“Exactly.” Dr. Cleary leaned forward, and his expression grew serious. “The brain compartmentalizes information, and memory is no exception. A part of your brain contains the memory of learned behavior—sitting, standing, walking, eating, even vocabulary. Another part contains functional memory—language, the meaning of various terms and expressions, memories of places and routines.”
“Jake remembers those things.” Jamie glanced over her shoulder at him. “At least I think you do. Right?”
“Yes.” Jake nodded. “And I can remember everything that's happened since I woke up.”
“Exactly. A third of the brain's memory bank is devoted to that type of remembering. Short-term memory, it's called.” He pursed his lips and studied Jake. “The problem we're dealing with is long-term memory—an area of loss that's most common with head injuries like yours.”
“I don't get it.” Jamie closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her stomach was in knots as she dropped her hands into her lap and looked at the doctor again. “If his long-term memory is gone, how come he can remember how to eat or the fact that he worked in New York City?”
Dr. Cleary shifted his position and nodded as though he'd expected her questions. “Again, the brain sees those memories as more learned behavior or functional information. Occasionally, a person with a head injury will lose that part of his memory as well. But long-term memory loss is something different.” He paused and took a slow breath. “Picture a storage unit filled with information about specific people and experiences shared with those people. That's a picture of a person's long-term memory.”
“That's what I'm missing?” Jake adjusted himself so he was partially on his side, facing the doctor.
Jamie caught the way he still winced when he moved.
“Definitely not. Every memory you've ever made is still in that storage unit.” The doctor managed a sad smile. “But right now the door's locked, and none of us can find the key.”
Jamie folded her arms tight and pushed her fists into her stomach. The information was interesting, but it didn't tell her what she wanted to know, what she was desperate to know. When would Jake recognize her? She did a little cough and tried to find a way to voice her feelings. “Are you saying … that someday he'll get his memory back?”
“Almost always.” This time the doctor's smile was fuller. “Long-term memory loss generally lasts no more than six months. The exact timing is different for every patient, but most of the people suffering from this type of amnesia get flashbacks as early as two or three months into their recovery.”
“Flashbacks?” Jake ran his fingers over his right forearm. Though the bandages had been removed, the burns on that arm were the worst of all.
Jamie's heart went out to him. She moved to put her hand on his shoulder, to comfort him and let him know she was sorry he was hurting. But she stopped herself. Any small shows of affection would only make Jake nervous.
Dr. Cleary stood and walked closer to Jake's bed, looking from him to Jamie. “Flashbacks are definitely part of the healing process. They're the brain's way of letting an amnesiac see through the window of the hidden storage unit I was talking about earlier.” He leveled his gaze at Jake. “They're a little scary sometimes.”
Scary? Jamie felt her heart skip a beat. How could anything be more frightening than looking into her husband's eyes and seeing not a bit of recognition? “In what way?”
“The first memories that return are usually those closest to the point of memory loss.” Dr. Cleary gripped the railing along the side of Jake's bed. “That means memories of the accident.”
Whatever he'd been through in those final moments, it had to have been horrific. Dr. Cleary looked at Jamie. “At first the flashbacks tend to come just before or after sleeping. He might sit up suddenly in bed or yell out in the middle of the night.” He hesitated. “You'll have to help him through that.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
Dr. Cleary moved to the end of the bed and lifted Jake's chart. “That about covers the amnesia.” He shot a brief look at Jamie. “I'll talk about that a little more with you later. For now, let's go over his burns.”
Jamie had been so caught up with her husband's memory loss, she'd barely considered the fact that he had burns to deal with. Yes, they were painful, but beyond that Jamie hadn't given it much thought. She narrowed her eyes, grateful for the diversion.
“How's the skin on your face feeling, Jake?” The doctor kept his eyes on the chart as he returned to the side of the bed.
Jake lifted his left hand and gave a light touch to his bandaged cheeks and forehead. “It stings.”
“By the looks of it, you were headed back into the building when it collapsed.” The doctor bent over and carefully lifted the corner of one of the bandages on Jake's right arm. “A burst of searing hot air must've knocked you back, pushed you under the fire truck. In the process it burned your arms and face.” He lifted the corner of another bandage and looked at the burn beneath. “Your arms are healing nicely. Second-degree burns, which means you'll have some scarring, a deep redness for the first six months or so, but much of it will disappear in the first year.”
This time the doctor peered beneath the top section of the bandages still covering Jake's face. “You were very lucky with your face. The skin on your cheeks and forehead took the brunt of the heat and came close to being third-degree burns.” He straightened and glanced at the clipboard again. “The wrap we're using is helping a lot. I think we'll be able to avoid skin grafts.”
“What about scars?” Jamie didn't want to ask, but she had to. Jake's face had been the first thing that made her fall in love with him when they were kids. Not that it mattered; she would love Jake no matter how he looked. But still, she had to know.
“He'll have some.” The doctor lowered the clipboard and held it against his side. “But nothing drastic. In a year or so you'll have to look close to even see them. Of course, his throat and lungs have been damaged too. Burned by the same hot blast.”
“That's why I sound like this?” Jake held a hand to his throat. “And why I can't breathe right?”
“Yes. But you'll heal up.” Dr. Cleary nodded. “We've been giving you moist air breathing treatments, and that'll continue for the next week or so, and after that you'll be much better. We won't be sure until then if you have permanent damage to your voice, but that won't affect your release date.” He took a step back and looked at Jamie. “The head incisions are healing nicely. His brain size is back to normal.” He slipped his hands in the pockets of his white jacket. “If nothing else changes, you can go home next Monday or Tuesday.”
Panic slammed into Jamie's heart, and she crossed her arms more tightly around her waist. How was she supposed to bring Jake home when he didn't remember her? “That … that soon?” She caught Jake's eyes and saw he shared her concern.
“Yes.” Dr. Cleary gave Jake a pointed look. “The sooner you get situated in a familiar environment—even one you can't remember now—the sooner your memory will return.” He smiled and set the chart on a nearby table. “Why don't you get some sleep, Jake. I'll talk to your wife out in the hall.”
Jamie followed the doctor out of the room, but she felt dizzy and detached. As though she still couldn't believe this was her life. Jake? Jake her lifelong love didn't remember her? It was like some kind of crazy joke.
They walked a few feet away from Jake's room, and Dr. Cleary turned and faced her. “I have to be honest with you, Mrs. Bryan. A lot about Jake's recovery will be up to you.”
“Me?” Her voice was the slightest whisper.
“Yes. You need to be patient, let him come along at his own pace. The flashbacks will happen more quickly if he feels comfortable.”
Jamie's head was swimming, and she raked both her hands through her bangs. “I … I'm not sure I understand.”
“He has no memory of being married to you.” The doctor met her eyes and held them. “For the next few months, treat him like a good friend—be ki
nd to him, considerate, answer his questions, help him with his bandages. But don't expect anything more.”
“Meaning …” Jamie's hands fell to her sides, and her knees felt weak. “Don't talk to him like we're married?”
“Don't
act like you are.” The doctor angled his head, and his eyes filled with sympathy. “Do you have a guest room, Mrs. Bryan?”
“A guest room?” He was talking about sleeping arrangements. Something Jamie hadn't considered once since she'd known about Jake's memory loss. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks. “Yes … Jake's dad is sleeping there.”
“Have him go home. Jake needs to relax and heal. The fewer people around him the better. His memory will return more quickly that way.”
“And …” Jamie couldn't fathom the direction the conversation was headed. “Have Jake sleep in the guest room?”
“For now.” The doctor put his hand on Jamie's shoulder. “Remember, he doesn't know you, Mrs. Bryan. He won't expect physical contact between the two of you, and I have to ask you not to initiate it. Not even something simple like a hug or kiss. These actions must come from him.”
The heat became a full-fledged blush, one that worked its way down her neck and onto her chest. She felt like a schoolgirl getting a lecture from her father. “Wouldn't … wouldn't that help him remember?”
“It'll mess with his mind and confuse him.” The doctor stuffed both his hands in the pockets of his white jacket. “You'll know his memory is starting to return when those actions come from him, when he initiates them.”
Jamie's shoulders slumped forward some, and a heaviness settled across her shoulders. Pretend she wasn't married to Jake Bryan? The idea was insane. She would have to take Jake home and make him comfortable, but never be anything more to him than a friend? All in the hopes that somehow, someday his memory would return? “Okay …” She exhaled and lifted her eyes to the doctor's once more. “You've told me what I can't do. But what can I do … how do I help him remember?”
“Think back to when you and Jake first fell in love, back before you were dating. If you can interact with him like that, it'll put him at ease and speed his recovery.”
Jamie blinked back tears and leaned against the wall for support. “I was twelve when I fell in love with Jake Bryan, Doctor. Twelve years old.” Her voice was strained, aching from the ocean of tears she was holding in. “How could acting like I did back then help him remember the love we shared last month? What healing could that possibly bring about?”
“The best part of all, Mrs. Bryan.” The doctor spoke straight to her heart. “When a person loses memory of his learned behavior, he has to be taught basic skills again. Yes, eventually he'll remember. But in the meantime he has to be taught. How to sit and stand and feed himself. How to walk.”
Jamie listened, desperate to understand, hanging on every word. “But you're asking me to be Jake's friend and nothing more. What would that possibly teach him?”
“Very simple, Mrs. Bryan.” The doctor narrowed his eyes. “It would teach him to love you.”
That last line was almost more than Jamie could bear. She wanted to break down, collapse in the doctor's arms, and weep for the mountain that lay ahead of them. Jake had always been her support, the one who loved her as easily as he moved. Now, instead of lying in his arms at night, making love to him, or getting lost in his embrace, she would have to be his friend. And, in the process, hope that somehow they'd find the same connection they'd found a lifetime ago, back when they were just kids. And that connection would have to carry them up over the mountain, at least until Jake's memory started to return.
Jamie steeled herself against the hard times still ahead and thanked the doctor. Then she turned and with slow steps made her way back to Jake's room. Sierra was at home with Jake's father. Jim Bryan had continued to be wonderful, but now—if she wanted to follow the doctor's orders—she would need to send the man away. The idea of bringing Jake home and handling his recovery by herself was daunting, but at least she had another week before it would happen.
She sucked in a slow breath and straightened herself. Act as if she were twelve again? How could she when Jake had shown not even a modicum of interest in her since he'd woken from his coma? Jamie tucked her fears into the back pocket of her heart and entered the room. She didn't have to have all the answers today.
The room whirred with the sound of hospital machines, and the closer Jamie drew to Jake, the stronger the smell of antiseptic got. Jake was asleep, lying on his side facing the window, his face and body utterly still beneath the bandages and sheets.
Jamie sat down and exhaled hard.
As she did she glanced at the table a few feet away and saw Jake's chart. Maybe there was something in it the doctor hadn't told her. She reached for it and let her eyes drift past her husband's name and address, down to the place where Dr. Cleary had written notations about Jake's prognosis. Amnesia … second-degree burns … broken ankle.
Suddenly, Jamie's eyes fell on a place in the notes where the doctor had written something about a blood transfusion not being necessary. Next to that he had jotted down Jake's blood type.
O-negative.
Warning bells screamed their alarm through the hallways of Jamie's soul. O-negative wasn't Jake's blood type. He was AB-positive—one of the rarest blood types of all, the type most in need at blood drives. The clipboard in her hands might as well have been coiled and hissing. She dropped it and took four careful steps backwards. Jake's voice—the one he'd had before he was hurt—played in her mind.
“Of course I have rare blood.” He'd told her that a hundred times. He'd lift his chin high, make a fist, and pound it gently against his heart. “When God made me He broke the mold.”
The subject came up often throughout the year, whenever Jake dropped by the Red Cross and donated blood. “What can I say,” he'd tell her when he got home. “I'm a precious commodity.”
It was true. The Red Cross sent him requests often, reminding him that AB-positive was a rare type of blood and virtually begging him to come back in and donate. But now …
Jamie was grabbing short, quick breaths, and she felt herself fainting. She grabbed the nearest chair and fell into it, dropping her head between her knees to stave off a complete collapse. What could it possibly mean? If the man sleeping in the bed a few feet away had O-negative blood, then he wasn't Jake. And that would explain why he didn't recognize her, why his eyes didn't flash with love the way they always had, as far back as she could remember.
A thin layer of sweat broke out across her forehead, and her mind raced with the possibilities. Maybe Captain Hisel or one of the other guys had said something about Sierra to the man … maybe that's why he remembered her name.
Or maybe the strain of all that had happened since Tuesday was making her delusional. Maybe she hadn't seen O-negative on the chart, after all. She wanted to stand up, grab the clipboard, and prove herself wrong. Let her eyes find that place on his chart and see once and for all that it actually held the truth. That his blood type was AB-positive.
But she was suddenly paralyzed by a single thought.
If the man in the hospital bed wasn't Jake, if he was someone else with O-negative blood, who by some strange mix-up knew Sierra's name, then that could only mean one thing.
Jake was dead.
And that was a possibility Jamie simply couldn't fathom. So instead of reaching for the clipboard, she stood and staggered out the door to the nurse's station. Somehow—regardless of what she would find out—she had to know the truth. And since she didn't want to go near the chart, this time she would have a nurse read it.
The moment she walked up to the counter, a nurse stared at her. “Ma'am, are you okay?”
Jamie opened her mouth, but at first nothing came out. Her heart was lodged so high in her throat she couldn't speak. But finally, slowly, the words tumbled from her, words that in all her life were the hardest ones she'd ever spoken.
“I think …??
? She leaned on the counter for support. “I think the man in that room might not be my husband.”
TWENTY-ONE
SEPTEMBER 17, 2001
The nurse gave Jamie a strange look, one that quickly became a confused smile.
“I'm not sure I understand.”
“Look …” Every word was a struggle. “I feel like I'm losing my mind.” Jamie could feel her heart racing, and she pointed across the hall toward the bedroom where the man lay. “I need … I need you to check his chart. Please …” The last word was more of a cry, and in that instant compassion cracked the woman's expression.
“First … are you sure you're okay?”
“No!” Jamie's voice was louder now. “I'm not okay. I need you to tell me that the man in that room is my husband!” Her voice softened, and she gripped the counter to keep from falling. “Please.”
This time the nurse didn't hesitate. She came out from behind the nurse's station and led the way back to the hospital room. “What gave you the idea he might not be your husband?”
“His blood type. It's written on his chart.” That was all Jamie could manage. She followed the nurse back to the room, her body shaking with the fear of what might lie ahead.
The nurse picked up the clipboard while Jamie's eyes found him in the hospital bed. The woman's eyebrows knit together as she held it up and looked at the information it contained. What if all this time he'd been merely a confused stranger … and what if Jake had been halfway up the building with Larry and the others? She held her breath while the nurse scanned the information on the chart.
What the woman was about to say would change Jamie's life forever.
She looked up, the confusion gone from her expression, and pointed to a spot halfway down the first page. “You mean here? Where it says O-negative?”
Jamie couldn't speak. She could barely breathe. Instead, she leaned against the chair and nodded.
A pleasant look filled the woman's face. “In the wake of a big accident, someone from the emergency room staff does a blood check and writes down the type that person should get if a transfusion is needed. O-negative works for every blood type.”