Sade clothes lined the sadomasochistic bullshit with a fury and focused on more important things. “Bo man, you okay my brother?”
Bo, groaned and turned over on his side and Mercy flew off of him like she’d been caught doing something wrong. Sade didn’t like the guilty reaction.
“I’ll see about supper,” she said.
Sade eyed her as she scurried off, his gaze unable to not grab hold of her ass. His body was going to be a motherfucker all the way, he realized.
“Sade, we made it!” Bo sat up and laughed, reaching up to take Sade’s hand.
He pulled Bo up and embraced him for a brief hug. “We did. Barely, but we did. You okay, my brother?” he asked again, quieter.
Bo lowered his head and nodded. “I’ma make it man,” he said lightly, giving him a sheepish look and happy little smile.
Sade pulled him into another embrace, needing to love on the kid. He ruffled his hair and smacked his neck lightly. “Thank you man. I owe you.” He held his fist up to Bo and they touched knuckles.
“No thanks needed. Told you I was your bro, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Sade grinned and pushed Bo playfully off of him. “Mercy taking care of you?”
“Ah yeah,” he nodded, moving back to the couch.
Sade eyed his slow decent. “You still hurting?”
“Little bit,” he braced one hand on the top of the couch. “Back hurts a good bit.”
“Where at?” Sade made his way over and sat next to him. “Show me.”
Bo touched the lower right side of his back.
“Where else are you hurting?”
He shook his head. “That’s about it.”
Sade pressed a few spots on his front abdomen and determined it might be his kidney. “You remember what happened?”
He nodded, not looking at him.
“Okay, man.” Sade grabbed his head and pulled it to his shoulder. “You’re a tough little dude, you know that?” Sade lightly pushed him away again.
Bo smiled but the trauma of what they’d done to him was all over his face. “I don’t want to go through that again,” he said, his eyes wide.
“No shit,” Sade said. “Maybe we should take up safer hobbies. Like fishing.”
It was a joke but Bo’s face lit up with amazement at the idea. “I never fished before.”
“Never fished before,” Mercy sang as she came in and set a tray of food on the coffee table. “We’ll need to fix that, won’t we? I happen to be an excellent fisherwoman.” She straightened and put her hands on her hips. “Go on,” she pointed at the tray. “Eat your veggies. Get your strength.”
Sade looked at her only to have her avert her gaze almost immediately before heading to the kitchen. He looked at Bo now and realized he was acting weird all of a sudden. What the fuck happened between them?”
Sade’s anger boiled instantly and he headed to the kitchen.
Mercy shut the pantry door. “Oh shit!” she gasped finding Sade there, waiting.
“What’s up?” he asked.
She put a can of something on the counter, eying him with wonder. “What… do you mean?”
“Why are you acting weird with Bo? Why is Bo acting weird when you come into the room?”
Her face tightened in a grimace. “I had to help him to the bathroom,” she whispered. “It’s been kind of awkward since.”
That possessive fury shot through the roof but Sade held it at bay. “I imagine so,” he said, watching her.
She gave wide eyes and pressed lips while putting her hands in her back pocket. “Yeah, really feel bad for him but somebody had to do it.”
Sade had to know. “How exactly did you help him?”
“With a jar,” she whispered. “I didn’t even look, it was under the covers.” She shook her head, “I didn’t touch him. His… you know.”
His stomach loosened a bit. She’d answered the question that he really hadn’t wanted to ask but needed to know. He suddenly missed her so fiercely. Missed her smell, the feel of her body on his. Judging by the way she suddenly lowered her gaze, it showed in his eyes. But her reaction served to steal his oxygen.
He lowered his head, the pain in his chest making him clench his eyes shut.
“Are you hurting?” she asked, sounding genuinely worried.
“Nah.”
“You need to go rest now.”
Go rest. For some reason the suggestion felt like she was needing to be away from him. Didn’t she want to fucking touch him the way he wanted to touch her? Didn’t she hurt to hold him the way he did?
Stupid fucking body with its stupid fucking needs that never made a lick of fucking sense. He’d never hated himself more than he did in that stupid fucking second.
He walked off and went to the bedroom and shut the door. Falling asleep turned out to be easier than he imagined but he ended up having an old nightmare. The one with his mother. Where he’d seen that look. The one she gave him just before his father had shut the door and beat her. The look was desperate. Terrified. For herself, for Sade. It said please don’t interfere. I can take him hurting me but not you. Sade would cover his ears but he couldn’t block out the endless sounds of his fist hitting her. The sounds of her falling and his mind drawing the pictures on its own of what was happening. Her grunting and gasping. The way she didn’t scream or cry out. Refusing to ask for help or fight back. Just taking the beating like a good mother should. Taking the pain, taking the punishment so that he wouldn’t have to. All for him. All for Sade. Anything and everything for Sade. Without a regret.
But Sade regretted. He regretted everything. He regret being her son, he regret being alive. He regret being the one that made her want to live. He had just wanted to take the pain for her. He’d wanted to take the beatings for her. He could do it. He tried to make his father beat him instead, but he’d always make her take it. No matter what, it would end up her fault. She was the reason Sade was born, she was the reason he was a little pussy, she was the reason he needed mommy all the time.
Sade jerked up in bed and found Mercy there, sitting next to it. “Hey,” she hurried to his side and pulled his head to her chest.
He gripped her tight and gasped for air then remembered the truth. The pain enraged him and he pushed her off and laid down with his back to her.
“Okay, that is e-nough, mister,” she gasped. “Turn over and let’s get this over with.”
Okay, fine. He turned over. “Get what over with? There is no need to get anything over with, it’s already over.”
She sat there with her mouth open. “What are you talking about? Why are you acting like this?” she said exasperated.
“You’re the one that’s different baby. And that’s okay. I get it. You had a few days to catch your head, think things over. Realize your little charity project gone wrong is a little too much for you to handle.”
She shook her head, “No! You’re wrong.”
“I can see it Mercy, don’t fucking lie and make it worse.”
“See what? Me not knowing how to act around you because I’m scared?”
He sat up and stared at her. “Scared of what?”
“Of you! Okay?”
“No, not okay. Explain yourself.”
“What is this place, Sade?”
“What?”
She spread her arms out. “Does anybody know about this place?”
“I already told you that.”
“Then how is it lived in?”
“It’s not,” he said.
“Who is all this stuff for?”
“Me,” he answered.
“And the stuff upstairs?”
He cocked his jaw and squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what she was assuming. “A woman, why?”
“Well… what woman!”
“Why does it matter?”
“It matters!”
Sade wasn’t sure why he needed to do it but he just did. “A girlfriend.”
Her brows popped up. “A gi
rlfriend? I thought you said nobody knew about this place?”
“Nobody does but me and her.”
“And where is she?”
Sade looked down. “She’s not here.”
“No shit asshole!”
Desire slammed Sade at feeling her fury. “Why? Do you want to meet her? She’s very beautiful, I think you’d like her.”
Sade watched as a kaleidoscope of emotions hit her face one after another. She spun around but he’d seen it before she had. Pain.
Of course his body would give him exactly what he didn’t expect and especially what he didn’t want. The exact same thing. “Am I to understand that me having another woman bothers you, Mercy?”
“Fuck you,” she whispered.
“Look at me, Mercy. Say that to me.”
She spun around and stormed to him, putting her finger in his face. “Fuck. You,” she grit. “And fuck whatever fucking whore you have in this house!”
Sade grabbed her and threw her on the bed, covering her body.
“Get off of me or I’ll hurt you,” she gasped.
“Hurt me,” he breathed back. “I don’t think you could do more damage than you have.”
Tears spilled from her eyes and her brows crimped. “I haven’t done shit to you,” she choked. “I’ve only tried to help you.”
“Help me?” he growled. “I don’t want your fucking help or your fucking pity.”
“What do you want from me? I’ll give it, whatever you want whatever you need,” she whispered, heatedly. “Why are you trying to hurt me?”
He stared down at her, not sure how to answer that.
“Having another girlfriend? Here?” Her face crimped harder. “I will kill her, I swear to God.”
All the anger suddenly left Sade and he rolled off and sat at the edge of the bed. “You don’t have to,” he said, emptiness overwhelming him. “I already killed her.” He shoved her soft touch off of his shoulder. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Sade, talk to me. Help me understand.”
He stood and paced, the anger and fury suddenly boiling over at the stupid understand word. There was no point in understanding, what the fuck did understand do? “It’s simple, doc. The other woman is my fucking mother and I already killed her. All this stuff?” He started ripping it off the wall and knocking things over. “This is all my shit, all the shit I was supposed to have. This house is our dream house, that room is my mother’s bedroom. Everything here is a reality that never happened, I built good memories see? These are our fucking memories that we planned to have but never did! The memories we stayed up at night talking about, planning, that bed you’re sitting in,” he pointed, “is my fucking casket. Pretty neat casket, right? This home is my grave, I was coming here to die in peace if you must fucking know. I wasn’t stupid, I wasn’t ever going to be free of my father so this is where I chose to die, this is my fucking burial ground, my fate my deserving fate because she was trying…” his voice broke on him, “to buy her freedom… to give me a better life. That bastard beat her…” he shook his head at her. “I saw it. Then he shut the door so I couldn’t see, I could only hear. She wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t want me to hear, she told me that, Mercy, she told me she hated when he did that in front of me because...” Sade fought to breathe, gasping for air. “… It made her feel…like a bad mother.”
His strength left him and he collapsed to his knees, crying. “And… I never saw her again, I never fucking saw her again, not even in a casket. They buried my mom and I never got to say goodbye and then…” he whispered hoarsely, “then you came along, you fucking came along. I wasn’t supposed to meet you Mercy. I wasn’t supposed to ever… want that love again. But I do,” he said heatedly, “I fucking do want it, I’m sorry.”
Chapter Twenty Three
Sade jolted with Mercy’s embrace from behind. “Sade!” she cried. “You have it! You have my love, I do love you, look at me.” She got in front of him and held his face. “I’m scared of you because I’ll die if I lose you. I’m scared I’ll never be enough, or what you need, I’m scared you’ll send me away,” she sobbed, hitting him in the chest. “I can’t lose you! I love you! I just want to be good enough for you!”
Sade pulled her into his arms at hearing those words. “Mercy,” he gasped. “Say it again.”
“I love you,” she cried holding him tight. I love you so much. I never want to be apart from you.”
“I’m too fucking broken for you Mercy.”
She shook her head and cried, “No! Don’t say that! I can fix it, we can fix it and if we can’t,” she gasped, “we can be broken together, just please let me stay with you and love you no matter what? I don’t care if you never have sex with me or if you have weird needs, I love you and I’ll help you, that’s all I want. Broken or fixed, my heart is yours!”
Sade kissed her, latching his fingers in her hair, the fire from her words overcoming him. He pushed her onto the floor and her passion erupted with clawing and biting. “Don’t stop!” he gasped in her mouth, fighting with her clothes without interrupting her perfectly vicious kiss—he never wanted it to stop or end.
“Sade! I need you.” Her nails clawed his face then neck, raking down his back and shooting fire into every part of his body, except that one she no doubt wanted it in.
His body didn’t seem to care about his limp dick as he continued getting to the source of his need, her nakedness. There was something about it that fed a dark hidden longing in him. Her softness, her warmth, her goodness. It all seemed forbidden to who he was. She was so good and sweet and beautiful, she was everything he should never have and didn’t deserve. But craved. He craved her anyway, needed to touch her, explore her, know her so very intimately.
When they were finally naked he meshed her body tight to his with a groan of ecstasy. The impossible connection created havoc in his body, sending his hands to devour every curve and shape, memorizing texture at every crevice and angle. He was so wide open to her, bare in every way as he consumed her smell, the exotic taste of her silky skin. His lips, tongue, and teeth were on a rampage to get it all, get it before it was snatched away. And fuck, her moans and sweet cries, they stole his mind and breath while fueling this strange fire.
She wrapped her legs tight around his waist, and fight instincts instantly hardened his muscles. She gasped and Sade realized his cock had hardened too. Seeming to know his struggle and the balance he was fighting, she raked her nails down his chest, a challenge in the sparkle of her green eyes.
Sade answered with a slow roll of his hips, his cock sliding along her folds. She was wet and so fucking hot on him.
She let out a sexy hiss and dug her nails in his hips. The pain shuddered through him and his sadism reared up, wanting to hurt, wanting him to close his eyes and hide while it had its way.
“Me, Sade,” she gasped.
He opened his eyes, falling forward, his hands on either side of her head.
“Look at me,” she whispered. “You’re mine,” she said. “Stay where I can see you.”
Fire erupted inside him again and he waited to see what it would do, where it would go. She rocked her hips now, her nails raking his sides.
“You like that?”
He fucking did yes. He gasped and rolled his hips against her again.
“Yes,” she whispered, arching her back while holding his gaze. “Don’t you stop,” she whispered, putting her hands above her head. “Make me, Sade. Take my body. Punish it. Punish me with pleasure,” she begged.
He grabbed tight hold of her wrists with one hand, kissing her hard. Her desperate whimpers tickled along his sadism, turning his groans hungry and his cock harder. Then she leaned up for his kiss and her hunger for him, knowing what it meant and how deep it ran through her, sideswiped him.
“Take your time,” she whispered, “you got this.”
Sade gasped and sucked at her neck, marking her hard with his desperate need to… be a fucking man for her. “Fuck, Mercy.”
He kissed along her jaw, rubbing his face along hers, getting lost in the feel of her skin on his mouth. It derailed his body’s usual direction and threw off his fragile momentum he’d gained. “I…” He laid his forehead on her shoulder, breathing.
“Listen to me,” she whispered in his ear. “Where am I? Am I right here? Do you feel me here with you?”
“Yes,” he nodded, his eyes closed.
“This is where I belong. Are you listening to me baby? Broken or whole, you’re all mine. Your body is all over the place?”
He nodded again. “Yes.”
“You don’t know what to feel, how to control it.”
He shook his head, calming, sliding his nose along her neck.
“Do you realize what’s happened?”
“I broke my dick,” he whispered.
“You’re using your heart, baby. Your emotions. Your body isn’t used to it, that’s all, give it time to catch up. I’m very patient and even more stubborn than you know. Do you know how excited I am to help you with this? We’re learning this together. What can’t we accomplish? Two hard headed mules like us?”
A warm feeling made him smile and he nudged her face with his nose, kissing his way to her mouth.
“I have plenty of ideas to help you too, help both of us. I have things to learn too.”
“Do you?” He laid next to her, head propped on his hand, looking at her. “Like not hiding yourself from me?”
“I’m not hiding,” she whined a little.
“You kinda are.” He moved her arm off her breast. “If you want me to be open with you, you have to trust me too.”
“I do trust you.”
He looked at her and she closed her eyes.
“I just have… some memories that are hard to forget.”
“Me too,” he said, kissing her nose.
She suddenly sat up with an eager breath. “Why don’t we try to share our worst memory with each other while we hold hands? Maybe naked even?”
Sade liked the naked part. “How about in the tub.” Sade fantasized about sucking her pussy while she sat on the edge of it.