"Not really."
"What's wrong?"
She lifted her head and smiled. "Nothing. Everything's great."
Fran rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I'm a size four. Spill it."
"I told Nick I was moving out."
"Why?"
"I guess because I feel it's time I move on."
"Move on from what? From the awesome life you and Henry have built with Nick? Move on from that gorgeous, stupidly perfect man who obviously cares for you? Move on from the great house in the ideal location, move on from the only father figure your son has ever known, a guy who, coincidentally, thinks your kid hung the moon? Stop me when I find the flaws here, okay?"
She frowned. "It's wrong that I'm in love with him."
Fran laughed. "Wrong in what universe?"
Ellie looked over at Fran. "He's John's brother."
"And who do you think is going to have a problem with that?"
"I...I don't know."
"Have you even told Nick how you feel?"
"No."
Fran rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot. Go ahead and throw him away. Because I can guarantee you there will be women swarming that man like starving bees within minutes of you tossing him to the curb. And you know why? Because you're stupid."
Ellie threw a frustrated look at Fran. "Aren't you supposed to be my friend?"
"I am your friend. Which is why I'm being brutally honest with you. You're making a huge mistake. Now go tell Nick you love him and that you had a moment of utter stupidity, and then beg him to forgive you. Then ask him to marry you."
She clasped her hands together, holding them so hard she felt pricks of pain. "It's not that simple."
"No shit. Love never is. It's hard and it hurts and often it's awful. So go make it work with Nick."
Tears welled in her eyes. Everything Fran said--as brutal as it all was--made sense. What had she been thinking? She loved Nick. She should be moving heaven and earth to keep Nick in her life instead of pushing him away.
"But...I don't know, Fran. I've been working so hard on letting him go."
"Again...stupid."
She finally sighed, admitting defeat. "I'm scared."
Fran put her arm around Ellie's shoulders. "Of course you are. You lost the love of your life once to a situation beyond your control. So don't let the second love of your life get away due to a situation you can control."
She sniffled and shuddered in a breath. "His parents are there. He's not speaking to me right now and they know something's going on. Oh, God, they're going to hate me for hurting him."
"They love you as much as he does. They'll forgive you."
She turned and hugged Fran. "Thank you for being my friend."
"Aww, honey, you're welcome. Someday I'll screw up royally with Mark and you'll have the same conversation with me."
Ellie laughed. "I'll always be here for you."
She cleaned up her mess of a face, then headed down the hall toward her new patient. She ended up having a good day at work, and after she'd helped deliver a baby boy in record time, she put on her coat, intending to drive home. Instead, she found herself at the cemetery.
She pulled over at the curb and walked the steps over to John's grave, happy they decided on installing the bench in front of his gravesite. That had been Nick's idea. He'd told her she might want to sit and talk with him. She'd done that a lot the first couple of years, first talking to him about the growing baby in her belly, and then telling him stories about how much Henry had grown, when he'd gotten his first tooth, how cute he looked when he was learning to crawl, how smart he was, and how much she knew he'd love him.
The visits had grown less frequent over the years, but she'd always come at least a few times a year.
She sat at the bench and wrapped the scarf around her neck.
"It's cold today," she said, staring at the cement headstone emblazoned with her husband's name. "But the sun's out and there's no wind, so it's not too bad."
She knew she was stalling.
Get on with it, Ellie.
She clasped her hands together. "I have something to talk to you about. I know we typically talk about Henry, but this time it's about Nick. I know this might not be something you want to hear, but I've always been honest with you."
She took a deep breath. "I've fallen in love with Nick. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. And now that it has, I realize he's been there for me ever since I lost you. He was right there with me that night you died, and he took care of me the entire time I was pregnant with Henry." She smiled. "He was in the delivery room when Henry was born. He told me Henry looked like you. You see, he loves you and misses you as much as I do, John. But somewhere along the way, our love for you grew into love for each other. And I've been doing some thinking on that and I think that maybe you played a part in it. That maybe you wanted this to happen.
"Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part, but I know you'd want someone kind and honorable and honest and trustworthy to be a father to Henry. And I can't think of anyone who fills those qualities more than Nick. He loves Henry as much as you would have. And Henry loves him so much."
She fought the tears, but they fell despite her efforts. "I miss you and I'll love you every day for the rest of my life, John, but I have to let you go. I know you wouldn't want me to mourn you forever. I know you'd want me to move on, so I'm going to love Nick, and I'm going to let Nick be a father to Henry. I mean, Henry will always know who his real father is. Nick wouldn't have it any other way. But Henry needs a strong father figure in his life, and I think you'll be happy that it's Nick. Just like I hope you'll be happy for Nick and me."
She stood, then kneeled down in front of John's headstone. She took her gloves off, pressed her fingers to her lips, and pressed her fingers to the headstone. "Good-bye, John."
She got up and walked away and, for the first time, felt a lifting in her heart, as if her husband had given her his blessing to move on.
Just then the sun hit her face and she felt a blast of warmth. She couldn't help but feel that it was John, giving her his last kiss.
Chapter Eighteen
Nick had done his best to entertain his parents and Henry during the few days he'd been off work, but after what had gone down with Ellie, he couldn't hide his foul mood.
They'd gone to the Magic House today, and Henry's impatience to do what he wanted when he wanted had gotten on Nick's last nerve. So when he'd wanted to go get something to eat and Nick had snapped at him that he'd have to wait, Henry tilted his head.
"You're grumpy, Uncle Nick. You prolly need a nap."
Nick looked to his parents for help. His mother tried to hide a smile, while his dad took Henry's hand to go get something to eat.
"That's not helping, Dad," Nick said as his dad waved to him behind his head and walked off with Henry.
"You are grumpy," his mother said as they walked down a hallway and leaned against a railing.
"I am not." He blew out a breath, trying to gather himself together. "Okay, maybe a little. I'm just...tired."
His mother looked at him. "Tired? Or is it something else? Like something to do with Ellie?"
His mother had always been perceptive, which was sometimes good, and often bad. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Too bad. What's going on with the two of you?"
"Nothing, Mom. Nothing anymore, anyway."
"Which means what, exactly?"
He shrugged. "I thought we had something. And then she told me she was moving out."
"Hmm. She told me that, too."
He gaped at her. "She told you she was moving out? When?"
"Christmas day."
He shook his head. "Great."
"You do realize she's in love with you."
He laughed. "Yeah. Sure she is. That's why she's taking Henry and moving out."
His mother grasped his arm. "Nick. Pull your head out of your ass. She's scared. She already lost someone she loved more than life itself. Falling i
n love again has to terrify her. And you're John's brother. The familial connection has to be doubly terrifying."
"That makes no sense. It's not like John died of cancer. It was an accident."
"Love isn't always logical. Neither is fear. And she probably thinks that because she moved in with you right after John died, everyone will think she chose you because you were convenient."
He cast an eye roll at his mom. "Oh, gee, thanks."
"Hey, I don't think that. I know you're amazing. She knows you're amazing. But she's also scared of her own feelings. So cut her some slack and give her some time to come to the realization that she can't live without you."
Nick just shook his head. "Ellie's pretty good about doing what she sets out to do. If she says she's moving out, then she's moving out."
His mom tapped him on the chin. "Hey, here's a news flash. You're not always right."
Nick thought about what his mom said as they drove home. Henry passed out on the way home, but he woke up when they pulled into the driveway and decided he was hungry.
"Can we have spakettie for dinner?" Henry asked.
"Spaghetti," Nick corrected.
Henry frowned. "That's what I said, Uncle Nick."
Nick wasn't in the mood to argue. "I don't know. We'll see."
"Are you still grumpy, Uncle Nick?"
Nick shook his head. "Nope."
"You sound grumpy."
His mother smothered a laugh and he glared at her.
They walked through the door and Ellie was there. She'd already changed out of her scrubs and into a pair of leggings and a long sweater. She looked beautiful, which only made the situation worse.
"Nick. Oh, hi."
"We went to the Magic House, Momma," Henry said, throwing his arms around her.
Ellie's eyes brightened as they always did when she saw Henry. She hugged him, then got down on her knees to look at him. "You did? How fun."
"Now I'm hungry. Can we have spakettie?"
Ellie switched her gaze to Nick. "Actually, I'd like to talk to your uncle Nick."
"Uh, why don't Steve and I take Henry out for dinner if that's okay," Laura said.
"Oh, boy, can we, Momma?" Henry asked.
Ellie cast a thankful look at Laura. "That sounds great. Thank you, Laura."
Laura gave Ellie a reassuring smile. "You're welcome."
Nick handed the keys over to his dad, who patted him on the shoulder, smiled at Ellie, then took Henry out the door and closed it behind them.
Ellie looked down at her shoes. Nick waited for her to say something. When she didn't, he shrugged, heading for his room.
"I went to the cemetery today."
He stilled, then turned around. "That's good. We didn't go Christmas Eve like we usually do. Sorry about that."
"You're not responsible for me, Nick. I don't ever want you to think you have to be."
"Okay. I'm not responsible for you. I think you made that clear the other day."
She sighed. "I went to the cemetery to tell John about you and me. And to say good-bye."
He knew what John had meant to her. He took a few steps toward her. "That must have been hard."
"Not as hard as I thought it would be." She took several steps toward him. "I told John I loved you. I love you, Nick. And I'm sorry I said I was moving out."
He saw tears in her eyes. And she was twisting her fingers. She always did that when she was nervous.
"I'm scared, Nick. I'm so scared of losing someone I love. I let you slip away from me."
He closed the distance between them and pulled Ellie against him. "You will never lose me, because I'll never let you go." He kissed her, absorbing her tears with his lips. His hands roamed over her body as if he was memorizing the feel of her, as if he let her go she might disappear. When he pulled back, he looked at her, making sure she was looking back. "I love you, Ellie."
She sobbed, clutching on to him like a lifeline. It wasn't the first time he'd held her while she cried. He'd done it countless times before. But this time, she was crying happy tears, and damn did it feel good.
"I love you. I love you," she said, over and over. "It feels so good to tell you I love you." She held his face and kissed him over and over. "It feels good to be loved."
"Ellie, you've always been loved. You've never been alone."
She laughed. "I told John that I had a feeling he had something to do with you and me falling in love."
He'd always been close with John. Losing him had devastated him. He didn't think he'd ever be happy again after John died. But he tended to agree with Ellie on this one. If anyone could orchestrate the two people who meant the most to him falling in love, it would have been his brother.
He tipped Ellie's chin. "You might be right. He wouldn't have wanted either of us to be alone."
"I also told John that you're going to be an excellent father to Henry."
Now it was his eyes that welled with tears. "I love Henry."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "I know you do. And he loves you."
He laughed. "Though he told me today that I was grumpy and needed a nap."
She tilted her head back. "You were grumpy?"
"Yeah. I've been kind of out of sorts the past few days."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"How about I make it up to you," Ellie said. "Will you marry me?"
His eyes widened, his heart slamming against his chest. "Wait. What? Are you serious?"
"I am very serious. We've more or less been dating the past five years, Nick. It's not like we need to get to know each other better."
He smiled. "I guess you're right. Ellie, are you sure?"
"I love you, Nick. Do you love me?"
"Yes. God yes."
"Then marry me."
Nick pulled her into his arms. "Okay, but first, I'm going to have to ask Henry's permission."
Ellie's heart nearly exploded with joy. "I have a feeling I already know what his answer is going to be."
He put his arm around her. "So do I. Let's go meet my parents and Henry for dinner, ask Henry's permission, then let my parents in on it, too."
"Sounds like a plan."
They grabbed their coats and got into the car to drive over to the restaurant. As Ellie watched the snow come down, she realized this was the first Christmas season since John died that she felt happy. Not just happy but deliriously in love and looking forward to a future--a new beginning with the man she loved.
Five years ago, one Christmas had signaled what she thought was the end of her life.
This Christmas, she had fallen in love and started a new chapter.
And she knew from now on, every Christmas would be filled with wonderful new memories.
About Jaci Burton
Jaci Burton is a USA Today and New York Times bestselling author who lives in Oklahoma with her husband and dogs. She has three grown children who are all scattered around the country having lives of their own. A lover of sports, Jaci can often tell what season it is by what sport is being played. She watches entirely too much television, including an unhealthy amount of HGTV, which has given her the 'let's remodel every room in the house' bug. When she isn't on deadline, Jaci can be found at her local casino, trying to become a millionaire (so far, no luck). She's a total romantic and loves a story with a happily ever after, which you'll find in all her books.
Connect with Jaci online to learn more about her upcoming titles
www.jaciburton.com
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJaciBurton
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Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Cha
pter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
About Jaci Burton
Jaci Burton, Love Me by Christmas
(Series: # )
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