“Gabe…” I put my hand on his shoulder. “…guilt is like fear. It’s going to be there, but you can’t let it affect the way you live your life. The minute you give it power it grows. Don’t feed it by dwelling on it. Instead, develop on the good that came out of the scary thing. So death is terrifying. Hell, life is terrifying, but the good is really good, don’t you think?”
The girls’ laughter echoed toward us.
I turned around just in time for Kiersten to launch herself into my arms and kiss me across the mouth. “Miss me?”
“Always,” I croaked. “I’ll always miss you when I can’t touch you, when I can’t feel that strong heartbeat of yours.”
She winked as I let her down onto her feet.
“Gabe…” Saylor tossed some sand into the air and twirled. “…can you believe we get to go on tour soon? And I get to play the piano…” She did a little dance. “Come on, it’s pretty awesome. I get to say I’m a concert pianist.”
Gabe chuckled. “Just don’t let any of the band hit on you, and we’ll be good.”
“I’ll fight ‘em off.”
“With what muscles?”
She flexed.
He burst out laughing and pulled her into his arms. “I love you.”
“Love you back.” She kissed him softly, then both turned to look at me and Kiersten.
“You ever think…” I wondered aloud. “…you know, two years ago when we were all visiting hospitals and crying… that we’d be on a beach with our wives… in Seaside, Oregon, of all places, attending a wedding thrown by AD2.”
Gabe laughed. “Don’t forget Jaymeson… hottest action star on the planet.” He rolled his eyes. “Stop sighing. Say, you already made me jealous enough when you took one look at Demetri and nearly passed out.”
She hid her face in his jacket and mumbled, “It was a childhood fantasy.”
“Um, so was I, and we’re married. Beat that, Demetri Daniels.”
“He can’t hear you, man.” I laughed. “But good to know you’re so secure.”
Gabe glared.
“So Seaside…” Kiersten whispered into my ear. “Maybe we should spend some time here in the offseason.”
“Yeah.” I took a deep soothing breath. “I think I’d like that.”
“Us too.” She winked and patted her stomach.
“WHAT?” Gabe roared. “You’re having a child?”
“No, she’s just really full.” I rolled my eyes. “And good job keeping a secret, Kiersten.”
“I’m only twelve weeks,” she said shyly. “But—”
Gabe practically tripped trying to get to her and then pulled her into his arms and swung her around. “Knocked up by Saint Michels. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Just because you think I’m a saint doesn’t mean I’m crap in bed.” I fought the urge to strangle him. “Or unable to get my wife pregnant.”
Gabe held up his hands and laughed.
“So…” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “…what now?”
“Now…” Gabe grabbed Saylor’s hand and squeezed. “…now I guess we keep living.”
“Despite the guilt that comes at times.” I nodded.
Kiersten put her head on my shoulder.
“Despite the fear.” Gabe sighed. “Despite it all… we go forward.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Alec — Two weeks later
“ARE YOU READY?” DWAYNE yelled at the crowd. “I can’t hear you!”
Screams erupted across the stadium, mostly women. I popped my knuckles and looked at my watch, jumping back and forth between both feet, trying to hype myself up. Where the hell was Demetri?
“Sorry, man.” Demetri ran up beside me, his makeup slightly smeared, his eyeliner a bit skewed on his right eye where the tattoo of a star was supposed to look like it was bleeding down his temple.
“What happened to you?”
He grinned shamelessly. “Alyssa happened… girl’s crazy insatiable. It’s like the more I give her the more she takes. I started stocking Gatorade in the bedroom, just in case.”
I rolled my eyes. “You do realize that the last time you were late for a concert it was because you were higher than a kite and snorting coke, right?”
“So?” He shrugged as the makeup artist ran up to him and powdered his nose.
“So…” I chuckled. “…I like this excuse way better.”
“I’ve got my girl… and taffy... my brother— What else do I need?”
“Ashton Hyde, at your service.” Gabe stepped between us, his red leather pants and ripped white t-shirt set him apart from our black leather pants and white t-shirts. Then again, he was the surprise of our opening set, and, because he and Demetri looked scary alike, not to mention acted similar, we had to differentiate for the fans.
“Twilight… you’re still here.” Demetri shoved him a bit to the side. “Thought you’d be sick of us by now.”
“Nope, you two need me, admit it. Ticket sales have been through the roof.”
It was true. They’d had to add another four stops and move two of the concerts to bigger areas.
One of the assistants handed us our headsets. More hairspray went flying. I looked behind me to make sure the girls were where they were supposed to be. Not only was Saylor holding my little girl, but Nat was dressed up, since it was our one-year anniversary of our first date. Damn, that girl was drop-dead gorgeous. She waved and blew me a kiss.
“Enough of that. We know. You’re in love. Your wife’s hot. The show must go on.” Demetri popped his knuckles. “You girls ready?”
“Please.” Gabe snorted. “Try not to trip this time during the dance sequence.”
“Spotlight. In. My. Eye.”
“Sure, bro.”
“Not your bro.”
“Aw, was that a tear?” Gabe reached for Demetri’s face.
“Not the face!” he shouted.
“Guys.” I rolled my eyes.
Dwayne yelled louder. The screams were deafening.
“Give it up for AD2!”
Smoke filled the air as Demetri and I ran onto the stage. I grabbed my microphone and took my position as Demetri got on the drum set.
The count started. “One, two. One, two, three, four…”
The music climbed.
“I breathe… I breathe, I breathe, I take you in. I need, I need you more than I want sin… Be, just be there, don’t let me walk away. Baby stay… oh baby, stay.”
Demetri joined in with harmony.
“I die. I die. I die when you aren’t with me. I bleed, I bleed. Baby save me from my demise.”
The crowd roared as we both stopped singing. The music dipped again, the lights flashed, and then Gabe — or Ashton — appeared in the middle of the stage.
“Yet I rise.”
His voice was higher than both of ours, making the music crescendo in a way that was killer.
“I rise. Baby, I rise when you kiss me. I breathe, I die, I rise when you join your body with mine.”
This part usually wreaked havoc on my ears as the girls all but simultaneously broke our eardrums with their screams. We continued on in unison.
“Nothing, nothing can come between the love we’ve made, the love we gave, and I, baby, I… I swear that life won’t be a memory of what we could have been had we tried… ‘cause, baby, I died, I died, I’ve died. But because of you, I live.”
Demetri handed over the drumsticks to one of our band members then joined us in the middle of the stage for the chorus. The song we were singing, “I Live,” had actually been written by all of us, including Wes. It was the theme song for Jaymeson’s new movie and had debuted at number one on iTunes.
Over a million downloads later…
And we had an entire crowd, lifting their cell phones and singing the song with us while we all split across the stage and took our positions.
“I live! I live because you saved me. I live, I live. Please don’t ever regret me… ohh, whoa, ohhh, ohhh
, ohhh.”
We waved our hands in the air as the crowd joined us. With a quick glance to the side, I saw Nat holding Ella’s hands into the air. A thrill shot through me.
Over a year ago, I’d thought I was going to lose my brother to drugs.
And now?
I had Gabe, Wes, Jaymeson, Demetri, Nat, Ella, Lyss, Saylor, Pris, and Kiersten. Our family was growing.
Tears welled in my eyes as I sang the last part of the song about living, moving forward, forgetting the past, and living in the moment.
And I was so thankful to God that I’d done exactly that.
ALSO FROM RACHEL VAN DYKEN
Ember
Eagle Elite Book 5
Ember: A small piece of burning coal. Origin: Old English, Germanic. Example: All it takes is a one tiny piece of Ember to start a flame, one small flame to burst forth into a fire. One spark, and a man’s world may implode from the inside out.
PROLOGUE
Phoenix
“DO IT,” MY FATHER spat. “Or I will.”
I looked at the girl at my feet and back at my father. “No.”
He lifted his hand above my head, I knew what was coming, knew it would hurt like hell but had no way to fight back—he’d already starved me of my food for the past three days for arguing, for trying to save the girl.
His fist hit my temple so hard that I fell to the ground with a cry. The click of his boots against the cement gave me the only warning I’d have as he reared back and kicked me in the ribs; over and over again he kicked. The girl screamed, but I stayed silent. Screaming didn’t help, nothing did.
I waited until he was done—I prayed that he would kill me this time. I prayed so hard that I was convinced God was finally going to hear me and take me away from my hell. Anything was better than living, anything.
“You worthless—” Another kick to the head. “Piece of shit!” A kick to my gut. “You will never be boss, not if you cry every time you must do the hard thing!” Finally blessed darkness enveloped my line of vision.
I woke up from the nightmare screaming, not even realizing that I was safe, in my own bed. With a curse I checked the clock.
Three a.m.
Well, at least I’d only had one nightmare—that I’d remembered. I’d been living with Sergio for the past week, his house was so big that I basically took the East Wing and he took the West, said he’d hated living alone anyways. I wasn’t stupid, I knew the guy wasn’t exactly a big fan, but it worked, I needed to stay in the States while I figured shit out.
And I wasn’t ready to leave. Not when I needed to learn all I could from Nixon. Not when I had responsibility.
“Hey!” Bee barged into my room.
“Damn it!” I pulled the blankets over my naked body, my heart picking up speed at her tousled hair and bedroom eyes. Tex’s sister, Tex’s sister. My body wasn’t accepting that—physically it wasn’t accepting any information other than she was beautiful.
And it was dark.
I looked away scowling.
“I heard screaming.” Bee took a step forward, her perfume floating off of her body like an aphrodisiac or drug, making me calm, making me want something I had no business wanting.
“Yeah well.” I gave her a cold glance. “Clearly I’m fine, so you should go. Actually, why are you here? You know you live with Tex right?”
She shrugged and sat on my bed. I clenched my fists around the blankets to keep from reaching out to her.
“He’s with Mo, and they need privacy, I’m not stupid, so I asked Sergio if I could move in for a while.”
“You did what?” I asked in a deadly tone.
She grinned. “I’m your new roomie!” Bee bounced on the bed and gave me a shy look beneath her dark lashes. “Admit it, you miss our slumber parties.”
Forget the nightmare—I was looking at it.
CHAPTER ONE
Phoenix
IF THAT GIRL TEXTED me another picture of herself one more time I was going to lose my damn mind.
I drove like an insane asylum escapee back to Sergio’s then speeded to a stop right in front of the gate, waiting impatiently for it to open, tapping my fingers harshly against the leather steering wheel of my Mercedes C class coupe. Another gift from Luca… I would have rather had his life, than the new car every guy on the planet was salivating over.
I wanted a lot of things.
But want didn’t really belong in my vocabulary anymore.
The gate opened, slower than I would have liked since I was pissed off. I sped through the minute I saw an opening, not caring that I could possibly scratch the ridiculously expensive car and pulled to a stop right before hitting Bee.
“Damn it!” I threw open the door and slammed it as hard as I could. “What the hell are you doing?”
“You curse more now.” Bee’s eyebrows furrowed. “You know that?”
Yeah I was picking up bad habits where she was concerned, really, freaking awful bad habits. “What do you want, Bee? And didn’t we talk about the pictures? I don’t have time to respond to pictures of goats and sheep and ugly dogs. I have a business to run, a family to protect…” My voice trailed as her face scrunched up with hurt.
“I just…” She shrugged. “Thought they would cheer you up.”
“How is a turtle making it through traffic then causing a ten car pileup cheerful?” I challenged.
She smiled wide, hitting me square in the chest. “Because the turtle made it!” She danced around in front of me and clapped, then paused and arched her eyebrows in my direction.
“I’m not clapping.”
“It’s worth clapping for.”
“Turtle power,” I said through clenched teeth. “Now, was there anything else? You said something about an emergency?”
“Oh.” She waved me off. “I need help picking out my first day of school outfit.”
“Call a girl,” I snapped, walking past her.
I felt warm fingers on my arm, and before I could jerk away, I was rendered completely paralyzed by her tender grasp. Shaking, I swallowed the terror and gave her a pointed look.
Her face fell but she didn’t remove her hand. “I just… I heard they wear uniforms at Elite I just don’t want to look stupid, I only have a few choices, I mean it’s not a big deal, I just…”
Well, damn me to Hell. I sighed and hung my head. “Fine.” I’ll just try to ignore the way that the clothes hugged her body then when she was done twirling in front of me, I’d go puke in the bathroom and run ten miles to get the image out of my head. Sounded like the time of my life. Bring it on. After all, I deserved that type of torture, didn’t I?
“Yay!” She clapped again then looped her arm in mine. “Thanks, Phoenix, I knew I could count on you.”
Funny she should say that… after all, I wasn’t that guy. The trustworthy one, the accountable one, the mature one. I may as well be a body without a soul. It’s what I felt like most days and she did nothing but remind me… that I’d once had it all and lost it.
“Hey.” Bee nudged me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Every day in the mirror, Bee, every day.”
“What?” Her smile fell.
I forced my own. “Nothing, let’s go pick out shoes.”
“Awesome!”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I thank God every day that I'm able to wake up and do what I love... sometimes it doesn't feel real... It's because of him that I'm able to do what I do. ;)
I hate having to do the acknowledgements and author notes because I feel like I always forget people! Thank you to my agent Erica, for just being amazing and understanding my insane schedule and supporting me through it! My readers, editors, the bloggers. AH! So many of you contribute on a daily basis and I'm forever thankful for everything you guys do. Really. I can't even begin to list all the many names of blogs and individuals that have supported me, thank you so so much!
As always, I hope you enjoyed your stay in Seaside and remember Summe
r 2015 the series continues!
HUGS,
RVD
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestselling author of over thirty books. She is obsessed with all things Starbucks and makes her home in Idaho with her husband and two snoring boxers.
OTHER TITLES BY RACHEL VAN DYKEN
The Bet Series
The Bet (Forever Romance)
The Wager (Forever Romance)
The Dare
Eagle Elite
Elite (Forever Romance)
Elect (Forever Romance)
Entice
Elicit
Enforce
Ember
Seaside Series
Tear
Pull
Shatter
Forever
Fall
Strung
Eternal
Wallflower Trilogy
Waltzing with the Wallflower
Beguiling Bridget
Taming Wilde
London Fairy Tales
Upon a Midnight Dream
Whispered Music
The Wolf’s Pursuit
When Ash Falls
Renwick House
The Ugly Duckling Debutante
The Seduction of Sebastian St. James
The Redemption of Lord Rawlings
An Unlikely Alliance
The Devil Duke Takes a Bride
Ruin Series
Ruin
Toxic
Fearless
Shame