Chapter 19
With a bagful of inspiration Roland, Oliver and Savitri made their way down the staircase to the visible part of the tower. Firebrace’s rescue could only have tipped off the Spirus that there was some danger within the castle. They would now be alert and on guard, and the trio were going to have to tread carefully.
Looking over from the safety of the invisible part of the tower they could see no sign of any Spirus so they stepped across and cautiously made their way down the stairs to the doorway at the base. They moved carefully and quietly, checking ahead in case of ambush. It seemed there were no Spirus in the tower. Presumably they had chased up the stairs and then come to a very puzzled halt at the topmost step of the visible bit, searched the rest and then gone away to wonder about it.
The door at the base had been broken in. Roland stuck his head out of the doorway and saw that two Spirus were standing guard on it. Oddly, the two Spirus sentries seemed to be guarding against people going into the tower rather than coming out of it. Roland and Savitri stepped out of the doorway without being seen and swiftly knocked their heads off. As they did there was the rushing-whooshing sound that Roland had heard when Savitri had dealt with the guards outside the command tent. Roland now saw it was accompanied by a jet of red mist erupting out of their necks and heading skywards as their armour collapsed into heaps.
“Two down,” Roland said.
“Two down,” Savitri confirmed.
There were no other Spirusses in the courtyard, just the scuttlers and the prisoners. The scuttlers had gone back to sleep and the way to the kitchens did not take the trio near them.
One of the doorways to the kitchens opened directly onto the courtyard. They passed through it to find only human chefs and kitchen hands, busy at their tasks. Roland struck a large pan with his sword to get their attention. They all looked towards him, startled. Plainly they were working under threat and in fear, and it showed.
“Have the land surveyors been fed yet?” Roland asked.
One of the chefs stepped forwards, “My liege! it is good to see you again! So good! Thank goodness you are here!”
“Good to see you too,” Roland said, and nodded at the man, although he did not recognise him. He made a mental note to pay more attention to the staff in future — it might be important when it came to knowing whom he could trust in such situations.
“This meal is for the Land Surveyors, I take it,” he said, pointing at what had been prepared.
"Yes, they are the only ones we feed now," said the chef, confirming what the prisoners had already told, “They are always eating, there is always food being made for them. If not they call out for it – very loudly, and ring the bells! The meal is finished and ready to be taken to them.”
“We will take it to them. Stay here until we’re finished. We’ll come back for you and take you to safety.”
The trio donned aprons and got out the bag of inspiration, sprinkling a good dose on every dish. Then they grabbed trays and piled the plates onto them. When all was ready they headed for the throne room trusting that any Spirus they met wouldn’t think twice about them whilst they were dressed as servants and
carrying trays of food. They were correct in the assumption too. A squad of Spirus marched past them on the way, not noticing that they were intruders.
The trio entered the throne room to find the land surveyors squabbling over their latest plans. “What about the centre piece,” one was saying, “We really must have a central focus!”
“We should definitely have a sculpture park!” said a second, “Sculpture parks are so very now!”
“They were then,” said a third, bitingly.
“What about fountains?” said a fourth.
“Oh you and your fountains! You’re always on about fountains,” said a fifth, “If we are to have a proper centre piece we must try harder, and all agree!” Said the first one.
“We need something of use to everyone,” the third objected, “like a multi—storey stable.”
“Not everyone rides,” said the second.
“It could have spaces for carts and carriages,” The fifth put in.
“Think of the revenues!” the third insisted, “Pay and display, charging by the hour! The Town Council will love it — and aren’t they the ones we answer to?”
“We are the rightful arbiters of taste and efficient design!” said the fourth, “They can sort the revenues out afterwards! I am king today!”
“Oh no you’re not,” sad the fifth one, trying to pull the fourth one off the throne, “It’s my turn and has been for ages!”
“We still haven’t decided where to put all the new houses,” the third protested.
“We mustn’t use green spaces – we must reuse the land already built on first,” the first said.
“But the green spaces are where people actually want to live!” the second objected.
“What about the Nimbys?” the third said, “They have powerful magic and can certainly put a stop to housing development with a simple wave of their wands!”
“My magic is stronger,” said the fifth one, who had finally succeeded in pulling the fourth one off of the throne and was sitting on it himself. He stuck out his hand as if he was waving a wand, “I have a large invisibility cloak which will hide the real purpose of any plans until it is too late to file objections!”
“You are interfering with local democracy!” the first objected.
“I am!” the fifth confirmed, gleefully.
“Good!” said the third, “We should decide what happens, and people will just get what they get, like it or lump it!”
“Ahem,” said Roland, “Gentlemen, dinner is served!”
The trio moved forwards with their dishes, offering the inspiring feast to the surveyors.
“Would you like some of this?” asked Savitri, “It’s very delicious…”
“Have some of this,” Oliver offered another, “It’s wonderful! Fresh in today!
“This looks good,” said Roland, offering some to the fourth surveyor, who had by this time regained the throne, to the protests of the fifth one.
“Well, I must say,” the first surveyor commented, “the serving staff are far more helpful and civil than usual. Normally you can’t get a word out of them! They must have been taking customer service training!”
“It seems you can get the staff, if you try!” the third commented.
Roland knew that the serving staff were supposed to be silent when serving a meal but this wasn’t the time to behave correctly. As he had noted, they needed to make sure that all the land surveyors, everyone of them, ate the inspiration and that they were fully inspired.
It was not long before the effects began to tell…
The third surveyor leapt onto the table and started building his stable with imaginary bricks, “I am going to build the biggest multi—storey stable in the entire world – right here! Look! I am building it now!”
Then he impersonated a horse, whinnying and trotting to show how the horses would go up ramps to the different levels.
“I am going to build the biggest sculpture park ever,” said the second, showing how it would be laid out by sprinting around the room and waving his arms a lot, “It will the centrepiece of the entire universe!”
“My fountain!” said the fountain enthusiast, “will reach the stars – you will be able to travel to the moon on it!”
“I think he knows something,” Oliver said.
“And he’s having a whale of a time!” Roland laughed.
“Nice one!” said Oliver
“I am building the biggest housing estate in planning history,” said the first one, getting started with a make-believe hod full of fantasy bricks “– a housing estate consisting of palaces for everyone on a brownfield site that’s never, ever been developed in a city centre that’s right out in the country and has never been touched by a developer’s grubby hand!”
“And I am building a special pr
ison just for Nimbys!” Said the fifth, with an evil gleam in his eye, “A huge one! We will lock them all away forever and do whatever we want, so there!”
“Job done, I think,” said Roland, “All land surveyors thoroughly inspired!”
Oh my goodness!” Said Oliver, shaking his head, “The fools! Is that what we were like when we were inspired?”
“I don’t want to think about it,” said Roland, “Let’s press on – we have work to do!”
The trio left the land surveyors to their inspired fantasies.
It was now time to act and act quickly, before the inspiration wore off. They gathered the staff from the kitchen and hurried them up into the tower. Then it was time to put the main plan into operation. In the main hall of the Knights Fortressers the fifty sun warriors were ready, together with a company of archers from the village. Roland stood before them and spoke, “I cannot lie to you. The odds against us are poor, but if we do not fight we will have to live in slavery under the Spirus – or run from them. I ask you now: do we fight?”
“Yes!” said Oliver.
“Yes!” said Savitri.
One by one the villagers answered: “Yes! Yes! Yes!…” until they all started to chant “Yes!” at the top of their voices so that it resounded to the very top of the invisible tower and beyond, and the very stones rang with it.
“Very well then,” Roland said. He took his place at the head of his army with Oliver and Savitri by his side. Together they led the way through the widened corridors to the new lifts, descending in them to the top of the hill of the Scary Oak. At the bottom the doors opened to reveal a group of knights already mounted and ready for battle. Oliver and Savitri recognised them immediately — it was Count Og-dra-gob and his tourneyers!
Behind them was Lumenfarge, tall and burning brilliantly, even in bright sunshine.
The count rode across to meet them.
“Thank you for coming,” Roland said
“Thank you for inviting us!” said Og-dra-gob, “There are far too few battles these days to pass up the invitation to a skirmish! Besides, how could I resist a summons delivered by such a splendid messenger?!”
“Great! Are you ready?” Roland asked.
“For battle? Always!” Roared Og-dra-gob, and brandished his sword.
The trio rode over to Lumenfarge and Roland asked him, “Have you got the other thing we spoke of?
“Yes,” Lumenfarge replied.
“Good.”
Lumenfarge opened his side and the three entered.
“An Ogleforth boat!” Oliver exclaimed in surprise, looking at the vessel.
“And yee-hove-hees!” said Savitri. They look like the same ones that helped us win on the moon.”
“They are,” said Roland, “I asked for them specially – and the same boat.”
“But why?” Oliver asked, “I mean why an Ogleforth boat?”
“I have an idea – it is just an idea, but bear with me and we shall put it to the test.”
They boarded it and Roland ordered, “Yee-hove-hee!” and the yee-hove-hees propelled them through the opening in Lumenfarge out onto the hilltop.
“It seems strange to be aboard one down here,” said Oliver.
“We seem to be moving a lot more slowly than on the moon,” said Savitri.
“We are. It must be gravity,” said Roland, “We are heavier down here — we will have to get used to it and practice a bit. I just hope that the yee-hove-hees are up to it.” He turned back to the Sentinel, “Lumenfarge, I take it then that the mistress of the lighthouse agreed to my offer?”
“Yes, indeed. You must all return to the moon regularly to compete in the Ogleforth matches, at least twice a season and on special cup days.”
“It won’t be much of a burden,” said Roland.
“Sounds like fun,” said Oliver.
“I think I can make time in my schedule” said Savitri.
“Good. Thank you,” said Roland, “ I thought I could count on you both, although it was naughty to commit you without asking…”
“We’ll overlook it on this occasion,” said Oliver, with a wink.
“On this one occasion,” said Savitri, with a smile.
Lumenfarge told them, “I will gladly take you to the moon and bring you back when you need to go. Just call. There is one other thing; I would like very much to help in the battle, but if I do it will bring the wrath of the Great Council upon all of us. They limited you to those fifty warriors and that was what they meant. I would make fifty one. That was not what they meant.”
“When they mean something they really mean it, eh” said Oliver.
“Yes,” confirmed Lumenfarge, dolefully.
“You have done quite enough for us already,” said Roland, “Do not bring your masters’ anger down on yourself.”
“I had better leave now,” said Lumenfarge, “before they consider me “involved””
With that he departed as a blazing streak upwards into the sky.
The trio took the Ogleforth boat for a few turns around the top of the hill practising and trying it out in the stronger gravity. It was slower, but it became clear that the yee-hove-hees were strong enough to cope with it.
“Now, there is one thing I must do before we go into battle…” Roland said, and he addressed the yee-hove-hees, “Yee-hove-hees! I have been given sovereignty over you by arrangement with the Mistress of the Lighthouse, who has purchased you for me; you are mine to command!”
The yee-hove-hees looked attentive, awaiting his orders.
“But I cannot and will not order you into battle as slaves. Therefore I set you free, and ask that you volunteer to help us!”
The yee-hove-hees seemed stunned, as if they didn’t know what was happening, then they lifted up the boat and threw it as high as they could, “Yee-hove-hee-free! They cried.
“Will you help us?” Roland asked, hoping above hope.
“Yee-hove-yes!” cried the yee hove-hees.
Roland thanked goodness under his breath, then pointed to where his army was formed up and commanded, “Yee-hove-hee!”
“Yee-hove-hee!” cried the yee-hove-hees, and the boat was propelled to the front of the column. From their vantage at the top of the hill Roland explained his plan to Og-dra-gob, they then lost no time in descending from the hill to the place where Roland had decided they would deploy. They lined up in battle order with the villagers in the middle, ready with their bows, and the tourneyers and the sun warriors on either flank, ready to charge. Roland, Savitri and Oliver, in the Ogleforth boat, were right at the front.
“Now the next move is theirs. We must wait for them to come to us!” Roland said.
“How do you know they will?” Oliver asked.
“Because they think they have the material advantage,” Roland said, “Even without the land surveyors they are too arrogant to ignore such a challenge – they will come and get us!”
The attackers could see some of what was going on in the castle through the gap the scuttler left when it had crashed through the castle wall. The Spirus were mounting up and getting ready to move out. The rumbling and the growling of the scuttlers was audible although Roland couldn’t yet see them. There were clearly a lot of Spirus, an unbelievable number, pouring out as if from every corner and crevice of the castle.
“Where are they all coming from?” Oliver asked, “Was there even room in the castle for all of them?”
“We didn’t see many when we in there, did we?” said Roland.
“They were all packed tightly into odd spaces, standing upright in ranks, toe to heel,” said Savitri, “That’s their idea of great R&R.”
“Sounds boring,” said Oliver, “I almost feel sorry for them.”
“Don’t!” said Savitri, angrily.
“Sorry,” said Oliver.
The drawbridge was lowered and a brigade of Spirus charged out with a scuttler close behind. Seconds later two more scuttlers followed, then more mounted Spirus. As those made thei
r way around the castle toward the attackers, the other two scuttlers manoeuvred through the gap in the castle walls and dived into the moat. They emerged on the other side and proceeded toward Roland and his troops.
“We must wait until the very last minute,” said Roland, “They have to be close for any of this to work…”
The Spirus plainly assumed that the scuttlers were now their main tactical advantage. Their cavalry hung back lazily waiting to mop up whilst the scuttlers advanced, the trio who had come across the drawbridge curving in from the left and the two who had come through the wall moving in a straight line from the castle. The latter were almost in range for their missiles to strike Roland and his allies when Roland gave the order, “Yee-hove-hee!”
The Ogleforth boat moved off at great speed towards them.
“I think I understand what you are going to try,” Oliver said, “Are you sure this will work?”
“Of course I’m not sure!” said Roland, “but it’s the best idea I could think of!”
“Just checking. As long as it’s the best idea! However bad, as long as it’s the best we have!”
One of the scuttlers saw them coming and its horns started to generate the fire. It let it go and the missile came rushing toward the boat.
“Right!” said Roland, “It’s time to put theory to the test! Action stations!”
Instead of manoeuvring to avoid the charge they sailed right into its way. The missile came roaring in, growing larger by the second. They swivelled the racquet around to face it and pulled it back so it was poised ready. As the fireball passed over the ship’s bow they let the racquet go. Just like the ogles on the moon the fireball rebounded off the racquet, albeit with a different sound – more a ‘dwoiiiiing––annnnnnng’ than a ‘twang–– oiiiiiing’. The missile was sent screeching back to whence it had come. It hit the scuttler straight in the head, between its horns, and it exploded in a blaze of flame and sparks.
“It works!” Oliver cried, jumping up and down, “Roland! You’re a genius!”
“We’ve got four more to go,” said Roland, “let’s not get too excited just yet…”
The rest of the battle was proceeding as planned. As the trio had moved off to attack the first scuttler Og-dra-gob had ordered his knights and the sun warriors to charge the Spirus cavalry. At the same time the villagers opened up with volley after volley of arrows into their midst.
Roland looked at the next scuttler on his target list — the other one that had come through the castle wall.
“We will have to circle around to put some distance between us and it,” he said, and ordered, “Yee-hove-right!”
The yee-hove-hees manoeuvred the ship to the right and they coasted around in a circle to come back around in front of the scuttler. It was now close enough to the villagers to hit them with its missiles and succeeded in getting off a shot that whistled over their heads, parting their hair. It now had their range and the next shot would be deadly. There wasn’t time to organise a head—on approach so Roland steered the boat so that it would intercept the next burst whilst moving across in front of the scuttler. Savitri and Oliver turned the racquet to face sideways and Roland watched the scuttler intently to make sure that the timing was right.
He timed it well and again the racquet returned the charge to its source. This time it glanced off the side of the scuttler which was knocked of course and came to a halt, clearly damaged. It was not a knockout blow but at least they had shielded the archers from its deadly effects. They circled around as it prepared to fire once more. They had now got its attention and it was aiming its fire at them, not at the archers.
“Looks like we’re in for it,” said Oliver.
That’s what we need to happen,” said Roland, “Get ready.”
They were now facing the scuttler head—on and it was aiming straight at them. They were much closer than they had been before and when the burst struck the racquet the whole boat shuddered and creaked. The missile was again returned to the head of the scuttler, which exploded with another shower of sparks and flame.
“Wonder how many of those this old barge can take,” said Oliver.
The villagers let out a great cheer before returning to their task of showering the Spirus with arrows. Roland looked across the field and saw that Count Og-dra-gob and the sun warriors were embedded in a dense mêlée, but seemed to be getting the better of the enemy. Seeing this Roland looked about for the other scuttlers.
The Spirus had clearly realised that something was going wrong with their plans and that the scuttlers were being destroyed. This was plainly new to them and a bit of a shock. Instead of heading right into the battle the other three were holding back and looked like they might even retreat. Roland ordered a course be set for them.
“They must all be destroyed,” he said, “if there is to be any peace around here.”
At the sight of the Ogleforth boat coming toward them the scuttlers headed for a copse of trees and before the boat could catch them had hidden themselves in it.
“They’re running scared!” Oliver cried.
“They’ve adopted a good tactic – it might work,” Roland cautioned.
As they got closer they could hear the rumbling and crashing of the scuttlers within the wood as they ploughed new paths amongst the trees. They got closer still and as they did one stuck its head out and emitted a shot that nearly took the boat out. They had got too close without being able to see an enemy which had a view of them. Roland ordered that they back off and again they circled around. As they returned in the direction of the copse another scuttler stuck its head out and fired. They returned the shot which crashed into the trees and started a fire, but with no affect on the scuttler. Almost immediately it fired again. Once more they grabbed the ropes of the racquet, positioned it and pulled it back, only much faster than they had ever done it before. There was little time for judging the shot but by now they were well practised and returned the fireball back to its origin resulting in another shower of sparks and flame. Another one down.
“Two more to go,” said Roland, looking around the field to check what else was taking place. As he did he noticed that a large brigade of Spirus cavalry was heading out of the castle and making straight for them.
“We have incoming,” he said, “I’m surprised they haven’t tried a cavalry attack on us sooner. I don’t see any help coming from Og-dra-gob and the archers are too far away. We will just have to try to defend ourselves – or run.”
“I suggest running,” said Savitri.
“You? Run?” Oliver queried.
“From them, in the case of impossible odds, YES!” said Savitri.
As before, Roland knew that if Savitri of all people was advising a retreat, it was good advice.
He swung the boat around and circled the wood, looking amongst the leaves and branches trying to see a sign of one of the scuttlers. They plainly knew that reinforcements were on the way and were not going to take any chances until those arrived. It seemed hopeless. The Spirus cavalry were almost upon the boat now and they were certain to be overwhelmed. Roland looked again to the mêlées but there was no hope of help from Count Og-dra-gob or the sun warriors, who were still deeply immersed in their own battle.
“We should have brought some accompanying troops,” said Roland, “My fault, my pride…”
“We have done well,” said Savitri, as the Spirus thundered closer, their hooves beating out defeat.
“Not well enough, I fear,” said Roland.
At that moment it all changed. As if from nowhere the boat was surrounded by another group of cavalry, as if they had descended onto the battlefield from above. Doubtless they had, too.
“We have been watching!” Said Brother Stalwart, brandishing his sword, “You need us now!”
And the knights Fortressers engaged the attacking Spirus in furious battle.
“You are full of surprises,” Oliver said to Roland.
“I didn’t plan this,” Roland said
, “I would never have asked them. They’ve decided to do this by themselves.”
“But won’t they die if they kill?” asked Savitri
Roland was silent.
Protected from the Spirus cavalry by the Fortressers, the trio prepared to circle the woods once more. As they did so the two remaining scuttlers broke from cover and headed for the mêlée between the Spirus cavalry and the Fortressers. Roland chose the nearest one to attack and set a course to do so. Upon seeing the boat it tried to change course but Roland was persistent in blocking its way. Finally the monster had had enough. It was now growling and shaking as if thoroughly antagonised. It charged its horns with lightning and sent a burst straight towards the boat. They struck it straight-on and sent it back but the creature tried to dodge out of the way. The missile hit its rear, just wounding it. It snarled with rage and set another burst running. This time the trio made sure of it, sending the shot back with a firm dwoiiiiing––annnnnnng! The creature tried to dodge out of the way again but the shot hit the side of its head with the usual fireworks.
“Four down, one to go!” cried Oliver.
The mêlée between the Knights Fortressers and the Spirus was continuing with undying ferocity. The remaining scuttler seemed uncertain what to do, whether to aid its fellows or to turn its fire on the Ogleforth boat. Its days of easy pickings were over and its destruction beckoned. Roland was determined it would be destroyed but to achieve that he had to get its attention. He sailed far out in front of it and turned to confront it. It raised its horns and the lightning formed upon them. Then it produced a new strategy. Instead of firing the missile directly at the boat it fired it upwards into the air so that it travelled in an arc, curving up then down towards the boat.
“Look out!” Yelled Oliver
They were unable to do anything with it and it nearly hit and destroyed them -
only some quick footwork by the yee–hove–hees avoided it.
They turned, circled around and came back. Once more a lightning bolt arced up and nearly came down on top of them – the yee-hove-hees again getting them out of the way just in time.
Roland took a deep breath, “Again!” he said.
Roland decided it was time to start getting in the way of the missiles again instead of trying to avoid them. They circled around once more and came in, this time more slowly. The scuttler generated its lightning, aimed – and fired. The missile soared up into the air and came arcing in towards them. Roland ordered the boat to turn in a tight circle so that they moved out of the missile’s path, then back on the right course needed to return the fire. For a moment it looked as if the shot would pass right over the top of the boat but Roland was prepared for that; at just the right moment, whilst they were still moving, he yelled “Yee-hove-leap!” as he Oliver and Savitri pulled back on the racquet.
“yee-hove-leap!” cried the yee-hove-hees, and thrust the boat up into the air.
The trio let the racquet go and it struck the missile full square, sending it sailing upwards in another long, slow arc – straight back to its origin. The scuttler exploded with yet another shower of sparks and flame
“Return of serve, I think.” said Roland.
“We did it!” Oliver cheered, “ – we can play Ogleforth! Even on grass!”
“We have lawn invented lawn Ogleforth!” Savitri cried and the three of them high-fived.
There was little of use they could do now in an Ogleforth boat so they withdrew. Oliver was dropped off by the ranks of archers so that he could join them and put his own bow to work. Roland and Savitri returned to the top of the hill where mounts and arms awaited them. They mounted up and rode down into the battle, galloping up to Og-dra-gob just as the mêlée between his forces and the Spirus was in its final stages.
“They are fine sport, these Spirus!” Og-dra-gob called out to them, and then turned to congratulate a group of his own men, “Well done red team! A voucher for a new suit of armour to you!”
Savitri made up for all the time she had spent waiting for revenge by galloping into the midst of the battle, cutting a path right through the Spirus as she went. None of them stood a chance as they fell before her furious, flashing blade.
Roland looked over to where the Knights Fortressers were battling. They too were on a winning streak. Everywhere the Spirus were being defeated and falling back to the castle walls.
“Now is the time!” said Roland, and waved his sword high above his head. It was seen from within the finished tower and a group of villagers rushed down the steps into the courtyard and released the prisoners. They rushed from the cage, picked up whatever they could use as weapons and began to fight the Spirus.
The Spirus now had nowhere to retreat. Caught between the Knights Fortressers, Og-dra-gob’s forces and the prisoners, who quickly found the armoury, they were quickly vanquished.
Roland knew he owed a debt. He rode up to the Knights Fortressers.
“Thank you,” he said, “You rescued us when we needed it, the victory is yours as much as anyone’s — more so!”
“A final victory,” said Brother Stalwart, “It’s so long since we have tasted victory in combat, I had quite forgotten how good it is. You must now look to the future Roland, guard the castle well. I am sure you will. We entrust it to you and your descendants for all time. I know you will not let us down.”
“But..” Roland began to object.
“It is time for us to go, now,” said Stalwart, “We have all killed, and now because of our oath we must die as well…”
“No!” Roland cried.
But then he realised that he could now see through Brother Stalwart to the things behind him. Stalwart was fading away, like a reflection in a pool, or like the mist on a summer’s morning. One by one the Knights Fortressers faded and flickered out of life, all of them. Brother Goodwill was the last; with a cheery wave and a happy smile he was gone to join his brethren amongst the stars.
“No!” Roland cried, No!”
He rushed forwards, thrashing at the air with his sword in desperation, but they were gone.