CHAPTER XII. BETTER AND BETTER--A HIGHER FLIGHT OF REASON--MORE OBVIOUSTRUTHS, DEEPER PHILOSOPHY, AND FACTS THAT EVEN AN OSTRICH MIGHT DIGEST.
"I gladly quit what I fear some present may have considered the personalpart of my lecture," resumed Dr. Reasono, "to turn to those portions ofthe theme that should possess a common interest, awaken common pride,and excite common felicitations. I now propose to say a few wordson that part of our natural philosophy which is connected with theplanetary system, the monikin location--and, as a consequence from both,the creation of the world."
"Although dying with impatience to be enlightened on all theseinteresting points, you will grant me leave to inquire en passant, Dr.Reasono, if your savans receive the Mosaic account of the creation ornot."
"As far as it corroborates our own system, sir, and no farther. Therewould be a manifest inconsistency in our giving an antagonistic validityto any hostile theory, let it come from Moses or Aaron; as one of yournative good sense and subsequent cultivation will readily perceive."
"Permit me to intimate, Dr. Reasono, that the distinction yourphilosophers take in this matter, is directly opposed to a veryarbitrary canon in the law of evidence, which dictates the necessityof repudiating the whole of a witness's testimony, when we repudiate apart."
"That may be a human, but it is not a monikin distinction. So far fromadmitting the soundness of the principle, we hold that no monikinis ever wholly right, or that he will be wholly right, so long as heremains in the least under the influence of matter; and we thereforewinnow the false from the true, rejecting the former as worse thanuseless, while we take the latter as the nutriment of facts."
"I now repeat my apologies for so often interrupting you, venerable andlearned sir; and I entreat you will not waste another moment in replyingto my interrogatories, but proceed at once to an explanation ofyour planetary system, or of any other little thing it may suit yourconvenience to mention. When one listens to a real philosopher, one iscertain to learn something that is either useful or agreeable, let thesubject be what it may."
"By the monikin philosophy, gentlemen," continued Dr. Reasono, "wedivide the great component parts of this earth into land and water.These two principles we term the primary elements. Human philosophy hasadded air and fire to the list; but these we reject either entirely, oradmit them only as secondary elements. That neither air nor fire is aprimary element, may be proved by experiment. Thus, air can be formed,in the quality of gases, can be rendered pure or foul; is dependenton evaporation, being no more than ordinary matter in a state of highrarefaction. Fire has no independent existence, requires fuel forits support, and is evidently a property that is derived from thecombinations of other principles. Thus, by putting two or more billetsof wood together, by rapid friction you produce fire. Abstract the airsuddenly, and your fire becomes extinct; abstract the wood, and you havethe same result. From these two experiments it is shown that fire hasno independent existence, and therefore is not an element. On the otherhand, take a billet of wood and let it be completely saturated withwater; the wood acquires a new property (as also by the application offire, which converts it into ashes and air), for its specific gravityis increased, it becomes less inflammable, emits vapor more readily, andyields less readily to the blow of the axe. Place the same billet undera powerful screw, and a vessel beneath. Compress the billet, and by asufficient application of force, you will have the wood, perfectly dry,left beneath the screw, and the vessel will contain water. Thus is itshown that land (all vegetable matter being no more than fungi of theearth) is a. primary element, and that water is also a primary element;while air and fire are not.
"Having established the elements, I shall, for brevity's sake, supposethe world created. In the beginning, the orb was placed in vacuum,stationary, and with its axis perpendicular to the plane of what is nowcalled its orbit. Its only revolution was the diurnal."
"And the changes of the seasons?"
"Had not yet taken place. The days and nights were equal; there were noeclipses; the same stars were always visible. This state of the earthis supposed, from certain geological proofs, to have continued about athousand years, during which time the struggle between mind and matterwas solely confined to quadrupeds. Man is thought to have made hisappearance, so far as our documents go to establish the fact, about theyear of the world one thousand and three. About this period, too, it issupposed that fire was generated by the friction of the earth's axis,while making the diurnal movement; or, as some imagine, by the frictionof the periphery of the orb, rubbing against vacuum at the rate of somany miles in a minute. The fire penetrating the crust, soon got accessto the bodies of water that fill the cavities of the earth. From thistime is to be dated the existence of a new and most important agent inthe terrestrial phenomena, called steam. Vegetation now began to appear,as the earth received warmth from within--"
"Pray, sir, may I ask in what manner all the animals existedpreviously?"
"By feeding on each other. The strong devoured the weak, until the mostdiminutive of the animalcula were reached, when these turned on theirpersecutors, and profiting by their insignificance, commenced devouringthe strongest. You find daily parallels to this phenomenon in thehistory of man. He who by his energy and force has triumphed overhis equals, is frequently the prey of the insignificant and vile. Youdoubtless know that the polar regions even in the original attitude ofthe earth, owing to their receiving the rays of the sun obliquely, musthave possessed a less genial climate than the parts of the orb that liebetween the arctic and the antarctic circles. This was a wise provisionof Providence to prevent a premature occupation of those chosen regions,or to cause them to be left uninhabited, until mind had so far masteredmatter, as to have brought into existence the first monikin."
"May I venture to ask to what epoch you refer the appearance of thefirst of your species?"
"To the monikin epocha, beyond a doubt, sir--but if you mean to ask inwhat year of the world this event took place, I should answer, about theyear 4017. It is true that certain of our writers affect to think thatdivers men were approaching to the sublimation of the monikin mind,previously to this period; but the better opinion is, that these caseswere no more than what are termed premonitory. Thus, Socrates, Plato,Confucius, Aristotle, Euclid, Zeno, Diogenes, and Seneca, were merely somany admonishing types of the future condition of man, indicating theirnear approach to the monikin, or to the final translation."
"And Epicurus--"
"Was an exaggeration of the material principle, that denoted theretrogression of a large portion of the race towards brutality andmatter. These phenomena are still of daily occurrence."
"Do you then hold the opinion, for instance, Dr. Reasono, that Socratesis now a monikin philosopher, with his brain unravelled and renderedlogically consecutive, and that Epicurus is transformed perchance into ahippopotamus or a rhinoceros, with tusks, horns, and hide?"
"You quite mistake our dogmas, Sir John. We do not believe intransmigration in the individual at all, but in the transmigration ofclasses. Thus, we hold that whenever a given generation of men, in apeculiar state of society, attain, in the aggregate, a certain degreeof moral improvement, or mentality, as we term it in the schools, thatthere is an admixture of their qualities in masses, some believe byscores, others think by hundreds, and others again pretend by thousands;and if it is found, by the analysis that is regularly instituted bynature, that the proportions are just, the material is consigned to themonikin birth; if not, it is repudiated, and either kneaded anew foranother human experiment, or consigned to the vast stores of dormantmatter. Thus all individuality, so far as it is connected with the past,is lost."
"But, sir, existing facts contradict one of the most important of yourpropositions; while you admit that a want of a change in the seasonswould be a consequence of the perpendicularity of the earth's axis tothe plane of its present orbit, this change in the seasons is a matternot to be denied. Flesh and blood testify against you here, no less thanreason."
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nbsp; "I spoke of things as they were, sir, previously to the birth ofthe monikinia; since which time a great, salutary, harmonious, andcontemplated alteration has occurred. Nature had reserved the polarregion for the new species, with divers obvious and benevolent purposes.They were rendered uninhabitable by the obliquity of the sun's rays; andthough matter, in the shape of mastodons and whales, with an instinct ofits antagonistic destination, had frequently invaded their precincts,it was only to leave the remains of the first embedded in fields ofice, memorials of the uselessness of struggling against destiny, and tofurnish proofs of the same great truth in the instance of the others;who, if they did enter the polar basins as masters of the great deep,either left their bones there, or returned in the same characters asthey went. From the appearance of animal nature on the earth, down tothe period when the monikin race arose, the regions in question were notonly uninhabited, but virtually uninhabitable. When, however, nature,always wary, wise, beneficent, and never to be thwarted, had preparedthe way, those phenomena were exhibited that cleared the road for thenew species. I have alluded to the internal struggle between fire andwater, and to their progeny, steam. This new agent was now required toact. A moment's attention to the manner in which the next great step inthe progress of civilization was made, will show with what foresightand calculation our common mother had established her laws. The earthis flattened at the poles, as is well imagined by some of the humanphilosophers, in consequence of its diurnal movement commencing whilethe ball was still in a state of fusion, which naturally threw off aportion of the unkneaded matter towards the periphery. This was not donewithout the design of accomplishing a desired end. The matter that wasthus accumulated at the equator, was necessarily abstracted from otherparts; and in this manner the crust of the globe became thinnest at thepoles. When a sufficiency of steam had been generated in the centreof the ball, a safety-valve was evidently necessary to prevent a totaldisruption. As there was no other machinist than nature, she worked withher own tools, and agreeably to her own established laws. The thinnestportions of the crust opportunely yielded to prevent a catastrophe,when the superfluous and heated vapor escaped, in a right line with theearth's axis, into vacuum. This phenomenon occurred, as nearly as wehave been able to ascertain, about the year 700 before the Christian eracommenced, or some two centuries previously to the birth of the firstmonikins."
"And why so early, may I presume to inquire, Doctor?"
"Simply that there might be time for the new climate to melt the icethat had accumulated about the islands and continents of that region(for it was only at the southern extremity of the earth that theexplosion had taken place), in the course of so many centuries. Twohundred and seventy years of the active and unremitted agency of steamsufficed for this end; since the accomplishment of which, the monikinrace has been in the undisturbed enjoyment of the whole territory,together with its blessed fruits."
"Am I to understand," asked Captain Poke, with more interest than he hadbefore manifested in the philosopher's lecture, "that your folks, whenat hum', live to the south'ard of the belt of ice that we marinersalways fall in with somewhere about the parallel of 77 degrees southlatitude?"
"Precisely so--alas! that we should, this day, be so far from thoseregions of peace, delight, intelligence, and salubrity! But the will ofProvidence be done!--doubtless there is a wise motive for our captivityand sufferings, which may yet lead to the further glory of the monikinrace!"
"Will you have the kindness to proceed with your explanations, Doctor?If you deny the annual revolution of the earth, in what manner doyou account for the changes of the seasons, and other astronomicalphenomena, such as the eclipses which so frequently occur?"
"You remind me that the subject is not yet exhausted," the philosopherhurriedly rejoined, hastily and covertly dashing a tear from his eye."Prosperity produced some of its usual effects among the founders ofour species. For a few centuries, they went on multiplying in numbers,elongating and rendering still more consecutive their cauda, improvingin knowledge and the arts, until some spirits, more audacious than therest, became restive under the slow march of events, which led themtowards perfection at a rate ill-suited to their fiery impatience. Atthis time, the mechanic arts were at the highest pitch of perfectionamongst us--we have since, in a great measure, abandoned them, asunsuited to, and unnecessary for, an advanced state of civilization--wewore clothes, constructed canals, and effected other works that weregreatly esteemed among the species from which we had emigrated. Atthis time, also, the whole monikin family lived together as one people,enjoyed the same laws, and pursued the same objects. But a politicalsect arose in the region, under the direction of misguided andhot-headed leaders, who brought down upon us the just judgment ofProvidence, and a multitude of evils that it will require ages toremedy. This sect soon had recourse to religious fanaticism andphilosophical sophisms, to attain its ends. It grew rapidly in power andnumbers; for we monikins, like men, as I have had occasion to observe,are seekers of novelties. At last it proceeded to absolute overt actsof treason against the laws of Providence itself. The first violentdemonstration of its madness and folly was, setting up the doctrine thatinjustice had been done the monikin race, by causing the safety-valve ofthe world to be opened within their region. Although we were manifestlyindebted to this very circumstance for the benignity of our climate, thevalue of our possessions, the general healthfulness of our families-nay,for our separate existence itself, as an independent species, yet didthese excited and ill-judging wretches absolutely wage war upon the mostbenevolent and the most unequivocal friend they had. Specious promisesled to theories, theories to declamations, declamation to combination,combination to denunciation, and denunciation to open hostilities. Thematter in dispute was debated for two generations, when the necessarydegree of madness having been excited, the leaders of the party, who bythis time had worked themselves through their hobby, into the generalcontrol of the monikin affairs, called a meeting of all their partisansand passed certain resolutions, which will never be blotted from themonikin memory, so fatal were their consequences, so ruinous for a timetheir effects! They were conceived in the following terms:--
"'At a full and overflowing meeting of the most monikinized of themonikin race, holden at the house of Peleg Pat (we still used the humanappellations, at that epoch), in the year of the world 3,007, and ofthe monikin era 317, Plausible Shout was called to the chair, and ReadyQuill was named secretary.'"
"'After several excellent and eloquent addresses from all present, itwas unanimously resolved as follows, viz.:'"
"'That steam is a curse, and not a blessing; and that it deserves to bedenounced by all patriotic and true monikins.'"
"'That we deem it the height of oppression and injustice in nature, thatshe has placed the great safety-valve of the world within the lawfullimits of the monikin territories.'"
"'That the said safety-valve ought to be removed forthwith; and that itshall be so removed, peaceably if it can, forcibly if it must.'"
"'That we cordially approve of the sentiments of John Jaw, our presentestimable chief magistrate, the incorruptible partisan, the undauntedfriend of his friends, the uncompromising enemy of steam, and the sound,pure, orthodox, and true monikin.''
"'That we recommend the said Jaw to the confidence of all monikins.'"
"'That we call upon the country to sustain us in our great, holy,and glorious design, pledging ourselves, posterity, the bones of ourancestors, and all who have gone before or who may come after us, to thefaithful execution of our intentions.
"'Signed,'"
"'PLAUSIBLE SHOUT, Chairman.'"
"'READY QUILL, Secretary.'"
"No sooner were these resolutions promulgated (for instead of beingpassed at a full meeting, it is now understood they were drawn upbetween Messrs. Shout and Quill, under the private dictation of Mr.Jaw), than the public mind began seriously to meditate proceeding toextremities. That perfection in the mechanic arts, which had hithertoformed our pride and boast, now proved to
be our greatest enemy. It isthought that the leaders of this ill-directed party meant, in truth, toconfine themselves to certain electioneering effects; but who can staythe torrent, or avert the current of prejudice! The stream was settingagainst steam; the whole invention of the species was put in motion;and in one year from the passage of the resolutions I have recited,mountains were transported, endless piles of rocks were thrown intothe gulf, arches were constructed, and the hole of the safety-valvewas hermetically sealed. You will form some idea of the waste ofintelligence and energy on this occasion, when I add that it was found,by actual observation, that this artificial portion of the earth wasthicker, stronger, and more likely to be durable than the natural. Sofar did infatuation lead the victims, that they actually caused thewhole region to be sounded, and, having ascertained the precise localityof the thinnest portion of the crust, John Jaw, and all the most zealousof his followers, removed to the spot, where they established the seatof their government in triumph. All this time nature rested upon herarms, in the quiet of conscious force. It was not long, however, beforeour ancestors began to perceive the consequences of their act, inthe increase of the cold, in the scarcity of fruits, and in the rapidaugmentation of the ice. The monikin enthusiasm is easily awakened infavor of any plausible theory, but it invariably yields to physicalpressure. No doubt the human race, better furnished with the material ofphysical resistance, does not exhibit so much of this weakness, but--"
"Do not flatter us with the exception, Doctor. I find so many points ofresemblance between us, that I really begin to think we must havehad the same origin; and if you would only admit that man is of thesecondary formation, and the monikins of the primary, I would accept thewhole of your philosophy without a moment's delay."
"As such an admission would be contrary to both fact and doctrine, Itrust, my dear sir, you will see the utter impossibility of a Professorin the University of Leaphigh making the concession, even in this remotepart of the world. As I was about to observe, the people began to betrayuneasiness at the increasing and constant inclemency of the weather;and Mr. John Jaw found it necessary to stimulate their passions by anew development of his principles. His friends and partisans were allassembled in the great square of the new capital, and the followingresolutions were, to use the language of a handbill that is stillpreserved in the archives of the Leaphigh Historical Society (for itwould seem they were printed before they were passed), 'unanimously,enthusiastically, and finally adopted,' viz.:
"'Resolved, That this meeting has the utmost contempt for steam.'"
"'Resolved, That this meeting defies snow, and sterility, and all othernatural disadvantages.'"
"'Resolved, That we will live forever.'"
"'Resolved, That we will henceforward go naked, as the most effectualmeans of setting the frost at defiance.'"
"'Resolved, That we are now over the thinnest part of the earth's crustin the polar regions.'"
"'Resolved, That henceforth we will support no monikin for any publictrust, who will not give a pledge to put out all his fires, and todispense with cooking altogether.'"
"'Resolved, That we are animated by the true spirit of patriotism,reason, good faith, and firmness.'"
"'Resolved, That this meeting now adjourn sine die.'"
"We are told that the last resolution was just carried by acclamation,when nature arose in her might, and took ample vengeance for all herwrongs. The great boiler of the earth burst with a tremendous explosion,carrying away, as the thinnest part of the workmanship, not only Mr.John Jaw, and all his partisans, but forty thousand square miles ofterritory. The last that was seen of them was about thirty seconds afterthe occurrence of the explosion, when the whole mass disappeared nearthe northern horizon, going at a rate a little surpassing that of acannon ball which has just left its gun."
"King!" exclaimed Noah; "that is what we sailors call 'to cut and run.'"
"Was nothing ever heard of Mr. Jaw and his companions, my good Doctor?"
"Nothing that could be depended on. Some of our naturalists assumethat the monkeys which frequent the other parts of the earth are theirdescendants, who, stunned by the shock, have lost their reasoningpowers, while, at the same time, they show glimmerings of their origin.This is, in truth, the better opinion of our savans; and it is usualwith us, to distinguish all the human species of monkeys by the name of'the lost monikins.' Since my captivity, chance has thrown me in the wayof several of these animals, who were equally under the control of thecruel Savoyards; and in conversing with them, in order to inquire intotheir traditions and to trace the analogies of language, I have beenled to think there is some foundation for the opinion. Of this, however,hereafter."
"Pray, Dr. Reasono, what became of the forty thousand square miles ofterritory?"
"Of that we have a better account; for one of our vessels, which wasfar to the northward, on an exploring expedition, fell in with it inlongitude 2 degrees from Leaphigh, latitude 6 degrees S., and by hermeans it was ascertained that divers islands had been already formed byfalling fragments; and, judging by the direction of the main bodywhen last seen, the fertility of that part of the world, and variousgeological proofs, we hold that the great western archipelago is thedeposit of the remainder."
"And the monikin region, sir--what was the consequence of thisphenomenon to that part of the world?"
"Awful--sublime--various--and durable! The more important, or thepersonal consequences, shall be mentioned first. Fully one-third of themonikin species were scalded to death. A great many contracted asthmasand other diseases of the lungs, by inhaling steam. Most of the bridgeswere swept away by the sudden melting of the snows, and large storesof provisions were spoiled by the unexpected appearance and violentcharacter of the thaw. These may be enumerated among the unpleasantconsequences. Among the pleasant, we esteem a final and agreeablemelioration of the climate, which regained most of its ancientcharacter, and a rapid and distinct elongation of our caudtz, by asudden acquisition of wisdom.
"The secondary, or the terrestrial consequences, were as follows:--Bythe suddenness and force with which so much steam rushed into space,finding its outlet several degrees from the pole, the earth was cantedfrom its perpendicular attitude, and remained fixed, with its axishaving an inclination of 23 degrees 27' to the plane of its orbit.At the same time the orb began to move in vacuum, and, restrainedby antagonistic attractions, to perform what is called its annualrevolution."
"I can very well understand, friend Reasono," observed Noah, "why the'arth should heel under so sudden a flaw, though a well-ballasted shipwould right again when the puff was over; but I cannot understand how alittle steam leaking out at one end of a craft should set her agoing atthe rate we are told this world travels?"
"If the escape of the steam were constant, the diurnal motion givingit every moment a new position, the earth would not be propelled in itsorbit, of a certainty, Captain Poke; but as, in fact, this escape ofthe steam has the character of pulsation, being periodical and regular,nature has ordained that it shall occur but once in the twenty-fourhours, and this at such a time as to render its action uniform, and itsimpulsion always in the same direction. The principle on which theearth receives this impetus, can be easily illustrated by a familiarexperiment. Take, for instance, a double-barrelled fowling-piece, loadboth barrels with extra quantities of powder, introduce a ball and twowads into each barrel, place the breech within 4 628/1000 inches of theabdomen, and take care to fire both barrels at once. In this case, theballs will give an example of the action of the forty thousand squaremiles of territory, and the person experimenting will not fail toimitate the impulsion, or the backward movement of the earth."
"While I do not deny that such an experiment would be likely to set bothparties in motion, friend Reasono, I do not see why the 'arth should notfinally stop, as the man would be sure to do, after he had got throughwith hopping, and kicking, and swearing."
"The reason why the earth, once set in motion in vacuum, does not stop,can also be elucidate
d by experiment, as follows:--Take Captain NoahPoke, provided as he is by nature with legs and the power of motion;lead him to the Place Vendome; cause him to pay three sous, which willgain him admission to the base of the column; let him ascend to thesummit; thence let him leap with all his energy, in a direction at rightangles with the shaft of the column, into the open air; and it will befound that, though the original impulsion would not probably impel thebody more than ten or twelve feet, motion would continue until it hadreached the earth. Corollary: hence it is proved that all bodies inwhich the vis inertia has been overcome will continue in motion, untilthey come in contact with some power capable of stopping them."
"King!--Do you not think, Mr. Reasono, that the 'arth makes its circuit,as much owing to this said steam of yours shoving, as it were, alwaysa little on one side, acting thereby in some fashion as a rudder, whichcauses her to keep waring as we seamen call it, and as big crafts takemore room than small ones in waring, why, she is compelled to run somany millions of miles, before, as it were, she comes up to the windag'in? Now, there is reason in such an idee; whereas, I never couldreconcile it to my natur', that these little bits of stars should keepa craft like the 'arth in her course, with such a devil of a way on her,as we know in reason she must have, to run so far in a twelvemonth.Why, the smallest yaw--and, for a hooker of her keel, a thousand mileswouldn't be a broader yaw than a hundred feet in a ship--the smallestyaw would send her aboard of the Jupiter, or the Marcury, when therewould be a smashing of out-board work such as mortal never beforewitnessed!"
"We rather lean to the opinion of the efficacy of attraction, sir; nordo I see that your proposition would at all obviate your own objection."
"Then, sir, I will just explain myself. Let us suppose there was asteamer with a hundred miles of keel; let us suppose the steam up,and the craft with a broad offing; let us suppose her helm lash'd hardaport, and she going at the rate of ten thousand knots the hour, withoutbringing up or shortening sail for years at a time. Now, all this beingadmitted, what would be her course? Why, sir, any child could tell you,she would keep turning in a circle of some fifty or a hundred thousandmiles in circumference; and such, it appears to me, it is much morerational to suppose is the natur' of the 'arth's traversing, than allthis steering small among stars and attractions."
"There is truly something very plausible, Captain Poke, in yoursuggestion; and I propose that you shall profit by the first occasion tolay your opinions on the subject, more at large, before the Academy ofLeaphigh."
"With all my heart, Doctor; for I hold that knowledge, like good liquor,is given to be passed round from one to another, and not to be gulped ina corner by any particular individle. And now I'm throwing out hints ofthis natur' I will just intimate another that you may add to your nextdemonstration, by way of what you call a corollary; which is this--thatis to say--if all you tell us about the bursting of the boiler, and thepolar kick be true, then is the 'arth the first steamboat that was everinvented, and the boastings of the French, and the English, and theSpaniards, and the Italians, on this point, are no more than so muchsmoke."
"And of the Americans, too, Captain Poke," I ventured to observe.
"Why, Sir John, that is as it may happen. I don't well see how Fultoncould have stolen the idee, seeing that he did not know the Doctor, andmost probably never heard of Leaphigh in his life."
We all smiled, even to the amiable Chatterissa, at the nicety of thenavigator's distinctions; and the philosopher's lecture, in its moredidactic form, being now virtually at an end, a long and desultoryconversation took place, in which a multitude of ingenious questionswere put by Captain Poke and myself, and which were as cleverly answeredby the Doctor and his friends.
At length, Dr. Reasono, who, philosopher as he was, and much as he lovedscience, had not given himself all this trouble without a view to whatare called ulterior considerations, came out with a frank expose of hiswishes. Accident had apparently combined all the means for gratifyingthe burning desire I betrayed to be let into further details of themonikin polity, morals, philosophy, and all the other great socialinterests of the part of the world they inhabit. I was wealthy beyondbounds, and the equipment of a proper vessel would be an expenditureof no moment; both the Doctor and Lord Chatterino were good practicalgeographers, after they were once within the parallel of 77 degreessouth, and Captain Poke, according to his own account of himself, hadpassed half his life in poking about among the sterile and uninhabitedislands of the frozen ocean. What was there to prevent the most earnestwishes of all present from being gratified? The captain was out ofemployment, and no doubt would be glad to get the command of a goodtight sea-boat; the strangers pined for home, and it was my most ardentwish to increase my stake in society, by taking a further interest inmonikins.
On this hint, I frankly made a proposal to the old sealer to undertakethe task of restoring these amiable and enlightened strangers to theirown firesides and families. The Captain soon began to discover a littleof his Stunin'tun propensity; for the more I pressed the matter on him,the more readily he found objections. The several motives he urged fordeclining the proposal, may be succinctly given as follows:--
It was true that he wanted employment, but then he wanted to seeStunin'tun too; he doubted whether monkeys would make good sailors; itwas no joke to run in among the ice, and it might be still less of oneto find our way back again; he had seen the bodies of dead seals andbears that were frozen as hard as stone, and which might, for anythinghe knew, have lain in that state a hundred years, and, for his part, heshould like to be buried when he was good for nothing else. How did heknow these monikins might not catch the men, when they had oncefairly got them in their country, and strip them, and make them throwsummersets, as the Savoyards had compelled the Doctor, and even theLady Chatterissa to do?--he knew he should break his neck the very firstflap-jack; if he were ten years younger, perhaps he should like thefrolic; he did not believe the right sort of craft could be found inEngland, and for his part, he liked sailing under the stars and stripes;he didn't know but he might go if he had a crew of Stunin'tunners; healways knew how to get along with such people; he could scare one bythreatening to tell his marm how he behaved, and bring another to reasonby hinting that the gals would shy him if he wasn't more accommodating;then there might be no such place as Leaphigh, after all; or, if therewas, he might never find it; as for wearing a bison-skin under theequator, it was quite out of the question, a human skin being a heavyload to carry in the calm latitudes; and finally that he didn't exactlysee what he was to get by it.
These objections were met, one by one, reversing the order in which theywere made, and commencing with the last.
I offered a thousand pounds sterling as the reward. This proposalbrought a gleam of satisfaction into Noah's eyes, though he shook hishead, as if he thought it very little. It was then suggested that therewas no doubt we should discover certain islands that were well storedwith seals, and that I would waive all claims as owner, and thathereafter he might turn these discoveries to his own private account. Atthis bait he nibbled, and, at one time, I thought he was about to sufferhimself to be caught. But he remained obstinate. After trying all ourunited rhetoric, and doubling the amount of the pecuniary offer, Dr.Reasono luckily bethought him of the universal engine of human weakness,and the old sealer, who had resisted money--an influence of knownefficacy at Stunin'tun--ambition, the secret of new sealing grounds, andall the ordinary inducements that might be thought to have weight withmen of his class, was, in the end, hooked by his own vanity!
The philosopher cunningly expatiated on the pleasure there would be inreading a paper before the Academy of Leaphigh, on the subject of thecaptain's peculiar views touching the earth's annual revolution, and ofthe virtue of sailing planets, with their helms lashed hard aport, whenall the dogmatical old navigator's scruples melted away like snow in athaw.