* * *
Natoak’s ‘good things’ come in the form of the warriors returning a half cycle after the naming ceremony. The lookout blows into the horn to wake us early in the morning. We all stand on the beach waiting for the tide to rise and allow the boats to approach the village. Natoak stands to my right as we wait for the captains of each boat to disembark and come onto the shore. Tarok steps up to Narot standing in front of us and bows deeply.
“Father, our hunt was successful,” he says.
A cheer comes from around the village. Narot holds up his hand for the cheering to settle. Once everyone is quiet and waiting anxiously, Tarok speaks again, “There were no deaths and only minor injuries.”
I can nearly hear the relief flood over the tribe.
“I am pleased that the Hunt was successful,” Narot says. “You have done well leading our brothers, my son.” Narot claps his hand down onto Tarok’s shoulder. “You are one step closer to leading this tribe.”
The men who remained at the village during the Hunt wade into the water to help drag the boats ashore. All of the men of the village gather around the carcass and pull it closer to the shore. Several men tie ropes around it and then tie it to large rocks. When the tide moves back out, the whale will be beached and we will be able to prepare it properly.
At midday, the water begins to recede and the real work begins. Natoak and I bless the dead animal and give our thanks to the whale who has given us the gift of life at the cost of his own. After we are done, the members of Wide Net and Deep Forest set to work skinning the whale and removing the meat from the bones, which takes most of the afternoon. The evening is spent putting salt onto the drying meat. The tribe works long into the night before stopping until dawn the next morning.
I help my mother and other women carry meat from the dead animal to the baskets that will be smoked in the smoking hut near the break. On the way back down to the beach, I hear Namira laugh and, against all better judgment, I find her amongst the tribe. Tarok is smiling – genuinely smiling – at her. My stomach rolls and I quickly look away. He has forgotten all about me.
The sinister seed within me taunts that he only pitied me and never saw me as something worth paying true attention to. It is so easy to believe this voice, to believe what it says. But today I do not. I do not listen to it because my mind is made up. My tribe needs a Wise Woman and if I throw myself into the duties I should perform then maybe being around Tarok will not hurt so much. Maybe I will be able to forget that I love him.
The thought stops me as if I had walked into a wall of icy water. I love him? No, I do not love him. I… I cannot love him. Even in my own head the denial sounds weak. I feel like I have been slapped across the face at my own admission. Natoak, as if sensing my trouble, calls me over to him.
I follow the sound of his voice with my eyes and I really start to believe the universe and the spirits within hate me. Natoak is standing a few feet away from Tarok and Namira. I hang my head and walk over to him. My eyes are hot and prickle and I can feel the surge of tears welling behind them.
“Is everything all right, Akari?” he asks, gently lifting my chin to look into my eyes. I know he knows because he looks from me to Tarok not far away and gives me that knowing look of sadness.
It is all the same. The success of the Great Hunt, Tarok and Namira laughing. Everything today is the same as it was four summers ago. Four summers ago I left my world behind. I left any infatuation behind and yet again he somehow managed to burrow into my heart. Four summers ago I stood here and told Natoak I would become the Wise Woman for our tribe. And here I stand now. The object of my affection putting whale meat into the basket that Namira will carry to the smoking hut. He laughs again and I close my eyes as if that will block out all sound. Why do I have to feel this way? What is there to gain from reliving the horrors of my past?
“Akari, maybe you should not be here,” Natoak says quietly, no doubt remembering the day I left just as I am.
“I am here to help, Shaman,” I insist.
He nods, conceding to me. “Perhaps you should take the offering to the Sacred Glade.”
“There is more to be done here, Shaman.”
“You should take the offering to the Sacred Glade, Wise Woman.” He hands me a basket of meat and sends me on my way.
In the Sacred Glade, I set the basket down on the smaller of the two rocks and kneel before it. “Spirits, Ancestors, and Gods above, please accept our offering. We thank you for giving us this whale and ask that it be kept until next spring. Thank you for watching after the men who went on the Great Hunt. We are grateful for their safe return. Please continue to watch over us as we begin our journey to the Summit and when the trading men of the west arrive in our bay.”
Instead of getting up right away, I stay sitting. My mind runs over the events of the day. More specifically, it runs over Tarok laughing with Namira and the jealousy that fills my veins.
“Natoak said you would be here,” Tarok says kneeling beside me.
“He would know,” I say. “He sent me here.”
“I hope you are not still mad at me from before. I cannot make any excuses for it, but I am sorry.” He holds out his palm and revealing the dying flower that I gave him during the blessing.
I delicately take it from his palm. I look at the wilting petals and sigh before placing it among the other dying flowers. “You are safe and that is all that matters.” I smirk over at him to let him know I am not angry. “Besides, it would be hard to break in a new future Chief. It is far too time consuming.”
He smiles at me and I cannot help but smile back. Oh Spirits how I have missed his smile.
“Come on, we are needed back at the village,” he says standing and offering his hand to help me up.