“That we haven’t seen the last of them,” I paraphrased.
He glared at me. “Don’t get cute, flower, now is not the time. What specifically did they say?”
I scrunched up my nose. “Not something I’d care to repeat,” I hedged. I didn’t need any more alpha released tonight, if someone struck a match this place might explode the air was already so thick with it. Plus, Bex’s state of mind was already delicate, to say the least, I was not letting these lowlifes be the catalyst for something taking away my best friend.
Asher’s silence told me I wouldn’t be able to get away with my own.
“They said when you got tired of our ... snatch, they’d take it for themselves,” I said finally, my nose screwed up.
As expected, alpha anger rose to epic proportions the moment the words left my mouth.
Though I wasn’t focused on that, neither was Rosie. Both of us were focused on Bex and her reaction. She seemed outwardly calm. That didn’t mean much. She’d seemed outwardly normal when she’d been injecting herself with poison for six months. As much as I needed Asher here, I needed him gone. I needed to talk to my friend. Figure out how to get her through this.
Asher had other ideas.
“You’re going to the club,” he declared tightly. “Both of you,” he added.
“No, we’re not,” I replied quickly and firmly.
No matter how much Carlos and his “boys” scared me, I was even more terrified at the prospect of losing Bex. Taking her to a biker clubhouse where no one knew what she was going through, where it was unfamiliar, and who knows what was on offer, had a distinct promise of shattering the precarious road she was on to recovery.
Two determined sets of male eyes told me my protests were in vain.
Bex surprised the living hell out of me by not releasing her inner banshee. “We’ll go, Lil,” she said quietly.
Both Lucky and I gaped at her in disbelief. He had been expecting the banshee also.
“That’s the second time you got hurt as a result of my shit,” she explained in a guilty voice. “It’ll be the last,” she promised, glancing at Asher.
I felt his form tighten around me. “Damned straight it’ll be the last,” he repeated the same promise in his voice, slightly more masculine and firm.
“I’ve got school here. And work. I can’t exactly commute back to Amber at two in the morning. And I need that job,” I protested.
Asher’s face turned hard, and I knew he would have something to say about this. He wanted me out of the bar, and this was his perfect excuse. He’d get to exert all of his protectiveness over me, and I’d lose what little self-sufficiency I had left.
“Well, I can solve that particular problem,” Rosie chimed in from the corner. “Gwen and Amy have been itching to get you back, but they were waiting for the right time to ask. For things to ... settle down with you….” she paused, gazing around the room. “Things aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon, so I’m declaring this the perfect time,” she exclaimed with a smile.
Asher’s form relaxed and a satisfied, edging on smug look replaced the tight one that had been there before.
There it was. Someone else solving all my problems for me. My chest felt heavy once more. I couldn’t argue. This was a matter of my safety, of Bex’s. I wasn’t an idiot. I wasn’t going to risk my life for pride. I certainly wouldn’t risk Bex’s. I glanced at her again. She was giving me a weak smile. Dark purple rings decorated her eyes. She wouldn’t recover in a biker clubhouse, one with women like the one I met three years ago. Men who drank and smoked as was their right.
“Okay,” I relented finally. “But we’re not going to the club,” I added quickly.
Both Asher and Lucky glared at me, and I felt like shrinking into myself at the power of both of their stares.
“I can’t study, can’t live … there,” I said quietly. “But there’s a place in Amber, somewhere no one knows about, somewhere they, whoever they are, won’t find us,” I continued quickly.
Bex’s face got even paler as she realized where I was talking about. “Lils,” she began softly.
“Where would that be?” Asher asked in a hard voice, interrupting Bex.
I met his chocolate eyes. “My mom’s.”
There was a long silence as everything sunk in around the room.
“Okay, I know this is yet another drama that the club has to wade through, but can I just say, I’m glad you too are off your break. Totally knew this wasn’t a Ross and Rachel situation,” Rosie piped in with a grin.
I couldn’t help it, despite the sorrow that crept up my throat at the prospect of the events ahead of us, I smiled. And it was genuine.
“Lily,” a husky voice tickled the back of my neck.
I snuggled into the hard, warm body at my back, my mind blissfully blank and half asleep.
I felt desire rush into my fuzzy mind as Asher let out a throaty growl, and his hand pushed into the waistband of my shorts.
“I’ve missed this pussy, flower,” he murmured in my ear as his rough hand rubbed my magic spot.
I let out a little mew of pleasure, aching for him, aching for more.
“Dreamed about this pussy,” he continued as he pushed into me.
I turned my head, not caring about morning breath or the possibility I looked like a swamp creature, I needed him. The split second before his mouth claimed mine had my stomach dip in a different way, his eyes, the utter devotion behind them had me losing my breath. His mouth ravaged my mouth while his fingers worked me up to my beautiful crescendo. I moved my body against his, kissed him with the ferocity and desperation I didn’t know I was feeling.
Before I could succumb to my mind-shattering orgasm, Asher’s hands left me and before I had time to protest he had me on my back. His body hovered over mine, eyes capturing me with that devotion, that reverence that I felt physically.
“This is where you’re meant to be,” he declared roughly, his expert hands divesting me of my shorts. “In my bed, with me. The shit on the outside is secondary, it’s doable, as long as I’ve got you. As long as you’ve got me.” He lowered down and positioned himself at my entrance, framing my face with his. “And you’ve got me, Lily. For as long as this body has breath, you’ve got me,” he whispered, the weight of his words settling in conjunction with the beautiful explosion that came with him plunging into me.
His strokes didn’t mirror his gentle words, the tender gaze he paralyzed me with. They were urgent, desperate, hard. I wrapped my legs around his waist, scratched his back with my nails, loving every brutal stroke.
He was right. At that moment, every problem, every torturous feeling that seemed insurmountable, didn’t matter here. Not in this moment, not in any moment I had him. I got it.
“I love you,” I whispered, my voice strangled by my imminent climax.
The frenzied thrusts stopped abruptly, Asher’s entire frame stilled atop me. His gaze that had moments ago warmed my soul, stole every bit of breath in my lungs.
“I was searching for who I was without you, now I realize who that is. Nothing. I’m nothing without you,” I continued in a shaky voice.
“You’re wrong,” he clipped, the cords in his neck tight. “You’re everything without me. You just belong with me.”
He pushed into me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Three words seem fuckin’ insignificant to describe what I feel for you,” he grunted. “But that’s all I’ve got. I love you, flower.”
Once the words had left his mouth he moved again, hard and magnificent. The elation of those words rode the high of a climax that radiated to every part of me. I felt Asher tighten around me, and I clutched him as he found his own release.
We stayed like that, me holding him tightly, never wanting to let him go, to let this moment become a memory.
Asher gazed at me. “Those words, babe, they mean everything,” he began roughly. “You’ve always been everything to me. It. My Old Lady. Whatever shit we went through to g
et here was worth it tenfold to hear you utter those three words.” He brushed a wayward hair out of my face. “They mean nothing is keeping us apart now. It’s you and me, flower, shit out there,” his eyes moved to the door, “that’s shit we’ll face together. You’re not facing that alone, never again,” he promised.
I blinked at his words, at the fact somehow this man who was rough and brutal on the outside softened for me. Normal, boring Lily.
“Okay,” was all I managed to choke out.
Asher didn’t seem bothered by my lack of response, his eyes crinkled at the side and he pressed a light kiss on the edge of my nose. After pulling out of me and cleaning me with a tenderness that matched his previous words, he gathered me in his arms.
“That said,” he continued, “the shit out there is serious. I need you to take it seriously. I know you’re concerned about your friend, I also need you to be concerned about you,” he instructed. “‘Cause this,” he squeezed my body, “is precious to me. Every time this knows pain, mental or physical, I feel it too. I want you to remember that. Take care of yourself, Lily. You’re taking care of me at the same time,” he told me softly.
I glanced up at him, the beauty of his words wrapping around me and lifting the weight off my chest.
“I will, Asher,” I promised.
He kissed my nose. “Good,” he said simply. “As much as I want to stay, talk to you about why we were separated yet again, I’ve got to go and knock some heads together,” he declared.
My stomach dropped. “Carlos?” I questioned.
He nodded.
“Be careful,” I whispered. “What you said to me, it holds true with me, too. If you hurt, I hurt. I couldn’t survive another person being taken away from me,” I admitted quietly.
Asher’s body tightened. “Nothing’s gonna take me away from you, flower. Not while I’ve got breath in my body,” he promised.
I sank back into his chest. I knew he was telling the truth. What worried me was the things that had the ability to take breath from his body.
“We can’t just roll into Carlos’s and try to reason with him. The man’s a worm. His brain mirrors the size of that,” Cade addressed the table, leaning back in his chair.
“Who said anything about reason?” Asher asked him, twisting his knife into the wood of the table.
His Prez regarded him. “I get what you want, brother, I do. But this could get messy. Bloody. We’ve had enough of bloody.” He glanced over at Bull.
He was right. It seemed the club never caught a moment of respite the past few years. Bull’s woman was kidnapped most recently, though that wasn’t anything connected to club shit, when someone hurt a member of their family, they all bled. They struck back. The shooting before that had rippled through the club, they’d lost a brother. They’d bled. Though, again, they struck back. Hard.
“We could blow up the fucker’s club,” Gage suggested. “I’ll light that place up like a Christmas tree. Say the word.”
The entire table stared at the crazy fuck. He was serious.
Cade’s face was blank. “We’re not blowing up a building,” he told him firmly like a father would tell a child they couldn’t play with fireworks.
Gage’s face mirrored that of a sulky child.
Cade focused on Asher once more. “They hurt your woman, they’ll bleed for that. But Carlos is connected to the Tuckers—”
“Loosely,” Lucky interrupted. “Only the stupid fuck we winged a couple of weeks back. Family hardly flinched at that. Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if they sent us a thank you card. Fucker’s a spoilt little shit. Not popular within the family.”
“But he’s still family,” Brock cut in, leaning forward. “Meaning if we push hard enough, they’ll push back. They can’t afford to look weak.”
“Let them push, we’re a lot stronger than those fucks,” Lucky replied with a glint in his eyes.
Brock raised a brow. “Yeah, we are. But we’ve also got women, children to think about. We’re not risking them,” he replied firmly.
Asher clenched his fists. “I’ll go in alone, no colors, no bike. No blowback for the club,” he declared.
Lucky’s eyes met his. “No way you’re doing this alone. I’m in too,” he told him.
Gage leaned forward. “If I don’t get to blow anything up I’m at least coming on the field trip,” he growled.
“I’m in too,” Bull muttered, his eyes hard.
Cade leaned back. “Club’s in on this,” he told Asher. “Carlos has always been a pain in my ass, and he’s a sick fuck. He also has big aspirations, ones that would mean shit for us down the line. Best to address it now,” he decided.
Asher nodded, pulling his knife out of the table. Lucky’s eyes stayed hard. Gage grinned wide. Crazy fuck.
“Don’t kill him,” Cade instructed. “Teach him a lesson. Let him know his place.”
Asher nodded.
They didn’t kill him, as much as they wanted to. They taught him a lesson. A long one. One that had Asher satisfied Lily wouldn’t breathe his air again.
He’d wish much later that he’d put a bullet in the fucker’s brain. They all would.
“Want to tell me whatever’s really going on with Bex? The real reason you pushed me away that night?” Asher asked slowly with an edge to his voice.
I sighed. I knew he wouldn’t stay ignorant for long. I doubted Lucky would either. I didn’t miss whatever was between Bex and him. He was currently sleeping on the sofa in my mom’s living room. I guessed it was my living room now. Mom would never dance through it with a smile, she’d never change it around when inspiration struck her. The room I was in wasn’t hers, not anymore, that was mine too. Asher had helped me pack up all of her things. He hadn’t said a word the entire time, like he sensed I needed silence. He merely took the boxes I offered him to Mom’s studio out back. I couldn’t go out there. Not yet. I had moved into Mom’s room, and Bex was in my old room. She was still “sick.” Still pale, unable to hold much down, still a shadow of herself.
Asher had told us Carlos was taken care of, so I didn’t know why Lucky was on our sofa. Then again, maybe I did.
I traced a circle on his naked chest, not wanting to lie, not wanting to betray my best friend’s trust either.
Asher jostled me so I met his eyes. They weren’t swimming with anger like I expected, but concern.
“Lily?” he probed.
I looked into his eyes for a long moment. He had already taken on so much of my problems. I didn’t want to give him one more, but I also didn’t know how long I could shoulder this burden alone. How much longer I could lie to him.
“It wasn’t an accident that put Bex in the hospital,” I whispered slowly.
Asher nodded as if he was expecting it, but his eyes swam with concern.
I took a deep breath. “It was an overdose,” I continued.
Once the word left my mouth Asher’s entire form tightened and his face turned blank.
I continued. “Heroin,” I choked out. “The overdose was an accident, that what she says, what I have to believe,” I told him in a small voice. “But the drugs? The needle in her arm? No accident. She’d been using for months. And I didn’t notice. I was blind,” I said, fighting the tears at the corner of my eyes.
Asher’s hand tilted my chin so my wayward eyes would meet his. “Do not lay any blame on yourself for this, Lily,” he commanded. “Addicts excel at hiding their addiction….” he paused. “You were running yourself ragged taking care of your mom, you could never have expected this,” he said firmly. There was another pause, this time, a loaded one. “You didn’t tell me,” he observed.
I shook my head. I didn’t think he was finished speaking, and I really didn’t want to get into why I didn’t tell him. We never got what we wanted in these situations it seemed. He stayed still a moment, and I waited for him to say something more, for him to say he was here for me how I should share things with him, how he was going to take care of everything. He di
dn’t. The silence lasted longer than I was comfortable with, it wasn’t comfortable. It was the first time the absence of words with Asher had me feeling anxious.
He very gently gathered me up and lifted me off his chest, and placed me on the pillow beside him. I went up on my elbow, my stomach churning. I wanted to give him an explanation, but I felt tired of constantly justifying my reasons to him. To myself.
He pushed up off the bed, still silent, then padded over to the wall beside my armchair, staring at it a moment, then plowing his fist through it.
I jumped and sat up abruptly, pulling the sheets over my naked body. I regarded his tattooed back in horror. He placed both his hands on the wall, bowing his head and taking a deep breath before turning to face me. His face was blank.
I looked from the hole in the plasterboard to his fist, which was dripping blood.
This was the first time I’d seen Asher lose control, really lose control.
“You’re bleeding,” I observed in a small voice.
“You were in another hospital, facing the real possibility you could be losing another person in your life,” he started quietly, ignoring me. “Facing more shit that doesn’t seem to give you any respite. Facing that alone,” he stated flatly.
“I didn’t lose her,” I replied softly.
Asher’s gaze darted up. “You didn’t know that at the time. I was too busy tearing the fuckin’ town apart trying to find you, angry as shit at you, thinking you were fuckin’ round at some club and you were alone,” he clipped in a cold voice.
I stared at him, unsure of what to say, what to do. He had never acted like this, he seemed angry, that was obvious. And something else. Defeated.
“Asher,” I began.
“When are you going to get this? You’re not fucking alone!” he roared at the end, and I flinched. Not at the anger, but the pain in his voice.
He stepped forward. “You’re not alone, flower,” he said softly. “I don’t know how else to tell you, to show you. I can’t control that,” he gestured to the door, “as much as I would like to stand in front of you and bear the brunt of everything that keeps coming at you, I can’t. I can’t stop it. I can’t control it. But I can make sure you don’t face it alone. You’ll never be alone with this shit again, I want you, Lily. Not for now, not for a while, forever,” he declared fiercely, kneeling beside the bed. He grasped my hands. “You’re strong in ways I’m not. And I’m strong in ways you aren’t. That’s why we work. I know shit is hard for you. That being around crowds, around people you don’t know scares the shit out of you. I know you’re suffering from a loss that gutted you. That you struggle every day with a condition that can make it feel impossible to breathe. That you get stuck inside your head and don’t know how to get out…” he paused and brushed a tear from my cheek. “All that should bring a person to their knees. Instead, my flower stands tall. Beauty blossoms where on most people it would wither. You’re willing to give your all for the one person you’ve got left.” His hand tightened on mine. “While I admire the shit outta that, babe. I’m not gonna let you do that. I need this,” he trailed his hand down to my chest, to my heart, “I need you if I’m going keep breathing easy. So let me help you. Let’s face this together,” he stated, though there was a question in there too.