you. I like Ryan--I like him a lot, actually. And if you weren't--" She cuts herself off. "You know what? Never mind."
"Oh, no," I say. "You are so not getting away with that. Whatever you were going to say, just say it. I already know I'm a head case, so it's not like you'll be telling me something I don't already know."
"Jamie." Her voice is soft and a little sad. "I just worry about you, that's all."
I shift my position on the bed, feeling vaguely uncomfortable. "I know you do," I say as the cat gets up, yawns, and then pads out of the room, apparently uninterested in my drama. "Just like I worry about you. But you've got Damien for that now."
"Doesn't mean I don't need my best friend," she says, and I must be more fragile than I thought because a tear escapes and trickles down my cheek.
"Listen," she says gently. "We both know what a mess I am, but I'm not the only one with scars, and I worry about you. I like Ryan," she says again. "But I don't want you getting hurt. For that matter, I don't want you hurting him."
"Not a problem on either count," I say. "In case you missed the major talking point of this conversation, he blew me off."
"Just don't push it, okay. Go home. Get your head on straight. Don't--"
"Don't what?"
"Don't go after him like sex is a weapon or something. Promise me."
"I won't," I say. "It's not." I'm not lying--I've never used sex as a weapon, not really. Instead, I've used it as a shield. Keep the control, keep the guys on a leash. Keep it fun, keep it play. Never serious. Never deep.
Because if you don't let them past the barrier, they can't break your heart.
"I love you," Nikki says, and in those three little words, I hear perfect understanding.
"I know," I say. "And I swear I'm not going to do anything except go home to Dallas. So I don't need the lecture or the reminder or whatever you want to call it. Really. Now go be married or something."
"That," she says, "is a great idea." I laugh, then give her a quick rundown on what happened on the beach after she and Damien left, and she promises to text me from Paris so I'll know they arrived safe and sound. I tell her not to bother. I've already seen their wedding photos on Twitter. I'm sure the paparazzi in Paris will be tweeting, too.
And then the call is over and I'm left lying on the bed looking out at that damn beach and wondering why the hell Ryan walked way.
Yes, I am just that pathetic.
I sit up, annoyed with myself. It's over. It's done. Ryan's long gone--I'd stood on the beach and watched as he walked back to the house. I hadn't wanted to follow. Call it embarrassment or pride, but I hung out for at least an hour before I finally dragged my ass back to the house, every step requiring a major effort.
Funny, despite working so hard yesterday to pull the party together--and then dancing and partying and drinking through the night--I hadn't felt tired before. Certainly not when Ryan had showed up and walked me down the beach, or when he'd leaned in close, or when he'd set my body to tingle.
On the contrary, just being near him was like sucking down an energy drink, leaving me breathless and recharged and just a little edgy.
Or it had felt that way until he'd gone. Now I want to crash. I'm bone tired and lost and, although I was so glad to have heard from Nikki, I'm now feeling more than a little melancholy. And very much alone.
When I'd first returned to the house, I'd thought I would see him. But the house was empty and silent, and though I checked the front drive, there was no sign of a car, and I'd gone back inside and stomped my way to my guest suite feeling both relieved and annoyed. Relieved, because I apparently made a fool of myself earlier. Annoyed because as far as the wedding went, Ryan and I had the joint responsibility of dealing with the reception and the house guests. We'd been working closely for almost forty-eight hours now, and at the very least he should have checked with me before leaving to make sure there wasn't anything still to do.
There isn't. But he should have checked.
I tell myself I don't care, and I'm just feeling touchy because I'm exhausted. I need a nap. Some R&R. I'll lay out by the pool, then take a swim. Maybe this afternoon I'll go into town and prowl the little shops. I should take something fun back to my parents--maybe a painting for the entryway or something cute for the kitchen.
Then I'll grab some takeout and crash for the night. I'll get a good night's sleep, get in the car, and get my ass back to Texas. Away from California, temptation, and Ryan Fucking Hunter.
It's a good plan, and I go to change into my bathing suit and find something to read. I recently started to reread Rebecca, but right now I'm not in the mood. Instead I grab a copy of Cosmopolitan. I smile wryly. Maybe this month's article on how to make a man feel awesome in bed will come in handy if I ever see Ryan again.
As with everything in this house that Damien built, the backyard pool area is a little slice of heaven. The pool itself is huge, falling off to an infinity edge that gives the illusion that it extends into the Pacific. There's a hot tub, of course, as well as a waterfall and a swim-up bar.
The water is warm--and it feels nice to walk in until it hits my shoulders. Then I close my eyes and sink under, losing myself to the eerie quiet of this empty pool.
I'm not in the mood to swim, though, and so I emerge, then lightly towel off. I like the sensation of being damp, of lying back and feeling the breeze brushing over my moist skin.
The lounge chair is padded, with a nice cup holder built right in. And since I'm planning on napping anyway, I detour to the small refrigerator and take out a wine cooler. I pick a chair under the pergola so that I'm at least a little bit out of the sun. And then, finally, I settle down to read and relax.
I make it only a few pages into the magazine before my eyes start to d
roop. I drop the magazine to the tiled decking, then close my eyes. Just a short nap, I think, as sleep beckons and I'm pulled down, down, down into my dreams.
He is there.
Ryan.
I am standing in a wide green field, and though I cannot see him clearly, I know that he is the man in the distance. Hunter, I think. And I am his prey.
He stalks toward me, jeans slung low on his hips. He wears no shirt, and the sun beats down on broad shoulders and a lean, sculptured chest. I move toward him, drawn to him by some unassailable compulsion.
And then he is there, and we are no longer in a field but on a beach. I am in his arms and there is an orchestra, and Nikki is there with Damien, applauding as Ryan spins me around and around and around until I am so dizzy I need to lie down.
Then I am on the ground, and the waves crash over me. The tent is gone, the orchestra vanished. There is only the sound of the ocean crashing upon the beach. There is only the feel of the water sluicing over me.
It is not cold--instead it is warm, so warm. And I stretch, feeling soft and languid and needful--I want his hands, his touch. And then, in the way of dreams, he is there, his hard body over me, his mouth trailing up my calf, my thigh.
I shiver, realizing that I am naked, but there is no shyness. I spread my legs for him and arch back as his mouth closes over my cunt. He kisses me there, so deeply intimate that shocks of pleasure ricochet through me. His tongue plays me, laving me, then teasing my clit, bringing me so very, very close before he torments me even more by trailing those kisses up my abdomen.
His hands massage my breasts roughly, his fingers pinching my nipples, sending live wires of electricity all the way down to my sex. My cunt clenches, desperate with the need to have him inside me, and I moan in an incoherent demand for more.
Then his mouth closes over mine, silencing me, and I taste him--taste me. I feel his erection hard beneath my legs, the steel length of him rubbing provocatively against my sex.
I moan against his mouth, and he gently pulls away. The shock of the break tugs me toward wakefulness. "Do you want me inside you?" he whispers, his voice still filling my dreams. "Do you want me to fuck you?"
"Yes," I murmur, even as sleep abandons me. "Oh, yes."
I am awake now but somehow still trapped in the dream. My cunt is slick with need, and the way the sun beats down on me makes me feel loose and sensual.
Slowly, as if in a dream, I skim one hand down my body. I am wearing a tiny bikini, and as I brush my fingers over my breast, I gasp from the contact with my too-sensitive nipples. Then I continue south, my palm flat on my stomach, my muscles quivering, as I move so painfully slowly down my belly.
He is still in my head. Hunter, I think. I like it. It seems wild. Hot. Hunter wouldn't have walked away. Hunter would have thrown me back on the beach and fucked me right there, and not cared in the slightest if anyone walked by.
The thought makes me a little crazy, and I squeeze my legs together even as I wiggle my hips. The motion takes some of the edge off, but not enough. I need more. I need Ryan, the fantasy.
I raise one hand to my chest and slide my fingers under the bikini top and over the swell of my breast until I brush against my nipple. The sensation is delicious, and I arch a bit under my own touch. My breasts feel heavy, my nipples straining against the thin triangles of material that form the top.
I stroke my nipple, teasing it even as my first hand sinks lower and lower, until those fingers sneak in beneath the elastic band at the top of the bikini bottoms. Then I slide them further still, until I find my own slick heat. I gasp, arching up at the sweet jolt that shoots through me when I lightly stroke my clit.
I'm desperately wet, frantically wanting. But it's not just release that I want, it's the man.
There's no denying it--I want Ryan Hunter. And if I can't have the man himself, I'm going to have him in my imagination.
I move my finger in small, teasing circles, letting the pleasure build, arching up to bring it tighter, hotter.
I bite my lower lip and squeeze my eyes shut as I slide two fingers into my sex, then arch up as my body clenches tight with unfulfilled need. I quiver, arching, moving, trying desperately to reach satisfaction.
I tug the bikini top down, freeing my breasts, and gasp at the sensation of warm sun upon my nipples. I take one between two fingers and pinch, crying out as heat shoots all the way down to my overly sensitive clit.
I withdraw my hand and stroke an ever-quickening circle on my sensitive sex, but it's not enough. I want to be claimed, taken. I want to feel his cock inside me, not just his hands upon me. And I abandon my aching and heavy breasts to slide that hand down, lower and lower until I am gasping with the pleasure of having two fingers stroke my clit while I fuck myself with my other hand.
No. Not myself.
Hunter.
"Yes," I murmur, not even certain if I'm speaking aloud. "Oh, god, yes."
In my mind, I can see him above me, his eyes searching mine. I can hear his voice, telling me to come for him, to explode with him. It is his cock in me, thrusting deeper and harder, taking me. Claiming me. Owning me.
"Hunter," I cry as my eyes flutter open while his fingers--my fingers--thrust even deeper inside me.
And there he is.
I go tense, frozen, as Ryan Hunter stands there watching me--with a heat in his eyes so intense it is a wonder I don't get burned.
Chapter Three
I start to yank my hand away and am rendered frozen by his sharp, firm, "No."
My heart is beating. My skin is flushed. I'm embarrassed and turned on and confused. "Ryan," I say. "I--what are you--"
I start to shift. I need to move. Hell, I need to run.
"No," he says more softly this time, but the word is equally firm, and the force of it holds me in place. "Don't stop. Come for me, Jamie. I want to watch you explode for me."
I am tempted to tell him to go to hell. To wrap a towel around myself and run inside.
I'm tempted to do that--but only because I think that is what I should do. But I've never been a girl who pays attention to should. I'm all about want.
And what I want is to finish this.
What I want is to make him hard, to drive him crazy. And I know that he is close. I can see the evidence even from this distance. The bulge in his jeans. The tightness in his jaw. The way his hand is closed tight around the decorative finial on the gate by which he stands.
He is as turned on as I am, and that knowledge makes me bold.
He'd driven me a little crazy when he'd left me on the beach. And now, I think, as I run my teeth over my lower lip and slide my finger over my swollen clit--now it's my turn to drive him wild.
And that's a game I've been playing for years.
I don't speak. Instead, I keep my eyes on him as I slide my hand further down. I'm wet and slick, and the tension I see on his face only excites me more.
I thrust my fingers inside, my hips bucking as I finger fuck myself with him watching, him wanting.
I slide my fingers in and out, teasing myself by rubbing lightly over my clit. I keep up the motion, my eyes on Ryan, my mouth open and my breath coming hard.
I draw my other hand up to fondle my breast, and as I do, I hear him suck in air. The sound only turns me on more, and I start to close my eyes as the tension inside me builds, higher and higher.
"No," he says. "I want to see your eyes. I want to look at you when you come."
I open my eyes and our gazes lock. He is heat. He is power.
He is everything I want, and I am starting to wonder if I will be able to survive this. If I will be able to withstand the force of the explosion that is building inside me.
"That's it," he says. "You're close. Christ, Jamie, do you have any idea how hard I am? How much I want to be inside you?"
I thrust my fingers into my cunt and slide my other hand down, my hips bucking violently. I am wild. I am shameless, and my eyes never leave his. Not as the tension starts to build.
Not as the sparks start to gather. Not as the electricity surges through me, building and building until there is nowhere left to go, and I cry out because there is no way I could keep that much passion inside.
I hold his gaze as my body shudders, as the tremors calm and I return to earth.
I watch his eyes and think that for the first time, someone has seen into the heart of me.
I lie there, my breathing shallow, as Ryan strides toward me, all power and purpose. His expression is hard, his eyes blazing. My lips are parted, and I arch my back without thinking, bringing my body that much closer to him in a silent plea for his touch.
He doesn't reach for me, though. Instead, he stops beside the chaise and looks down at me. His gaze moves slowly over me with such sweet deliberation that I tremble, my body quivering as if in reaction to his touch.
"Tell me," he says. "Tell me who you were thinking of."
"No one," I say though I know he will see through the lie.
"Don't lie to me, kitten. I don't like it."
I lick my lips. "I had you wrong," I tease. "I thought you were a nice guy. I made you eggs one morning, remember? I never thought that the nice guy I shared breakfast with would have--"
"Would have what?"
"Would have watched me finger fuck myself," I finish boldly.
"Watch?" he repeats as he lowers himself to sit on the edge of my chaise. His hip brushes the bare skin of my waist, making me hyperaware of his proximity. "I did more than watch, sweetheart." He lifts my hand, then strokes it slowly, making me even more crazy in the process.
"I imagined that these fingers were mine. That it was me stroking your skin, sliding under your suit." He moves my hand to my belly as he speaks, then he places his own hand flat on the back of mine before easing our joined hands down.
"Do you have any idea how hard I got imagining how slick you were, how tight your cunt was?" He guides two of my fingers inside me, and I gasp in pleasure and surprise as he pushes them deeper and deeper.
"Please," I beg, but I don't even know what I am asking for. I am a wild mess of feelings, hot and out of control. I want to come. I want to explode. I want his hands all over me.
"That's it," he says as I thrust my hips shamelessly, wanting more. Wanting everything. "Oh, yes. You like that, don't you, kitten?"